Update on H

Just talked to H's husband, M. He said today was "a wash" at the hospital. They are keeping her another night because her calcium and potassium levels are low, and they're worried about her having a heart arrhythmia. They are unsure if her condition is due to clots or something else, as all their testing has come back negative at this point. Her stomach is still swollen, and she still feels pretty bad. The zofran is helping with some of the nausea and vomiting.

For those of you fairly new to my blog, my friend H almost died about 2 1/2 years ago from a massive blood clot extending from her abdomen to her ankle. (The vein was completely blocked.) She has had problems since then, has a filter in her chest, and is on blood thinners. She has some other as yet undiagnosed medical issues-- possibly RA or something else.

Her being in the hospital is freaking the crap out of me as we almost lost her the last time she was there. I'm going to go see her tomorrow. I couldn't today as I had the girls, and A got home late from work.

Please Pray

My friend H, who has blood clots in her leg and abdomen, is at the ER awaiting a CT scan. They've given her zofran and morphine for pain. Would you please pray for her, her husband, and her 2 little girls?

I do not have a lot of details, but it appears the clots are coming back at an alarming rate.

In Case You're Wondering...

... oh random woman at Panera. Yes, they're both adopted. No, just because they're black ("especially the little one" as you put it) does not mean they're from Haiti. And, yes, I can hear your conversation.

A Few Things

(This picture has nothing to do with anything, just know my posts are more interesting with a picture of the girls. Well, in this one, you get, me, too. A little dorky, but look at how cute the girls look in matching pjs. Umm, I LOVE having two little girls!)

1. Would you keep my sister-in-law and, more importantly, my niece in your prayers if you do that sort of thing? Not something I feel at liberty to go into on my blog right now, but things are not great. I am worried about my niece and the decisions my sister-in-law is currently making.

2. My mother-in-law told me yesterday that after the attempted terrorist attack on Christmas Day and the ET Air flight crashing, we are not allowed to adopt any more. She told me that two kids are enough and that we're done. I just smiled and said, "Well, what if the girls need a little brother... or two?" E's adoption is not our last one; we're already talking about when, how, who, etc. It'll be a while, but it'll happen.

3. Seriously? New Kids on the Block on a come back tour? What the heck? You know you want to sing along with me... "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.... hangin' tough. Listen up everybody if you wanna take a chance. Just get on the floor and do the New Kids dance..." I'm embarrassed to admit my memory of the song doesn't stop there. Who was your fav? Umm, mine? Joey, of course!

4. R has been a handful the past few days. When she does something she shouldn't (like kick baby sister in the face), I ask her why she did it. She always says, "Beee-duu," which means "Because." She doesn't actually understand how to use the word, but it is really cute. Sometimes she's say "Bee-duu Mama!" meaning that she's doing it to get my attention.

5. Ethiopian fundraiser dinner for the culture camp I am on the planning committee for is this weekend. It's supposed to snow, but I'm hoping we'll still have a good turnout. We are maxed out at about 130 people attending... I'm looking forward to it, but like all big events, I'll be glad when it is done. It is always so nice to be around families who look like mine. And it goes without saying that I'm happy about having an ET meal. Especially since the ET place closest to my house has been closed for over a month. I think it is open again now, but it is still about an hour away.

6. I'm supposed to go back to work on Feb. 17. E is not ready, and quite frankly, neither am I. Will you please pray that my work doesn't give me a hassle about extending my leave and that I'll be able to continue to use paid sick leave for the additional 2 weeks I am requesting?

Ok, that's it for tonight.

Ethiopia Trip: Day 5: Shopping Day

Tuesday, December 29, 2009, 9:00pm


As I write this, A and T are both fast asleep. She went down pretty well, and A's feeling a little off so I'm glad. And, it is peaceful...

Today was shopping, which was pretty successful. We bought a lot in the shops as well as a painting for E's room and a smaller one for another place in the house. We bought lots of dresses and a rainbow of scarves, which was our main goal.

I think my favorite purchase this time is a small scroll with a nativity scene painted on it. I love it. It is different from anything else we bought, and I really wanted an Ethiopian nativity. This is a good second choice, and I'll get the nativity back home because I found a site that sells them.

(E and A at HH, ready for the shopping day for us and the visiting of her special mothers and friends for E. Don't you love her outfit? R had one similar that we brought to ET with us, too. It was my favorite outfit she had when she wore that size-- 3 to 6 months!)

T did not do well with being at HH and then back to us. She started crying as soon as I entered the room (hey, at least she recognized me, right?) to get her. She cried a ton when she and I went back to the hotel room. A was not with us because he and some of the other guys were helping the HH staff move the huge washer from the old HH to the new one.

The crying was awful, my poor baby girl. She did fall asleep, but she was sobbing while she slept. She was very emotional even when A got back from helping.

We were able to see some of the pictures of T and her birthmother today. Talk about emotional. A and I were both in tears. There were about 46 photos-- an amazing blessing.

Good night.

One Month Since our First Family Day

Jan. 1, 2010.
A new year.
A day for new beginnings.

What better way to begin the year than bringing home our second daughter and being united as a family of four? I love that our Family Day is the first day of the new year...

In the month that she's been home, E has blossomed. She's amazing in so many ways. She is sweet, calm, funny, good-natured, all around cute, cuddly, healthy... The most important adjectives I'll use tonight is: secure and comfortable.

She knows who her mom and dad are. She loves her big sister (who kicked her in the face today-- very special). She's doing remarkably well considering how old she was when she came home and how hard things were at first for us, well, for me, mostly. She would have little to do with me our first week together in Ethiopia, and I don't blame her.

My sweet little girl... I can only imagine how scared she was. I know with R, I can look back at pictures from our first days and weeks together and see the fear in her eyes. I am not yet at that place with E entirely, but I know it will come in time.

And, she's healthy now. I am pretty sure she's giardia-free, and she's growing and gaining weight like crazy. It is definitely time to say good bye to all the 6-9 month clothing and bust out the 12 months stuff. We will never know how long she had giardia (although there was no mention of it in our referral paperwork), and I do know that it can cause delays in growth and development. I know that being healthy has made such a huge difference in my little one.

This post is scattered, as is my brain tonight. I have lots going on, lots to think about, and lots to do in this new year. And on top of all that, I'm supposed to return to work 2 weeks from tomorrow. Ha. Riiiight. (E is so not ready for that, and I'm not either.)

2010 has already been a year of change for us, and it is only the second month. I'm excited to see what this next month brings.

Sweetest Thing That Happened Today

Lazy Sunday morning at our house. Both girls come in bed with us before we really want to get up, and they crawl around and play...

E stops playing for a moment, leans over my face, and kisses me twice, drool and all, right on the lips.

She is so precious.

Satin Pillowcases on Etsy.com

Ok, I know, more talk about satin pillowcases, right?

But I wanted to share with you who made the pillowcases for my girls as well as a picture just so you could see. I know the picture is not the best quality, but I took it from the convo feature of etsy in which she sent it to me. But it is the 3 pillowcases for R, with an "R" on each in opposite colors. You can't really see it very well, but she's also put a rhinestone right next to the "R." (She's not putting them on the ones for the baby, of course!)

I got them from the seller "HILARYD4790," and she is going above and beyond on these for my girls to make them great. She's selling them for $4 a piece, which I think is a great price, too. She did 2 pink, 2 purple, 1 green, and 1 orange for the girls' rooms and to leave at my parents' house for when the girls spend the night.

If you're interested in getting some from her, go to the etsy site, and do a search for her username under "sellers." There is a place where it says "contact seller" and that will be where you talk to her about making some for you.

Oh, I want to point out that I'm not getting anything for posting this info on my blog. I just know there have to be other people out there who want pillowcases, and this particular seller has been great to me... So I thought I'd pass her info on to you. (She did NOT ask me to do this or anything like that, but she does know I'm posting this!)

Ugh.

Said to me today about the girls: "They're cute. How much did they cost?!?"

My (icy) reply: "Nothing."

Why are people so rude? Do YOU have kids, buddy? How much did THEY cost? Why do people think it is ok to ask adoptive parents questions like that?

If you're an adoptive parent, how do you answer questions like that? Also, what do you do when people want to touch your children's hair? I need to be more assertive about that, too, while I'm at it.

Satin Pillowcases

I read somewhere-- a blog, an online article, a book, a magazine... I don't know which-- before R came home about the importance of using satin for African hair. A and I stored the info away and didn't act on it until it was clear that we were at a point with R's hair that we had to make some changes... It was time to really start understanding that beautiful Ethiopian baby curls need something different than what my hair does, for example.

I remembered about the satin pillowcase suggestion and tried it out. R's hair was improved immediately. Why? Well, satin is smooth, for the most part. Instead of my girls' hair getting sort of "stuck" on cotton and especially flannel, when they move their heads, their hair just glides across the pillowcase. Bottom line, hair that isn't catching on material for 8 hours straight is healthier and stronger hair. It also helps to keep the hair's moisture better for many of the same reasons.

So, I don't just have my girls sleep on satin because they're princesses.... it is because it really is better for their precious curls. I am sure you will find the same if you start using satin for your ET children, too!

Misc. and a few questions answered

(Not that I'm biased in any way whatsoever, but aren't my girls the cutest children you've ever seen? This picture was taken a few days after we came home with E. She and big sister R in her crib. Her room is purple and orange, which I think I mentioned before. My mother in law did the curtains, valance, bed skirt, quilt, blanket, crib bumper, and sheets for the room!)

First, baby girl had blood work done today. We got the orders on Jan. 8 and waited until we had an insurance card in hand with her name on it before we went to do it. She did really well, the sweet little beet. We have to return on Friday to get more drawn because they couldn't draw enough for all the tests today because of her weight.

Question I got today about R while we were there: "Is she adopted, too, or is she yours?" I just said that they are both my girls. I know the nurse didn't mean it like it sounded, but sometimes it is really hard to answer questions like that gracefully.

A few posts ago, I got a few questions about the little doll thingy E is sleeping with. It is from etsy.com, and the seller is "yournest." I love etsy!! My favorite thing is the alchemy feature in which you can put out a request for something you want. For example, I recently did one for satin pillowcases for the girls. (Side note, if you have ET children and don't use satin pillowcases yet-- GO BUY ONE. Right now. We started having R sleep on one-- a king sized one will fit across a crib mattress pretty well-- when she was about 9 months old, and it is amazing how much a difference it makes! We brought one to ET, and E slept on it every time she was napping or down for the night-- except for the pic in the post below because that was her first nap with us, and I did not think of it until that first evening with her. Anyway, I digress.) I was tired of only being able to find white and off white satin pillowcases so I did a request on etsy and am getting great custom ones with the the girls' initials on them... and for a great price! Etsy is addicting; I'll warn you now!

Another question I got was if our agency's transitional home had moved before we went to ET. We were actually the last travel group to stay at The Union and to meet our children at the old HH. Many of the children were already at the new HH on our "gotcha" day, and everyone moved on the Wed. we were there.

I loved meeting my E where we met R. I loved going back... However, traveling the same week they were moving meant that A didn't want families hanging around HH too much so we did not get to spend as much time there as we had hoped. That was disappointing for both A and me.

We did get to go the the new HH on the last day of our trip, and it amazing!! I cannot say enough good things about the new place.

Ok, I hope I answered all the questions you asked. If not, feel free to post the question again, and I'll get back to you.

More about our trip and how we're doing... coming soon!

Ethiopia Trip: Day 4: Evening

Monday, December 28, 2009, 8:10pm

(See below for an earlier in the day entry about the embassy appointment! 2 posts in one day again although it says Jan. 21 because that is when I started it!)

T is asleep. Starting to learn some of her cries. I know now her "I'm hungry!!" and "I'm tired!!" cries. She is just soooo sweet and precious. Tonight she freaked out a little bit and really wanted A to put her to sleep right around 7pm. She was out in about 3 minutes and has mostly been sleeping peacefully. I am hoping tonight goes as well as last night did.

Tomorrow is our shopping day. A and I just went through our list of what to buy and got that all organized. T will go to HH for the day as A and I both want to do the shopping. I'm sure when we pick her up after it, it will be a little difficult, but she'll be ok. And it will be the last time the special mothers will see her so I think it will be good for them to be able to say good bye.

HH is completely moving on Wed., so this will be our last chance to say good bye to our daughters' ET home. Weird to think about, really, but I know the move is necessary. I am hoping to spend a little more time when B tomorrow, too, so I am about to report back to S. And, mostly, just to be with her, the sweet little baby, would be lovely, although she was very shy when we met her the first time Sunday. (Was that really only yesterday?)

I'm so tired tonight. Getting up at 6am to be ready for the emb. appt. was rough. A and I both napped while T did this afternoon, but now I am thinking it is time for bed again.

Ethiopia Trip: Day 4: Embassy Appointment Day

Monday, December 28, 2009, 2:15pm

The princess is currently napping. She did very well last night-- only getting up 2 times, once around midnight, the other around 5am. (Maybe waking up for the call to prayer? And A said he heard roosters this morning, too!) She had hardly had any formula with us because she kept spitting it back up. Turns out the "age appropriate" guideline for bottle nipples is not a good one. We brought size 4; she's on 2! We asked A today, and she gave us T's actual nipples from HH. She started to perk up right away and is now eating fine. She can also eat table food, which is good because that's all she really had until we figured out the problem.

Across the street, construction is still going on on the building that was being built in Feb. 2008 when we were here last. Currently, men and women are carrying large rocks, one by one, into the construction site. For what reason? Who knows? I could watch the street below our hotel all day long and never get bored!

Above: A rather poor (but actually the only one I can find at the moment) photo of the building in Feb. 2008. Below: The same building in Dec. 2009! These are the rocks I'm talking about.

T is warming up to me much more today. Last night, she was all daddy's girl, but she is doing better with me. I'm not too concerned as this is pretty normal behavior. After all, the knowledge that she has of women is that they leave her. It will take a while for her to understand I'm not going anywhere!

The embassy appointment was fine. We rode to it in a small bus, and A held T while she looked out the window.

We waited for quite a while for all the appts.-- nearly 3 hours. T was an absolute angel baby and slept on me most of the time. The questions were basic-- is this the child referred to you? When did you meet her? What do you know about the birth family? Will you meet the birthmother? If you ever would, you understand that you cannot give her anything? You understand that the adoption is final and forever? (A thousand times, yes!)

T woke up at the end of our time there and did cry a little but was mostly fine. Really, all the babies were!

She is a snuggle bug, this one. So much more so than R already. She loves to just be held and cuddled, especially when sleepy. She sort of attaches herself to us, a good thing, indeed, and loves to grab onto our shirts while falling asleep and having a bottle. Or whenever, really. She just loves to feel secure. Sweet little beet indeed!

Addis. Once again the city overwhelms me. Constantly moving and busy. But poverty and sadness all around, too. It is hard to really imagine that my babies are from here (even with being here right now) and what their lives would be like had they stayed.

There is no Internet at the hotel this time, but text messaging on my cell phone works. I sent an update that way, as I'm sure back home, people are wondering. I know it went through because at 2:30pm-- 5:30am at home-- L texted me back, and I was able to send and receive another response. So that is good. (By the way, she's having a BOY!!)

Ethiopia Trip: Day 3: The First Evening

Sunday, December 27, 2009, 8:15pm

We have her! Our daughter is now sleeping peacefully in the Moses basket at the foot of our bed.

I cannot say that our first meeting with our daughter was blissful. She was so scared, my precious girl! She cried and cried when I first held her and reached for her special mothers and for A (HH director). (I'm sure it didn't help that they woke her up from her nap.) She was terrified, and of course, I don't blame her. She finally did fall asleep on me while we were at HH, but I think it was because she wore herself out.

As we walked the short distance to HH, I couldn't help but remember the last time we did this to bring home R. I miss her so much! I was so nervous, too.

A wanted us to meet our kids one family at a time this time... and the babies were all napping so one by one, families went into the house. About halfway through the families, A called our "J family, T's parents," and into the house we went.

We met our daughter on the steps in the main house at HH. We were on our way upstairs, and the special mother met us there with a confused and crying infant. She said, "T? T's parents?" I must confess I didn't realize it was her at first! I wasn't expecting to meet my daughter in the middle of a flight of stairs.

Her cry could break your heart right in half. She cries with her whole face, her whole body, the poor baby. It took A's holding her and speaking to her in Amharic to calm her down enough to fall asleep in my arms.

After meeting T, we were able to meet S's daughter B and take some pictures. She is so darling and precious but was very scared of us. I hope to be able to spend some more time with her and take more pictures with her as the week progresses.

T's really taken to her Daddy, not so much to me. She sat on his lap all through dinner and even shared some hamburger bun with him. She hasn't had much of a bottle, but that's ok.

After dinner, I took T upstairs while A signed for the bill. She realized he wasn't with us and just cried and cried until he finally came upstairs. She fell asleep in less than two minutes, I think! A held her a little while and put her down. She wiggled and got comfortable and then stayed asleep.

One of the most precious surprises of the day is a CD. Not just any CD, though. It is a CD labeled "T with her [birth] mom." A and I both teared up when we were told what it was. A precious treasure. Even though we will not meet T's birthmom, we have pictures of her. That is an amazing gift. I cannot wait to see them.

I hope for a peaceful night for us and for our girl.

By the way, when we got to the hotel she peed on me while we were sitting in a chair. Awesome!

Ethiopia Trip: Day 3: Sunday Morning in Addis

(NOTE: See below for days 1-2, travel. 2 posts in one day-- read that one first!)

December 27, 2009, 9:00am

The day we meet our princess girl! It it about 9am now. A is sleeping-- was awake and fell back to sleep. Outside, Addis is up and moving. Two men change a tire on a blue and white van. My back kills from the bed. The building across the street is still under construction but is nearly finished. A child sings. A few blocks away, I know my daughter is up, in the routine of HH, which will not be her way of life for much longer. The poverty is already heart-breaking. Children, again, begging for money at the van window as we drove from the airport around midnight last night, one not much older than M's daughter T. (We learned later that it is now punishable with a fine to give money to beggars from a car/van, as about 30 to 40 people are killed each month that way in Addis. That explains why the begging was SO much less than it was the first time here.) The beauty is here. Even under a grey sky, the mountains are stunning. The kindness of the people again, evident immediately. D and J.

[See below for the journal entry about the travel. It was right here.]

It is nice this time that the newness and culture shock are not too much. This will indeed be a difference experience in so many ways. I am so happy to be here. The culmination of yet another long wait.

And my E. I cannot wait to meet her in just a few short hours. To walk the path to HH, to go through the gate yet again to meet my daughter...

Ethiopia Trip: Days 1-2: Travel

December 25-26, 2009:

We woke early on Christmas morning to finish up late-minute packing and get R to my friend H's house, where she'd stay 2 nights until my parents returned home from Florida.

R was excited about going to H's house to play with H's 2 daughters.

I was nervous about leaving R for a week and nervous about the 24 1/2 hours travel A and I had ahead of us. On top of that, I'd slept badly (and not very much) and felt horrible. Nerves? Yeah, probably. And I always feel sick before a big trip like this.

Passports? Check. IDs? Check. Money? Check. Return ticket for the baby? Check. Contact solution? (R hid my glasses that morning so I was going to have to just wear contacts the entire trip.) Check.

Ok, we were good to go.

We left the house for the last time as a family of three...

We got to H's house and stayed a little bit. H's parents and grandmother were there to have Christmas morning breakfast, and H's two daughters were excited to see R and to be playing with all their new toys. I tearfully said good bye to my sweet 2-year-old girl, who said, "Bye, Mom!" with a smile and went back to playing with a new train set her friends received from Santa.

The first flight of our trip was uneventful and fine. We checked our 4 bins of donations and carried on everything for us and the baby, as once again I was worried everything wouldn't make it.

We got to Detroit just fine. However, as our flight to Amsterdam got delayed more and more, I started to worry about making our connection to Addis Ababa. The information at the gate was that they had to change planes.

However, the information from the massive CNN screens told us a different story. A flight from Amsterdam to Detroit had had some trouble... A man, CNN was reporting, had tried to light a firecracker on the flight. From watching that and piecing together what the airline was telling us, I gathered that our plane was supposed to be that one on the trip from Detroit to Amsterdam and they had to replace our plane as the FBI was currently examining that one. (Note: We later learned that it was an attempted terrorist attack, not just firecrackers.)

Right before we finally got on the plane, we met R and D, who were in our travel group. They were great to travel with (not just saying that because you read my blog, R! We really did enjoy being on the trip with you, D, and Baby B!).

I wrote in my travel journal the following about the flight:

"The flights and travel [to Addis] were grueling, especially Detroit to Amsterdam. The diaper bag was crammed at my feet, and we were wedged between two strangers. The Amsterdam airport, big, crowded, and overwhelming. Neither of us slept on [the flight from Detroit to Amsterdam] so we were awake over 24 hours. Our KLM flight from Amsterdam to Addis Ababa was much better."

Above: Here we are on the plane, ready to get to Addis Ababa and to meet our girl!

Below: The out the window shots on the flight from Amsterdam to Addis. Baby girl, we flew over the ocean, across the desert, and above mountains to get to you.

I was soooo glad to get to Ethiopia. Truly, it felt like coming home, and in a way, it was. After all, half our little family called Ethiopia home for the first months of their lives.

We got through the visa line, customs, and immigration chatting with R and D. The airport experience was pretty much the same as the last time, except that they do have more than one x-ray machine, so that made the process a lot quicker.

We found our bins with the "help" of the man who in the last time around bullied me into giving him a 20 birr tip for loading 3 bags onto the x-ray. He didn't remember us (obviously!!), but I sure remembered him. He was just as pushy as the last time... the difference this time being he did NOT get that tip from me!

Finally, we got through the doors, and I scanned the crowd waiting to pick people up for J and D, who picked us up the last time. And, suddenly, there was D, smiling and holding a sign that said "[Our agency] Family." I was so happy to see him, and said, "Hi, D, do you remember us?!?" He said he did, and I told him we were back for our second child. It was awesome to see him again, as he was so good to us the last time.

We waited for a little while for the rest of the families in our travel group to get through all the lines and baggage claim. A few were missing some bags and had to fill out paperwork. We got to know the other families a little bit, and they all seemed so nice. (We were lucky to have such a great travel group!)

We all were tired and ready to get to the hotel. It was around 11pm, and we had been traveling for so long.

We exited the airport, and, to my surprise, it really was raining in Ethiopia. So weird, as the first time around it was sunny and mostly cloudless. Below, my (blurry) picture of the airport from the parking lot. I was too tired to care if it came out or not.

We met J with another van in the parking lot, and our luggage was loaded onto the tops of the vans once again. I don't know why, but I was nervous our bags would all go flying off the roof. Of course, they were fine, just like before.

Driving through Addis late at night... How to describe it? It was familiar, for sure, and heart-breaking, too. The poverty, the homeless people on the streets, the blue and white cabs. They were all there, again...

We got to the big overpass near the hotel, and I recognized it as being close. I said to A, "We're almost there..." and soon, we were there. At the Union. Again. Ahh, home, at least in a way.

We waited in line to check in and, unfortunately did not get the same room we had the last time. I was hoping to get it, just because it was the room we'd gotten to know our first daughter in, and it held memories for us. However, we were on the 3rd floor this time, and the room was smaller. I didn't like the room at first and asked to change room. They were all full, but we could have done so the next day. We didn't end up doing that, and the room ended up to be just fine in the end.

Like the last time, we fell into bed and slept, our daughter just a couple of blocks away spending her last night in the place that had been her home for the past 2 1/2 months.

Geez, y'all are fussy!

Shall I start at the...

beginning.....

or the

end.....

of our trip to Ethiopia????

2 Weeks Home

Can ya believe it? She's been home for 2 weeks. In some ways it seems like we were JUST in Ethiopia... On the other hand, it all seems like a very distant memory and that she's always been with us.

My daughters, they are amazing.

I am such a lucky momma!

And, my dear friend S is home with her Sweet B as of this afternoon! What a reason to celebrate!

Mom FAIL!

Ugh. Day two of A back at work, and I've already failed miserably as a (temporary) stay at home mom of two.

I take synthroid daily and have always just kept it by my bed. R knows it is for mom only and doesn't mess with it...

Until today.

R wanted Beary, who happened to be on my bed so I sent her upstairs on her own to get him. E and I stayed downstairs and played baby drums. R shut the door to my room, and I could hear her getting into the shoes on the shoe rack hanging from the door. No big deal, really, I thought, plus it was keeping her occupied for a few minutes.

E started fussing the "I'm hungry and tired" cry so we went into the kitchen to get a bottle. After making it, we went upstairs to my room.

Upon seeing R, she had "the look" in her eyes. You know. The "I'm up to no good" look. I was expecting to find lotion everywhere or something.

Then I noticed the pill bottle on the floor. I ran to it and picked it up.

Empty.

I started panicking. I asking her where mommy's medicine was. "Eat, eat," she said with the sign for it as well. I asked her again, and she gave me the same answer. (Sometimes she makes stuff up so I needed to be certain.)

I called A and couldn't get a hold of him. I was crying. E was crying. R was just standing there. A called me back and got the number for poison control for me.

When I could talk, I called. (I was really hysterical.) I gave the guy the information, and thank you god, the medication wasn't going to kill her. She's fine.

I just held her and sobbed until A got home. E, the sweet little baby, fell asleep while having her bottle next to us on my bed.

Ok, that was definitely more terrifying than her breaking her arm this summer.

And the whole episode from her going upstairs to my finding she'd eaten the pills was 3 or 4 minutes at the most.

So, yeah, a big FAIL to me as a mom of two...

(BTW, A's working on transferring my picture files to an external hard drive, so I'll actually be able to post some pictures of the baby soon!)

Giardia

It actually sounds like sort of a pretty word. A town on the Italian Riviera perhaps. Or a fancy coffee drink.

But no. It's a crappy word (pun intended). And I'm tired of it already. Yes, we're the lucky ones with an Ethiopian child who came home with giardia.

Do you know who I just got off the phone with? The public health department!! Like my baby is going to infect everyone with this horrific disease that will wipe out the population of our city or something! At least that is how the lady on the phone made me feel.

Yesterday, the baby went through 5 outfits!!

And we have to give her nasty, horrible-tasting medicine 3 times a day. Now that is a great way to bond with your new child. Hold her down and force her to take nasty medicine.

It's been one week...

... since we got home!

And what a week it has been.

Here are some changes in my sweet baby since we came home:

1. She is not rejecting me anymore.

2. She is eating like a beast.

3. She never stops moving. (Although still WAY more calm than R.)

4. She can pick up cheerios and puffs and get them in her mouth successfully.

5. She gets angry and throws her head back if she doesn't get her way.

6. She is obsessed with her big sister's hair.

7. She is only waking up once a night.

8. She smiles and giggles.

I fell in love with her yesterday. Does that sound weird? Probably not if you're an adoptive parent. It was strange for me, as with R, I was completely in love with her from the first moment I held her in my arms. R and I connected instantly.

This time, though, was different.

Last night was a beautiful moment. I was feeding her a bottle. She stopped drinking it, looked up right into my eyes, smiled at me, and giggled. She was comfortable in my arms... comfortable and happy. And suddenly, I realized I love her. Wholly, completely, forever.

She is mine and I am hers.

Merry Christmas...

... Ethiopian style! Yes, today was ET Christmas. We didn't do anything for it today due to the bad weather, but we're planning to on Saturday.

Where are the pictures? The day to day posts about our trip to Ethiopia? The updates on the baby and R? They're coming, they're coming.

I promise. There is just a lot going on around here and NO TIME!!

S leaves for ET tomorrow. Safe travels! I cannot wait to see a picture of the whole family!
Lots of love,
M

I'm going to bed.

Good night.

For Sale:

One Two-Year-Old Princess.
Comes complete with cabin fever and a very clear pronunciation of the word "MINE!"

Ok, obviously, I'm just being silly and don't mean that AT ALL, but R is quite the challenge today!

Napping...

...at the same time? Both girls?

Heaven!

We're Home

I'm exhausted.

Of course.

As I am in no shape to find my camera, find the card reader, and download pictures from our trip just yet, I will leave you with the first picture I saw of T when we got our referral. I thought it seemed appropriate.

Good night... Pray we all sleep tight! (Girls are both asleep right now in matching sleepers in their own beds.)

Update from ET!!!

This is M's friend, M, updating for her while they are in ET. As I have been, I'm sure you all have been anxiously awaiting an update!

I got my first update today in the form of a couple of short text messages. A & M do not have internet access at their hotel this time, so details will be limited.

By the time all of us woke up yesterday morning (Sunday), E was in their arms! As I type this, E is sleeping peacefully in M & A's hotel room, as it is around 8 pm (Monday) there. She seems to have taken especially well to A and is looking to be a Daddy's Girl! He was able to get her to sleep tonight after a meltdown.

M reports that she did cry a lot yesterday, as is to be expected. She has a cold that is worsening, so that, of course, compounds the issue.

However, M tells me that they are doing great, and that E is precious, sweet, and cuddly! She has 3 teeth and loves to chew on spoons. She also says that E is much calmer than R. R is quite the bundle of energy, so for M & A's sake, let's hope this phase lasts at least until they have settled in at home and R has gotten used to her new baby sister! They had their embassy appointment today and that went well.

Tomorrow, M & A are going shopping while E plays at HH. Keep them in your prayers that their trip continues to progress smoothly and I will post updates as I receive them!

Merry Leave for Ethiopia Day

It's after midnight, so it counts.

A and I are doing bills. Too bad the whole world doesn't stop while we go get our girl.

R woke up a little while ago crying. Poor curly fry. She had a bad dream. I pray that she sleeps peacefully while we're gone.

We're packed, save a few things to throw in the bags in the morning.

I still don't feel like this is actually happening! My friend M will update the blog while we're in country if she hears from us.

Merry Christmas!

Making Progress

I have no idea how we prepared for our trip to bring R home with my working the entire week before, as well as having 2 baby showers and parent-teacher conferences! We would have never made it this time around.

However, A and I have both been off this week and working like crazy to prepare ourselves, our 2-year-old, and our baby's room before we leave on Friday.

This is not without some help from our friends and family. Thank god for them. Yesterday A's friend J came and helped him paint for a good portion of the day. This evening, J called at 5pm and asked if we could use some more help tonight or tomorrow... He and his wife came and helped us for a couple more hours! J, A, and I worked on the room while J's wife played with R the entire time.

And earlier in the day, A's mom came and watched R for us while I went to the dentist and A ran errands. She is coming tomorrow, too, but just to bring us the valance for the baby's window.

I'm loving how the room is turning out. I plan to try to post a few pictures tomorrow if time allows. If not, that'll have to wait until we get home, and then who knows when I'll have time.

I went to the store tonight at 9:3o or so to get some last minute things for the trip and milk, diapers, and wipes for R.

So yeah, tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Which is also Leave for Ethiopia Eve.

I'm exhausted and going to bed.
Good night.

Some Christmas Pictures

R got her picture taken with my friend H's kids recently. Here are some pictures from the photo shoot. It was a nightmare, but at least some of the pictures turned out well.

Really? x 2

What is up with my child? Tonight, I got to pull a "pink raisin" (cranberry) out of her nose when we got home.

The thing is that I even checked all around her car seat to make sure there were none in it from the other night. Apparently, I missed one.

When we got home she had a flushed face and was sort of snotty (pleasant!). I asked her if she stuck something up her nose, and she said, "no, Momma." When we got in the house she would not get up in her chair to have dinner.

She finally said, "Mom, rais, nose." Yep, sure enough, I got the tweezers and got to pull a nasty, smashed up, snotty cranberry out of my child's nose.

Who knew being a mom was so glamorous??

Did I tell you?

My sweet little beet has gained 5.5 pounds since Oct.! When we got our updated info after getting our confirmed travel dates last week, I was so happy to see that she's starting to thrive.

We didn't get any new pictures like we did the first adoption with R. I was disappointed about that, but we will be able to take pictures of our own soon enough. Plus, if I'm being honest, the fact that she's not smiling in any of the pictures we have makes this momma so sad. So maybe it is a good thing.

I hear from another ET momma that her son is in the hospital in ET with pneumonia. Please pray for this little guy and that his parents are able to get into the first Jan. travel date to bring him home.

And, if I'm being a little selfish, please pray that my T stays healthy. All I want to do is hold her in my arms and know she's ok. My mom said recently that God must really want for her to come home... With pneumonia going around the agency's home and my mom's friend's death, she cannot get home fast enough...

She died.

My mom's friend, K, died about an hour ago. My mom's a wreck but is trying to hold it together. My mom can't really deal with things that are sad (can't watch sad movies or read books with sad endings), so this is going to be hard.

My mom did go see her today, thank God. And K's daughter made it in (she lives across the country) before it happened.

I freaking hate cancer.

Really?

Yesterday we went to my parents' house to celebrate Christmas before they leave to visit my brother next week and we go to Ethiopia.

On the way home, R was hungry and wanted a "nack" as she calls it. I had dried cranberries (pink raisins to her-- "rais, pinnnk, peese Mom") so I handed her the baggie as we were driving down the interstate. It was dark so I couldn't see her very well, and I kept talking to her to make sure she wasn't choking or anything.

About 10 minutes from home, she started sneezing really hard. I said, "are you ok, baby?" and she said, "yeeaahh." The sneezing stopped, and she fell asleep.

When we arrived home, I opened the van door, and to my horror, sticking 1/2 way out of child's nose was a cranberry! She was fast asleep, so I pried the cranberry out of my sleeping child's nose. I looked down at the two cranberries on her shirt. They, too, had been up my child's nose, as they were covered in snot!

No wonder she was sneezing so hard.

This morning when she woke up we had a talk about how we do not stick things up our noses.
(And, yes, I do realize I should have taken a picture.)

Five Days

I have 5 days of work to get through before we go to get E. After that, I have nearly a week until we leave on Friday, Dec. 25!

Sooo, that's more than a little surreal to me. It's insane. After all this time, we are so close to bringing our girl home, and I can't really believe it is actually happening.

I'm starting to worry about R and how she'll do when we're in Ethiopia. I love that little princess so much, and it is going to be so hard to be away from her for the week. Ok, so maybe I'm worried about how I'm going to do when we're away from her!!

I worry, too, about the changes that are going to happen very soon for our family. I cannot wait to bring the baby home, but at the same time, of course that means everything is going to be different.

Change is hard for A, too, especially. He does not do well with change, and this is no exception. I know he loves the baby and is just as excited as I am to bring our sweet little beet home. However, like I've mentioned, A is on the Asperger's spectrum, and that means difficulty with change!

But we'll get through it, and before we know it, we will be on a plane to Ethiopia!

The Faith of a Child

Today, I received the sweetest email while at work...

So, the song “Feed the World” came on and I was explaining to T about how it’s about how many children in Africa don’t get to celebrate Christmas because they don’t have any food or toys or money. She asked if at least Santa went to their homes, and I explained that many don’t have homes for Santa to go to. We talked about this for a few minutes and she disappeared.

A few minutes later she comes downstairs with her bank and asks me to open it and asks me for a baggie. She comes back with the entire contents of her bank in the bag and says she wants to “give it to the poor children who don’t get to celebrate Christmas.” She insists she wants to give it ALL. So, you will find a bag of money in R’s bag to bring with you to ET. On the bag she drew a picture of a child holding a toy “so that M knows what the money is for.” She also enclosed a small toy and a pen so they can “draw on paper.” I am seriously crying.

This is from my friend's 5-year-old daughter. So, tonight, when R gets home, she'll have in her diaper bag the most precious of the things I will TAKE with me to Ethiopia in 2 weeks. I think about the innocence of this beautiful child and her amazing spirit. How her sweet heart breaks for the children of Africa, of Ethiopia, as mine does and how she will be a change for them.

I am so proud of this child and in awe of her faith and compassion. How many of us are willing to completely drain our savings to give to those who have none? How many of us have the faith to believe that what we do, no matter how small, can make a difference for others?

I cannot wait until I see this tiny five-year-old girl again to tell her how proud I am of her, to tell her that I will carry her gift-- literally every penny she has-- with me to Ethiopia and share her heart and her story.

It makes me wonder what you, what I, what we all can do to be a change? What are you willing to give of your time and resources? And what I am willing to give? If T at 5 years old can give everything selflessly and without hesitation, what can I do at 30 years old?

I freaking hate cancer.

I mean, duh, right? Who doesn't?

One of my mom's best friends, K, was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1999. Since then, it has been an on-off battle, with tumors appearing and disappearing and chemo and radiation...

Those of you who have cancer or have had loved ones who did/do know the routine.

This fall, K's cancer returned with a vengeance. She went from taking an amazing job opportunity in DC and moving away to returning home for more treatments, more fighting.

But this time is different. K's condition has rapidly worsened. She's in the hospital right now and has been since Monday. I don't really know how much fight she has left.

Mom's been dealing with it through avoidance and trying not to think about it. I mean, she's over at K's all the time and is always doing what she can for her. But my mom doesn't do well with things that are hard or, well, horrible and awful.

If/when K dies, it's going to be horrific.

I freaking hate cancer.

Shopping List

Ok, I'm in list-making mode and need some input.

Specifically, I'd love to hear some suggestions about things you purchased while in ET or things you hope to purchase when you travel. Yes, we've been to ET before, but we didn't do so super-hot on the shopping the last time.

So, silly request, maybe, but I'd love to hear your ideas.

Embassy Date Confirmed

We are booked to leave Christmas day to bring our sweet girl home.

Please pray for S that she gets some good news and is also coming with us.

Total travel time to Ethiopia from our airport to Bole: 24 1/2 hours, 19 in the air.
From Bole to our airport: 26 1/2 hours, 21 in the air. (Earth's rotation adds time on the way home...) Yeah, we added it up.


This picture has nothing to do with this post, but isn't it cute? This is R's BFF, N, and she in their matching Christmas shirts. M told them to hold hands, and they just did it! I love these little sweet girls, both soon to be BIG SISTERS! :)

Whatcha Y'all doing on Christmas?

Because A and I are tentatively traveling to ET to bring T home.

We are happy... but it is bittersweet. S did not receive the same good news today, so PLEASE pray for a miracle that she and her husband will also be traveling with us. The agency has not heard about their case yet, although they passed court on Tuesday night with us. We will be heartbroken if we do not travel together.

Two Words...

We passed!

And so did S and D!

Ok, so that's really more than two. :)

Tick-Tock..

I’m super nervous about court tomorrow—tonight, really, while we “sleep” or whatever. I don’t know that I’ll sleep much. I’m just hoping we know before the weekend whether E is “our” girl or not. If she appearing in court, her birthmother is Addis already, and it is getting close to morning. What must she be thinking? Is she scared? Does she regret this decision? Will she respond to the questions we included with the album? Does our letter give her comfort or worry? Will she stop at HH to see T one more time and say good bye? Is there anyone with her for her to lean on? I hope she is not alone.

Will we pass court?

I've gotta say that this part of the adoption process is way more stressful this time than it was with R. Mainly because we know when court is this time. The first time, I slept in blissful ignorance while R's birthmother appeared in court, our paperwork was approved, and we passed on the first try. That was a Friday, and on Monday, my husband surprised me at work with the amazing news.

This time, I've been a ball of stress for 2 weeks since the date was assigned. I'm glad we know when it is, but it is way more stressful.

By tomorrow when we wake up, our fate will be decided. I'm praying for passage and for strength to endure the additional wait when we don't. (I cannot allow myself to feel confident about this.)

I just downed an entire bag of M&Ms without tasting it. Stressed much? Um, yeah.

Please, if you're the praying kind, please say a prayer for us, for our sweet daughter, for her birthmother, and for my friends S and D whose court date is also tonight while we sleep.

30 Days, 30 Posts

Did anyone notice it seemed like I had a lot to say this month? Just for the heck of it, I tried to do a post a day-- and succeeded!

This month has been a month of change and transition, so I'm glad that I have a record of my day to day thoughts as we fell more and more in love with our precious baby, received new pictures of her, found out our court date, and gave thanks for her in our lives.

I don't plan to post daily for a loooonnnng time. With that said, our court date is TOMORROW NIGHT so I'm sure I'll have a lot to say over the next few days.

A couple families (at least I only know of 2) have court tonight while we sleep. Please pray for good news for them.

My Daughter's Birthmother

I have been thinking of her so much today. If she knows about our court date on Wed. and plans to attend, I'm sure she's weighted by it. I know I am.

I am starting to feel the enormity of what she will be doing... making the long trip to Addis, staying overnight in a strange place, appearing in court, relinquishing custody (God willing), seeing pictures of her daughter, and reading the letter we sent.

Today as I was getting dressed and ready to begin my day, it just hit me. And I wept. T's birthmother and I are forever connected, though we will most likely never meet. But in that moment when it felt like my heart was breaking in half, I shared her pain.

Court-- passing court, I should say-- is a beginning for us. The beginning of T legally and wholly being our daughter in the eyes of the Ethiopian government. For her birthmother, it is an ending. The ending of T being her daughter in the eyes of the Ethiopian government. A birth certificate will be issued, with my name as "Mother" and A's as "Father." It will be as though T was never her birthmother's, just always our daughter.

She says good bye forever to her daughter and I say hello forever to my daughter. Our beautiful, sweet, tiny girl...

Tonight my heart is heavy. I am praying that she makes the journey and that we pass court on Wednesday. I am praying for her-- for strength, for hope for her daughter, for comfort of her broken heart. For her to know that her daughter is loved and will be loved forever. I'm praying that she knows her daughter will be ok and that we will do whatever we can to give her a good life.

New Moon: A Review

M and I went to see New Moon tonight along with our husbands. Yes, baby girl is with the grandparents practicing for when we go get her little sister (hopefully soon).

I liked it better than Twilight if we are just talking about the movie. I didn't like some of the changes that were made from what happened in the book. However, of the 4 books, New Moon was the one I liked the least. I think the actors were better in this one, but I would have liked more Edward! (Of course during much of the book he's absent so there you go...)

Overall, it was a good movie, and I'm sure I'll watch it again. (A will most likely buy it for me as a "surprise" when it comes out on DVD. He's so sweet.) The books are sitting over there on my bookshelf, tempting me to read them all over again...

A Blue Van and a Red Van...

When did M and I get so old? Today, we went to the mall for our annual day after Thanksgiving shopping. No, we did not join all you insane people at 4:30 at Wal-mart. We eased into our shopping around 12:30, had some lunch, and then hit the mall.

M has been my best friend since we were in 5th grade and 10 years old. We've been through a lot together, from being children to graduating from HS and having children. We now both drive minivans... and I realize today how "old" we are. M is pregnant with her 4th baby, and her first will be 10 in March. We're married and have husbands we love dearly even though they drive us nuts sometimes.

However, ever since we were mere children, we've always known how to crack each other up and have a good time.

So, yeah, I'm thankful for my husband, my precious daughters, and my family. But I'm also thankful for M. As life has changed, she's always been the constant in my life and me for her. It's an amazing (and comforting) thing to know that no matter what happens, I'll always have her.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

We have so much to be thankful for this year...

I think about our referral of R around Thanksgiving. Two years ago today, I remember thinking it would be my last Thanksgiving childless. Little did I know that our first sweet daughter had already been born! Just a few short weeks later we received her referral, one of just a few magical moments in my life.

This year, I'm the momma of two beautiful daughters, and I am so thankful that my path has brought me to them.

As I celebrate and give thanks for the blessings I have, I miss my precious T and wish she were here with us. I pray that next week will be another magical moment and that I hear the words, "You passed court..."

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

The Great Apple Pie Disaster

UPDATED:
So, my husband made his fancy pie today while I was out in Christmas picture hell at Sears with my friend H and her 2 children. I called him, and he said the drain was clogged. I asked which one, and he told me it was the kitchen sink.

Do you know what that husband of mine did?

Apple peels (AND APPLE CORES!! AUUGGH!). Lots of them. Down the garbage disposal.

Huge clog.

Hence, the great apple pie disaster.

I'm trying not to stress about this. However, this is not the first time he's clogged up the kitchen sink. I just wish he would LISTEN to me about the garbage disposal.

Yay for Thanksgiving Break!

I love that we get Wednesday off as well as Thursday and Friday this week. It is so nice to have the day before Thanksgiving to prepare for the holiday. Not that I actually COOK or anything silly like that, just that I don't have to rush around after work or the morning of Thanksgiving picking up what we need to bring to my parents' house.

A is still on the cooking obsession, and this has extended into pie baking, specifically apple pie. He even bought a fancy-shamancy pie pan and some sort of pie vent thing. IDK... So maybe he'll bake a pie tomorrow, and we can take that, too. One less to buy. We'll see how it goes!

Ok. Here's the deal.

I think I must be just about the cruddiest person on the face of the earth. There was a baby shower for a friend at work today. It was nice... until another girl brought her 9 month old daughter in for the shower.

Sigh.

Now, obviously this baby wasn't a pretty little Ethiopian girl, but she was a baby. One about the same age as my little one. So, instead of being happy for my pregnant friend, I felt miserable. See where the cruddiness comes in?

Who is miserable (and more than slightly jealous) at a baby shower? No point in being sulky at an event whose purpose is to celebrate babies.

But sometimes it is really not fair. The lady with the baby and my pregnant friend get to be with their children from the moment of birth and before that. Whereas, my sweet baby currently is sleeping in a "transitional home" in Ethiopia, some 7000+ miles away.

Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't have it any other way... it is just sometimes really hard to be an adoptive momma. Today was one of those times.

National Adoption Day

It was yesterday, but I was dealing with my sick baby girl so I didn't comment on it. (She is fine today.)

It's strange to think about what my life, and my children's lives, would be like without adoption. I may or may not have bio kids at this point in my life for one thing. A and I may or may not live in a nicer house or any number of things. You get the idea.

But there would be no R or E in my life, something I can hardly imagine. There would be no trip to Ethiopia, a trip that changed my life in many ways besides bringing home our girls.

And my precious babies... I think a lot about what R's life would be like if she had remained in Ethiopia. The thought is painful. My beautiful, precious, spirited two-year-old... I don't know how her life would have turned out. For E, my concentration is on getting her home, but there are parts of her story that would be vastly different if she would remain in ET.

I don't mean imply at all that I have "saved" my girls from Ethiopia. While I am so thankful that they are my daughters, I am well aware that decisions made without their input or consent will have consequences for them, for us, for their birthfamilies, for their birth country.

So, today, yesterday, tomorrow, every day really, I thank God for the gift of adoption in my life. I know the road we've chosen will not always be easy for any of us. But I also know that adoption has shaped, enriched, and changed my life for the better. I'm a momma of two beautiful girls who do not share my DNA but will forever hold my heart.

Happy National Adoption Day!

My (older) Princess is Sick

Poor little curly fry. She woke up this morning (at 10am when A and I woke her up-- normally she gets us up before 6 on Sat. mornings) with a fever, belly ache, and owie teeth. At least that's what she said.

She's been mostly laying on me all day but is up in her bed for a nap right now. :(

New Moon

Ah, yes, my friends, in case you didn't know, I'm a Twilight fan. The second movie came out today... I would love to go see it, but I don't see that happening any time too soon.

I was disappointed with the first movie, but it was still Twilight, still a silly love story that just happens to involve vampires. I'm hoping New Moon is better than the first. We'll see.

If anything it is a chance to regress a little, to be a teenager again. To get my mind off my baby 7,000+ miles away...

Heck, maybe I'll read a Sweet Valley High book next! (M, Kind Smiles, perhaps?? That was classic.)

A Letter to My Daughter

Dear E,

It has been one month since I saw your face for the first time, knew your sweet name, heard your story, and longed to hold you tight. You are also nine months old today.

We are getting closer and closer to bringing you home, little one. I got new pictures of you yesterday from a dear friend who went to Ethiopia on a mission trip. She tells me looking in your eyes melted her heart. She says you're a little shy and wary of new people. She tells me you have a sweet little cry.

And the pictures. Sweet girl, I see your hair is growing, and you look bigger! You have a runny little nose, and you look a little sad especially in one of the pictures. You're sitting on your own-- big girl!-- and you like to play with little toys. I can't wait to hold your hand!

The older you get, the more the transition into our home is going to become more difficult. I'm trying to prepare myself for all this. I know that we've been waiting for you, but you haven't been waiting for us. In your short life, you've experienced more loss than most people.

Princess E, your daddy, sister, momma, and the rest of your friends and family love you so much. While I pray that in 2 weeks, you'll officially and legally be mine, I am preparing for a longer wait.

Regardless, daughter of my heart, know that whenever you do come home, that is what it will be.

Home.

Your last stop.

I love you,
Momma

We have a court date!

We received word right around noon today that our court date in ET is Dec. 2nd. This is the step that has to happen in order for E to legally become our daughter on the ET side. Several things have to happen in order to pass court. First, the birthmother has to appear and relinquish her rights. She will have to travel a long way in order to do this. Second, the Ministry of Women’s Affairs (MOWA) must attach their approval to both our dossier paperwork and E’s paperwork. Third, the Central Authority must also attach their approval document.

If we pass court, they must issue a court decree before we can have our embassy appointment to get E’s visa for her to be able to enter the US. The embassy MUST have this no less than 2 weeks before the embassy appointment.

There is an extremely slight chance all this could happen quickly and make the Dec. 28 embassy appointment travel group. It is NOT likely this will be the case, especially since our case manager has prepared to have 2 court appointments because of the difficulty in getting E’s birthmother to appear in court and some recent paperwork issues other families have experienced. If/when we do not pass court the first time, our next court date would be about 3 to 5 weeks after Dec. 2.

My main hope is that E is home before her first birthday on Feb. 19. This seems feasible even with the likelihood of 2 court dates.

I also received word that my friend S whose daughter is with E at HH has court the same day. We are praying that regardless of what happens, we will be able to travel with them.

The Non-Update Update

Just talked to our case manager. No new news on our adoption. I'm glad she's checking in and making contact with me, but honestly, I'd rather she just call when she has new info for us.

She did say she hoped she would be calling us with a court date "very soon" instead of "in a couple weeks" like I've heard her say 2 or 3 times since we got our referral. Progress, my friends, progress!

In happier news, my friend K who was recently in ET sent me an email with an update on my baby girl. The email juxtaposed with the phone call is making the phone call a little more bearable.

Back to School

Ugh. Applied to grad school today.

Educational leadership-- which is the master's one must obtain to get an admin license in my state.

So there you go.

As M said yesterday, I probably am insane, as the semester will start probably right when my baby comes home. But I feel like I need to start so I can say I'm at least working toward the degree/license when the curriculum position becomes open.

I hope I am making the right choice.

Sunday Evening

Sunday. The start of a new week.

I am hoping, so hoping to receive word of a court date this week. I'm feeling so hopeLESS that right now I feel like E will never come home. In my head, I know that she will (someday), but in my heart, I just feel like we still have such a long road ahead of us.

Please, please, I want her home before her first birthday. Please.

Two Year Pictures...

Ugh. Disastrous.

I knew it was going to be bad when she fell asleep in the car 18 minutes before we got to the photography studio. That was her nap, and of course she woke up cranky.

We had dressed her in one of the outfits before we left home. It was cute, but I had also packed two more-- an ET dress and a cute pants and sweater outfit. I would have been happy with either of them and had planned to let her choose which one she wanted to do for her second outfit.

There was lots of clinging to me and crying and screaming at first. And in the middle and the end, too.

They got some good shots, I guess, but only in the one outfit and mostly up close, I'm guessing. The photographer will post them online tomorrow, so I'm hoping that I'm happy with them.

I am holding out hope that my baby will be home in time to get Christmas pictures of some kind taken.

This is extremely unlikely that she'll be home so maybe I should have just done some Christmas shots today, too.

Perspective

I spent the day today with fellow teacher at a conference. It was an eye-opening experience as this co-worker is in a wheel chair... She got in a car accident as a senior in high school and has been in the wheel chair ever since.

I learned a lot about what it might be like to be her. Lots of people look at you, the counter is too high to order your deli sandwich for lunch, you have to around and over and around again to find a ramp or elevator, people tend to talk to you a lot.

Yes, these are all obvious things. I know that. But I have not really "lived" it. And, yes, I'm well aware that walking around with J for one day does not in any way give me the full scope of her life.

However it makes me understand things a bit more, gives me some perspective. It gives me pause to think about how I treat others.

Two more things before I go to bed:
1. If you did not see the pictures of R yet, check out the post below.
2. I'm missing my little baby so much tonight it hurts.