Thankful

Last year's Thanksgiving was a day I can't forget. I was so glad to be with my family for the day, but my heart ached for my baby, just a few weeks old and whose face was unknown to us at the time. I remember that I knew it would be my last Thanksgiving without my child. And, of course, now we know that I was right. We received our referral just a few short weeks later.

I'm so thankful for my beautiful daughter. She is the absolutely most amazing blessing of my whole life. I do not know how I could be worthy of her as my daughter. I'm thankful, too, for her brave birthmother, the woman who gave birth to my daughter and gave her to us selflessly, only asking us to allow her to pursue an education and give her a happy life.

My daughter a month old (one of our referral pictures).

My beautiful daughter, now a year old!

May you have a safe, happy, and joyful Thanksgiving with your family and friends...

Phone Call

I had just gotten R to bed and was about to load the dishwasher when the phone rang. It was a woman named D who had seen my name on the agency's reference list and wanted to talk to me about our adoption experience.

I'm always thrilled to be able to talk about Ethiopia and adopting from Ethiopia. I don't often get the chance to-- sometimes a random stranger or fellow adoptive parent will stop me while out on errands or what not... But mostly, people ask me about being R's mom, not being an advocate for adoption.

You see, I'm so passionate (as anyone who reads this blog regularly knows) about adoption and Ethiopia... I always hope so much that what I tell perspective adoptive parents is helpful and guides them in their decisions-- whatever that decision may be.

As we ended our conversation, D told me that what I had told her made her want to adopt even more than before... She was going to work on the paperwork and get it all in as soon as she could.

Mission accomplished!

Twilight

Have you read that book? Let's just put it this way: I bought it on Monday and finished it today. I didn't allow myself to read any of it Tuesday because I had to do housework.

I decided that I had to read this series (saga, whatever) after one of my students told me she finished the first one in 2 days. This, coming from a girl who hardly ever reads, was enough to convince me that I needed to find out what all the excitement was about. As her language arts teacher, I felt like I needed to get myself in the loop. Honestly, I wasn't even conscious that there was a movie about it coming out tomorrow until a couple days ago.

Ok. It's a book about vampires. (Don't laugh, M.) I mean, seriously. This is not my type of book at all for a variety of reasons, namely that I can't stand a lot of fantasy stuff. However, from the first chapter, I was hooked. And I don't really even know why. It's very much like when I finally read the first Harry Potter book when I was in college.

Anyway, I have the second book sitting on my stairs waiting for me to pick it up and get hooked on it, too. I'll refrain until tomorrow or I really will be up all night (between reading and waking up with baby who apparently now thinks 3am is a great time to wake up to play). I'm already plotting a way that my parents can watch R while A and I sneak off to see the movie this weekend.

Lucky for me, I'm taking my students to the library tomorrow so instead of grading papers while they're picking books, I'll be reading, too!

9 Month "R" Day Anniversary!!

It is nine months today since I held my sweet baby for the first time! I can hardly believe how much time has past. It has flown by in the blink of an eye.

A and I decided we would call Feb. 18 "R" Day instead of Family Day or Gotcha Day. This is because R will not be our only adopted child, and we want each "gotcha" day to be special for each child.

I think back to how small and helpless she was 9 months ago to how big, strong, independent, and just all around AWESOME she is now... And I am amazed!

I never thought it was humanly possible to love a child as much as I love my R. Adoption is such an amazing thing.

My Little Trouper

Today was R's one year check up. She had her little baby toe pricked for testing for anemia as well as four shots for various vaccines. She did ok with the toe prick but not with the shots. She screamed and screamed. :( On top of that, she's had some diarrhea the past few days (most likely because we have started transitioning her from formula to whole milk) so we had to take her to get an x-ray... I think my poor baby was traumatized!

She fell asleep on the way home, and the both of us napped on the sofa (what is better than cuddling with a sleeping baby??) while A made dinner. She woke up at 3am this morning and "played" until about 5:50 so we were both tired. (I get up at 6 for work.)

On a side note, I went to a craft show with one of my friends yesterday. It's sort of become a tradition as this is the 3rd year we've gone. This year, I did take R. I took the stroller and the hip hammock carrier because I knew that she would get tired of the stroller and want to be held anyway. As we were leaving (my friend with the stroller and I with the baby), a woman held the door for us. She remarked to her friend, "Oh, that's that baby I thought wasn't real!"

Ok then.

What kind of weirdo must she have thought I was to push a stroller and carry a fake baby in a baby carrier through a crowded craft show???

People are so strange.

Happy Birthday to My Daughter!

*Edited, with pictures!*

The birthday girl... She is wearing an outfit I saw last year at Gymboree before we even received her referral. I decided that if we got a referral while the line was still being sold, it would be what my daughter would wear on her first birthday. After Christmas last year, about 3 weeks after receiving our referral, I went out and bought 2 cupcake themed outfits, one in 6-12 months and one in 12-18 months. I didn't know what size she'd be in! It is almost surreal to have her wearing it now, just as I had imagined. My goodness, this child is such a blessing!

The birthday girl this week at my friend A's parents' house. A and her 8 month old son are in town visiting from Budapest, and R got into the cheese balls... Oops. But I thought this was a cute picture.

R's birthday today!! Although news of H clouds part of the day, we still have much to celebrate. R woke up at 5 when A had to get up to go to work. I brought her in bed with me for 2 hours, and we both enjoyed cuddling and sleeping in... R woke up in a great mood, and I was glad that I was home with her instead of at work.

One thing I knew I had to do was switch out her 12 months clothes for the 18 months clothes. I have a few friends who have been giving me clothes for R as well as clothes from my 3 year old niece. To my surprise, this time, when I opened the bin and started going through everything, I realized that we really didn't have any colder weather clothes for her.

So, for the first time, I actually NEEDED to go out and buy my daughter clothes! Awesome. A and I took R to Target to get some baby supplies as well as look at their clothes. So we went on a family outing to Target... A and I had a good time picking out some stuff for our princess.

After that, the princess took a nap, and we did some more playing before dinner. Right as I was about to start making dinner, M, H's husband, called to see if I could come watch their girls while he and H went to the hospital. We went right over there, and R got to play with the girls for a few hours.

All in all, I think she had a good first birthday! I know I enjoyed being with her and not being at work.

Her party was on Sat., and of course the theme was "Princess!" H and I made the cake the night before, a castle. The party was at my parents' house, which was great because their house is a lot bigger than mine. All of R's little friends dressed up like princesses, as well as R herself.

Making the birthday Princess Castle cake the night before the party.

Tired baby. She wanted Mommy to stop making a cake and put her to bed! (I think this picture is hilarious!)
All finished! Yes, I realize it is a little crooked, but it is made with love, and it is not like R cares what it looked like. I thought it was darling, and as H says, one of her classic "Homemade Tacky" cakes.

At my parents' house before the guests arrive. The horse was one of my favorite toys when I was a child... My dad found it, cleaned it up, and gave it to R. As you can see, she loves it! (It sure seems a lot smaller than it did when I was a kid!)

Ready to transform into a princess, R sports her hat!

All dressed up and ready for her fellow princesses to arrive to celebrate this most royal of occasions...

What birthday is complete without a little cake on your face? Her "baby" cake was a princess hat made from a frosted ice cream cone and a cupcake, in case you were wondering.

Quick Update

I spent the evening at H's house watching her two girls while she and her husband went to the ER. There were concerns about a clot forming in her lungs, and it needed to be checked out. Test results were mostly inconclusive... the ER dr. said that how she was being treated for her leg was what he would do for a clot in the lungs, too. Although they didn't think there was a clot in the lungs, it couldn't be ruled out. She is home now, freaked out, but at least she went.

My Friend H

Last year, my friend H almost died. She had a massive blood clot in her leg, going actually from behind her belly button all the way to her ankle. She faced, at age 28, the possibility of never walking again and living her life in unbearable pain. For over a week, I spent every free moment at the hospital because I was afraid she was going to die. After that week a doctor came to her hospital room and told her he had an idea for a very experimental surgery to possibly save her. Long story short is that it worked.

I wish that were the end of the story. For the past year, she has been on an extremely high dosage of blood thinners and is in pain daily (although not even comparable to what she was in before her surgery). Today she received some bad news. For about a month now she has been in an increased level of pain and has been experiencing chest pain as well. Finally, last week her husband and I were able to persuade her to go to the doctor on Thursday. Yesterday she had an ultrasound on her leg, and today the doctor called with the news that a new clot was forming in the leg.

There is a lot of concern because this should not happen with the amount of blood thinners she is on. She goes to the vein specialist on Friday. I don't know what will happen from here; no one does. I am fearful, though.

H is young. She has two small wonderful daughters, ages 3 and 1. She is an amazing person and so strong. Seeing her in all that pain and going through a very hard recovery made me realize that even more. However, today, when I talked to her on the phone she sounded defeated.

Please pray for strength for my friend and her dear family.

Please pray that this clot is treatable and that she will be ok.

And lastly, (I feel selfish), please pray for me that I have the strength to be brave for her because I don't know if she can be right now.

Just a Few More Hours of Babyhood Left

Tomorrow's R's birthday. When she wakes up tomorrow, she'll be a big one year old. Wow. I can hardly believe it. As she fell asleep in my arms tonight, I could not help but feel peaceful and so thankful to God for her. She is truly the most amazing gift, beyond anything I ever hoped or dreamt of deserving.

I took off work for tomorrow. I decided that it was much more important to be with R on her birthday than to be teaching 8th graders. I just might do that every birthday. Will my district catch on after a few years? Who cares?? To me, it will be wonderful, in the middle of the week, to be able to play with my daughter, go to the grocery store, and just be calm instead of the hectic usual daily schedule.

Her new cute thing this week is that if you say to her (usually in the car or highchair), "R, show me your baby toes!" she will lift her little foot in the air or kick both feet back and forth. Of course, there is a huge smile on her little face! She is so proud of herself.

Tomorrow, I will post pictures of my birthday princess.

On a side note...
I don't talk about politics. I actually can't stand politics and most politicians. I hope you can never tell from my blog who I voted for. That's not the point of this blog anyway. I consider myself politically neutral because I do not feel a loyalty to either party. I have my beliefs and what guides me. These lead me, not one political party or another. However, I will say this because this election last week was historical: Regardless of who you voted for, you have to admit that the election of an African American to the Presidency is a historical moment for our country. I believe this will open doors for my little Ethiopian American daughter that would never have opened before. I believe that whether or not you voted for Obama or whether or not you voted for McCain, some time, maybe 50 years from now, some one will want to know what it was like to be living today, here and now in this moment.

Enough about that. I don't plan on ever mentioning anything that has to do with politics again.

Weighted Down

That's how I feel lately. I'm so weighted down with the suffering of my daughter's people and country. I've been thinking constantly about Ethiopia... dreaming of Ethiopia... feeling helpless about Ethiopia... wondering what my future child(ren) is (are) doing in Ethiopia...

I am struggling a lot with my role in Ethiopia and for Ethiopia. I had a long conversation about a week ago with my friend H about my long-term vision. I don't know how much I want to talk about it right now because I don't want to get ahead of myself. I also don't know how courageous I can really be. Saying something aloud (or typing it for the whole Internet world to see) comes with consequences and expectations.

Also with the recent changes on the Ethiopian side of adoption, I am worrying a lot. I know that these changes are really going to affect our future adoption, and I am fearful that Ethiopian adoption will become like Chinese adoption and start to take A LOT longer and be a lot more difficult.

And then I wonder if we should even adopt again at all. We are so happy with our R... Would bringing another child into this little family be the right thing? Sometimes I wonder, but at the same time, I really feel strongly that we are supposed to adopt again.

I also think a lot of R's birthmother. We are getting closer and closer to R's birthday. Less than 2 weeks. While this is a time to celebrate, it is also somewhat bittersweet. I wonder so much how Y (R's birthmother) is feeling right now. I think a lot about how things must have been for her in the last few weeks before delivering my daughter almost a year ago. I wonder if it was hard for her. (Of course it was. Who am I kidding?) I wonder how many times a day she thinks of R. I wonder if she regrets her decision. I wonder if she went to HH and got the pictures I sent to her. (I'm so thankful that I met her when we were in Ethiopia.) And I wonder a probably a million other things, too...

I'm not trying to be a big bag of downer here lately. I'm sure you find yourself here expecting to see some happy little Halloween post. R in her pumpkin suit or something adorable like that.

Ok then. Next post won't be so serious.