Said to me today about the girls: "They're cute. How much did they cost?!?"
My (icy) reply: "Nothing."
Why are people so rude? Do YOU have kids, buddy? How much did THEY cost? Why do people think it is ok to ask adoptive parents questions like that?
If you're an adoptive parent, how do you answer questions like that? Also, what do you do when people want to touch your children's hair? I need to be more assertive about that, too, while I'm at it.
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This is our first glimpse of our (older) daughter at HH in Ethiopia. (2/18/08)
Who am I?
- JonesEthiopia
- I am a mom through adoption. My husband and I brought our first baby girl home from Ethiopia in Feb. 2008 and our second on Jan. 1, 2010!
Blog Archive
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2010
(121)
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January
(19)
- Sweetest Thing That Happened Today
- Satin Pillowcases on Etsy.com
- Ugh.
- Satin Pillowcases
- Misc. and a few questions answered
- Ethiopia Trip: Day 4: Evening
- Ethiopia Trip: Day 4: Embassy Appointment Day
- Ethiopia Trip: Day 3: The First Evening
- Ethiopia Trip: Day 3: Sunday Morning in Addis
- Ethiopia Trip: Days 1-2: Travel
- Geez, y'all are fussy!
- 2 Weeks Home
- Mom FAIL!
- Giardia
- It's been one week...
- Merry Christmas...
- For Sale:
- Napping...
- We're Home
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January
(19)
Blogs I Read
My Baby Girl
This is our first glimpse of our (older) daughter at HH in Ethiopia. (2/18/08)
Adoption Timeline
Right Now: We are a forever famiy of four!
Jan. 2009
Decide we will start the process to adopt again when we get our tax refund back.
Feb. 2009
9th-- Officially decide to start our second adoption & begin making contact w/ agency/SW & order birth certificates.
13th-- Medical letters make it to the agency. We'll wait over the weekend until Monday afternoon to learn what the decision is on our application.
17th-- Approved to adopt again. Infant girl; agency will consider an older child after more research.
18th-- Receive adoption contracts (YAY) and copies of our birth certificates in the mail. (1 Yr. R Day Anniv.)
24th-- Orientation call w/agency, contract & other paperwork notarized, 1st payment check written.
Mar. 2009
2nd-- Dossier/homestudy binders arrive. Complete application for child/family services in our state to be able to start homestudy process.
4th-- Doctor's form for R filled out. 1st attempt at getting clearance letter from the local police department.
5th-- Dossier call w/ CM. (Love her!)
6th-- Go to police station again-- they'll write the letter! Also get bank letter for homestudy completed.
10th-- Letter from the police station is now in dossier binder! A & I get TB tests. Med. letter for homestudy for A is completed after check up.
12th-- We get several docs, including POA, notarized.
13th--CIS fingerprint request (& payment) mailed to local branch; Med. letters for both homestudy & dossier are finished.
14th-- A's employment letter arrives. We might have to redo it. Emailed our CM to find out.
17th-- Employment letter ok. Get financial letter notarized, but have to redo it b/c notary messed up the date. Can't have that on a dossier!
24th-- Lots of notarizing and preparing for the homestudy visit.
25th-- Homestudy visit completed. We'll be on the waiting list soon! YAY!!!!! Fire inspection will be Apr. 6, 11am.
28th-- We receive our fingerprint appointment in the mail-- April 8 at 8am! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!
31st-- We finish the "Eyes Wide Open" training manual.
Apr. 2009
2nd-- We finish the online training classes. Woo-hoo! Also get last 2 dossier documents notarized. WE ARE FINISHED!
5th-- SW submits our homestudy draft to agency for proofing/review.
6th-- Fire inspection (we passed!).
8th-- CIS Fingerprint appointment. All went well. :)
10th-- We get our POA state certified... Ok, now we're really finished w/ all the documents for both the homestudy & dossier.
13th-- SW tells us our HS is the next to be reviewed by agency. (Hurry up! :) )
14th-- Adoption training manual is approved by agency.
16th-- We find out that our HS was actually approved on the 13th, pending the child abuse check from our State.
17th-- Email from SW tells us child abuse checks won't be completed until the week of Apr. 27th. Email CM to see if we can send in our dossier early even though it is against agency policy. (She'll probably say no, but I figure it is worth a try!!)
20th-- After 1st telling us no, we are allowed to mail dossier in for review. Of course we won't be on the waiting list until our homestudy is complete sometime next week.
21st-- Dossier and fees are mailed. Will be at agency by noon tomorrow. WOOOOO-HOOOOOOOO!
22nd-- Dossier is in CM's hands!
23rd-- Dossier is approved by CM. Now we have to wait on those checks to finalize HS & get on waiting list.
29th-- Child abuse checks are finished!! HS is finalized, notarized, & on its way to agency's home office. Thank goodness!!! Wait list soon!
May 2009
4th-- We are on the list at #33.
5th-- Waitlist #30. Yes, we moved 3 spots in less than 24 hours.
21st-- Receive our FDL from USCIS. Now we have been granted permission from the US gov't. to adopt internationally.
26th-- Dossier is finished with the US & ET embassy authentication process. Next step: To ET for translation and submission to MOWA (when we get a referral, of course.)
June 2009
9th-- June number in-- #29.
July 2009
10th-- July number in-- #18. What??? 11 spaces in a month! Woo-hoo!
August 2009
6th-- August number in-- #16.
September 2009
4th-- September number in--#11.
October 2009
7th-- October number in--#6. Single digits! YAY!
19th-- REFERRAL DAY!
22nd-- Call with international adoption doctor. Good to go! SW signs paperwork for us.
23rd-- We get everything notarized and sent to our CM. Will be there by noon tomorrow!
24th-- Our acceptance of referral paperwork arrives at our agency.
26th-- Our CM has our referral paperwork. Now on to the ET side of this adoption!
31st-- We receive returned notarized referral acceptance paperwork... As well as our travel info! (Soon, please!)
November 2009
5th-- Next Steps phone call with our CM.
18th-- Our CM calls to tell us our court date is Dec. 2!
December 2009
2nd (night of Dec. 1st)-- We have our court date.
2nd-- We passed court!
4th-- Our CM calls to tell us our tentative travel date of Dec. 25. We contact a couple travel agents to find the best airline prices and flights.
7th-- Our travel dates are confirmed, and we book our tickets.
17th-- We receive our paper tickets in the mail.
20th-- Nana and Pappy bring E's curtains and bedding that Nana made. It is completely beautiful!
25th-- We leave for Ethiopia.
27th-- Gotcha Day!
28th-- Embassy Appointment.
31st-- Leave to come home.
January 2010
1st-- We arrive home. Our family day. What a great way to celebrate the new year!
Jan. 2009
Decide we will start the process to adopt again when we get our tax refund back.
Feb. 2009
9th-- Officially decide to start our second adoption & begin making contact w/ agency/SW & order birth certificates.
13th-- Medical letters make it to the agency. We'll wait over the weekend until Monday afternoon to learn what the decision is on our application.
17th-- Approved to adopt again. Infant girl; agency will consider an older child after more research.
18th-- Receive adoption contracts (YAY) and copies of our birth certificates in the mail. (1 Yr. R Day Anniv.)
24th-- Orientation call w/agency, contract & other paperwork notarized, 1st payment check written.
Mar. 2009
2nd-- Dossier/homestudy binders arrive. Complete application for child/family services in our state to be able to start homestudy process.
4th-- Doctor's form for R filled out. 1st attempt at getting clearance letter from the local police department.
5th-- Dossier call w/ CM. (Love her!)
6th-- Go to police station again-- they'll write the letter! Also get bank letter for homestudy completed.
10th-- Letter from the police station is now in dossier binder! A & I get TB tests. Med. letter for homestudy for A is completed after check up.
12th-- We get several docs, including POA, notarized.
13th--CIS fingerprint request (& payment) mailed to local branch; Med. letters for both homestudy & dossier are finished.
14th-- A's employment letter arrives. We might have to redo it. Emailed our CM to find out.
17th-- Employment letter ok. Get financial letter notarized, but have to redo it b/c notary messed up the date. Can't have that on a dossier!
24th-- Lots of notarizing and preparing for the homestudy visit.
25th-- Homestudy visit completed. We'll be on the waiting list soon! YAY!!!!! Fire inspection will be Apr. 6, 11am.
28th-- We receive our fingerprint appointment in the mail-- April 8 at 8am! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!
31st-- We finish the "Eyes Wide Open" training manual.
Apr. 2009
2nd-- We finish the online training classes. Woo-hoo! Also get last 2 dossier documents notarized. WE ARE FINISHED!
5th-- SW submits our homestudy draft to agency for proofing/review.
6th-- Fire inspection (we passed!).
8th-- CIS Fingerprint appointment. All went well. :)
10th-- We get our POA state certified... Ok, now we're really finished w/ all the documents for both the homestudy & dossier.
13th-- SW tells us our HS is the next to be reviewed by agency. (Hurry up! :) )
14th-- Adoption training manual is approved by agency.
16th-- We find out that our HS was actually approved on the 13th, pending the child abuse check from our State.
17th-- Email from SW tells us child abuse checks won't be completed until the week of Apr. 27th. Email CM to see if we can send in our dossier early even though it is against agency policy. (She'll probably say no, but I figure it is worth a try!!)
20th-- After 1st telling us no, we are allowed to mail dossier in for review. Of course we won't be on the waiting list until our homestudy is complete sometime next week.
21st-- Dossier and fees are mailed. Will be at agency by noon tomorrow. WOOOOO-HOOOOOOOO!
22nd-- Dossier is in CM's hands!
23rd-- Dossier is approved by CM. Now we have to wait on those checks to finalize HS & get on waiting list.
29th-- Child abuse checks are finished!! HS is finalized, notarized, & on its way to agency's home office. Thank goodness!!! Wait list soon!
May 2009
4th-- We are on the list at #33.
5th-- Waitlist #30. Yes, we moved 3 spots in less than 24 hours.
21st-- Receive our FDL from USCIS. Now we have been granted permission from the US gov't. to adopt internationally.
26th-- Dossier is finished with the US & ET embassy authentication process. Next step: To ET for translation and submission to MOWA (when we get a referral, of course.)
June 2009
9th-- June number in-- #29.
July 2009
10th-- July number in-- #18. What??? 11 spaces in a month! Woo-hoo!
August 2009
6th-- August number in-- #16.
September 2009
4th-- September number in--#11.
October 2009
7th-- October number in--#6. Single digits! YAY!
19th-- REFERRAL DAY!
22nd-- Call with international adoption doctor. Good to go! SW signs paperwork for us.
23rd-- We get everything notarized and sent to our CM. Will be there by noon tomorrow!
24th-- Our acceptance of referral paperwork arrives at our agency.
26th-- Our CM has our referral paperwork. Now on to the ET side of this adoption!
31st-- We receive returned notarized referral acceptance paperwork... As well as our travel info! (Soon, please!)
November 2009
5th-- Next Steps phone call with our CM.
18th-- Our CM calls to tell us our court date is Dec. 2!
December 2009
2nd (night of Dec. 1st)-- We have our court date.
2nd-- We passed court!
4th-- Our CM calls to tell us our tentative travel date of Dec. 25. We contact a couple travel agents to find the best airline prices and flights.
7th-- Our travel dates are confirmed, and we book our tickets.
17th-- We receive our paper tickets in the mail.
20th-- Nana and Pappy bring E's curtains and bedding that Nana made. It is completely beautiful!
25th-- We leave for Ethiopia.
27th-- Gotcha Day!
28th-- Embassy Appointment.
31st-- Leave to come home.
January 2010
1st-- We arrive home. Our family day. What a great way to celebrate the new year!
Blog Design
11 comments:
UGH is right. I need to think of graceful answers NOW so I'm not rude back when they ask!
Oh my goodness! The nerve of some people... I wish I knew what to tell you, but I am inexperienced. Maybe you can tell me one day when I am asking the same questions.
OH MY! That is horrible. I would say something like, "oh! well they cost a lot. Diapers, daycare, food, clothes, etc. I guess that's what comes with being a parent." And as far as the hair goes. My adult friend has people ask her all the time if they can touch it (she has a fro). She lets them. I however would say something smart a** and say, "Only if we (me and all of my kids) can touch yours." That would hopefully make them feel as uncomfortable as they made you/ them feel.
How rude! I have yet to encounter any such quetions but am sure it's not a matter of if, but when, I will. I'm the type of person who thinks of a good response hours or days after the opportunity has come and gone. I'm going to come back to see if you get any good ones--and maybe research and rehearse some.
Hope all else is well!
xoxo
GASP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH. MY. GOSH. I can't believe someone just outright SAID that to you!!!!!! I have no idea what I would have said. Most likely something stupid b/c I would have been so caught off guard.
I usually punch them in the face. but if i'm in a really good mood, i just tell them to suck it.
i know, i'm so full of grace and kindness ;).
I have people ask that all of the time, so I guess it doesn't bother me when some odd person asks about it. Mostly though, it has been people who are wanting to adopt and they want to find out so that they know what to prepare for!
The worst question is when people ask me if they (the kids) are "ALL yours?!" And then when I say yes they say "but I mean are they REALLY yours?" To which I look directly at them and say "yes I AM their mother". They usually back down then. I have had people ask where I "got" my kids from. It is just ignorance. Now that my children are getting older I just tell them that some people don't have manners and they don't understand the gift of adoption day! My oldest son is 7 and he has been to a few adoption days and he loves them. So he thinks that other people are just missing out :)
The hair well for us it has only been other little kids that are curious and once they touch it they go on playing.
I'm so sorry. What a horrible position for you to have been put in. I would have said something horribly inappropriate in response - like, oh, about the same as a semester in college, but you wouldn't understand that. And then I would have felt bad for offending people who hadn't gone to college.
Hehe. I am laughing at that last comment. :) Let me know what you can come up with so I can rehearse for when our day comes. On the touching the hair thing, I have been letting people do that as long as I know them.
I like the comment about Yeh, they cost a lot. . .food, clothes, diapers, missed sleep, hugs, kisses, . . . .
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