I, Apparently, Don't Work Anymore!

We are on our 4th snowday of the week. This is good and bad. Good, for the obvious reason that I get to stay home with my sweet girl!

Bad because this is now our 10th day off. The state only allows 5, so we will be making days up until July (not really, but that's what it feels like!). Also bad because due to how the weather has been here and already-scheduled days off, we haven't actually had a full week of school since before Thanksgiving. Try getting kids into any kind of routine when you are up against that!

Oh, well, I'm off to go play with my daughter instead of getting dressed for work. :)

Grief and Loss in Adoption

This week, it manifested itself in the form of R's having diaper rash. Quite unexpectedly, too, I might add.

Let me back up. We know that when R came to our agency's transitional home, HH, she had a small cut under her nose (very visible in her referral pictures) and bad diaper rash.

Well, she has had diaper rash a few times since we brought her home. No big deal, really. However, this week, she got it really bad. So bad that she screamed bloody murder when I cleaned her up.

Listening to her screaming, trying to comfort her, and cleaning her up like that just really got to me. I often think about R's time in the Ethiopian orphanage before she came to HH. She was so small, helpless. Did she scream in pain like that when she was there?

I couldn't take it. I found myself crying right along with her. I have so much guilt about not being there for her during that time, when she was most helpless, without someone to love her.

We were really fortunate. R was only 3 weeks old when she came to HH and 3 and 1/2 weeks old when we received her referral. I know compared to other children and other stories, this is nothing. However, it still counts. It is still a time in my daughter's life in which I wasn't there to take care of her.

What about the rest of you adoptive parents? How do you deal with that time before your child came home? Do you ever feel like I did?

I know grief and loss come with adoption. I just wasn't expecting it to come in the form of diaper rash.

One Year

(This picture of R is from our second set of pictures we received while she was in Ethiopia. It was taken approximately a year ago!)

Friday, Jan. 25, 2008 was our court date in Ethiopia, not that we knew at the time. We had received pictures of R a few days prior, but we didn't know that meant a court date was coming up. At that time, our agency did not tell families when their court dates were. (I guess now they do.) We were so longing to go get R and bring her home as we had been since we had seen her beautiful little face for the first time.

Waiting to bring R home was by fair the most painful part of the adoption experience for me. I know that compared to many others, our wait was a breeze, but my heart ached to hold my child constantly.

We received our travel call on Monday, Jan. 28, 2008. We had gone to our favorite Ethiopian restaurant for the first time that weekend. (We always say going there was good luck.) A was at home during the day and received the phone call from our case manager (I was at work). At 3:15 or so, the students had pretty much left the building. My friend H spotted A walking down the hall.

When I saw him, I thought something bad had happened because he never shows up at my school unannounced. As he walked closer he said to me, "What are you doing on Feb. 17?" I said that I was supposed to be at my baby shower. To which he replied that we were going to have to change that because WE HAVE TO BE IN ETHIOPIA!

I was in shock. We had passed court on the first time and had received a court date more quickly than I had expected.

A year. How our lives have changed since R legally and fully became our daughter and we prepared to bring her home.

Such blessings, some struggles, lots of change, and indescribable joy.

That's what this year has brought.

Under Attack

I hesitate to even put this to words, but I was feeling like that even before today's events... Do you ever just feel like you're under attack? I do right now.

Since I'm now ready, like yesterday(!), to start our adoption process again, I feel like we're just being drained of money. Last week it was the stealing of A's MP3 player. This week, it's my car.

I bought my car, a RED Volkswagen Beetle, after my first year teaching. I have loved my car since I bought it, and when I bought it, I was single and wasn't thinking of hauling a princess baby around. It's not practical right now with a child, but it is paid off and (usually) reliable. I loved the way I felt when I drove it when it was "new" (I bought it used). I felt free and didn't have a care in the world!

Anyway, the window has been "off" when you roll it up and down. I knew it was only a matter of time before it broke. I'm guessing that due to the extreme cold, it just finally gave out on Friday night when A was using my car and went to mail something.

So that cost almost $600 (out of our adoption fund) to fix. Yesterday.

Then, while they were fixing the window, the door lock broke. Basically, what they said is that it was about to break, and any messing around (technical term, right?) with the door caused it to give out completely. So today's money drain continued with $477 going to repair that. With the MP3 player being stolen out of the car last week, I don't feel like I can NOT go with the car not being able to lock.

It just makes me feel sick.

In the last week, we've made some progress on our adoption-related decisions. Is that part of it? Who knows? What do you think?

Here is what I DO know as far as our next adoption goes:
1. We are adopting a little girl.
2. Age 4 to 7. Some disagreement still here. A would like the older in, me the younger.
3. Siblings? No, at this time, siblings are not in in our future.

The fact that my child is out there in Ethiopia making her journey to us just makes me want to start the process RIGHT NOW so we can bring her home RIGHT NOW.

I also know that I have a wonderful husband, the most gorgeous precious daughter, a stable job,. a fabulous family, the best friends, and the sweetest little house. I'm luckily. And if I'm down a thousand dollars right now, that's ok. I'll clip coupons, not buy that outfit or shoes, and cook at home instead of eating dinner out until I get it back. I will do this for my child home and my child in Ethiopia. Is there really anything else important?

Nope.

11 Months Gotcha Day Anniversary!

R has been in my arms 11 months today! I cannot believe how much I love this little darling girlie of mine and how I know she was always meant to be my daughter!!

In 11 months, we all have changed. A has become a wonderful father, R a beautiful, curious, and amazing little girl, and me, well, I have learned what it means to love a child more than anything else and what great responsibility and joy that brings.

Pictures later. There is one I really want to add to the post, but it is trapped on my camera right now.

Also, today is A's 32nd birthday!

Off to Scrapbook!

A is on his own tonight and tomorrow because I am going to go to my friend, H's parents' house to do some scrapbooking. (Her parents are out of town this weekend, so we will have plenty of space, no kids, and time to work!) I love to scrapbook, and I haven't been able to since before school started. H and another friend of hers will be there, along with another girl who teaches in my district. Should be good times.

Goal: I'm going to try to get our Ethiopia album(s) completed. That is probably more than I can accomplish this weekend, but I'm going to work on it. I would just like to have it finished before we hit the one year home mark in a little over a month...

What are your MLK day weekend plans?

PS-- Due to the extreme cold and snow, we haven't had school yesterday or today! Five day weekend!

PPS-- We took care of getting R's social security number today. Had to get that accomplished before we can do our taxes! :)

Some People are Just Jerks... and I'm a Moron

Ok, the weather here is bad and getting worse. I'm actually home from work an hour early because of it. A, R, and I went to Target last night, and when we got home, we just took the baby inside because it was so cold.

While A was putting R to bed, I went out to get the diapers, milk, etc., out of the trunk of the car. I remembered that my husband's new garmin was in the car, so I unlocked the car, got it, and carried it and the other stuff into the house. (A told me that garmins aren't supposed to be exposed to extreme cold, and I was trying to be helpful.)

I called A between classes to tell him I was getting out early and to ask if he wanted me pick up the baby from M's house. He sounded really upset so I asked him what was wrong. He hesitantly asked me if I had left the car unlocked last night. I told him I might have. We took his car last night, and I usually don't lock or unlock the car because he does. It is entirely possible that I hit the wrong button when I attempted to lock it after getting the garmin out.

Well, apparently that IS what happened because A's MP3 player is missing from his car today. I feel so awful about it because it is totally my fault for being careless when I got into it.

A is really upset, and I just have the feeling of being violated. I know, I know, at least no one was hurt, and the car wasn't damaged, etc., etc... And, my brother's junior year of college, he returned to his apartment after winter break to find nearly everything had been taken from his roommates and him when there was a break-in. It is JUST an MP3 player (well, and a charger and a cord to connect it to the radio), so it could be a lot worse.

We don't live in an unsafe neighborhood; at least I didn't think we did! Our street is really only two blocks long, and mostly the only reason anyone would be on it is because they live on it. It makes me mad.

A couple days ago, I was in our backyard and noticed that our grill had been pulled out and knocked over. It's pretty messed up, too. Like no handle and other parts are broken as well.

Are these two things related? I would say it is possible.

I just hate stuff like this. I can't imagine taking something from another person or purposefully damaging some else's property. It just seems so wrong.

So that's my day. I hope yours is better. I'm going to post this in ugly brown because that's how I feel right now.

Some Pictures from Our Trip

Below are some of my favorite pictures from our trip last week to visit my brother in Florida. Hard to believe it's only been a week! Seems to me like I've been back to school forever. If you haven't read the post below this one, please do so. I'm still seeking some guidance.

Enjoy the pictures of my precious girl who will be 14 months old in 2 days!...

Happy Baby Girl

Happy New Year to you...

We took a ride on my dad's friend's boat. This is the view out on the ocean at the end of our channel. Everyone had a fun time on the ride, except for R. She had a fit because she had to wear a huge life jacket. She finally just passed out.

Doesn't it look like we're in Venice or something? :)

Don't worry. It isn't open.

It looks like this picture is posed, but I swear it isn't.

R's Mimi (my mom) bought her a tutu. Sort of surprising this is the first one she has, isn't it?

She loved going to the beach every morning with her Grandad!

I love this picture! (Thanks for letting us borrow the suit, M!)

Announcement

Drum roll please.....

A and I would like to announce that we have decided when we will start our next adoption!

We plan to start the process (journey, whatever!) again after we get our tax rebate back. So, wow, that's, like, soon! :)

Please pray (if you do that sort of thing) for guidance for us for the following:
1. That we are making the right decision for our family.
2. That we can decide on age, gender, and number of children.
3. For our child(ren) as he/she/they wait(s) for us to be a forever family. Knowing my child(ren) is/are out there already is so unreal for me to think about.

Our plan is an older child. How old? We don't know.

Our plan may include siblings. My concern with siblings is mainly for R. I don't want her to ever feel left out if she had siblings who were related biologically.

Gender? Most likely another girl, but I'm open to a boy, too.

So we have decided when to start the process but need some help on the rest.

Does anyone have any suggestions about this?

Thank you!

PS-- Our Ethiopian Christmas celebration was fun; pictures to follow soon. Too tired tonight to download them onto my computer and upload them to this site.

Last Post-Placement Home Visit

We had our last post-placement home visit with our social worker this evening. It is our YEAR report. It needs to be in Ethiopia by Feb. 18, so it has to get to our agency by Jan. 18. It is amazing to think about how our lives and our family has changed this year because of our darling daughter!

Happy (Merry?) Ethiopian Christmas!

Today is Christmas in Ethiopia, as the country follows the Julian (sp?) calendar! We are actually planning to celebrate it tomorrow with some Ethiopian food and the starting of some Ethiopian Christmas traditions for our family.

Back Home

And.... we're back!

Great trip, nice visit with my brother, lots of mommy-baby bonding time. More on that with some pictures later.

Gotta go to work tomorrow.

Where are the lush palm trees, bright sunshine, and white sand I have grown accustomed to?

Where I live, it is like 35, foggy, and misty! And grey, grey, grey.