R + Mimi and Grandad = Love

My daughter has her grandparents wrapped around her tiny little Ethiopian finger!

Here are some pictures from this summer to prove it!...

I would like to help you mow the lawn, Grandad!

(Don't worry, he had the blade off while she was on it.)

The flowers are starting to wilt. I need to water them right now!

It is now time to play the piano, Mimi.

I would like to take Lucy for a walk and lead the way!

Mimi, my birthday is only 3 months away. I need to practice blowing out candles!
(Yes, I'm aware this isn't her best hair style!)

I know it is getting dark, but I still would like to go on a picnic. I have the basket all packed!

I love the way my parents love R and the way she loves them! They are wonderful grandparents to my sweet daughter, and we are so lucky they live close enough near us that R can see them about once a week. It is so fun to see them enjoy spending time with their first grandchild. She has a very special bond with them.

Shoulda Just Waited a Bit

New Number:

11

5 spots this month! My guess is that referrals will slow a little this month and next while the ET courts are closed and they catch up in Oct. after reopening.

Anyone wanna guess when we'll get our referral?

(Our sweet daughter, we are getting closer and closer to seeing your face! We love you forever!)

Hodge Podge

Ok, first, please keep my mom's friend K in your prayers. She has been battling cancer for years, had a PET scan this week, and the results were bad. She is undergoing chemo, well, right as I type these words actually. K is an amazing person and wonderful friend to my mom. She was Teacher of the Year for my state a while back... My mom is a wreck, understandably. The prognosis is not good...

Second, ET culture camp is this weekend! I have been part of the planning committee, and we've been planning since Dec... I'm hoping all goes well!

Third, R said her second "sentence" this afternoon at my mom's house. "R, do you want to get out of your highchair?" "No!" she says... Mom asked why, and she said, "Because SQUEEZE!!" (My mom allows her to squeeze water out of the rag/paper towel/whatever she's using to clean her up onto the tray.) So my child can say "because squeeze" clearly but can't say "up."

Fourth, the family ahead of us on the waiting list got their Sept. numbers phone call yesterday from our agency. I'm hoping we get ours today so I can post our Sept. official number later today!!

Fifth, I'm getting a blog makeover from Nikki (Blogs for a Cause) at: http://www.madebynikki.blogspot.com/! She is doing a special fundraising effort this month, and now is the time to make some changes to the old blog anyway! I'm excited about it, and I hope you all like it, too. It is going to be fun to have something different! And her work is always so pretty on others' blogs, so I'm sure my blog is also going to look fabulous when it is completed.

So I guess this post is a mix of good and bad. Pictures of R soon... I just recently uploaded 446 from my camera onto my laptop (which is literally out of memory now so I don't know what to do!) so I will actually have summer pictures to share soon...

Please take care this weekend and hug your loved ones.

Cupcake Costume

That's what I want to put R in for Halloween. I found one in the Pottery Barn catalog today and decided that was what she'll have to be.

However, the Pottery Barn one is rather expensive, and it is cute but not adorable. I've been scouring the Internet to find one with little luck.

Any ideas????

Somebody wanna make me one? J/k... sort of.

Mixed Feelings

Recently, there have been some posts on my agency's listserv and another ET adoption listserv about a situation in which a family feels the agency wasn't truthful with them about their son. I've been really torn about this and haven't commented on either listserv.

I don't know how to react. I know in my case, and in the case of many other families, my agency has been wonderful. Our adoption experiences with them, well I couldn't ask for anything more.

So to hear something about this, something in which a horrible thing happened to a family, it breaks my heart. I don't doubt this happened to them, I don't doubt it was awful, I don't doubt this family's suffering and heart ache.

I just can't imagine this happening based on what I know of my agency. But at the same time, I don't feel in the slightest that this family is being dishonest about their experience.

My point of this post? I have no idea. Just what's on my mind at this given moment.

R's First Sentence

"NO MY NAP!" is what I was told this afternoon when I said it was sleep time for a baby girl.

No, she's not stubborn at all. Why do you ask?

We are in so much trouble...

The Times, They Are A-Changing...

Well, there are big changes going on around my house.

Specifically...

We bought a mini-van yesterday. Yep, I traded in my sweet, loyal red Beetle for a mini-van. A Toyota Sienna.

A very mom-type vehicle, no?

The van is nice, really nice. It's a 2008, used obviously!

And, no, I didn't trade Red in for Cash for Clunkers!!! She didn't qualify! She wasn't a clunker! She was amazing!

This is very bittersweet.

Blah.

August Numbers are In

We're...

16

I really thought it would be lower than that, but that's ok.

If you didn't see already, look at the post below for some cute R pictures.

Who Wants to See some Pictures of R???

I got R's picture taken today. Why? Just because. She hasn't had a professional picture taken since Easter, and her 2nd birthday is not until Nov. I wanted to get some summer ones done. In looking at Easter pictures, she's changed so much since then.... And, yeah, Beary is in some of them this time around. He goes with her everywhere right now, so why not in a picture, too?

The pictures below are the "raw" photos. I got a few enhanced or zoomed in, etc.

Enjoy!

Some People Just Suck

My dear sweet friend L's house got robbed today.

No one was hurt (physically). The house wasn't trashed... So I guess it could be a lot worse. Obviously it could be.

They took things you can easily sell in a pawn shop-- ALL her jewelry, cameras, expensive wallets (she has good taste), ipods, laptop, expensive stationary. Her underwear was thrown around her bedroom, an extra special gift from some scumbags who are now making money on L and her husband's hard work.

And my perfectionist, pay attention to detail, neat freak friend notices everything. She saw the scuff mark on the base of her shower, the bed skirt out of place, etc. She feels violated and, worse, not safe in the place that is supposed to be the safest, most comforting place of all, her home.

She lives 3 hours away from me. If R wasn't asleep in bed and A weren't away on business, I'd hop in my car and drive there, to help keep watch on her house until they get that security system installed on Sunday. (She doesn't want to go to work for fear they'll return for more.)

Maybe then she'll have some piece of mind.

The "Orphan" Movie

(R and me, Feb. 18, 2008, about 20 minutes after becoming a family.)

Warner Brothers' new horror movie Orphan proclaims that it must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own. Let me tell you about how an orphan changed my life...

I've talked about this movie before on this blog. Now I will talk about it in more of a personal way. (I'm going to write this simply through my perspective, not "ours," my husband's and mine.)

First off, I never once thought I would adopt a child. I was NEVER against adoption, just hadn't occurred to me as the way A and I would build a family. I went through stages in my life where I could picture my little blonde hair, blue eyed children... then stages where I never thought I would be a mom... finally to the stage in which my heart and soul ached for a child, and slowly my heart opened to the idea of adoption, almost like clues on a treasure map.

You see, MY daughter, she's a treasure. An amazing treasure, a precious gift. How has she changed my life? In about a million ways, both huge and tiny. I love that child so much.

Our adoption ride with R has been smooth. I expected it to take a year to bring her home; it took 8 months. I expected it to be extremely difficult for R to bond and attach to us; I think she loved us as much as we loved her instantly. I expected to go into tremendous debt after R came home because we were only supposed to have one income; instead I was able to take sick leave and take 10 weeks off with her. All the pieces fell into place.

This child, this girl of mine, she's amazing. I think those of you who know her personally would agree that R just sparkles. Ya can't help but love the child.

And love her I do. The instant I saw her picture for the first time, then months later held her in my arms, I loved her wholly, completely, totally. Just as any other mother who births a child would, I'd imagine, or maybe more. After all I did have to ache for months to hold my child while biological mothers get to hold their children the moment they are born. (You lucky ducks, you!! A subject for another post, for sure.)

The title of this blog is "Always and Forever." The reason for that, of course, is that I will love my child(ren--- don't forget we have another on the way!!), well, always and forever!

Later, Gator!

We're going on vacation tomorrow.

See you when we get back!!

July Numbers are In

We are....

18!!

Holy cow! We have moved a lot in the past month.

It appears we may go to Ethiopia sooner than I thought. We shall see.

I got the job!

Totally in shock. I did not think I would be offered the position, but about an hour ago, I was!

So I'm no longer an 8th grade language arts teacher but an instructional coach instead.

Anyone have any idea what that means?? :)

We shall see, my friends, we shall see.

(No July numbers yet. You?)

07-08-09

I was hoping that we would get a new number on 07/08/09, but, alas, I guess we will wait until tomorrow!

Anyone else get any news?

On a side note, I hear that the Ethiopian court is going to be hearing some abandonment cases on Friday. As this change in Ethiopian adoptions has affected so many families and their children, I am praying that families receive good news and are united with their children soon.

And, no, I haven't heard anything about that job yet either.

Job Interview

It was this morning. I think it went pretty well. I don't think there is anything I would have said differently. I think they liked my responses, and I feel I would be a good fit for the position. It's in their hands now, so there's nothing else I can do. I hope I know soon.

The other thing I hope I know soon is our July number! I got an email today from our agency saying they will be making calls this week...

Aching Today...

... For Ethiopia.

What can I do?
How do I make a difference?
Where is my baby?
How is R's birthmother?
How do I return?
When will that be?
How can I bear it?

My heart breaks.

Starting to Get Anxious...

... to find out what our official July number is!!

Aren't you?

I have a guess what it is, but I'm not going to post "unofficial" numbers on my blog. There are so many unknowns, and I only want to publish what I know for sure.

There have been 2 infant girl referrals, one sibling referral, and one boy referral in the past couple weeks for our agency. YAY!

Movement on the list is always a happy thing.

Misc.

1. I have an interview for the instructional coaching position on Tuesday, July 7 at 9am. There are in fact 4 people who have applied for the job. I know of 2 others besides me. The one I know of from the 5-6 building is who I think will ultimately get the job. She's excellent, and I don't feel like I'll be able to compete with her. But I'm going to try. I think I'll probably know toward the end of next week or early the week after.

2. I took R to her first movie tonight. I KNEW it wasn't a good idea... She doesn't watch TV, and she doesn't sit still. However, my friend H's daughter G really wanted us to go with them, and eventually she convinced me with her big blue eyes and extreme cuteness. We ended up having to leave before the movie was over. R was exhausted and fell asleep in the car on the way home.

3. A is gone tonight. He called this afternoon and said he had to go to one of his stores, 3+ hours away. Blah, I wish he were home!

4. Tomorrow is the first day of July (duh). June has flown by.

5. Recently, a package of clothing from The Children's Place (mostly sale things to take to Ethiopia with us next time) got lost in transit. Turns out I was not paying attention when typing in my address and missed a number. Oops. Anyway, it was delivered somewhere across town, and I figured it was lost. To my surprise when I got home from the ill-fated movie, there was a message that it had been located. I need to call the local office tomorrow.

Decisions, Decisions

My district posted an opening for a newly-created "Instructional Coach" position this past week. The application and letter of interest are due to HR tomorrow. I intend to apply. I have always known that I will not be in the classroom forever, no matter how much I do love my job and enjoy working with students. This job would be more of a support role for teachers-- best practices, looking at data to make improvements, offering professional development. These are all things I think I would be more than qualified to do and would enjoy.

I'm going to list some pros and cons below. Any insights you may have are appreciated!

Pros:
1. A step toward a job I would really like to have in curriculum.
2. Something different, a new challenge.
3. Does not require an additional degree (I am going to start working on my admin. license however).
4. Would (most likely) involve less work for me to do in the evenings at home-- more time with my child(ren). This is something I have struggled to balance since R has been home. I'm sure that guilt/feeling of ineffectiveness I feel will only increase with the addition of our second child.
5. A way to get my foot in the door for what I see as the future for my career in education.
6. Pressure of state testing will not be directly on me, which is a huge thing for me right now as our scores in 8th grade LA dropped over 10 percentage points this year.

Cons:
1. Position is currently only for 2 years (created through stimulus funding) with the possibility for it to continue after that depending on funding. However, I would retain seniority in the district and would be guaranteed a job if my position would be cut (not necessarily in my building-- could be the HS, which I would hate).
2. Would most likely have to give up the job of chair of my department, something I truly love.
3. Would missing teaching terribly, I'm sure.
4. Involves working in 2 buildings, my current one and the 5-6 building.
5. What do I know about best practices for teaching math?
6. At some point (God-willing) this school year, we will be traveling to bring our second daughter home. What would the impact on my position be if I am out for 8 weeks (maybe more)? I always planned to stop teaching and move into a job in curriculum once my kids were older. This is definitely way before that time frame I had in my head.
7. My dad advised me not to take it (former superintendent, retired now).
8. I'm good at teaching. What if I suck at this?

I'm sure I could add more to each list if I really thought about it. My friends M and H are both really encouraging me to take the position if offered, which I feel there is a good chance will happen.

Last night, I was convinced if offered the job, I would take it. This morning, I feel more like it would be a really bad idea. I've spoken with the HR person in charge of filling the position. She said that 4 people (including me) have applied for the position and all are good candidates. Ultimately, it will come down to who the principals for the 2 buildings think would be the best fit. The principal at the 5-6 building was my principal for 3 years, and he and my current one seem to have confidence in my abilities. I spoke directly to my current principal about the position on Thursday, and he said I would be excellent in that job.

I guess when it comes down to it, I really need your prayers and good thoughts that the right choice will come to me, if there is a choice at all in the end.

Sleepy Horsey Baby

Yesterday while R and I were having lunch, my principal called me to talk to me about a few things. (It seems I might have some decisions to make-- will post about that later.) R was in a good mood and was singing along (as much as a child who can't really talk yet can) to the children's cd we were listening to.

I stepped away from her for a few minutes to get away from her singing and the cd in the background. When I came back, this is what I saw:

At first, I thought she was dead. Choked on some piece of food or something. After I quickly ascertained that she was, in fact, still alive, I realized she'd fallen asleep. She has NEVER done anything like this in her life. Well, I should say around me. She feel asleep standing up with her head on the sofa at my friend, M's, house as well as just on the floor there. It was so weird and a bit scary, too. I did manage to get her unbuckled from her seat and upstairs into her bed without her waking up.

Thoughts

Just got a beautiful email from my aunt who is currently in Egypt. I would love to copy and paste it onto this blog, but I don't feel like I should do that. She leaves tomorrow to return home, and my uncle is staying alone (with a guide and guard) for a few more days.

They have had an absolutely amazing time. How to even describe it? I can't. No words.

I cannot wait to see their pictures and hear their stories.

I cannot wait until I, too, set foot on Egyptian soil. Someday!

One really cool thing is that one of their tour guides is the grandson of a man who was my grandfather's guide in 1946. My uncle brought my grandad's guide book with him, a guide book that was written by this man and signed by him. Somehow, their main tour guide was able to track down the grandson. I just find that so unreal and amazing.

Long Week

This has been a really long week.

R's broken arm, transitioning from the crib to a big girl bed, and A being out of town on business combined into a hard week for the baby and for me, too.

Oh, and she also was feverish and lethargic on Thursday. Awesome.

There has been A LOT of crying and clinging to momma from the little one this whole week. She hasn't been her normal happy self at all. She is not one to sit still, let along want me to hold her all day. Which gets tiring when you're trying to do stuff around the house for example and you're carrying around a 25 pound baby who screams if you dare to sit down.

The sleep situation has not been good. She's been taking forever, like hours, to fall asleep at night and is getting up at like 6 instead of 7:30.

Most nights A was out of town, she would scream for at least an hour straight, sometimes longer. And by scream, I mean so loud and inconsolably that I was surprised the police didn't show up to make sure everything was ok.

And she hasn't been eating either.

Today was most of the same... until after dinner.

Something snapped in her little baby brain, and she started to act like herself again. Playing. Pushing Beary around in the stroller. Curling up on her little baby sized sofa. Smiling and laughing. Being enjoyable to be around. THANK GOD.

I love my child so much, but it has been so hard to be her momma this week.

A Broken Arm Update-- With Pictures

Baby girl is doing ok today. She's so tough! I did say yesterday that I would post some pictures, and here they are. They pretty much tell the story...

The day started out well enough.... She was proud of herself that she had a new trick. However that all changed quickly. After changing her diaper, I put her in her crib, like I have every single time I've changed her. I took the diaper to throw away. As I was walking through the kitchen back to her room, I heard a crash and a blood-curdling scream. I dashed to her room, and she was standing on the floor clutching her arm. I picked her up and we sat in her rocking chair. I asked her to let me see it, and she wouldn't, still screaming uncontrollably. It is highly unusual for her to cry more than a minute or two after she hurts herself. I asked her to show me where it hurts, and she grabs above her wrist on her arm.

At that point, I called A... She and I are both sobbing at this point. He told me to take her to the hospital and he would meet me there. She was still crying. She could hold anything in her hand and didn't move it.

We drove to the hospital and she fell asleep on the way. She woke up when we got there and just clung to me while I tried to fill out the paperwork. My hands were shaking as I did the paperwork. I was so upset and sort of scared. A arrived about 20 minutes after I got there with our poor baby.

After a while, a very sweet nurse called R's name... and we went in for her to check out the injury. She was so kind and took great care of my baby.

If you look at her little arm, you can see the splint the nurse put on her. R didn't keep it on long because she didn't like it. The nurse also gave her some baby Motrin and told us to take R to this other waiting area so R didn't "have to be around sick children." R enjoyed looking at the fish...

After about 10 minutes the nurse came back and told us she was going to take us to the x-ray area because they weren't coming fast enough in her opinion. (Can you see Beary's head in the above picture? I was so glad that he made it home from "vacation" before R's accident. The nice nurse even gave Beary a wrist ID bracelet so he and R both had one.)

We waited in that room for a while (above R and A are playing with a toy while we wait), went and got x-rays taken, waited some more, and then the doctor came in. She told us, "We got her x-rays back, and it's not pretty." I almost lost it when she told us that both bones in her arm were broken and that she would have to have a cast. We waited about 20 minutes for the cast lady to show up and put a cast on my princess. She was a really good girl while the cast was being put on, although she didn't like it.

Finally, we drove home. She passed out asleep almost immediately. Isn't this a pathetic picture?

From break to release from the hospital, the whole thing took a little over 3 hours.

And that is the story of my poor little daughter's broken arm. I have a feeling this won't be the last broken bone my sweet daughter has in her childhood.

A Broken Arm

Is what my child has now, complete with a pink little baby cast.

Guess how she broke her arm. (Both bones in her right arm, near her wrist.)

Yep, ninja flipping out of her crib.

The big girl bed is in A's car, waiting to be unloaded and assembled.

Today's been awful.

Pictures later.

Trust me, the cast is just about the most pathetic thing you'll ever see.

It was only a matter of time...

... before R figured out how to get out of her crib. This morning, I awoke to a little face trying to give me a kiss and climb up on the bed to play. A was already downstairs, I soon realized. I kept asking her, "Where's Daddy?" She would point in the direction of our stairs. I thought he was getting her some milk, as he usually does when she wakes up and yells for us. However, I realized that Daddy was in the basement (we live in a tri-level house), and he didn't know she was out of her bed. We walked back down the hall, and I put her in the crib while I went to the restroom.

When I got back, I asked her to show me how she got out of her crib and called for A to come watch. She moved her pillow to the end of her bed, stood on it, put her right leg over the bar, balanced as if on a horse, and then dropped to the floor.

This child will be scaling the fridge in no time at this rate.

So, I'm terrified! Do we convert the crib to the toddler bed? I'm SOOO not ready for that! I am going to remove the pillow from her bed, which will make her so mad because she loves it. I'll also limit her stuffed animals and all that.

(Yes, I allow my child to have a pillow and stuffed animals in her bed. This may not be the best choice, some might think, but she loves them. We've never had a problem and waited until she was walking and moving around entirely on her own before we allowed her to be in her crib with her.)

Any suggestions? What do you all think?

AUUGGH!

30

No, we didn't go back a number on the waiting list!

Silly!!

That's how old I am.... today. Officially out of the 20s.

Blah blah blah.

Egypt

(Wouldn't this princess look cute riding around the Sahara on a camel?)

A has promised me that one day we will go. My entire family is crazy obsessed with the country, its history, going there someday.

Well, not since the 1940s has someone from my family set foot in this country. I have come the closest in that we flew over Egypt on our way to and from Ethiopia. That is all about to change, as my mom's sister and brother are going there next week. My aunt is being sent to Cypress for her work and decided she wanted to go to Egypt while she was at it. My uncle, her brother, decided he couldn't pass up the opportunity and bought a plane ticket with the very last of his money from my grandparents' estate.

My Grandad would be so proud and excited. You see, it is he who instilled this love of Egypt in us all. Right at the end of World War II, my then 19 year old grandfather was sent around the world to the Allies' Northern African front. The man actually slept on the Great Pyramid (you can imagine the security guard's surprise when he happened upon him during an early morning round) and saw King Tut's mummy in the tomb.

My uncle leaves tomorrow to meet my aunt in Cypress. Their tour of the country will be an Egypt lover's dream... How I wish I could hop on a plane and join them!

Masalama!

Have You Seen This Bear?

Name: Beary

Occupation: R's Favorite Friend, Playmate, and Confidante

Last Seen: Accompanying Daddy and R on a trip to the post office

Missing Since: June 9, 2009

By the grace of God, I just found (and bought) a replacement "Beary" on eBay for $3 plus shipping. Now all I have to do is distract R for the next 4-7 days until he arrives so she doesn't realize he's missing. This is particularly difficult at bedtime. (The above picture is actually taken from the eBay listing.)

June Numbers

(R says, "We're one step closer to bringing my baby sister home! YAY!")

We just got our new official number for June, which is #29. Apparently there are some referral packets out, which may or may not affect our place. However, I'm not going to mess with official/unofficial numbers because I think that just might make me crazy.

Side Notes:

1. My missing classroom materials have been found! They were in a random workroom between two classrooms down the hall from my new classroom. Thank goodness!

2. Took R to the doctor today after days and days of coughing and runny nose. I woke up last night around 2am and listened to her cough in her sleep for an hour until I fell back asleep. As my friend M had already told me, she has seasonal allergies, and the doctor recommended an OTC medicine for her, which she'll take once a day before going to bed. I have no experience with allergies (besides cats and incense at church!) so this is new terrain for me!

Update

As I unpacked the room today, I discovered that a lot of my materials are missing. Like about $2000 worth of class sets of books, writing materials, and all the books that I have gathered over the past 8 years of teaching to create my personal classroom library. Oh, and a ton of my bulletin board supplies.

Peachy.

My New Classroom View...

...is a brick wall and roof of the lower level of the building.

Niiiice.

Today is a hard day.

Back to unpacking and, uh, "organizing."

New pictures of R coming soon. I just downloaded pictures last night for the first time since mid-April!

My Own Personal Funeral

That's what it feels like as I deconstruct my classroom, box everything up, and take down bulletin boards.

Change is hard. Really hard.

And scary.

I've been in my current district for 6 years now and in that classroom for 4 and a half. (We moved to a new building my second year in the district.) It's comfortable for me. Everything is the way I like it. Even my room number, 160, is nice. I'm on the first floor, and courtyard is the view out the window. My desk is where I want it, and until I started packing it all up, my stuff was exactly where it should be.

I'm moving to the second floor and my room will now be 213. That's a crappy sounding number to me. And the room is set up opposite what mine is now. Even the file drawers on my desk will be on the left instead of the right, like they are now.

And my new team.... Well, the team I'm on right now is dysfunctional for sure, but at least I KNOW that dysfunction and can work around it. The new team is another story. There are people up there who haven't spoken to one another all year long.

I don't know how I'm going to deal with all that. My principal has told me that I've been moved up there because I'll be a "calming force" for the team. I literally laughed aloud when he said that. He looked surprised and said, "I really mean that." I know he does, but I'm anything but calm when I get upset.

I feel like I'm going to be stifled on this new team. That I will have to deal with conflicts that have nothing to do with me. That I'm being seen by my administrator as someone who can "fix" this new team's issues. That I won't be able to teach the way I want to anymore. That this team will just crush me.

Mostly though, that next year will just be plain miserable.

Somebody get me some chocolate.

Dents Add Character, Right?

Well, as I was coming home from picking up R yesterday after work, I got hit in the passenger side door by 2 kids on a bike. I was making a right turn, and all of the sudden they slammed into my car.

Good news is that no one was (seriously) hurt, just a few scratches on the boys on the bike. And R hardly even noticed it happened.

As I approached the boys as I pulled into a nearby parking lot after the accident, the driver was furious and literally threw his bike into the air. He and the other boy were starting to walk away, but I called out to them, "Are you ok?"

With that, the mood changed. I think they were both expecting me to scream at them. I was anxious about checking out the side of my car, so once they both said they weren't too hurt, I said, "I'm going to look at the damage on the side of the car now, and I'm just glad my baby wasn't hurt."

I asked them both what grade they were in, one in 10th, the other in 8th. I just said, "I teach 8th graders," which made the younger one sort of smile.

I guess handling it in a calm and kind way was what they both needed. I work with ED (emotionally disabled) students, and these 2 boys reminded me of a couple of kids I might see in my class.

I'm thankful that no one was seriously hurt and that I had the presence of mind to handle my interaction with the boys the way I did. Besides, like someone said to me, "You can't sue kids anyway."

I looked at the car, and there's some damage. However, Red is 10 years old right now, and although I love her very much, she's starting to show her age. One more dent isn't going to make that much of a difference!

Big Bag of Bummer

(How's that for some awesome alliteration??)

Yeah, two posts in one day. Lots going on. If you haven't read the post below, do so. It's stuff you need to know, especially if you are an adoptive parent or love an adopted child.

Ok, so what's my point?

My principal sent out the team list for next year today. Oh, lucky me, I get to change rooms for next year. I'm pretty fine with the people I'll be working with, but I really wish I would have had more notice on the change. This means that sometime between now and June 8, I have to take down everything and pack up my room and the thousand or so department books I have stored as as the department head. And of course I have to finish grading papers and preparing my students for the end of the year.

Also, I won't be working with my friend H anymore. She'll be down the hall from me but not on the same team. We were expecting this, but both were hoping it wouldn't happen. Not only is she one of my closest friends, we also work really well together. She teaches social studies, I language arts. For the past few years, we have integrated our curricula, which neither of us will really be able to do with our new teams.

I am dreading this next week.

(Have I ever mentioned I don't do well with change? I don't even like it when I change my students' seats!)

"Orphan" A Horror Movie

Have you heard about this crap? A and I subscribe to the magazine Adoptive Families, and we received the email below about this movie coming out this summer.

I think you should know. Here is the email we received:

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: Adoption Community Call to Action for Orphan Film
Date: Fri, 29 May 2009 09:59:58 -0500
From: Adoptive Families

Readers,

There is a horror film being released on July 24, called /Orphan/, about a family who adopts an older girl who "is not what she appears to be."The film is currently being promoted, and the trailer is available athttps://co-nt04.madriver.k12.oh.us/exchweb/bin/redir.asp?URL=http://orphan-movie.warnerbros.com/<https://co-nt04.madriver.k12.oh.us/exchweb/bin/redir.asp?URL=http://cl.exct.net/?ju=fe341673766405747c1470%26ls=fdec12777063027d73107974%26m=feef16767c6c03%26l=fec11375776c027f%26s=fdfd15747367007d73147671%26jb=ffcf14%26t=>.

The adoption message is extremely negative, and plays into thestereotypes of adopted children, particularly older children, as damaged.Though we have not been able to preview the entire movie, the trailerleads us to believe the movie will send a horrific message aboutadoption. The adoption community is protesting the release of the film.We urge you to contact the makers of the film, as well as your localmovie theater chains, with your concerns. Feel free to copy or adapt thesample letter below.

To whom it may concern:I want to express my outrage about the release of the movie /Orphan/.The film plays into the stereotype of adopted children as damaged anddangerous. It discourages families from pursuing adoption, particularlyadoption of older children, who are especially in need of loving homes.As an adoptive parent, I am horrified by the line in the trailer that"it must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own." Adoption has often been misrepresented in the media, but the previews forthis film are unbelievably offensive. I urge you to change thepromotional materials, and to consider holding the release of the filmaltogether.

Contact information:
Warner Bros.
4000 Warner Blvd.Burbank, CA 91522
818-954-6000

Silver Pictures
4000 Warner Blvd. 90
Burbank, CA 91522-0001
818-954-4490

Time Warner Inc.
One Time Warner Center
New York, NY 10019-8016
212-484-8000

Thank you for your support.

The editors of /Adoptive Families/

This email was sent by: Adoptive Families39 West 37th St. 15th floor New York, NY 10018 USA

FDL

We got our FDL from USCIS last night! So, yay, the government is ok with our adopting another child.

The last time around, we had to have the FDL before we could get on the waiting list, so it was way more exciting than this time. However, it is one more step closer to bringing our baby girl home, so I'm thrilled about that.

It expires in July of 2010. I REALLY hope our baby is home well before then.

I. Love. This. Child.

Isn't my daughter amazing?

Thoughts

My friend V once said to me that she thought sometimes she took her kids for granted because she didn't have to struggle and wait and worry to bring them home. She has 2 bio children and one on the way. She said that in our situation, adoption makes a person appreciate having kids more because of what we have to do in order to bring our children home.

I've been anxious this week about our second adoption. These changes to the process, although everyone at our agency is assuring me that things will work out, freak me out and totally worry me. Is that my apprehension from a few weeks ago? When I was feeling overwhelmed with anxiety? I don't know. Maybe.

It's weird because I have this double perspective. I started reading others' blogs before we got our referral and remember the longing I felt to have my daughter home when I read ones about children who were home. Now I'm reading those blogs again, and maybe some of you think of mine in that way. On the other hand, I have this feeling of being part of that crowd who's going through paperwork and waiting... all that stuff that makes me crazy.

The bottom line is that the changes will add a few months to our wait, before or after(or both) we get our referral. We brought R home at 3 months, and that is not going to happen with this second adoption. On the other hand, R is everything I prayed for and more, and I have to remember that our second daughter will be, too! All this wait is just His way of bringing OUR daughter to us.

And, if you're someone who doubts God (for a while, a struggle I had), for me, adoption cured that. I know R was put on this earth to be my daughter, and I, her momma...

May I always remember the struggles and blessings that come from adoption.

May I always thank God daily for the blessings of my children.

May I never take them for granted.

18 Months Old!

My sweet girl is 18 months old today! I find it so hard to believe that my baby is moving more and more towards being a toddler!! I love this precious princess so much. Below is a picture taken today. R spends every Tuesday with her Nana, and there is a fire station behind her house. R currently loves the book Curious George and the Fire Station so Nana took R to see the fire truck today. ADORABLE!!





Here are 18 things A and I love about our daughter:

1. Her beautiful smile.

2. Her curly hair.

3. Her orneriness.

4. Her sweet kisses.

5. Her precious hugs.

6. Her perfect little feet.

7. Her little-girl voice.

8. Her enjoyment of everything, so purely and deeply.

9. Her car dancing head shake.

10. Her two-fist fist bumps.

11. Her infectious laugh.

12. Her "Itsy Bitsy Spider" dance.

13. Her lit-up face when we pick her up at daycare.

14. Her playing in her crib in the morning.

15. Her bath time routine.

16. Her pointing out of buses.

17. Her love of books.

18. Her sharing of her snacks with her stuffed animals.


A and I are so blessed to be this little girl's parents!

One of those days....

I'm at work. I just spilled soup ALL over myself. It is on my shirt, my pants, my shoe. It was some sort of Mexican soup, so there are rice and little pepper pieces everywhere. It looks like I threw up or something. I'm so embarrassed.

And what's this I hear about DNA testing possibly starting in Ethiopia? I could cry. I'll be selfish and say that is just one more hurdle to bringing my baby home. (I do understand that the government is trying to make everything as legal and correct as possible. I get that. In no way would I want to be the mother of a child taken illegally. I just wish that it didn't seem like every day I heard something new about Ethiopian adoption that is going to make our wait that much longer. I'm sorry. I am being so selfish.)

PS-- My apple is also rotten. Somebody get the WAAAAMMbulance, quick!!

In The Middle

Today, this Mother's Day, I feel like is in the middle.

My second one of being a momma.

Remembering how sweet and lovely the first one was with my little tiny baby girl with pretty curls (she was 6 months then-- check out these cutie momma and baby pictures!)... I cannot even explain in words how much I love this child, this perfect-for-my-family person, MY darling daughter.

Looking ahead to next year's, hoping that my second baby daughter is home with us. Loving her from afar and starting to feel the ache that comes from longing to hold your child even though you've never seen her face.

What will this year bring? With the changes put in place by Ethiopian government in regards to abandonment cases, I feel this year will bring waiting. Lots of waiting.

A testing of my patience.

And, I hope, a new, little member of my family.

To all of you who have become mothers this year, I hope today is the sweetest of days.

To those of you who are waiting to be moms this year, I hope that next year at this time you will be celebrating the day with your children.

Seriously??

Today a parent of one my students actually asked me to lie to her son. She said to me, "If he asks if you talked to me, just put your hand behind your back, cross your fingers, lie, and say you didn't."

Ok, well, first of all: I don't lie.

Second of all: What kind of parent asks a teacher to lie to a student?

I didn't agree to that, of course. It just gets me thinking about what type of people we are raising our children to be. When did it become ok, acceptable, even expected that lying is ok if it will make things easier?

What the heck? Am I missing something here?

We have a (new) number!

And that number is....

30!!

Yes, we moved 3 spots in less than 24 hours.

We have a number!...

..... and that number is:

33!!

I was really hoping that it was like 27 or something like that... HOWEVER, is it ok to confess now that #33 has been the number I actually picture every time I think of being on the list? Seriously, believe me or not, but that's what is "reality" for me. I hadn't mentioned it to anyone because I didn't want to sound nuts if I was wrong.

And it turns out I was right.

Wait time? Well, my friends, according to our case manager, that is 8 to 12 months. I just want to remind you all that when we got on the list for R, we were #4. So this is a little strange, and a referral seems VERY far away right now.

(Sweet girl, we hope to see your face soon. She seems like a purple kind of girl to me, so you get a purple post. R is totally my pink girl.)

Come Monday...

.... We hope to be on that list! We didn't hear from our case manager yesterday, but I'm guessing she will call us Monday (it's actually our night for a paperwork call anyway) to let us know our number.

For now, R and I are off to go visit my dear friend L, who we haven't see in over a year. She's only met R once because she lives about 4 hours away. We are meeting her 1/2 way and staying overnight in a hotel.

So enjoy your weekend, and we will, too!

YAY!

The child abuse checks are in, and the homestudy will be sent to the agency today... meaning waiting list number most likely on Friday!! YAY!

Checks

The social worker says that we will most likely have the checks completed sometime in the next 24 hours...

So does that mean we'll be on the waiting list some time this week??? I sure as heck HOPE that's what it means!!

Ok...

We have been told by our social worker that the State is going to do our child abuse background check this week. I was instructed by her to "bug" her to bug them on Tuesday if we haven't heard from her before then.

Can you guess what the first thing I'm going to do on Tuesday morning is???

I'm hoping that a week from now, we will be on the waiting list and our dossier will be making its way across the country for authentication!


PS-- Some cutie pictures of R to come SOON! I just don't feel like uploading them to my computer and then to blogger tonight. :)

Thank You

Dear Y,

(Y is R's birthmother.) Today we had a such a fun day with R. We went to a friend's daughter's soccer game, played outside, and took R to an outdoor mall with a fountain kids can play in. We dressed in a beautiful bright turquoise swimming suit and a little hat. She was a little afraid of the fountain but loved playing near it and being around other little kids. However, yesterday she went down a "big kids" slide all by herself, laughing and smiling the whole way down!

I want to tell you that R is amazing, bright-eyed, and beautiful. She is my greatest joy, my most treasured gift. Thank you for allowing us to be her parents. I know it must have been such a hard decision to choose adoption for your firstborn child. However, I want you to know that there is a not a day (an hour really) that goes by that I do not think of you and the great honor we have been given in raising our beautiful miracle of a child.

Please know that R is the happiest of children and has the most amazing spirit. She is so brave, just as her birthmother is. She is a beautiful, shining example of all that is right in the world. She is precious and adventurous.

These words are not enough, but they are all I have: thank you.

Love,
M

The Verdict is In!...

Our dossier is 100% good to go! That's really wonderful news, yes indeed!

I'm feeling better (than I did this morning) but am still feeling the stress.

I'm hoping that by this time next week, we'll be on the list, and my anxiety is gone.

Thank you for your prayers and positive vibes. I sure do need them, especially this morning!!

Anxious

I don't know why, but I've been feeling some pretty extreme stress lately... about the dossier and the adoption in general. I have no real reason to feel this way. The dossier seems fine. Anything that needs to be changed or corrected can be done pretty easily. We've done this before, and I don't feel there are any mistakes.

But the anxiety is still there.

Here are my thoughts:
1. Are we supposed to be adopting again right now? Yes, I feel we are.
2. Is there something going on with my child's birthmother? I felt some things the last time around that proved to be pretty accurate so maybe.
3. The boy list is now to zero, I think, from my detective work. Is our child supposed to be a boy? I really picture 2 little girls... I don't know.
4. Does it have anything to do with our original plan of adopting an older child? I don't feel like that is it because I feel a lot of peace about that decision.
5. ???????

Will you please pray for our adoption?

Dossier is in Our Case Manager's Hands!!

She just received it a little while ago... She said she'd look at it today or tomorrow morning. I'm hoping we don't need to make any changes! :)

Either way, we'll most likely know tomorrow.

This whole adopting a second child thing is really starting to become a reality.

Gotta go, but if I know tonight, I'll let you know. (R is screaming her head off.)

Dossier is on It's Way!

I just returned from the post office. It will be at our agency's home office by tomorrow at noon. Yes, I paid $17.50 to have it overnighted. A and I figure that is better than having it in transit longer, just waiting to get lost or smashed or rained on or something!! Plus, it is a really good feeling to know that by the time I get home tomorrow, our case manager will have it.

Side Note: This is usually not allowed by our agency. Policy states that the dossier is not to be turned in until the homestudy is finalized... I think our case manager just felt sorry for us. Plus, she knows us well. She was actually in Ethiopia with us when we met R!! I guess in this case, it counted for something.

Also, I heard there were more referrals today... A family who was #4 on the boy list (last they knew!) got their referral today. That's awesome, and let's hope that there were also a few girl referrals, too! If we were to get the on waiting list today, we would be 27...

Quick Update before Bed

Talked to our case manager tonight. After emailing me earlier in the day and saying we couldn't send the dossier in... She changed her mind when talking to A and is allowing us to send it in before the homestudy is finished. This means that if there is a problem, we'll know this week instead of next, which may or may not save us time making corrections. I don't anticipate having to make corrections, but if we do, it'll be good to start on them this week instead of next.

I have to make some copies of a couple documents tomorrow at school, get the passport photos that must be included in it (forgot about that-- A got his tonight), and overnight it to our agency! So that means our dossier will be at the home office by Wed. at noon. That's a good feeling...

Update on the Adoption

***UPDATE AS OF 2:48pm BELOW***

We found out yesterday that there was some confusion between our social worker and the person who reviews the homestudies for our agency. The reviewer also is responsible for reviewing our Eyes Wide Open workbook. She sent an email on Tues. evening saying she'd finally gotten to it and it was fine. I emailed her on Wed. telling her thank you but really looking for a reason to ask about our homestudy.

The reply from her yesterday stated that she had sent the homestudy back to our social worker for review on Monday... However, I had received an email from the social worker Tuesday stating she hadn't heard from her on it.

So, I immediately emailed the social worker and in a matter of 1/2 hour, it was straightened out last night. Thank goodness! I'm so glad I'm rather impatient and just emailed the reviewer! This means our homestudy is ready to go.... Except for the (stupid) child abuse check from the State. (Hey! Guess what! A and I don't abuse children!!)

So in the scheme of things, this delay really means nothing because we still would be waiting on that check. (Did you know that in our ENTIRE state, there is only ONE little old lady who does these checks?!?!?!?)

But the dossier is ready to be sent to the agency and we're ready to be placed on that waiting list. Please pray that our dossier is "perfect" like our last one was and that we don't have to make any changes!!

UPDATE: I JUST got an email from our social worker. It said, "M, deep breaths..." So I knew THAT wasn't good news. Our child abuse check will not be completed until the week of April 27th. Keep in mind that we requested this check in Feb. It was the first thing our social worker did after we signed our contracts. I just want to cry.

Ethiopia on My Mind

(The above picture is our last glimpse of Ethiopia, taken right before we walked into the Bole airport in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, on our way home with our new baby girl.)

It happens about once a month or so that my heart breaks all over again for R's beautiful birth country. This month, that day is today.

It weighs so heavily on me, Ethiopia... Those of you who read this blog know this is nothing new. I've spent the last 1/2 hour or so looking at pictures from our time there. Ethiopia is such a beautiful place but the poverty and suffering of its people! I can't even describe it, and tonight, I can't bear it either.

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine about germs on shopping carts. I told her that if she'd seen where R lived the first 3 weeks of her life, she'd understand why that just isn't something I worry about. I think that is what started this month's downward spiral into missing Ethiopia and longing to do SOMETHING to make a difference. I feel so helpless, though.

I think of R's birthmother and those beautiful children we met at the Ethiopian orphanages (and on the streets). And everything else. To say it is overwhelming is an understatement.

That's all for tonight.

Sleep tight.

My Poor Little Curly Fry

First, this is my blog. About first-time motherhood as well as our adoption. Maybe this post is TMI for some of you, but I'm putting it out there anyway...

This afternoon, when A brought R home from a day at his mom's house, she was NOT herself. A said that in the car, she would occasionally start yelling and crying and trying to get out of her car seat... He brought her in, and she immediately fell from his arms into mine. She looked sick, was acting lethargic, and didn't want to sit or be moved. I started to get worried, really worried.

I took her up to change her while A went to get a refill of her prescription for yeast infection cream (she keeps getting them, and I thought that might be what it was). As I tried to change her, she would not bend her legs at all. I kept asking her where it hurts (sometimes now, she can show me), but she just whimpered and kept her legs completely straight. (I was worried that she had a blood clot or something. She seemed in extreme pain and that it hurt when I tried to move/touch her leg. Those are both symptoms my friend H had with her almost deadly clotting, so I'm a little sensitive to that. I was waiting for A to come home to take her to the hospital!) I picked her up and called my mother-in-law to find out if R had hurt herself while at her house. (A said she had a great day.) C (MIL) confirmed that they had a wonderful day.

Through talking with her, though, I realized that R hadn't pooped in over 24 hours... That explained that. She was of course constipated... This is something I'd not experienced with her, but I know massage and soaking can help. I wasn't panicking anymore at that point, but my MIL kept talking although I wanted to get off the phone.

As she continued to talk, R suddenly tensed up even more and gripped onto my shoulders even more tight. Poor baby. However, her diaper was full! Thank goodness!

I changed her, A got home, and within minutes my sweet baby was her normal crazy self! We went downstairs and had dinner... And that was that!

(I know, great story, right?)

State Certification-- DONE!

Got the POA document state certified today. Involved going to our state's capitol, which is a little over an hour from our house.

Afterwards, we went to an ancient Egypt exhibit at a local museum. That was great fun, but I would strongly recommend not bringing your 17-month-old baby! (Have I ever mentioned my family's love of all things ancient Egyptian? It is passed down from my grandfather who was stationed in Egypt during WWII. Long story for another post.)

Now we're just waiting for the homestudy to be approved so we can get on that infamous waiting list! :)

New Numbers/ Compare-Contrast

Lots of talk on the agency's listserv today about the April numbers. Looks like when we get on the list, we will be like 25 or something... Wow, that's a big number, I gotta say. However, we don't really have a choice in that or what happens once we're on that list, so it is what it is. I'm not gonna stress about it.

I've been thinking a lot about the similarities and differences from R's adoption to this one. I feel sort of bad that I don't have the same feeling of absolute longing and excitement that I had the first time around. Should I feel guilty? So here are some thoughts:

Our first adoption, I wanted so badly to be a mom. I had wanted to be a mom for years, I ached to be a mom, and I just wanted it to happen as quickly as possible (and it did!!). This time around, the NEED to be a mom is not there... I'm already a mom!

With both adoptions, I was/am very eager to bring our daughter home. The thought of meeting baby #2 is just as amazing to me as it was to meet R...

We are moving quickly through paperwork to get on the waiting list. We know the list is LONG in comparison to last time, and that is why we decided to start this second adoption when we did.

I just don't want baby #2 to ever feel like she is not as wanted or eagerly waited for as her sister was. Because that just isn't the case. I'm already in love with her!

My feelings are just so different this time around, but the bottom line is that when I get "The Call" 6, 8, 10 months from now, I will cry just as much as I did when we got R's referral. And I know my heart will skip a beat the first time I see my girl's face, just as it did with her sister.

Adoption is not for the faint of heart! This I know for certain.

CIS Appointment

... in 2 1/2 hours! Let's hope all goes well and that we have a quick turnaround on our FDL! Of course, the difference this time is that we can be on the waiting list before we get the FDL so it is not as urgent as before.

Also, we got our bi-weekly call from our case manager the other night. The wait for an infant girl is now projected to be 8 to 10 months... Our first adoption took just a little over 8 months total!! All I can say is that it is a good thing we are fine with waiting a little longer so R can be a little older! (Of course our case manager said that the agency is in a "season of boys" right now. As much as I'm sure little boys are great, I know that our next child is a baby girl. Now, the 3rd-- that's a different story.) Ok, off to wake up my baby to go to our CIS appointment.

Photo Shoot Pictures

Ok, my friend H and I took our children to get Easter pictures today. I also got her pictures taken with my friend M's children and a live bunny on Saturday. I'm outta control, I know, but I mean, come on, it's R. Pictures of R are so fun!! And I sorta didn't realize H wanted to do pictures this month. I thought she wanted to do them at the end of next month when her girls turn 2 and 4... Whatever. Here are the pictures of my darling nearly 17 month old girl:

The last one is my favorite because she is obsessed with climbing up and down the steps like a big girl lately. It is a great "stage" photo.

Brace Yourself...

For extreme cuteness in the form of a small Ethiopian princess girl!

Here you go:

Now, answer me honestly here.... Is THIS picture cute enough to enter into that Children's Place contest? (She's wearing a Children's Place dress, but that is purely by chance and her favorite coat-- her jean jacket. She gets so excited when she gets to wear it. It is adorable!)

Yesterday, we took R to our monthly gathering for Ethiopian adopted kids and their families. She had a great time playing with all the other kids even though she was one of the smallest ones there. She definitely thinks she's a big kid and runs around after them and wants to go down the big slide HEAD FIRST (AUUGGH--gives her mama a heart attack, but she loved it. Fearless, my child) just like they do.

We had a blast! :)

Side Note: We received the draft of our homestudy today. Our social worker is leaving for a week's vacation tomorrow and wanted to get it in to our agency before then so she's been working like crazy to get it finished for us. (She's awesome.) We, and our agency, will proof it this week, so our final draft and dossier should be ready for official submission next week! YAY!

Questions Answered

A couple of you left me questions over the past few days. Here are the answers:

1. With the first adoption, it took about 5 weeks (a little less) to get our FDL after we were fingerprinted with CIS. In our state, we are able to submit the request and have the fingerprint appointment before our homestudy is complete. Over the next week or so, we have our fingerprint appointment and our homestudy should be submitted to CIS so I'm anticipating getting our FDL by mid-May. With our first adoption, we had to wait to have that magical piece of paper before we could get on the waiting list. The difference is that the first time, we were 4 on the list when first placed on it; now we will be something like 23 or 24 (I'm hoping not much higher than that).

2. For our agency, the list currently (from my detective work) is 22 for girls, 12 for boys. That is why there is such a difference between the ranges for getting a referral right now. There will be an updated number with the bi-weekly update we'll receive tomorrow via email.

And here is a cute R picture for the rest of you:

Baby Girl Picture

I promised my next post would have a picture of my girl in it, so here you go:

Isn't she cute? Of course. I have the most beautiful, cute, adorable child in the world. I'm a lucky mama! Is this picture cute enough to win the Children's Place baby contest? My friend, M, and I aren't sure that it is, so I'm going to keep that camera ready.

With that said, we're getting closer and closer to getting on that waiting list. I found out last night that the wait time for an infant boy referral is going to be more like 2 months. Girl referral is still in the 6 to 8 months range. Why not switch, you're thinking? Well, for one, we want another daughter. For another, I don't think having 2 kids under the age of 2 would be a good idea. That's why we started when we did. When we bring home baby #2, R will be a little over 2, maybe closer to 2 1/2. That is cool with us.