That's what it feels like as I deconstruct my classroom, box everything up, and take down bulletin boards.
Change is hard. Really hard.
And scary.
I've been in my current district for 6 years now and in that classroom for 4 and a half. (We moved to a new building my second year in the district.) It's comfortable for me. Everything is the way I like it. Even my room number, 160, is nice. I'm on the first floor, and courtyard is the view out the window. My desk is where I want it, and until I started packing it all up, my stuff was exactly where it should be.
I'm moving to the second floor and my room will now be 213. That's a crappy sounding number to me. And the room is set up opposite what mine is now. Even the file drawers on my desk will be on the left instead of the right, like they are now.
And my new team.... Well, the team I'm on right now is dysfunctional for sure, but at least I KNOW that dysfunction and can work around it. The new team is another story. There are people up there who haven't spoken to one another all year long.
I don't know how I'm going to deal with all that. My principal has told me that I've been moved up there because I'll be a "calming force" for the team. I literally laughed aloud when he said that. He looked surprised and said, "I really mean that." I know he does, but I'm anything but calm when I get upset.
I feel like I'm going to be stifled on this new team. That I will have to deal with conflicts that have nothing to do with me. That I'm being seen by my administrator as someone who can "fix" this new team's issues. That I won't be able to teach the way I want to anymore. That this team will just crush me.
Mostly though, that next year will just be plain miserable.
Somebody get me some chocolate.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
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3 comments:
Yes, this is for sure a chocolate moment. Make A go to the store and buy chocolate chips and strawberries, melt the chips, and make you chocolate covered strawberries. You deserve it.
I wish I could say, "Everything will work itself out," but I know it's not that simple.
I really don't want to sound like an annoying older sister, so feel free to give me an internet slap if you feel like it... but, change can be good sometimes, right??? I'm JUST like you in that I hate it, so I really understand where you're coming from. But, but husband always reminds me that change will challenge me to see the world in a different way, to appreciate all kinds of perspectives, to force me to learn about other people, to refine me in how I treat others. Always a growing experience, even if it's painful at times... but I think you'll come out of this change, say in about a year, being really proud of yourself for having gone through it and dealing with all the new things you'll have to learn. And, in turn, you'll be a better wife, mother, and friend because of all the new wisdom you'll gain :). So, give yourself some credit! your superiors see in you a good team-member with something to give. Value who you are!!! And live up to all that you have to share with others... be gentle with yourself and with your new team...
okay, was that annoying? probably :). But I do agree that 213 is a crappy number :). Hope you are well... good luck with the move!!!
becca
I feel for you! I hate packing up my classroom - just when I get enough stuff on the walls to make it obnoxious and cozy the year ends..... and your new situation - ya that kinda stinks! I was moved before b/c the principal said they needed the A team in the 5th grade b/c of the challenges...he moved me out of 5th the yr before and put me in 3rd. I'm back to third looping to 4th - yea, whatcha gonna do.... enjoy your summer and drink coffee laced with chocolate syrup!
Maria
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