Lots of talk on the agency's listserv today about the April numbers. Looks like when we get on the list, we will be like 25 or something... Wow, that's a big number, I gotta say. However, we don't really have a choice in that or what happens once we're on that list, so it is what it is. I'm not gonna stress about it.
I've been thinking a lot about the similarities and differences from R's adoption to this one. I feel sort of bad that I don't have the same feeling of absolute longing and excitement that I had the first time around. Should I feel guilty? So here are some thoughts:
Our first adoption, I wanted so badly to be a mom. I had wanted to be a mom for years, I ached to be a mom, and I just wanted it to happen as quickly as possible (and it did!!). This time around, the NEED to be a mom is not there... I'm already a mom!
With both adoptions, I was/am very eager to bring our daughter home. The thought of meeting baby #2 is just as amazing to me as it was to meet R...
We are moving quickly through paperwork to get on the waiting list. We know the list is LONG in comparison to last time, and that is why we decided to start this second adoption when we did.
I just don't want baby #2 to ever feel like she is not as wanted or eagerly waited for as her sister was. Because that just isn't the case. I'm already in love with her!
My feelings are just so different this time around, but the bottom line is that when I get "The Call" 6, 8, 10 months from now, I will cry just as much as I did when we got R's referral. And I know my heart will skip a beat the first time I see my girl's face, just as it did with her sister.
Adoption is not for the faint of heart! This I know for certain.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
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2 comments:
You sound like a great mom!!! You sound excited to me...your hands are just already soooo busy with another little one. I was the same way with my 2nd and 3rd kiddo...You don't have time to think, think, think about it 24/7...instead it is more like 23/7 (ha)This whole numbers thing is new to me...so I'm playing a little bit too much detective I think. I'm not getting the list serve numbers. I need to contact Christy! FYI- you should see the numbers for some other agencies...holy cow are they high...25 sounds good in comparison.
Don't feel guilty - just as I felt differently from one pregnancy to the next, you will feel differently from one adoption to the next because the circumstances are their own, but like you said, when you have that baby in your arms in the end, the love will be just as strong!
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