We have a number!...

..... and that number is:

33!!

I was really hoping that it was like 27 or something like that... HOWEVER, is it ok to confess now that #33 has been the number I actually picture every time I think of being on the list? Seriously, believe me or not, but that's what is "reality" for me. I hadn't mentioned it to anyone because I didn't want to sound nuts if I was wrong.

And it turns out I was right.

Wait time? Well, my friends, according to our case manager, that is 8 to 12 months. I just want to remind you all that when we got on the list for R, we were #4. So this is a little strange, and a referral seems VERY far away right now.

(Sweet girl, we hope to see your face soon. She seems like a purple kind of girl to me, so you get a purple post. R is totally my pink girl.)

Come Monday...

.... We hope to be on that list! We didn't hear from our case manager yesterday, but I'm guessing she will call us Monday (it's actually our night for a paperwork call anyway) to let us know our number.

For now, R and I are off to go visit my dear friend L, who we haven't see in over a year. She's only met R once because she lives about 4 hours away. We are meeting her 1/2 way and staying overnight in a hotel.

So enjoy your weekend, and we will, too!

YAY!

The child abuse checks are in, and the homestudy will be sent to the agency today... meaning waiting list number most likely on Friday!! YAY!

Checks

The social worker says that we will most likely have the checks completed sometime in the next 24 hours...

So does that mean we'll be on the waiting list some time this week??? I sure as heck HOPE that's what it means!!

Ok...

We have been told by our social worker that the State is going to do our child abuse background check this week. I was instructed by her to "bug" her to bug them on Tuesday if we haven't heard from her before then.

Can you guess what the first thing I'm going to do on Tuesday morning is???

I'm hoping that a week from now, we will be on the waiting list and our dossier will be making its way across the country for authentication!


PS-- Some cutie pictures of R to come SOON! I just don't feel like uploading them to my computer and then to blogger tonight. :)

Thank You

Dear Y,

(Y is R's birthmother.) Today we had a such a fun day with R. We went to a friend's daughter's soccer game, played outside, and took R to an outdoor mall with a fountain kids can play in. We dressed in a beautiful bright turquoise swimming suit and a little hat. She was a little afraid of the fountain but loved playing near it and being around other little kids. However, yesterday she went down a "big kids" slide all by herself, laughing and smiling the whole way down!

I want to tell you that R is amazing, bright-eyed, and beautiful. She is my greatest joy, my most treasured gift. Thank you for allowing us to be her parents. I know it must have been such a hard decision to choose adoption for your firstborn child. However, I want you to know that there is a not a day (an hour really) that goes by that I do not think of you and the great honor we have been given in raising our beautiful miracle of a child.

Please know that R is the happiest of children and has the most amazing spirit. She is so brave, just as her birthmother is. She is a beautiful, shining example of all that is right in the world. She is precious and adventurous.

These words are not enough, but they are all I have: thank you.

Love,
M

The Verdict is In!...

Our dossier is 100% good to go! That's really wonderful news, yes indeed!

I'm feeling better (than I did this morning) but am still feeling the stress.

I'm hoping that by this time next week, we'll be on the list, and my anxiety is gone.

Thank you for your prayers and positive vibes. I sure do need them, especially this morning!!

Anxious

I don't know why, but I've been feeling some pretty extreme stress lately... about the dossier and the adoption in general. I have no real reason to feel this way. The dossier seems fine. Anything that needs to be changed or corrected can be done pretty easily. We've done this before, and I don't feel there are any mistakes.

But the anxiety is still there.

Here are my thoughts:
1. Are we supposed to be adopting again right now? Yes, I feel we are.
2. Is there something going on with my child's birthmother? I felt some things the last time around that proved to be pretty accurate so maybe.
3. The boy list is now to zero, I think, from my detective work. Is our child supposed to be a boy? I really picture 2 little girls... I don't know.
4. Does it have anything to do with our original plan of adopting an older child? I don't feel like that is it because I feel a lot of peace about that decision.
5. ???????

Will you please pray for our adoption?

Dossier is in Our Case Manager's Hands!!

She just received it a little while ago... She said she'd look at it today or tomorrow morning. I'm hoping we don't need to make any changes! :)

Either way, we'll most likely know tomorrow.

This whole adopting a second child thing is really starting to become a reality.

Gotta go, but if I know tonight, I'll let you know. (R is screaming her head off.)

Dossier is on It's Way!

I just returned from the post office. It will be at our agency's home office by tomorrow at noon. Yes, I paid $17.50 to have it overnighted. A and I figure that is better than having it in transit longer, just waiting to get lost or smashed or rained on or something!! Plus, it is a really good feeling to know that by the time I get home tomorrow, our case manager will have it.

Side Note: This is usually not allowed by our agency. Policy states that the dossier is not to be turned in until the homestudy is finalized... I think our case manager just felt sorry for us. Plus, she knows us well. She was actually in Ethiopia with us when we met R!! I guess in this case, it counted for something.

Also, I heard there were more referrals today... A family who was #4 on the boy list (last they knew!) got their referral today. That's awesome, and let's hope that there were also a few girl referrals, too! If we were to get the on waiting list today, we would be 27...

Quick Update before Bed

Talked to our case manager tonight. After emailing me earlier in the day and saying we couldn't send the dossier in... She changed her mind when talking to A and is allowing us to send it in before the homestudy is finished. This means that if there is a problem, we'll know this week instead of next, which may or may not save us time making corrections. I don't anticipate having to make corrections, but if we do, it'll be good to start on them this week instead of next.

I have to make some copies of a couple documents tomorrow at school, get the passport photos that must be included in it (forgot about that-- A got his tonight), and overnight it to our agency! So that means our dossier will be at the home office by Wed. at noon. That's a good feeling...

Update on the Adoption

***UPDATE AS OF 2:48pm BELOW***

We found out yesterday that there was some confusion between our social worker and the person who reviews the homestudies for our agency. The reviewer also is responsible for reviewing our Eyes Wide Open workbook. She sent an email on Tues. evening saying she'd finally gotten to it and it was fine. I emailed her on Wed. telling her thank you but really looking for a reason to ask about our homestudy.

The reply from her yesterday stated that she had sent the homestudy back to our social worker for review on Monday... However, I had received an email from the social worker Tuesday stating she hadn't heard from her on it.

So, I immediately emailed the social worker and in a matter of 1/2 hour, it was straightened out last night. Thank goodness! I'm so glad I'm rather impatient and just emailed the reviewer! This means our homestudy is ready to go.... Except for the (stupid) child abuse check from the State. (Hey! Guess what! A and I don't abuse children!!)

So in the scheme of things, this delay really means nothing because we still would be waiting on that check. (Did you know that in our ENTIRE state, there is only ONE little old lady who does these checks?!?!?!?)

But the dossier is ready to be sent to the agency and we're ready to be placed on that waiting list. Please pray that our dossier is "perfect" like our last one was and that we don't have to make any changes!!

UPDATE: I JUST got an email from our social worker. It said, "M, deep breaths..." So I knew THAT wasn't good news. Our child abuse check will not be completed until the week of April 27th. Keep in mind that we requested this check in Feb. It was the first thing our social worker did after we signed our contracts. I just want to cry.

Ethiopia on My Mind

(The above picture is our last glimpse of Ethiopia, taken right before we walked into the Bole airport in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, on our way home with our new baby girl.)

It happens about once a month or so that my heart breaks all over again for R's beautiful birth country. This month, that day is today.

It weighs so heavily on me, Ethiopia... Those of you who read this blog know this is nothing new. I've spent the last 1/2 hour or so looking at pictures from our time there. Ethiopia is such a beautiful place but the poverty and suffering of its people! I can't even describe it, and tonight, I can't bear it either.

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine about germs on shopping carts. I told her that if she'd seen where R lived the first 3 weeks of her life, she'd understand why that just isn't something I worry about. I think that is what started this month's downward spiral into missing Ethiopia and longing to do SOMETHING to make a difference. I feel so helpless, though.

I think of R's birthmother and those beautiful children we met at the Ethiopian orphanages (and on the streets). And everything else. To say it is overwhelming is an understatement.

That's all for tonight.

Sleep tight.

My Poor Little Curly Fry

First, this is my blog. About first-time motherhood as well as our adoption. Maybe this post is TMI for some of you, but I'm putting it out there anyway...

This afternoon, when A brought R home from a day at his mom's house, she was NOT herself. A said that in the car, she would occasionally start yelling and crying and trying to get out of her car seat... He brought her in, and she immediately fell from his arms into mine. She looked sick, was acting lethargic, and didn't want to sit or be moved. I started to get worried, really worried.

I took her up to change her while A went to get a refill of her prescription for yeast infection cream (she keeps getting them, and I thought that might be what it was). As I tried to change her, she would not bend her legs at all. I kept asking her where it hurts (sometimes now, she can show me), but she just whimpered and kept her legs completely straight. (I was worried that she had a blood clot or something. She seemed in extreme pain and that it hurt when I tried to move/touch her leg. Those are both symptoms my friend H had with her almost deadly clotting, so I'm a little sensitive to that. I was waiting for A to come home to take her to the hospital!) I picked her up and called my mother-in-law to find out if R had hurt herself while at her house. (A said she had a great day.) C (MIL) confirmed that they had a wonderful day.

Through talking with her, though, I realized that R hadn't pooped in over 24 hours... That explained that. She was of course constipated... This is something I'd not experienced with her, but I know massage and soaking can help. I wasn't panicking anymore at that point, but my MIL kept talking although I wanted to get off the phone.

As she continued to talk, R suddenly tensed up even more and gripped onto my shoulders even more tight. Poor baby. However, her diaper was full! Thank goodness!

I changed her, A got home, and within minutes my sweet baby was her normal crazy self! We went downstairs and had dinner... And that was that!

(I know, great story, right?)

State Certification-- DONE!

Got the POA document state certified today. Involved going to our state's capitol, which is a little over an hour from our house.

Afterwards, we went to an ancient Egypt exhibit at a local museum. That was great fun, but I would strongly recommend not bringing your 17-month-old baby! (Have I ever mentioned my family's love of all things ancient Egyptian? It is passed down from my grandfather who was stationed in Egypt during WWII. Long story for another post.)

Now we're just waiting for the homestudy to be approved so we can get on that infamous waiting list! :)

New Numbers/ Compare-Contrast

Lots of talk on the agency's listserv today about the April numbers. Looks like when we get on the list, we will be like 25 or something... Wow, that's a big number, I gotta say. However, we don't really have a choice in that or what happens once we're on that list, so it is what it is. I'm not gonna stress about it.

I've been thinking a lot about the similarities and differences from R's adoption to this one. I feel sort of bad that I don't have the same feeling of absolute longing and excitement that I had the first time around. Should I feel guilty? So here are some thoughts:

Our first adoption, I wanted so badly to be a mom. I had wanted to be a mom for years, I ached to be a mom, and I just wanted it to happen as quickly as possible (and it did!!). This time around, the NEED to be a mom is not there... I'm already a mom!

With both adoptions, I was/am very eager to bring our daughter home. The thought of meeting baby #2 is just as amazing to me as it was to meet R...

We are moving quickly through paperwork to get on the waiting list. We know the list is LONG in comparison to last time, and that is why we decided to start this second adoption when we did.

I just don't want baby #2 to ever feel like she is not as wanted or eagerly waited for as her sister was. Because that just isn't the case. I'm already in love with her!

My feelings are just so different this time around, but the bottom line is that when I get "The Call" 6, 8, 10 months from now, I will cry just as much as I did when we got R's referral. And I know my heart will skip a beat the first time I see my girl's face, just as it did with her sister.

Adoption is not for the faint of heart! This I know for certain.

CIS Appointment

... in 2 1/2 hours! Let's hope all goes well and that we have a quick turnaround on our FDL! Of course, the difference this time is that we can be on the waiting list before we get the FDL so it is not as urgent as before.

Also, we got our bi-weekly call from our case manager the other night. The wait for an infant girl is now projected to be 8 to 10 months... Our first adoption took just a little over 8 months total!! All I can say is that it is a good thing we are fine with waiting a little longer so R can be a little older! (Of course our case manager said that the agency is in a "season of boys" right now. As much as I'm sure little boys are great, I know that our next child is a baby girl. Now, the 3rd-- that's a different story.) Ok, off to wake up my baby to go to our CIS appointment.

Photo Shoot Pictures

Ok, my friend H and I took our children to get Easter pictures today. I also got her pictures taken with my friend M's children and a live bunny on Saturday. I'm outta control, I know, but I mean, come on, it's R. Pictures of R are so fun!! And I sorta didn't realize H wanted to do pictures this month. I thought she wanted to do them at the end of next month when her girls turn 2 and 4... Whatever. Here are the pictures of my darling nearly 17 month old girl:

The last one is my favorite because she is obsessed with climbing up and down the steps like a big girl lately. It is a great "stage" photo.

Brace Yourself...

For extreme cuteness in the form of a small Ethiopian princess girl!

Here you go:

Now, answer me honestly here.... Is THIS picture cute enough to enter into that Children's Place contest? (She's wearing a Children's Place dress, but that is purely by chance and her favorite coat-- her jean jacket. She gets so excited when she gets to wear it. It is adorable!)

Yesterday, we took R to our monthly gathering for Ethiopian adopted kids and their families. She had a great time playing with all the other kids even though she was one of the smallest ones there. She definitely thinks she's a big kid and runs around after them and wants to go down the big slide HEAD FIRST (AUUGGH--gives her mama a heart attack, but she loved it. Fearless, my child) just like they do.

We had a blast! :)

Side Note: We received the draft of our homestudy today. Our social worker is leaving for a week's vacation tomorrow and wanted to get it in to our agency before then so she's been working like crazy to get it finished for us. (She's awesome.) We, and our agency, will proof it this week, so our final draft and dossier should be ready for official submission next week! YAY!

Questions Answered

A couple of you left me questions over the past few days. Here are the answers:

1. With the first adoption, it took about 5 weeks (a little less) to get our FDL after we were fingerprinted with CIS. In our state, we are able to submit the request and have the fingerprint appointment before our homestudy is complete. Over the next week or so, we have our fingerprint appointment and our homestudy should be submitted to CIS so I'm anticipating getting our FDL by mid-May. With our first adoption, we had to wait to have that magical piece of paper before we could get on the waiting list. The difference is that the first time, we were 4 on the list when first placed on it; now we will be something like 23 or 24 (I'm hoping not much higher than that).

2. For our agency, the list currently (from my detective work) is 22 for girls, 12 for boys. That is why there is such a difference between the ranges for getting a referral right now. There will be an updated number with the bi-weekly update we'll receive tomorrow via email.

And here is a cute R picture for the rest of you:

Baby Girl Picture

I promised my next post would have a picture of my girl in it, so here you go:

Isn't she cute? Of course. I have the most beautiful, cute, adorable child in the world. I'm a lucky mama! Is this picture cute enough to win the Children's Place baby contest? My friend, M, and I aren't sure that it is, so I'm going to keep that camera ready.

With that said, we're getting closer and closer to getting on that waiting list. I found out last night that the wait time for an infant boy referral is going to be more like 2 months. Girl referral is still in the 6 to 8 months range. Why not switch, you're thinking? Well, for one, we want another daughter. For another, I don't think having 2 kids under the age of 2 would be a good idea. That's why we started when we did. When we bring home baby #2, R will be a little over 2, maybe closer to 2 1/2. That is cool with us.

Fingerprint Appointment!

We got our fingerprint appointment notices today from Homeland Security!!

YAY!

Our appointment is Wed., April 8 at 8am sharp! We are so excited. Just one more step closer to bringing our little one home (in a year or so-- blah).

I remember the pure excitement I felt the day I went to the mailbox and sitting there, benignly, patiently, was our FDL... At that time we couldn't get on the waiting list without it. Now we can (b/c the list is MUCH longer now-- with R we were 4 on the list when we were put on it).

Also, I think we've picked a name. I would tell you, but in case you hadn't noticed, I don't do full names on this blog. If you're interested in knowing it, leave a comment with your email, and I'll let you know. :)

Back to being a mama now. More from me later. (My next post will have pictures of R. I promise.)

Her Eyes...

What do they look like, I wonder? Of course, she's Ethiopian, so they will be beautiful. Will she have long curly lashes like her sister does? Will I find myself lost in them while I gaze at her picture like I did the first time around?

Her hair? Her toes? Her little hands? Her smile? Will she smile when we meet for the first time like R did? How does one endure the waiting? How will I feel? Will I love her instantly like I did R? Will she know I'm her mama?

Oh, suddenly, with this talk of nearing the end of paperwork and getting on the waiting list, this baby girl o' mine is starting to feel real. Not just some abstract, up-in-the-air, far away concept, but a real little girl. MY real little girl. My second real little girl.

Faith, hope, love. That's all I have right now, and for now, that must be enough.

Questions

Lots of them last night from the social worker. So weird that someone you hardly know anything about knows so much about every detail of your family and life.

One of the new questions this time (b/c of the Hague stuff that's been put in place) is "what is your highest point?" And then our social worker had to ask our lowest.

Highest point: Holding my precious daughter for the first time.

Lowest: When my grandmother died. As I answered the question, I looked at my sweet social worker and saw she had tears in her eyes. Turns out she and her grandmother had a relationship similar to the one I had with mine...

My grandmother and I were really close, and after she died, I was mad at God for a really long time. I stopped going to church for over a year, something I had down weekly and faithfully for years and years. Prayer, there wasn't much. I just didn't see the point if He could take someone I loved so much from me in that way... I still haven't fully recovered my spiritual life since her death. One of my biggest wishes is that she would have been able to meet my precious daughter, who is named after her.

Ok, that's it for tonight.

Think Pink!

For our baby girl, that is...

Homestudy visit tonight with our social worker. Spent about 10 hours cleaning today... FOR NOTHING. She didn't even leave the sofa. That's fine. It needed to be done, and our house looks good for the first time in a while. (Which is good b/c my friend V and her family are coming over on Sat.)

So, we actually were supposed to have another visit next week, but things were going well, so we got everything finished tonight. That means that our homestudy will be submitted to our agency by next Friday instead of 3 weeks from now when our social worker returns from vacation the week of the 6th. I'm really excited to have it wrapped up before Easter.

For us, we still have to complete all the online training and get a few more things filled out, signed, etc.

Bottom line, we're scheduled to be on the waiting list in about 3 weeks instead of 5 weeks, and I'm really happy about that.

Oh, and my house is clean. I'm happy about that, too. :)

Seeing Red Right Now

As I've mentioned before on this blog, I'm the coach for our school's writing team. The team competes with other schools in our area and region, and actually, all the way to the state level. As a coach for this team, I'm also a judge for the competition.

I received a notice today that we had an unqualified judge (the other judge was a replacement for the other coach-- long story, some other time), but that was a mistake because she had coached and judged before when she taught at another district. I realized that we had written down her married name, not her maiden name, and that should be fixed quickly.

HOWEVER, while I was on the phone, the person told me that there was some controversy surrounding one of the pieces I judged at the last competition a few weeks ago. She told me that I was an "unfair" judge and proceeded to give me the definition of both a simile and a metaphor. She told me that I obviously had not read the coaches' manual (I have, although not this year) and that she would "require it of me." I told her I didn't need a definition of those words as I am the head of my department for my school... I also told her my reading the manual (again) wasn't necessary because I would not be judging another competition again.

Basically, what happened is that I gave a paper I read a score based on the fact that the girl wrote an essay, not a narrative, which is what we are told as judges the writing is supposed to be. The question was actually asked in the judges' orientation-- if a competitor writes an essay, what do we do? I simply followed the instructions given to me. I remember the paper very vividly because it was an amazing piece of writing but not what the competition is all about.

I'm just upset. I'm upset because I have never, in the 5 years as a judge and 4 years as coach, felt that I unfairly assessed a paper nor do I in this case. The paperwork I received from the state office actually had the words "Weak judge" written with a line going to my name. I'm also upset because I've been struggling with whether I should continue to coach before this happened. I've loved coaching, and I'll miss it. However, it is harder with R to be away from home for something for school, and, on top of that, we will most likely travel to bring our second child home sometime next school year. I don't feel it is fair for me to commit to something I may or may not be able to follow through on.

I'm the head of my department, have been a teacher for 8 years, and have my National Board Certification.... I'm not a "weak judge" or a bad coach. And just the thought that someone thinks that poorly of me in regards to something I've loved just bothers me.

Moving Right Along...

Adoption #2 that is!

This weekend involves a lot of frantic cleaning and organizing before our social worker comes to do our homestudy this week and next. As I've mentioned before, I'm not the most organized, and I detest cleaning with a white hot burning passion. So the mad dash to prepare for the home inspection begins! :) We'll get through it. Anyway, our visit is on Wednesday and then the following one. Our social worker is sort of helping us "fast track" the paperwork. The policy now for our agency is that you have to wait until all background checks and paperwork are completed before the social worker will schedule a visit. As she's worked with us before and knows how eager we are to get on the waiting list (and AHEAD of those 65 families who are currently working on their paperwork-- sorry if you're one of them and reading this but we do want to get ahead of them before the waiting list balloons again) she allowed us to not have to wait. It'll still be about a month before our homestudy is finalized and ready to go to our agency... That's fine. We still need to do a few things for our dossier that we won't be able to do until my spring break in a couple weeks anyway.

So, we've officially decided that we will adopt an infant again. Lots of reasons for that, but mainly, it is because I just had this continually unsettled feeling about an older child and I just could not "see" it. It just wasn't a reality for me, and so we feel we need to act on that. And I'm at peace with that. Ironic, as when we decided to start again, we were convinced an older child would be the newest member of our family.

Currently we're waiting for our fingerprint appointment with CIS. We live in a state that allows families to make and have an appointment before the homestudy documents are submitted. That's really nice and speeds up the process immensely. (While cleaning/sorting today, I found our first FDL from our adoption of R. Still gives me chills to look at that piece of paper!)

Two other things before I go to bed:

1. My friend V is pregnant! They were planning to wait until their younger daughter was a bit older (she's 3), but that is not to be! I'm excited because she's due in Nov., and hopefully that means our children will be close in age.

2. Finally got to see Twilight tonight. I will say that I did like the book better than the movie, but I enjoyed it. And my, oh my Edward is dreamy and creepy at the same time. Bottom line, I would watch the movie again, but I'd rather read the book again instead. (Maybe in the summer when I have a little more "free" time.)

Ok, good night! Pictures soon, when I get around to uploading new ones onto my computer.

The Giver

It's a novel I read with my 8th graders. We started it yesterday. I've been talking about starting it with the students for several weeks. One of my students came up to me at the beginning of class yesterday and told me he "wasn't allowed to read that book ever again." A call to his mom confirms this. So, I scrambled and picked a book another team in my school had just finished reading, one called Copper Sun. We just finished an integrated unit on the Underground Railroad, slavery, and the Civil War. So it works because it just sort of continues that theme, one the student was really interested in anyway.

I've never actually had a parent object to a book we've read in class. And I've used The Giver in my class for 5 years now! It's just a weird thing.

R's Hair

I've had people ask me lately what I use in R's hair to keep it looking its best. Obviously, it is really important for me to have R's hair look good and well cared for. A fellow Ethio-mom emailed me yesterday and asked about her hair care routine. Here it is:

We use the Curls.biz baby shampoo and conditioner when we wash her hair. We only wash it one to two times a week. We used to use "No More Tears," but that has sulfates in it, and that can dry out curly and/or African hair.

I put "Itsy bitsy spirals" from Curls on her hair every day. We alternate between the "ring around the curlies" leave in conditioner and the "curly q milkshake" because the milkshake is too thick for her hair to use every day. (I probably use the milkshake about 2 or 3 days a week.)

Daily, I finish the routine with Silken Child "Silk Moisturizing Creme" from Sally's Beauty Supply. It sort of has some hold to it, although that's not its intended purpose. It's what works for us. We've also tried the "Leave-in detangler" from Silken Child, but I don't like it very well. I think it takes away some of the natural shine in R's hair with product build up.

And, I only use a plastic wide-tooth comb in her hair, and only comb it when I've put product in it. I put "spirals" and "curlies" or "milkshake" in first before I comb it. After combing it, I put the Silken Child creme in to finish it off.

Also, she sleeps with her head on a satin pillowcase. We bought a king-sized one because it fit all the way across the crib mattress when she was a tiny baby. Now she uses it with a small pillow. I know this seems really princess-y, perhaps, but it has done wonders to keep her hair on the back of her head looking good and growing a lot more.

I can't wait to be able to style her hair again. Currently, this hair care routine involves a lot of thrashing about and fussing from R, so I haven't put her hair in a style in several months. I love putting headbands and barrettes in it, though. (And of course, they are safe for African hair.)

Ok, that's it.

YOU Should Sponsor a Child in Ethiopia

That's right-- you. Think about it. We are sponsoring a 13 year old boy for $34 a month. That's really nothing.

I saw his face today for the first time in the email I received. If that doesn't put life in perspective, I don't know what does. This reminds me of what my focus should be-- the long term goal of making a difference in the birth country of my daughter and future daughter.

All that stuff I was complaining about yesterday, well that just simply doesn't matter.

Not one iota.

Isn't it amazing how something comes along to remind you of what should be your focus when you get caught up in the little things? Life is so much bigger than my "bad" week.

Oh, if you're interesting in learning more about sponsoring a child (and I really hope you do), check out her blog. She'll get you the details.

Long Week

It's been one (obviously-- see post below).

Things have been trying at school lately with the push right at the end of our 3rd quarter, which was today. The students on my team have been majorly slacking, and that is getting tedious.

Tomorrow I'll be judging/coaching the regional writing competition. I'll be fine once I get there, but I hate having to give up my Saturday, my precious time, with my daughter for a school activity. I think this will be my last year coaching this group. And Sunday I have to help a friend get her paperwork for her national board certification packed and ready to go.

R has been sick all week. She has a horrible cough and runny nose. Poor little fry. She is recovering, and luckily, she's slept through the night the past few nights. She's been exhausted the past couple evenings, and that has been a challenge. Does anyone have any advice for getting a 16 month old to stop hitting when she's frustrated?

Ok, enough complaining. Sorry about that.

The bright side...

It's Friday! YAY.

We have gotten a ton accomplished for our homestudy and dossier documents. Actually, we're nearly finished with them. To my surprise, we are flying through this process this time. It's so much easier the second time around. We sent our I-600A to our local CIS today so we hope to get a fingerprint appointment soon!! We are lucky in our state that we can submit this form before the homestudy is completed and submitted with it. So we can get the fingerprints done (maybe) before the homestudy is completed.

So here is what's left to do:
1. Homestudy-- visit a week and a half away, and then the second 2 and a half weeks away. It'll take our social worker about 2 weeks to complete it and get it to our agency's home office from that.

2. Finish the agency required adoption training (which, by the way, we didn't have to do last time and is tedious!).

3. Fire inspection for our homestudy. We actually have to have the fire department come and inspect our house. So weird, but last time it was no big deal.

4. Get our Power of Attorney document state certified.

5. Get our recommendation letters from a couple of my friends.

6. Select some pictures for our dossier and homestudy.

7. Make some copies of tax forms, insurance cards, etc.

8. Get A's employment letter from his work.

9. Complete the financial statements for the dossier and homestudy. We need to wait until we get A's letter so that all our numbers match up.

Ok, so really, that's not that much. It's all good. I'm going to bed since I have to get up early for the writing competition tomorrow.

I'll post some pictures soon. Sorry this post is super long and sort of whiney.

You Know You're A Tired Mom When...

You get to work, have been messing around your classroom for half an hour, look down, and realize your sweater is on inside out!

Awesome, totally awesome and cool. Thank goodness I realized it before the students arrived.

Where did the girl who always wanted to look cute and who attempted to always look nice and put together go?

I guess she got replaced by the woman with the sick baby who doesn't sleep at night.

It's going to be a really special day.

Update on Us

(This picture has nothing to do with this post, but I just think it's funny. It is R's "playing tag" photo.)

Really, though, what else is a blog besides an update of some sorts on my family? Duh.

Today we decided on our homestudy visit dates. Yay, that is one more thing off the list. Now, I sorta need to clean and whatnot. (I hate cleaning and organizing with a passion.) Not really looking forward to this, but I'll do what needs to be done. I also got all our homestudy reference forms sent out to friends and family to fill out and send to our social worker.

We went to our local police station today to get our background check for our dossier completed. They were most UNhelpful. In fact, the woman actually told us they don't do that sort of thing, and "I've been here 16 years and never heard of anything like this." Well, considering less than 2 years ago, we got the exact same letter we need now from them, I'm doubting that's the case. In fact, the mere fact that R is home with us contradicts what she said to us entirely. We'll go back Friday (when we both can get there before 4pm) and try again. Sigh.

R had her 15 month check up today (a few weeks late but whatever). She's officially doubled her weight since shes got home. Little gr owning beast!! She's right on track developmentally. I love her doctor, who was great about filling out the form we need for our homestudy.

Tomorrow I go to the doctor myself for some follow up on a knee injury and some other things. Could you just say a little prayer that all is fine? I'm not trying to be alarmist at all.... It is probably just my thyroid (I have hypothyroidism-- runs in my family big time on my mom's side), and I hope it only requires a change in medication dosage or something. Ok, enough of the super-personal stuff.

Lastly my amazingly talented friend, M, submitted her children's book telling the story of R's adoption to another publisher today. We'll hear something in like 10 weeks, but I'm proud of her that she's continuing to pursue this dream. She's always been such an exceptional writer, and I've always thought she had it in her to accomplish great things.

How are y'all??

What do you even title this post?

My friend M's father-in-law died this afternoon. They first learned of his cancer on Feb. 3 or 4, and now his suffering is over.

M's husband's grandmother just died a week ago Sunday. His stepfather, less than a year ago. He's really struggling right now.

Please keep them in your prayers.

Orientation Call is Completed

***UPDATED WITH PICTURES*** (Above: R is checking out the documents that officially start our journey to make her a sister.)

We had our orientation call with our agency this evening. We also notarized our contracts and other documents to send them to our agency tomorrow morning. We will overnight them, so they will receive them Thursday. I'm hoping that means we'll receive all our dossier and homestudy materials by Monday. R has a doctor's appointment I think Wed., so it would be nice to be able to get the power of attorney document notarized and then county and state certified on that day. The state certification requires a trip to our state's capital, which is about an hour and a half from here. Plus, I don't have another day off school until our spring break, and I want to have it done way before then!

Below is a picture of R and me from last week when we received our contracts in the mail. :)

Home A Year

Last year, on this date and time, I was in bed asleep with my new baby daughter and sweet husband. (Yes, R used to sleep in bed with us, then in a bassinet, then her crib.) We had just returned home from Ethiopia, and I don't think I have ever been so tired in my entire life.

The journey home was long and exhausting. R was a good girl for most of it, and I'm still very thankful for that. I know it could have been way worse and way more difficult than it was, even with delays and ice storms and lost luggage.

Below is a picture of R on her first full day home (a year ago tomorrow). A dressed her, not me, hence the "awesome" onezie and leggings combo!! This was right after we gave her her first bath at home.

I love that little curly fry. :) I don't know why she's making that face. Maybe she was just done with the camera flashing in her face.

On the adoption front:

A and I made a plan for tackling that dossier and homestudy tonight. We have our first call with our agency tomorrow, and we will be able to send in our contracts on Tuesday. YAY!

Also, when we adopted R, our agency's policy was to NOT tell families when their court dates were unless there were special circumstances. Honestly, I was glad I didn't know. The wait for me was probably one of the most painful times of my life. I just couldn't handle it. I can't imagine what it would have been like knowing when our court date was, too. So, with that said, the other decision we've made is to tell our case manager we do not want to know when our court date is. Of course that might all change when we see her face, but we'll decide that then. For now, I think I'd really rather not know.

It's R Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, oh wow, we've been a family for a year! In some ways, for A and me, it is like R has always been with us... On the other hand, we can hardly believe that the most amazing day of our lives was only a year ago. And how we love our sweet girl!

Here we are a year ago, in our first family photo:

Here we are today, as A and I took off work today to spend it with our girl and get family pictures taken (A and I kinda look dorky, but R is looking adorable as usual):
We had an R Day cake made by a local bakery. It had the outline of our state on it and an outline of Ethiopia on it, too. The outlines had red, white, and blue and red, yellow, and green respectively. Sort of an overboard thing to do, but it is our first R Day, so we just did it.

(She's mad because I'm taking pictures instead of giving her a piece. Too funny.)

We had fun playing with our girl today. Here she is playing and reading with her Daddy:

And here she is up to no good getting into the cabinet:

This evening, we went to Target to do some shopping. R cruised out to the car in comfort in the cart:

I'll leave you with some of photos from the photo shoot today, just of R. We love, LOVE, LOVE this beautiful, amazing, spirited, ornery, fun, precious princess of a girl!!

Good News/Bad News Situation

Ok, we got the call from our agency today.

Good news: We're approved to adopt again! YAY! Contracts are in the mail. And I'm happy about that.

Bad news: The contract is for an infant girl. The situation is this: They would like us to contract for an infant again, meet with our social worker, do some more research and then they make the final decision. They aren't thrilled with the idea of our adopting a child older than R, but they are not telling us absolutely no way.

My status: 24 hours ago, I would have been flaming mad, confused, upset. It is good really that we had to wait and that A actually talked to the inquiry person because I wasn't home yet. Right now, I'm ok with it. At peace so to speak. I was so hyped up yesterday that the cool down period was exactly what I needed.

Here's the thing. We've felt like an older child is the way to go. However, when A said, "Our contract is going to be for an infant," I felt a feeling of relief I in no way expected to feel. It surprised me. Wow, still does.

And, there are things about adopt an older child and adopting out of birth order that we obviously haven't considered. Our agency is the expert, not us.

So I'm totally ok and open to whatever comes next. If our future child is out there waiting for us or if she hasn't been born yet, it doesn't matter. Just like with R, she's already picked out and perfect for our family.

Why would I be sad or disappointed about that? (And Lord knows I love little Ethiopian baby girls!!)

Tick-Tock Times Two

After carrying the phone with me everywhere this afternoon and evening, I just checked my email. The inquiry person emailed me about 10 minutes ago.

She said that the review meeting ran late today and wanted to make sure we at least got some feedback from her before the end of the day. She, in typical agency fashion, was a bit cryptic. She said the review "went well" and that she would call us tomorrow with further details.

What that truly means, I don't know, but from dealing with my agency before, that is usually good news.

Now I just get to wait another 24 hours or so! (Did I ever mention that I'm pretty much the most impatient person in the world??)

Tick.... Tock....

I'm waiting for a phone call from our agency. Sounds familiar to some, right?

I'm waiting on the yes or no answer about adopting an older child.

Our social worker supports us. However, she said that the bottom line is that the social service director for our agency could tell us no.

The inquiry person said she would review our application with the social services person this afternoon. Our agency is 3 hours behind us, but it is still afternoon.

Where is my phone call?

I will update when we get an answer. My heart is pounding in my chest, and I've felt ill all day.

AWK-WARD! And Adoption Progress Update

Part One:
I am the coach for a writing competition my school is involved in. Actually it has been around for a while, as I was in it when I was in 7th and 8th grade. Today was the competition for area schools, and my school is the host school. A friend of mine is a coach for another school. I haven't seen him in ages, nor have I really talked to him. I saw him registering his team and went up to say hi. As I was talking to him, the other coach from his school turned around. It was a girl I knew.

Not only that, but it was a girl who was supposed to be my student teacher last year but didn't end up completing her placement with me. Basically, I (and others in my building, too) did not feel that she was competent to be my student teacher and had to ask her not to return to the placement after her college's winter break. I hadn't talked to her since then, and I was shocked to see that she taught at my friend's school, which is a good school in a good district.

On top of that, A brought R to visit me during the lunch break before the awards. I introduced her to M (my friend), and I had to do the same with my former student teacher because she was right there.

The whole thing was really uncomfortable and unexpected.

Part Two:
On the adoption front, my letters from my two doctors made it to my agency by Friday. The social services director will review our application and "supporting documents" (doctor letters) on Monday afternoon. This means that we will know soon what the verdict on the older child decision will be. Most I have talked to about this issue have told me not worry, and some even have said that agencies can't really tell us no.

Bottom line: I just want to start the process soon!

Like Monday!

Blah

So I got an email from the inquiry person from our agency. She said that usually, the agency prefers that families adopt according to birth order. Well, um, this is sort of new information for us as neither our social worker nor our case manager has told us this in near year we have talked about doing this.

It's frustrating.

A says not to worry, that we are supposed to adopt an older child and that R is "just the baby of the family." Besides that, we have spent nearly a year talking about, thinking about, dreaming about, praying about bringing an older child home. This is not a rash or impulsive decision, nor one we took lightly.

I'm thinking if our agency won't allow us to do this, we will have to seek elsewhere. A is unconvinced. He just said, "We'd just have to wait like 5 years to adopt again." Uhhh, no thanks. Especially considering I want to bring her home RIGHT NOW.

What the Heck, Let's Get Started!

We've decided to just go ahead and start our second adoption instead of waiting a few weeks until we get our tax money. This may seem on the surface rather impulsive, but it really isn't. It is what I have wanted to do all along, and A came to the conclusion today (on his own) that it is what he wants to do, too. I mean, really. Our girl is out there. Might as well start the process so we can bring her home ASAP!

So, so far today, for our second child's adoption, I have done the following:
1. Filled out the pre-application with our agency.
2. Contacted our case manager to ask her a few questions.
3. Contacted our social worker to let her know we are ready to start and to ask her a couple questions about new homestudy procedures.
4. Ordered copies of birth certificates.
5. Printed out all the information and forms needed to complete a homestudy in my state. The agency won't give me that info officially until we sign a contract and pay the fees, but I found it online.

Not too shabby, eh?

My Little Meat Eater

(YAY MEAT!)

(Above: R enjoys a delicious bowl of meat a couple weeks ago.)

So, R LOVES meat. It's bizarre. I'm practically a vegetarian at this point in my life (my friend H-- who is vegetarian-- says I'm "flexotarian") so the fact that she loves meat doesn't have anything to do with our diet.

However, she'll eat meat over most other dinner things (besides peas). Literally, some nights for dinner, she'll just eat meatballs and will be perfectly happy.

Today, I was at an Ethiopian culture camp planning meeting at an Ethiopian woman's house with some other moms of adopted Ethiopian children. We often digress when we're meeting, and F, the Ethiopian woman, started to tell us a little about the differences of people from the various tribes in Ethiopia. When she started talking about the Amhara, which is what R is, she said, "Those people are meat eaters!"

Well, that explains a lot, doesn't it? That little piece of information is just one more I will store away about my daughter's culture, background, and people.

Baby Love

A, R, and I went to a gathering/play date for Ethiopian adoptive families in our area yesterday. It was so fun to see R run around with other Ethiopian children and their brothers and sisters. She definitely was trying to be one of the big kids!

There was a tiny Ethiopian baby, about 5 months old. Oh my goodness. I had rather forgotten how darling little Ethiopian babies are since mine is turning more and more into a big girl before my eyes. For a moment, I seriously wanted to go the baby route again! R was really cute with her, too. She just smiled at her. When the baby (and her mom and siblings) was leaving, R waved bye to her and gave her a hug. So sweet.

However, her interest in the baby was pretty short-lived, and she followed the older kids around for over an hour so it just again shows me that adopting an older child is right for our family!

Cancer

I freaking hate it. It is a disease that killed my grandpa and almost killed both my aunt and grandmother.

Now, my BF, M's, father-in-law has it. Everywhere. Mouth, nose, lungs, brain, liver, throat. Bad, melanoma. M's husband is not very close to his father, but it is still the most horrible of news to receive.

I freaking hate it.

Please keep, M, her husband, and of course his father and the rest of the family in your prayers (if you do that sort of thing).

"Thank You for Being You"

My principal said this to me today. A good feeling.

My principal was the HR person for my district when I was hired there 6 1/2 years ago. At that time, I had planned to work as a teacher for one more year and then go back to school to do something else because I did not think teaching was for me. My previous job was not a good experience for me, and I left it feeling like I would NEVER been a successful teacher.

After hiring me and working I think maybe another year, my now-principal retired and left the district. He worked for the state department of education for a few years, and then, surprisingly returned to my district this year as the principal of my building.

I have always respected this man. He gave me a chance and saw something in me the principal at my other job and others didn't. Some of my co-workers are intimidated by him. Not me. I know that the two things he values in his teachers, and students as well, are accountability and consistency.

Anyway, it is just nice to know that I am appreciated and respected in my job. It took me a long time to get over some of the things that happened to me at my previous position, and sometimes I still feel like that scared young teacher with no confidence.

Totally My Child

(Above: I just love this picture. She looks so beautiful and like such a big girl!)

Although I did not give birth to R, there is no doubt she's MY girl!...

1. Her love of shoes, just like Mommy. (I am almost ashamed to admit that I probably own close to 200 pairs of shoes. Not exaggerating.) We both also love purses. Below, her she is with "her" backpack (I actually bought it for her future sister) and an Ethiopian basket on her head, which she thinks is a hat. Too cute.

2. Tonight's dinner: peas (my favorite veggie). She also had some french fries coated in ketchup, my favorite condiment!


3. We are both very stubborn. Here, she is trying to bust through the baby gate because she wanted to come downstairs with Mommy.


4. We love cuddling up and reading a good book with her Daddy.

I, Apparently, Don't Work Anymore!

We are on our 4th snowday of the week. This is good and bad. Good, for the obvious reason that I get to stay home with my sweet girl!

Bad because this is now our 10th day off. The state only allows 5, so we will be making days up until July (not really, but that's what it feels like!). Also bad because due to how the weather has been here and already-scheduled days off, we haven't actually had a full week of school since before Thanksgiving. Try getting kids into any kind of routine when you are up against that!

Oh, well, I'm off to go play with my daughter instead of getting dressed for work. :)

Grief and Loss in Adoption

This week, it manifested itself in the form of R's having diaper rash. Quite unexpectedly, too, I might add.

Let me back up. We know that when R came to our agency's transitional home, HH, she had a small cut under her nose (very visible in her referral pictures) and bad diaper rash.

Well, she has had diaper rash a few times since we brought her home. No big deal, really. However, this week, she got it really bad. So bad that she screamed bloody murder when I cleaned her up.

Listening to her screaming, trying to comfort her, and cleaning her up like that just really got to me. I often think about R's time in the Ethiopian orphanage before she came to HH. She was so small, helpless. Did she scream in pain like that when she was there?

I couldn't take it. I found myself crying right along with her. I have so much guilt about not being there for her during that time, when she was most helpless, without someone to love her.

We were really fortunate. R was only 3 weeks old when she came to HH and 3 and 1/2 weeks old when we received her referral. I know compared to other children and other stories, this is nothing. However, it still counts. It is still a time in my daughter's life in which I wasn't there to take care of her.

What about the rest of you adoptive parents? How do you deal with that time before your child came home? Do you ever feel like I did?

I know grief and loss come with adoption. I just wasn't expecting it to come in the form of diaper rash.

One Year

(This picture of R is from our second set of pictures we received while she was in Ethiopia. It was taken approximately a year ago!)

Friday, Jan. 25, 2008 was our court date in Ethiopia, not that we knew at the time. We had received pictures of R a few days prior, but we didn't know that meant a court date was coming up. At that time, our agency did not tell families when their court dates were. (I guess now they do.) We were so longing to go get R and bring her home as we had been since we had seen her beautiful little face for the first time.

Waiting to bring R home was by fair the most painful part of the adoption experience for me. I know that compared to many others, our wait was a breeze, but my heart ached to hold my child constantly.

We received our travel call on Monday, Jan. 28, 2008. We had gone to our favorite Ethiopian restaurant for the first time that weekend. (We always say going there was good luck.) A was at home during the day and received the phone call from our case manager (I was at work). At 3:15 or so, the students had pretty much left the building. My friend H spotted A walking down the hall.

When I saw him, I thought something bad had happened because he never shows up at my school unannounced. As he walked closer he said to me, "What are you doing on Feb. 17?" I said that I was supposed to be at my baby shower. To which he replied that we were going to have to change that because WE HAVE TO BE IN ETHIOPIA!

I was in shock. We had passed court on the first time and had received a court date more quickly than I had expected.

A year. How our lives have changed since R legally and fully became our daughter and we prepared to bring her home.

Such blessings, some struggles, lots of change, and indescribable joy.

That's what this year has brought.

Under Attack

I hesitate to even put this to words, but I was feeling like that even before today's events... Do you ever just feel like you're under attack? I do right now.

Since I'm now ready, like yesterday(!), to start our adoption process again, I feel like we're just being drained of money. Last week it was the stealing of A's MP3 player. This week, it's my car.

I bought my car, a RED Volkswagen Beetle, after my first year teaching. I have loved my car since I bought it, and when I bought it, I was single and wasn't thinking of hauling a princess baby around. It's not practical right now with a child, but it is paid off and (usually) reliable. I loved the way I felt when I drove it when it was "new" (I bought it used). I felt free and didn't have a care in the world!

Anyway, the window has been "off" when you roll it up and down. I knew it was only a matter of time before it broke. I'm guessing that due to the extreme cold, it just finally gave out on Friday night when A was using my car and went to mail something.

So that cost almost $600 (out of our adoption fund) to fix. Yesterday.

Then, while they were fixing the window, the door lock broke. Basically, what they said is that it was about to break, and any messing around (technical term, right?) with the door caused it to give out completely. So today's money drain continued with $477 going to repair that. With the MP3 player being stolen out of the car last week, I don't feel like I can NOT go with the car not being able to lock.

It just makes me feel sick.

In the last week, we've made some progress on our adoption-related decisions. Is that part of it? Who knows? What do you think?

Here is what I DO know as far as our next adoption goes:
1. We are adopting a little girl.
2. Age 4 to 7. Some disagreement still here. A would like the older in, me the younger.
3. Siblings? No, at this time, siblings are not in in our future.

The fact that my child is out there in Ethiopia making her journey to us just makes me want to start the process RIGHT NOW so we can bring her home RIGHT NOW.

I also know that I have a wonderful husband, the most gorgeous precious daughter, a stable job,. a fabulous family, the best friends, and the sweetest little house. I'm luckily. And if I'm down a thousand dollars right now, that's ok. I'll clip coupons, not buy that outfit or shoes, and cook at home instead of eating dinner out until I get it back. I will do this for my child home and my child in Ethiopia. Is there really anything else important?

Nope.

11 Months Gotcha Day Anniversary!

R has been in my arms 11 months today! I cannot believe how much I love this little darling girlie of mine and how I know she was always meant to be my daughter!!

In 11 months, we all have changed. A has become a wonderful father, R a beautiful, curious, and amazing little girl, and me, well, I have learned what it means to love a child more than anything else and what great responsibility and joy that brings.

Pictures later. There is one I really want to add to the post, but it is trapped on my camera right now.

Also, today is A's 32nd birthday!

Off to Scrapbook!

A is on his own tonight and tomorrow because I am going to go to my friend, H's parents' house to do some scrapbooking. (Her parents are out of town this weekend, so we will have plenty of space, no kids, and time to work!) I love to scrapbook, and I haven't been able to since before school started. H and another friend of hers will be there, along with another girl who teaches in my district. Should be good times.

Goal: I'm going to try to get our Ethiopia album(s) completed. That is probably more than I can accomplish this weekend, but I'm going to work on it. I would just like to have it finished before we hit the one year home mark in a little over a month...

What are your MLK day weekend plans?

PS-- Due to the extreme cold and snow, we haven't had school yesterday or today! Five day weekend!

PPS-- We took care of getting R's social security number today. Had to get that accomplished before we can do our taxes! :)

Some People are Just Jerks... and I'm a Moron

Ok, the weather here is bad and getting worse. I'm actually home from work an hour early because of it. A, R, and I went to Target last night, and when we got home, we just took the baby inside because it was so cold.

While A was putting R to bed, I went out to get the diapers, milk, etc., out of the trunk of the car. I remembered that my husband's new garmin was in the car, so I unlocked the car, got it, and carried it and the other stuff into the house. (A told me that garmins aren't supposed to be exposed to extreme cold, and I was trying to be helpful.)

I called A between classes to tell him I was getting out early and to ask if he wanted me pick up the baby from M's house. He sounded really upset so I asked him what was wrong. He hesitantly asked me if I had left the car unlocked last night. I told him I might have. We took his car last night, and I usually don't lock or unlock the car because he does. It is entirely possible that I hit the wrong button when I attempted to lock it after getting the garmin out.

Well, apparently that IS what happened because A's MP3 player is missing from his car today. I feel so awful about it because it is totally my fault for being careless when I got into it.

A is really upset, and I just have the feeling of being violated. I know, I know, at least no one was hurt, and the car wasn't damaged, etc., etc... And, my brother's junior year of college, he returned to his apartment after winter break to find nearly everything had been taken from his roommates and him when there was a break-in. It is JUST an MP3 player (well, and a charger and a cord to connect it to the radio), so it could be a lot worse.

We don't live in an unsafe neighborhood; at least I didn't think we did! Our street is really only two blocks long, and mostly the only reason anyone would be on it is because they live on it. It makes me mad.

A couple days ago, I was in our backyard and noticed that our grill had been pulled out and knocked over. It's pretty messed up, too. Like no handle and other parts are broken as well.

Are these two things related? I would say it is possible.

I just hate stuff like this. I can't imagine taking something from another person or purposefully damaging some else's property. It just seems so wrong.

So that's my day. I hope yours is better. I'm going to post this in ugly brown because that's how I feel right now.