Luckiest Momma. Ever.

Yep, that's me!!

Do you ever just walk around in awe that your child is actually your child?

I do...

All the time.

Phone Scams

Ugh. Tonight we got a phone call from the "warranty department" telling me that the warranty on our van was set to expire today. First, the chick started to say the wrong vehicle, a Honda instead of a Toyota. I said, "What vehicle?" and she corrected herself.

Then she told me that they've been sending us notices in the mail that the factory warranty was going to expire, but we hadn't responded so that was why she was calling.

I said we'd received no such notices, and she started to get irritated with me. She said they'd been sending them to *the numbers of my street address* but didn't mention the street name.

Again, I asked which warranty this was, and again, she was snippy.

I said there was no way the warranty was expired. She argued that it was.

I told her we'd just bought the van 2 months ago. She said something else, and I repeated myself.

Then, abruptly, the phone disconnected.

Things like that really tick me off. Sure, I didn't fall for whatever scam she was trying to pull, but what if the next person does? It's just wrong. That woman had no right to call my home at 7pm while I'm reading to my daughter and harass me and lie to me.

What types of scams have people tried to pull on you?

Oops

Today A and I realized that R thinks she's going to go LIVE with my parents when her baby sister comes home. (Not just stay with them for a week while we go to get E.)

She's excited about it.

Oops. My poor little sweetie.

So I guess we need to work on talking to her about how there will be 4 in our family and that she'll come home when momma and daddy come home with E...

Suggestions?

November is...

... a great month to pass court!

That's what I'm hoping for. A court date. Soon. Passage on the first try. Pleeeease!

November also is Adoption Awareness Month.

What type of things do you do to celebrate adoption?

(PS-- Adorable pictures of R as a cupcake coming soon. My laptop hard drive is completely full, so I literally cannot download one more picture on it. I am going to try to upload them at work and add them from there. Brace yourself for cuteness. That's all I can say.)

History

(I'll respond to my getting "tagged" and more about the baby book probably tomorrow. Other stuff on my mind tonight.)

History.

We all have one.

In the case of my two daughters, they have a common history. They are (or will be) adopted. They are from Ethiopia. They have A and me for parents. They are Ethiopian Americans being raised by white parents. Etc.

However, how my girls come to our family is different. In R's case, she was referred to us at 3 weeks and home with us when she was little over 3 months old. Most of the time, when I think of her history, it is with us. All but 3 weeks of her life, I knew she existed and loved her. Even though we weren't together her entire life, her history includes her momma's love almost immediately.

E, on the other hand, her history's different. Depending on when we pass court and travel (I'm hoping for around Christmastime but am not holding my breath), she'll be close to a year old. A year of her life that I will know almost nothing about. And her history is... well, without going into detail you and I both know I can't share, her story involves more loss and grief than R's does.

I have three pictures of E. Three. That's it. I've never held her in my arms, kissed her sweet cheeks, or sung her to sleep. But in one of the pictures especially, this momma sees a scared little girl. A sad little girl. In all three, I see MY little girl.

My little girl who has dealt with loss. Uncertainty. Grief. Pain. Sadness.

So, my questions for you are these:
How do you cope with your children's histories? How do you come to terms with that time when you and your child were/are apart?

It's been one week...

... since we became the parents of two! In that time, we've opened our hearts to a beautiful baby, Baby T, our sweet little girl who we've prayed for. Could I be anymore blessed?

The waiting, it's painful, so painful. I try to steel myself against it, but it catches me at unexpected times, my eyes suddenly filling with tears and my chest tightening in a way only other waiting mommas can understand. I can't bear to think of her in pain or sick or in need of anything.

In this week, we've received all her paperwork and information. There is not much, but it is enough for us. We've talked to our international adoption specialist, and she's given us her opinion. We've shared our good news with our family and friends. We've stared at her pictures for hours. We've prepared R even more for being a big sister.

We've signed and notarized many a form and sent them all to our agency.

And now, we wait some more.

Wait

Wait

Wait

For a court date, for a travel date, for a gotcha date.

My heart is 7,000 miles away, stolen by a precious baby girl who has no idea I'm her momma.

Please, little one, hurry home.

The Perfect (adoption) Baby Book

I'm a history lover, a scrapbooker, and a writer. When we brought R home, I, of course, wanted a baby book for her. The problem? Baby books for bio kids abound, but I had trouble finding something perfect for my adopted princess. The last thing I wanted was something that would have a bunch of blanks or fail to accurately record HER history, her story! Finally, I found the perfect book:

I was thrilled to find this book and did my best to record as much information as possible for R as the months of waiting for her and then the time after she came home passed.

So, last week, after we got our referral and sweet E was suddenly a reality instead of a dream, I went looking (online) for this book again. To my dismay, I couldn't find it. Out of stock everywhere. Or I could purchase it for a mere $124 off Amazon. (The book retails new for $16.95.)

I was distressed. The book was the perfect one the last time around, and I didn't want to have to try to find a new one. But I didn't want to pay over 100 dollars for something that should be less than $20.

Today, as R napped upstairs, I searched the Internet. Finally, I found it! I actually bought 2 copies, one for me and one for a friend whose daughter is also currently at HH playing with E, I'm sure! I can't wait to get it.

Am I silly? Probably. But filling in this book, R's story, our life before her and after she came home, and her life both before and after us, was important to me. It's important for me that baby E also gets this history. If my house were on fire, I'd grab that book, my wedding album(s), and my grandparents' wedding album.

(In case you were wondering, no I'm not getting paid to advertise this book or anything like that. Just what's going on at my house on a Sunday afternoon while the princess sleeps!)

THE CALL (Y'all want details?)

Setting: Monday, October 19, 2009: 2:51pm. In my office at work. Suddenly, the phone rings. THE ring. The crazy one I had just the night before programmed into my phone so I could stop being so jumpy whenever the cell phone went off.

Caller ID: It's our case manager!!! Hands start shaking. Brief surprise that the phone actually works in my cement block, no window cave.

Me: Hello!?!?!

J: Hi, M, this is J from *our agency,* is this a good time to talk?

M: I had a feeling you might call today. (Nervous laugh and now the tears are flowing.)

J: She laughs. It's a good day! I have a little girl to tell you about.

At this point, I'm dashing upstairs to my friend H's classroom so she can be there. If A isn't with me, I want her there.

J starts to give me details as I sprint down the hall. I ask her to wait a second as I make it to H's room, gasp her name, and say "PAPER!." I kick some kids out of the workroom between H and another teacher's classroom and sit down.

I'm shaking so much I cannot write as J begins talking again. Tears are all over my face, and H eventually gets me a tissue or 5.

J tells me her name. Starts with a T, and I've never heard it before. She spells it for me, but I can't grasp it and spell it wrong. No matter. I learn MY DAUGHTER is 8 months old on paper, but she's small, very small, and if that is the case, she's most likely a bit behind what most children can do at 8 months. If she 8 months, she's most likely been malnourished for at least part of that time. The HH doctor thinks she's probably more like 4-6 months instead.

She is from the southern part of ET and came to HH on Oct. 12. She looks like other ET children I've met from that area. R is from the north, and so they both look Ethiopian, very much so, but in different ways. The eyes, they're beautiful. I see her spirit in them. She's tiny but strong. I so wish I could share her picture with you. Obviously, not yet. But I hope soon.

Blood work results came back on the 16th, and she's good to go. She has pink eye, and they're giving her drops. Her sweet head is shaved because she has fungus (very common, I'm guessing ringworm) on it. She had diarrhea when she arrived but is better now. She has a bad cold, but she's doing fine. She's 12 pounds. (That's how much R weighed when she came home at 3 months, so I know how small she is.) She's cutting a tooth and trying to roll over on her own. J says she can't sit on her own, but in one of the 3 pictures we have, she is clearly sitting up.

She makes eye contact and is very alert. She's perfect.

I call my husband. He says, "and why are there no pictures in my inbox?" J was sending them right then.

By then, it is 3:05, and the students are dismissed at 3:10 so I tell him I'll call him back when H's room clears out.


I text a few people. I can only get out the word "Referral" as my hands are still shaking. A lot. (My dad calls A and ask him what that means. He tells him it means he has 2 granddaughters now.)


I call A back. We look at the pictures together, over the phone, just like with R. Her daddy is speechless. He's in love with her.

She's our girl. Our sweet, tiny, miracle of a girl. Our baby E! Her big sister is so proud that she had to bring her own copies of the 3 pictures we received with her to my friend M's house today (she's there when I'm at work).

She's older than I had imagined her to be, and we got our referral in less than 1/2 the time we thought we would. When we got on the list in May, we were told the wait for a girl referral was 10 to 12 months and that it was slowing down. It's been 5 months.

So, my girls (if we keep her birthdate as is-- will decide later) are 15 months apart instead of at least two years like A and I had meticulously planned. (Sweet, she was born when I was still 29!!) But she's our girl, and I hope that my sweet daughters will love being so close in age.

And again, this is a lesson that we cannot put our timelines on adoption. With both, we've been completely wrong about timeframes.

That's it. :)

She is...

tiny

beautiful

ornery-looking

precious

mine

Need I say more?

We got the call.

Alma Mater

A, R, and I went to my alma mater to visit my sweet cousin, C, for the night. We arrived yesterday afternoon and got back this evening. It was, ironically, homecoming weekend, so it was very crowded. We hadn't planned specifically for homecoming. Just this weekend in Oct., we always have Friday off.

We were lucky to get a hotel room when I bothered to check online for hotels... Everything was sold out, my first clue that perhaps it was a special-event weekend. I played dumb and called the hotel we usually use. And we were in luck because they had a last-minute cancellation!

It is always nice to visit C, and I love returning to a place I spent 4 years of my life. We did some of my favorites and visited some of my favorite places. She's living in the same apartment/condo complex I lived in my junior year. Weird, as my unit--904-- was right across from hers, and we used to spend a lot of time in her building at our friends' place.

And most importantly, I got to have a burrito from my favorite Uptown street vendor! I brought a couple home to enjoy in the winter as well as a few for my friend M.

Overall, it was a great way to distract me yesterday from the suspense of my post below. And I won't even mention how terrible two-y my child has been the past 2 days...

Go Bobcats!

The Suspense...

... is killing me!

Let's just say, for example, that there's been a lot of movement on the infamous list in the past week and a half.

Let's just say, for example, that we are now a very good number, you know, hypothetically speaking.

If this keeps up, by the time we do in fact get THE call, I'll have gone crazy and therefore will not be able to adopt anyway! Because I'll be nuts. I mean, more nuts than I feel right now.

AUUGGH!

ET Courts are Open!

A family using my agency passed court today. That's great for them!

And, of course, if I'm being a tad bit selfish, great for us, too. Because that means movement. That means more children uniting with their forever families and more beds open at my agency's home in ET. Which means we inch, day by day, closer and closer to meeting our daughter.

I am certain now that she's born and out there, making her way to us. With her big eyes and her courage, just like her sister.

Have I ever mentioned R is the bravest child I've ever known? I'm so blessed to be her momma and soon the momma of two ET girls. God is good.

Speaking of R, I'm home with her today. She's sick, the poor little curly fry. I took her to the doctor late this morning, and now she's sleeping soundly. She wasn't scheduled to have a flu shot today, but they did give it her, which saves us a trip back there next week.

Yeah, this post is scattered but so is my brain today.

Chili and Cornbread

Is there anything better than chili and cornbread on a fall day? I took R to my parents' house this afternoon (she's staying overnight, too-- practicing for when Momma and Dadda go to ET to bring home baby sister), and my dad had made a huge pot of chili. Not just any chili-- my Grandad's chili. My grandfather used to make it for fall family gatherings. Maybe I'm biased, but his recipe is better than any other chili I've ever eaten!

What are some things that are fall traditions in your family?

A Letter

Dear Y,

(Y is R's birthmother.)

As R gets closer to her 2nd birthday and we get closer to returning to Ethiopia, the more you are on my mind.

First, I need to apologize. You asked me to send you pictures. I haven't been good about that recently, and I don't really know why. After all, you gave me your daughter so I could be a mother. And pictures, I take tons. There is really no excuse for not sending them to you. I am so sorry. I promise you here and now that I will send some to our agency on Monday. (And, please, those of you actually reading this, please, please hold me accountable for that.)

Second, R is growing more and more every day. She is amazing. She is funny, she loves to dance, and she has started singing lately. She has a little bear named Beary whom she takes with her everywhere. She is growing tall, and she is more and more beautiful each day. She makes everyone who meets her love her. I think she gets that from her birthmother.

Today we went to a "home for a year" celebration another ET adoptive family held to mark their one year "Family Day." Their little daughter is one month younger than R, and the 2 of them had fun dancing around to the African drum group the mom had come to entertain the kids. I'm doing what I can to build strong connections to other Ethiopians for R. I think it is so important, and I know you would, too.

I was thinking all day yesterday about when we met you. There are so many things I wish I had said to you and had asked you. And I think you feel the same. I wish so much that the director would have allowed us to talk to you again when you returned after our brief meeting was over. I wish I wouldn't have listened to her insistence that we leave right away so you didn't see us still there. I wish I would have ran over and hugged you. I wish we could have spent more time together. I wish we would have taken more pictures of you with R for her and for you. I wish..... a million things.

I hope so much that when we return to ET to bring our second daughter home that we can see you again. I asked our case manager about it months ago, and she said that was something we'd talk about when the time got closer. Of course, R will not be there, but there are so many things I want to say to you and to ask you.

Please know that I love R so much that I feel I might burst sometimes. Know that there is not a day that goes by in which I do not thank God she is my daughter and thank God for your decision to allow us to adopt her. Know that I will do all I can to make certain our daughter has a good life.

There are no more words. Please, God, give me the grace to be the mother you want me to be for our daughter.
Love,
M

October Number

Our October number is in. We are officially:

6!!

We are getting closer and closer to meeting our baby girl. We are hoping for a referral in 2009 still and seem on track for that to happen.

However, as we all well know, timelines and international adoption do not mix!

Babies Everywhere!!

No new numbers yet for us. I'll let you know when I know.

However, my sweet friend L is pregnant!!! YAY!! She is due May 13.

M's due date is May 10th!

And, my friend A who I told you about a week or so ago, well, she's pregnant with twins!

So to sum up, that means:

Of my closest friends, 4 of the 5 of them are pregnant! (V is due like Nov. 13.)

And, I know, in my own way, I am, too!

Babies are such blessings!

6 Years!

A and I have been married 6 years today!

Awesome.

Our Passports...

... were in the garage in a random box. Sometimes my husband "cleans" by putting stuff in a box and shoving it in the garage. (Yes, it is really helpful when he does this.)

But the good news is that they are now where they are supposed to be. I had a feeling that they were missing because of A, but I didn't want him to feel bad.

I know this is silly, but I was really sad about the fact that our Ethiopia trips wouldn't be in the same passport book. I'm glad our 2 trips (and possibly a 3rd someday) to bring our children home are going to be in the same one!

Thanks to all of you for your "lost passport" prayers!

Update by Numbers

1. No luck finding passports. Will apply for new ones this coming week.

2. Husband is currently making a steak marinade from a bunch of onion, garlic, cooking wine, and other various items he purchased at the store tonight.

3. Currently stuffed from too much Ethiopian food. Yummy!

4. No progress on the in-laws situation, really. Thanks to those who commented. It is just really nice to hear from people outside the situation. A did talk to his mother the other day, and things are still pretty "chaotic" as she puts it.

5. Heart still breaking for orphans, but am trying to act on it. Currently have 6 bumbo seats being shipped to my house to take with us when we travel and am working on getting other donations from other places. At least I am not feeling so helpless. Crying in the school library while I post to my blog is not helpful. Emailing companies and asking for donations of baby seats, formula, diapers, wipes, and shoes is. Choosing to focus on what I can currently change.

6. 6th wedding anniversary tomorrow.

7. No new numbers yet. I talked to our case manager on Wed. (unrelated to numbers), and she said we'll get them via email this coming week. You'll know my number shortly after I do!

Passports

Could ya say a little prayer that we find our passports?

My passport and A's passport are currently no where to be found. We have R's ET one along with all her other important documents and paperwork.

The last time I remember seeing them was on April 8, when we went to our fingerprint appointment with CIS.

I'd just really rather spend that $150 it would take to get replacements on formula and diapers to take to HH with us when we travel.

I just can't take it.

Why is there such suffering in our world?

Why are there millions of orphans starving right in Africa, in Ethiopia, in Addis Ababa as I sit at a computer and type?

Why do I feel completely helpless to do anything to make a change?

Yes, today is one of those days in which I feel the overwhelming weight of all that I know, have seen first hand, and will see again in the upcoming months.

They are children, children like my daughter. What could have been my daughter had her birthmother decided to raise her. They are beautiful, curly-haired, huge-eyed children who are no different than what R could have been.

Why were they born into poverty and me into privilege?

Life with Asperger's Syndrome

Most of you don't know this about my husband, but he has Asperger's Syndrome, which is on the autism spectrum. He struggles sometimes with how to behave in social situations, and his mind works a bit differently than yours or mine might. He's not good with change, and he gets obsessive about things. (Side Note: I believe A's dad, brother, and sister are all on the spectrum, too.)

I have to admit that the obsessiveness is what is hardest for me to deal with. When he finds interest in something, he goes into full force and thinks of nothing else. For example, when he decided he liked golf and wanted to take it up, he bought probably 30 golf books, subscribed to 2 or 3 magazines, watched the Golf Channel constantly, and learned how to build his own clubs (and did so). This is all well and good, but for months, all he could talk about or think about was golf. Sometimes he'd talk to me about golf while the Golf Channel was on and he was reading a golf book/magazine. (FYI: I hate golf!)

His newest love is cooking... Specifically, the show Good Eats and the host, Alton Brown's, books. We got DVR a few months ago, and he found the show, started watching it, and true to his nature, got hooked. Like I've told him before, I don't mind watching a show in small doses, but I can't take hours on end of it, which is what he would do if I "allowed" it.

So now, he obsesses about rubs for steaks, finding the perfect knife, and, my personal favorite, seasoning a cast iron skillet. I'm sure it'll be something new in a few months when he abandons his love for cooking for his love of something new.. but at least at the moment his obsession is something that is productive for the whole family in that he's taken an interest in cooking dinner most nights!

Need Some Advice, Please

Ok, here goes. My husband has two younger siblings, a brother about 10 years younger and a sister who's 11 years younger. The brother has a nine-month-old son, the sister, a 4-year-old daughter.

T and L (A's siblings) have both recently gotten in trouble with the law for various things. Their significant others (the mother and father of their children respectively) also have.

It is a big freaking mess.

My mother-in-law has been caring for my nephew and niece a lot since "things" happened.

Here is where I need the advice: Since all this happened, starting around the beginning of July, C (M-I-L) has seen my child once. Prior to that, she saw R at least once a week during the school year because she watched her every Tuesday while I was working. She isn't doing that this year because of the situations with A's siblings. In June she saw her a time or two after school let out.

I have a huge problem with this. R's cousins are there several days a week right now, and it is a good thing to have their stable grandparents in their young lives. The problem is that because we aren't having some crisis, she doesn't have time for R.

Each month that passes without R seeing her grandparents, the more upset about it I get. We are going on 3 months now in which she's had no contact. She's stopped talking about them, etc.

R has a very good and close bond to my parents. (We are fortunate that both sets of grandparents live near us, within an hour of our house!) However, it really bothers me that she doesn't have that with A's parents.

I feel myself getting resentful, but more than that, I feel sad for R and for A's parents. So my question to you is: What should I do? Should I try to talk to them about it? Should I let it go for now until things calm down with A's siblings? Should I try to arrange to get together with them? Or just do nothing and let the relationship go?

I don't want to seem like the *itchy daughter-in-law, and I don't want to be selfish. Is feeling the way I feel right now about this selfish?

I'd really like some perspective on this one.

Very Interesting...

So I don't really pay attention to "unofficial" numbers as you may know. However I stumbled across a couple blogs I haven't read before...

I'll just say if the information I'm gathering is accurate (in that I'm understanding it all correctly), our official October number could be very interesting.

And that's all I'm sayin' for now!

R= Reading Prodigy?

Yesterday, A was driving home with R. At a stop light, R started saying "peeez" over and over again and pointing enthusiatically. A looked up in the direction of her pointing and realized that she was pointing at a nearby Papa John's Pizza place.

We've never pointed out pizza places while in the car with her, and we don't really get Papa John's pizza ever. Maybe like once in the past 6 months, if that.

So, the only logical conclusion is that at 22 months, my child is a reading prodigy, right?

Why I Do What I Do...

A student I had last year (my favorite one, actually-- yes of course I have favorites!) emailed me a few days ago. She's a 9th grader now, finding her way through her first quarter.

Last year, one student from each of the 5 teams in the building was responsible for writing and giving a speech to the student body at the awards assembly. The rest of the teachers and I picked this student to write and give the speech. She wrote something perfect (I knew she would) and very begrudgingly agreed to give it, too. She was nervous and scared.

She did an amazing job.

I was so proud of her.

She thought she messed up. I guess she stumbled over a word or 2 in the beginning of the speech, which I honestly did not notice.

She was so upset and probably mad at me because I pushed her to do it in the first place. She thought she did horrible and left the gym in tears as soon as she was finished speaking.

The email I received from her this week THANKED me for making her give the speech.

It's things like that that make doing what I do every day worth it. (And make me miss being in the classroom now that I'm not-- a subject for another post.)

Friday Surprises

Ok, last Friday, my BF, M, found out she's expecting her 4th child.

Today, I get a call from my friend A who has been doing fertility treatments. Well, she's pregnant, too!

Babies are amazing blessing, regardless of if they are born of a birthmother or one's own body. Sometimes, being "paper pregnant" (which is a phrase I never use) is hard because there are no physical signs and no tidy 9 month timelines.

On the other hand, at least I don't have strangers coming up to me and touching my belly like I'm an animal at a petting zoo.

Congratulations M and A! I'm so happy that we are in this together!

(PS-- My friend V is also pregnant and due in Nov.!)

Sometimes I Wonder...

As R starts to become more and more of a little person instead of a baby, I think a lot about how things will be when she is older. Like in that her momma is a pale, plain, short, white lady, while R herself is mocha, tall, black, and beautiful. She sparkles and just draws people to her effortlessly.

Sometimes I wonder if she'll grow up to hate us.

Sometimes I wonder what her life will be like with white parents, white family, white friends. (Not that we don't have connections with people of other races, including of course Ethiopians.)

Sometimes I wonder what people think when they see our family. Are they judging us?

Sometimes I wonder what her life would have been like if her birthmother hadn't given her to us to raise as our daughter.

Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve to be the mother of the most amazing child on the planet.

Sometimes I wonder how it will be when we bring her baby sister home.

Where am I going with this? I have no idea.

But this I do know: I love my daughter with my whole heart and soul. I love her little curly head and her tiny baby toes. I love her smile, her laugh, her personality. I love her kisses and hugs. I know that I do not regret for a moment that she is my daughter.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

8 Years

Eight years ago, the world changed forever with the attacks on our country.

Eight years ago, I was a first year teacher, struggling to figure out how to teach English literature to my seniors.

Eight years ago, a student burst into my room and said "Ms. M, Ms. M, someone bombed the Pentagon!!" and I was naive enough to think she was wrong. I soon found it was so much more than that and wished she'd been right.

Eight years ago, I watched in horror as towers fell, buildings burned, and people lost their lives, all live on TV.

Eight years.

A long time and the blink of an eye at the same time.

Whoa-- New Look!

Nikki just finished making my blog look fantastic! Check her work out! (See top left!) She is awesome.

And you know what I just realized? The colors of my blog are the colors of baby #2's room, well, the purple and orange.

(See below for some cutie pictures of my daughter!)

R + Mimi and Grandad = Love

My daughter has her grandparents wrapped around her tiny little Ethiopian finger!

Here are some pictures from this summer to prove it!...

I would like to help you mow the lawn, Grandad!

(Don't worry, he had the blade off while she was on it.)

The flowers are starting to wilt. I need to water them right now!

It is now time to play the piano, Mimi.

I would like to take Lucy for a walk and lead the way!

Mimi, my birthday is only 3 months away. I need to practice blowing out candles!
(Yes, I'm aware this isn't her best hair style!)

I know it is getting dark, but I still would like to go on a picnic. I have the basket all packed!

I love the way my parents love R and the way she loves them! They are wonderful grandparents to my sweet daughter, and we are so lucky they live close enough near us that R can see them about once a week. It is so fun to see them enjoy spending time with their first grandchild. She has a very special bond with them.

Shoulda Just Waited a Bit

New Number:

11

5 spots this month! My guess is that referrals will slow a little this month and next while the ET courts are closed and they catch up in Oct. after reopening.

Anyone wanna guess when we'll get our referral?

(Our sweet daughter, we are getting closer and closer to seeing your face! We love you forever!)

Hodge Podge

Ok, first, please keep my mom's friend K in your prayers. She has been battling cancer for years, had a PET scan this week, and the results were bad. She is undergoing chemo, well, right as I type these words actually. K is an amazing person and wonderful friend to my mom. She was Teacher of the Year for my state a while back... My mom is a wreck, understandably. The prognosis is not good...

Second, ET culture camp is this weekend! I have been part of the planning committee, and we've been planning since Dec... I'm hoping all goes well!

Third, R said her second "sentence" this afternoon at my mom's house. "R, do you want to get out of your highchair?" "No!" she says... Mom asked why, and she said, "Because SQUEEZE!!" (My mom allows her to squeeze water out of the rag/paper towel/whatever she's using to clean her up onto the tray.) So my child can say "because squeeze" clearly but can't say "up."

Fourth, the family ahead of us on the waiting list got their Sept. numbers phone call yesterday from our agency. I'm hoping we get ours today so I can post our Sept. official number later today!!

Fifth, I'm getting a blog makeover from Nikki (Blogs for a Cause) at: http://www.madebynikki.blogspot.com/! She is doing a special fundraising effort this month, and now is the time to make some changes to the old blog anyway! I'm excited about it, and I hope you all like it, too. It is going to be fun to have something different! And her work is always so pretty on others' blogs, so I'm sure my blog is also going to look fabulous when it is completed.

So I guess this post is a mix of good and bad. Pictures of R soon... I just recently uploaded 446 from my camera onto my laptop (which is literally out of memory now so I don't know what to do!) so I will actually have summer pictures to share soon...

Please take care this weekend and hug your loved ones.

Cupcake Costume

That's what I want to put R in for Halloween. I found one in the Pottery Barn catalog today and decided that was what she'll have to be.

However, the Pottery Barn one is rather expensive, and it is cute but not adorable. I've been scouring the Internet to find one with little luck.

Any ideas????

Somebody wanna make me one? J/k... sort of.

Mixed Feelings

Recently, there have been some posts on my agency's listserv and another ET adoption listserv about a situation in which a family feels the agency wasn't truthful with them about their son. I've been really torn about this and haven't commented on either listserv.

I don't know how to react. I know in my case, and in the case of many other families, my agency has been wonderful. Our adoption experiences with them, well I couldn't ask for anything more.

So to hear something about this, something in which a horrible thing happened to a family, it breaks my heart. I don't doubt this happened to them, I don't doubt it was awful, I don't doubt this family's suffering and heart ache.

I just can't imagine this happening based on what I know of my agency. But at the same time, I don't feel in the slightest that this family is being dishonest about their experience.

My point of this post? I have no idea. Just what's on my mind at this given moment.

R's First Sentence

"NO MY NAP!" is what I was told this afternoon when I said it was sleep time for a baby girl.

No, she's not stubborn at all. Why do you ask?

We are in so much trouble...

The Times, They Are A-Changing...

Well, there are big changes going on around my house.

Specifically...

We bought a mini-van yesterday. Yep, I traded in my sweet, loyal red Beetle for a mini-van. A Toyota Sienna.

A very mom-type vehicle, no?

The van is nice, really nice. It's a 2008, used obviously!

And, no, I didn't trade Red in for Cash for Clunkers!!! She didn't qualify! She wasn't a clunker! She was amazing!

This is very bittersweet.

Blah.

August Numbers are In

We're...

16

I really thought it would be lower than that, but that's ok.

If you didn't see already, look at the post below for some cute R pictures.

Who Wants to See some Pictures of R???

I got R's picture taken today. Why? Just because. She hasn't had a professional picture taken since Easter, and her 2nd birthday is not until Nov. I wanted to get some summer ones done. In looking at Easter pictures, she's changed so much since then.... And, yeah, Beary is in some of them this time around. He goes with her everywhere right now, so why not in a picture, too?

The pictures below are the "raw" photos. I got a few enhanced or zoomed in, etc.

Enjoy!

Some People Just Suck

My dear sweet friend L's house got robbed today.

No one was hurt (physically). The house wasn't trashed... So I guess it could be a lot worse. Obviously it could be.

They took things you can easily sell in a pawn shop-- ALL her jewelry, cameras, expensive wallets (she has good taste), ipods, laptop, expensive stationary. Her underwear was thrown around her bedroom, an extra special gift from some scumbags who are now making money on L and her husband's hard work.

And my perfectionist, pay attention to detail, neat freak friend notices everything. She saw the scuff mark on the base of her shower, the bed skirt out of place, etc. She feels violated and, worse, not safe in the place that is supposed to be the safest, most comforting place of all, her home.

She lives 3 hours away from me. If R wasn't asleep in bed and A weren't away on business, I'd hop in my car and drive there, to help keep watch on her house until they get that security system installed on Sunday. (She doesn't want to go to work for fear they'll return for more.)

Maybe then she'll have some piece of mind.

The "Orphan" Movie

(R and me, Feb. 18, 2008, about 20 minutes after becoming a family.)

Warner Brothers' new horror movie Orphan proclaims that it must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own. Let me tell you about how an orphan changed my life...

I've talked about this movie before on this blog. Now I will talk about it in more of a personal way. (I'm going to write this simply through my perspective, not "ours," my husband's and mine.)

First off, I never once thought I would adopt a child. I was NEVER against adoption, just hadn't occurred to me as the way A and I would build a family. I went through stages in my life where I could picture my little blonde hair, blue eyed children... then stages where I never thought I would be a mom... finally to the stage in which my heart and soul ached for a child, and slowly my heart opened to the idea of adoption, almost like clues on a treasure map.

You see, MY daughter, she's a treasure. An amazing treasure, a precious gift. How has she changed my life? In about a million ways, both huge and tiny. I love that child so much.

Our adoption ride with R has been smooth. I expected it to take a year to bring her home; it took 8 months. I expected it to be extremely difficult for R to bond and attach to us; I think she loved us as much as we loved her instantly. I expected to go into tremendous debt after R came home because we were only supposed to have one income; instead I was able to take sick leave and take 10 weeks off with her. All the pieces fell into place.

This child, this girl of mine, she's amazing. I think those of you who know her personally would agree that R just sparkles. Ya can't help but love the child.

And love her I do. The instant I saw her picture for the first time, then months later held her in my arms, I loved her wholly, completely, totally. Just as any other mother who births a child would, I'd imagine, or maybe more. After all I did have to ache for months to hold my child while biological mothers get to hold their children the moment they are born. (You lucky ducks, you!! A subject for another post, for sure.)

The title of this blog is "Always and Forever." The reason for that, of course, is that I will love my child(ren--- don't forget we have another on the way!!), well, always and forever!

Later, Gator!

We're going on vacation tomorrow.

See you when we get back!!

July Numbers are In

We are....

18!!

Holy cow! We have moved a lot in the past month.

It appears we may go to Ethiopia sooner than I thought. We shall see.

I got the job!

Totally in shock. I did not think I would be offered the position, but about an hour ago, I was!

So I'm no longer an 8th grade language arts teacher but an instructional coach instead.

Anyone have any idea what that means?? :)

We shall see, my friends, we shall see.

(No July numbers yet. You?)

07-08-09

I was hoping that we would get a new number on 07/08/09, but, alas, I guess we will wait until tomorrow!

Anyone else get any news?

On a side note, I hear that the Ethiopian court is going to be hearing some abandonment cases on Friday. As this change in Ethiopian adoptions has affected so many families and their children, I am praying that families receive good news and are united with their children soon.

And, no, I haven't heard anything about that job yet either.

Job Interview

It was this morning. I think it went pretty well. I don't think there is anything I would have said differently. I think they liked my responses, and I feel I would be a good fit for the position. It's in their hands now, so there's nothing else I can do. I hope I know soon.

The other thing I hope I know soon is our July number! I got an email today from our agency saying they will be making calls this week...

Aching Today...

... For Ethiopia.

What can I do?
How do I make a difference?
Where is my baby?
How is R's birthmother?
How do I return?
When will that be?
How can I bear it?

My heart breaks.

Starting to Get Anxious...

... to find out what our official July number is!!

Aren't you?

I have a guess what it is, but I'm not going to post "unofficial" numbers on my blog. There are so many unknowns, and I only want to publish what I know for sure.

There have been 2 infant girl referrals, one sibling referral, and one boy referral in the past couple weeks for our agency. YAY!

Movement on the list is always a happy thing.

Misc.

1. I have an interview for the instructional coaching position on Tuesday, July 7 at 9am. There are in fact 4 people who have applied for the job. I know of 2 others besides me. The one I know of from the 5-6 building is who I think will ultimately get the job. She's excellent, and I don't feel like I'll be able to compete with her. But I'm going to try. I think I'll probably know toward the end of next week or early the week after.

2. I took R to her first movie tonight. I KNEW it wasn't a good idea... She doesn't watch TV, and she doesn't sit still. However, my friend H's daughter G really wanted us to go with them, and eventually she convinced me with her big blue eyes and extreme cuteness. We ended up having to leave before the movie was over. R was exhausted and fell asleep in the car on the way home.

3. A is gone tonight. He called this afternoon and said he had to go to one of his stores, 3+ hours away. Blah, I wish he were home!

4. Tomorrow is the first day of July (duh). June has flown by.

5. Recently, a package of clothing from The Children's Place (mostly sale things to take to Ethiopia with us next time) got lost in transit. Turns out I was not paying attention when typing in my address and missed a number. Oops. Anyway, it was delivered somewhere across town, and I figured it was lost. To my surprise when I got home from the ill-fated movie, there was a message that it had been located. I need to call the local office tomorrow.

Decisions, Decisions

My district posted an opening for a newly-created "Instructional Coach" position this past week. The application and letter of interest are due to HR tomorrow. I intend to apply. I have always known that I will not be in the classroom forever, no matter how much I do love my job and enjoy working with students. This job would be more of a support role for teachers-- best practices, looking at data to make improvements, offering professional development. These are all things I think I would be more than qualified to do and would enjoy.

I'm going to list some pros and cons below. Any insights you may have are appreciated!

Pros:
1. A step toward a job I would really like to have in curriculum.
2. Something different, a new challenge.
3. Does not require an additional degree (I am going to start working on my admin. license however).
4. Would (most likely) involve less work for me to do in the evenings at home-- more time with my child(ren). This is something I have struggled to balance since R has been home. I'm sure that guilt/feeling of ineffectiveness I feel will only increase with the addition of our second child.
5. A way to get my foot in the door for what I see as the future for my career in education.
6. Pressure of state testing will not be directly on me, which is a huge thing for me right now as our scores in 8th grade LA dropped over 10 percentage points this year.

Cons:
1. Position is currently only for 2 years (created through stimulus funding) with the possibility for it to continue after that depending on funding. However, I would retain seniority in the district and would be guaranteed a job if my position would be cut (not necessarily in my building-- could be the HS, which I would hate).
2. Would most likely have to give up the job of chair of my department, something I truly love.
3. Would missing teaching terribly, I'm sure.
4. Involves working in 2 buildings, my current one and the 5-6 building.
5. What do I know about best practices for teaching math?
6. At some point (God-willing) this school year, we will be traveling to bring our second daughter home. What would the impact on my position be if I am out for 8 weeks (maybe more)? I always planned to stop teaching and move into a job in curriculum once my kids were older. This is definitely way before that time frame I had in my head.
7. My dad advised me not to take it (former superintendent, retired now).
8. I'm good at teaching. What if I suck at this?

I'm sure I could add more to each list if I really thought about it. My friends M and H are both really encouraging me to take the position if offered, which I feel there is a good chance will happen.

Last night, I was convinced if offered the job, I would take it. This morning, I feel more like it would be a really bad idea. I've spoken with the HR person in charge of filling the position. She said that 4 people (including me) have applied for the position and all are good candidates. Ultimately, it will come down to who the principals for the 2 buildings think would be the best fit. The principal at the 5-6 building was my principal for 3 years, and he and my current one seem to have confidence in my abilities. I spoke directly to my current principal about the position on Thursday, and he said I would be excellent in that job.

I guess when it comes down to it, I really need your prayers and good thoughts that the right choice will come to me, if there is a choice at all in the end.

Sleepy Horsey Baby

Yesterday while R and I were having lunch, my principal called me to talk to me about a few things. (It seems I might have some decisions to make-- will post about that later.) R was in a good mood and was singing along (as much as a child who can't really talk yet can) to the children's cd we were listening to.

I stepped away from her for a few minutes to get away from her singing and the cd in the background. When I came back, this is what I saw:

At first, I thought she was dead. Choked on some piece of food or something. After I quickly ascertained that she was, in fact, still alive, I realized she'd fallen asleep. She has NEVER done anything like this in her life. Well, I should say around me. She feel asleep standing up with her head on the sofa at my friend, M's, house as well as just on the floor there. It was so weird and a bit scary, too. I did manage to get her unbuckled from her seat and upstairs into her bed without her waking up.

Thoughts

Just got a beautiful email from my aunt who is currently in Egypt. I would love to copy and paste it onto this blog, but I don't feel like I should do that. She leaves tomorrow to return home, and my uncle is staying alone (with a guide and guard) for a few more days.

They have had an absolutely amazing time. How to even describe it? I can't. No words.

I cannot wait to see their pictures and hear their stories.

I cannot wait until I, too, set foot on Egyptian soil. Someday!

One really cool thing is that one of their tour guides is the grandson of a man who was my grandfather's guide in 1946. My uncle brought my grandad's guide book with him, a guide book that was written by this man and signed by him. Somehow, their main tour guide was able to track down the grandson. I just find that so unreal and amazing.

Long Week

This has been a really long week.

R's broken arm, transitioning from the crib to a big girl bed, and A being out of town on business combined into a hard week for the baby and for me, too.

Oh, and she also was feverish and lethargic on Thursday. Awesome.

There has been A LOT of crying and clinging to momma from the little one this whole week. She hasn't been her normal happy self at all. She is not one to sit still, let along want me to hold her all day. Which gets tiring when you're trying to do stuff around the house for example and you're carrying around a 25 pound baby who screams if you dare to sit down.

The sleep situation has not been good. She's been taking forever, like hours, to fall asleep at night and is getting up at like 6 instead of 7:30.

Most nights A was out of town, she would scream for at least an hour straight, sometimes longer. And by scream, I mean so loud and inconsolably that I was surprised the police didn't show up to make sure everything was ok.

And she hasn't been eating either.

Today was most of the same... until after dinner.

Something snapped in her little baby brain, and she started to act like herself again. Playing. Pushing Beary around in the stroller. Curling up on her little baby sized sofa. Smiling and laughing. Being enjoyable to be around. THANK GOD.

I love my child so much, but it has been so hard to be her momma this week.

A Broken Arm Update-- With Pictures

Baby girl is doing ok today. She's so tough! I did say yesterday that I would post some pictures, and here they are. They pretty much tell the story...

The day started out well enough.... She was proud of herself that she had a new trick. However that all changed quickly. After changing her diaper, I put her in her crib, like I have every single time I've changed her. I took the diaper to throw away. As I was walking through the kitchen back to her room, I heard a crash and a blood-curdling scream. I dashed to her room, and she was standing on the floor clutching her arm. I picked her up and we sat in her rocking chair. I asked her to let me see it, and she wouldn't, still screaming uncontrollably. It is highly unusual for her to cry more than a minute or two after she hurts herself. I asked her to show me where it hurts, and she grabs above her wrist on her arm.

At that point, I called A... She and I are both sobbing at this point. He told me to take her to the hospital and he would meet me there. She was still crying. She could hold anything in her hand and didn't move it.

We drove to the hospital and she fell asleep on the way. She woke up when we got there and just clung to me while I tried to fill out the paperwork. My hands were shaking as I did the paperwork. I was so upset and sort of scared. A arrived about 20 minutes after I got there with our poor baby.

After a while, a very sweet nurse called R's name... and we went in for her to check out the injury. She was so kind and took great care of my baby.

If you look at her little arm, you can see the splint the nurse put on her. R didn't keep it on long because she didn't like it. The nurse also gave her some baby Motrin and told us to take R to this other waiting area so R didn't "have to be around sick children." R enjoyed looking at the fish...

After about 10 minutes the nurse came back and told us she was going to take us to the x-ray area because they weren't coming fast enough in her opinion. (Can you see Beary's head in the above picture? I was so glad that he made it home from "vacation" before R's accident. The nice nurse even gave Beary a wrist ID bracelet so he and R both had one.)

We waited in that room for a while (above R and A are playing with a toy while we wait), went and got x-rays taken, waited some more, and then the doctor came in. She told us, "We got her x-rays back, and it's not pretty." I almost lost it when she told us that both bones in her arm were broken and that she would have to have a cast. We waited about 20 minutes for the cast lady to show up and put a cast on my princess. She was a really good girl while the cast was being put on, although she didn't like it.

Finally, we drove home. She passed out asleep almost immediately. Isn't this a pathetic picture?

From break to release from the hospital, the whole thing took a little over 3 hours.

And that is the story of my poor little daughter's broken arm. I have a feeling this won't be the last broken bone my sweet daughter has in her childhood.

A Broken Arm

Is what my child has now, complete with a pink little baby cast.

Guess how she broke her arm. (Both bones in her right arm, near her wrist.)

Yep, ninja flipping out of her crib.

The big girl bed is in A's car, waiting to be unloaded and assembled.

Today's been awful.

Pictures later.

Trust me, the cast is just about the most pathetic thing you'll ever see.

It was only a matter of time...

... before R figured out how to get out of her crib. This morning, I awoke to a little face trying to give me a kiss and climb up on the bed to play. A was already downstairs, I soon realized. I kept asking her, "Where's Daddy?" She would point in the direction of our stairs. I thought he was getting her some milk, as he usually does when she wakes up and yells for us. However, I realized that Daddy was in the basement (we live in a tri-level house), and he didn't know she was out of her bed. We walked back down the hall, and I put her in the crib while I went to the restroom.

When I got back, I asked her to show me how she got out of her crib and called for A to come watch. She moved her pillow to the end of her bed, stood on it, put her right leg over the bar, balanced as if on a horse, and then dropped to the floor.

This child will be scaling the fridge in no time at this rate.

So, I'm terrified! Do we convert the crib to the toddler bed? I'm SOOO not ready for that! I am going to remove the pillow from her bed, which will make her so mad because she loves it. I'll also limit her stuffed animals and all that.

(Yes, I allow my child to have a pillow and stuffed animals in her bed. This may not be the best choice, some might think, but she loves them. We've never had a problem and waited until she was walking and moving around entirely on her own before we allowed her to be in her crib with her.)

Any suggestions? What do you all think?

AUUGGH!

30

No, we didn't go back a number on the waiting list!

Silly!!

That's how old I am.... today. Officially out of the 20s.

Blah blah blah.

Egypt

(Wouldn't this princess look cute riding around the Sahara on a camel?)

A has promised me that one day we will go. My entire family is crazy obsessed with the country, its history, going there someday.

Well, not since the 1940s has someone from my family set foot in this country. I have come the closest in that we flew over Egypt on our way to and from Ethiopia. That is all about to change, as my mom's sister and brother are going there next week. My aunt is being sent to Cypress for her work and decided she wanted to go to Egypt while she was at it. My uncle, her brother, decided he couldn't pass up the opportunity and bought a plane ticket with the very last of his money from my grandparents' estate.

My Grandad would be so proud and excited. You see, it is he who instilled this love of Egypt in us all. Right at the end of World War II, my then 19 year old grandfather was sent around the world to the Allies' Northern African front. The man actually slept on the Great Pyramid (you can imagine the security guard's surprise when he happened upon him during an early morning round) and saw King Tut's mummy in the tomb.

My uncle leaves tomorrow to meet my aunt in Cypress. Their tour of the country will be an Egypt lover's dream... How I wish I could hop on a plane and join them!

Masalama!

Have You Seen This Bear?

Name: Beary

Occupation: R's Favorite Friend, Playmate, and Confidante

Last Seen: Accompanying Daddy and R on a trip to the post office

Missing Since: June 9, 2009

By the grace of God, I just found (and bought) a replacement "Beary" on eBay for $3 plus shipping. Now all I have to do is distract R for the next 4-7 days until he arrives so she doesn't realize he's missing. This is particularly difficult at bedtime. (The above picture is actually taken from the eBay listing.)

June Numbers

(R says, "We're one step closer to bringing my baby sister home! YAY!")

We just got our new official number for June, which is #29. Apparently there are some referral packets out, which may or may not affect our place. However, I'm not going to mess with official/unofficial numbers because I think that just might make me crazy.

Side Notes:

1. My missing classroom materials have been found! They were in a random workroom between two classrooms down the hall from my new classroom. Thank goodness!

2. Took R to the doctor today after days and days of coughing and runny nose. I woke up last night around 2am and listened to her cough in her sleep for an hour until I fell back asleep. As my friend M had already told me, she has seasonal allergies, and the doctor recommended an OTC medicine for her, which she'll take once a day before going to bed. I have no experience with allergies (besides cats and incense at church!) so this is new terrain for me!

Update

As I unpacked the room today, I discovered that a lot of my materials are missing. Like about $2000 worth of class sets of books, writing materials, and all the books that I have gathered over the past 8 years of teaching to create my personal classroom library. Oh, and a ton of my bulletin board supplies.

Peachy.

My New Classroom View...

...is a brick wall and roof of the lower level of the building.

Niiiice.

Today is a hard day.

Back to unpacking and, uh, "organizing."

New pictures of R coming soon. I just downloaded pictures last night for the first time since mid-April!

My Own Personal Funeral

That's what it feels like as I deconstruct my classroom, box everything up, and take down bulletin boards.

Change is hard. Really hard.

And scary.

I've been in my current district for 6 years now and in that classroom for 4 and a half. (We moved to a new building my second year in the district.) It's comfortable for me. Everything is the way I like it. Even my room number, 160, is nice. I'm on the first floor, and courtyard is the view out the window. My desk is where I want it, and until I started packing it all up, my stuff was exactly where it should be.

I'm moving to the second floor and my room will now be 213. That's a crappy sounding number to me. And the room is set up opposite what mine is now. Even the file drawers on my desk will be on the left instead of the right, like they are now.

And my new team.... Well, the team I'm on right now is dysfunctional for sure, but at least I KNOW that dysfunction and can work around it. The new team is another story. There are people up there who haven't spoken to one another all year long.

I don't know how I'm going to deal with all that. My principal has told me that I've been moved up there because I'll be a "calming force" for the team. I literally laughed aloud when he said that. He looked surprised and said, "I really mean that." I know he does, but I'm anything but calm when I get upset.

I feel like I'm going to be stifled on this new team. That I will have to deal with conflicts that have nothing to do with me. That I'm being seen by my administrator as someone who can "fix" this new team's issues. That I won't be able to teach the way I want to anymore. That this team will just crush me.

Mostly though, that next year will just be plain miserable.

Somebody get me some chocolate.

Dents Add Character, Right?

Well, as I was coming home from picking up R yesterday after work, I got hit in the passenger side door by 2 kids on a bike. I was making a right turn, and all of the sudden they slammed into my car.

Good news is that no one was (seriously) hurt, just a few scratches on the boys on the bike. And R hardly even noticed it happened.

As I approached the boys as I pulled into a nearby parking lot after the accident, the driver was furious and literally threw his bike into the air. He and the other boy were starting to walk away, but I called out to them, "Are you ok?"

With that, the mood changed. I think they were both expecting me to scream at them. I was anxious about checking out the side of my car, so once they both said they weren't too hurt, I said, "I'm going to look at the damage on the side of the car now, and I'm just glad my baby wasn't hurt."

I asked them both what grade they were in, one in 10th, the other in 8th. I just said, "I teach 8th graders," which made the younger one sort of smile.

I guess handling it in a calm and kind way was what they both needed. I work with ED (emotionally disabled) students, and these 2 boys reminded me of a couple of kids I might see in my class.

I'm thankful that no one was seriously hurt and that I had the presence of mind to handle my interaction with the boys the way I did. Besides, like someone said to me, "You can't sue kids anyway."

I looked at the car, and there's some damage. However, Red is 10 years old right now, and although I love her very much, she's starting to show her age. One more dent isn't going to make that much of a difference!