As R starts to become more and more of a little person instead of a baby, I think a lot about how things will be when she is older. Like in that her momma is a pale, plain, short, white lady, while R herself is mocha, tall, black, and beautiful. She sparkles and just draws people to her effortlessly.
Sometimes I wonder if she'll grow up to hate us.
Sometimes I wonder what her life will be like with white parents, white family, white friends. (Not that we don't have connections with people of other races, including of course Ethiopians.)
Sometimes I wonder what people think when they see our family. Are they judging us?
Sometimes I wonder what her life would have been like if her birthmother hadn't given her to us to raise as our daughter.
Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve to be the mother of the most amazing child on the planet.
Sometimes I wonder how it will be when we bring her baby sister home.
Where am I going with this? I have no idea.
But this I do know: I love my daughter with my whole heart and soul. I love her little curly head and her tiny baby toes. I love her smile, her laugh, her personality. I love her kisses and hugs. I know that I do not regret for a moment that she is my daughter.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
5 comments:
I wonder some of those things myself! Oh and I want to guess your referral time December 9, 2009.
I think these are questions all adoptive parents wonder about. I dont have any answer for ya...:) I just hope we do right by our kids. I read a few blogs this weekend where IA kids were angry over all they lost....maybe keeping them connected with their birth countries should be a priority. Just thinking out loud too :)Your daughter is so beautiful. She reminds me of my T a bit :)
I wonder these things myself. I can tell how much you love your daughter and how much she was meant for you, and I don't even know you. God is Good and He knows. Thanks for sharing.
Audrey
Hi, I didn't see anywhere on your blog to contact you - so I thought I'd leave a comment. Our families Sept # on the wait list for a baby girl with AGCI was 12, so I guess we're one # behind you - We hope you get your referral sooner than Dec! :) I'm definitely following your blog!
Sarah
Oops! Typo in my first comment - our family's number was 12 - not families. :)
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