Away for a Few Days

UPDATED WITH THE REST OF THE PICTURES

We got back last night from a trip to visit a dear friend and to attend my agency's regional picnic. We had a pretty good trip, aside from some crazy girl behavior from my R. The girls did a great job in the car, and we visited a zoo and a couple museums before the agency picnic. Here are some pictures from the trip! They start with the last thing we did and end with the first, but I'm not going to try to put them in the opposite order. :)

Below, my E modeling the Africa shirts and hair clips I had made.

I think my R looks so very Ethiopian in this picture. Something about the way her hair frames her face and the expression on it.

My girls getting to know my friend P's daughter, S. They loved swinging with her on the swing in the back of the house. S was so sweet to my girls, and I loved seeing both her and her momma. (Her daddy is overseas fighting for our country right now.)

At the science museum, playing in an ambulance exhibit. Moments later R pushed E right off the seat. Ahh, sisterly love at its best!

Humm, I don't think letting R have a mallet is a great plan, do you?

R is fascinated with buses, so she was very excited to see this at the science museum!

"I'm from here-- 'Opia!-- Daddy!" my R says with pride.

Here, my girls look at the giraffes in their giraffe shirts. (Just take my word for it!)

My little Ethiopian princesses worn out from their day of going to the zoo (101 degree heat) and an art museum with a kids' play area.
Mommy and her sweet little E. She is so very precious.

A is not amused by R's behavior at dinner.

At a rest stop on the way there-- R is leading E back to the van.

Just in Case You're Having a Bad Day...

... here are some cute little girls to make you smile.

No Matter How I do this Girl's Hair...

... I LOVE IT!

Pause

Exasperated the other day, I said to R, "R, why do you have to follow me EVERYWHERE??!?"

(As in to the bathroom, to get a shirt from the laundry room, to get the mail from the mailbox, to well, everywhere! It was driving me crazy. I'd spent the morning practically constantly tripping over her)

And do you know what that two-year-old of mine said?

"Beedu (her made up word for because) I love you."

My R and I, we've been struggling lately. She's stubborn (and two!) and so am I. She's trying to assert her independence, and I'm trying to keep her safe and healthy.

I don't know if her near-constant defiance is adoption-related, two-year-old related, both, or neither.

What I do know is that it is exhausting. And stressful. Overwhelming, never-ending, sometimes just scary.

"Beedu I love you."

Honey-baby, I love you, too. And I pray that I can be the mom you need.

Ethiopia Trip: Days 7-8: Packing, Saying Good-bye to Ethiopia, and Coming Home

Dec. 31, 2009

New Year's Eve 5pm

My beautiful daughter sits on the bed playing. She's really rather rejecting me right now, but that's ok. I know it will pass.

Today we saw the new HH. Amazing! I cannot believe how truly beautiful it is and how perfect it is for the children. Who would have thought they'd be able to find a compound with two houses?

I got to finally hold Miss B (my dear friend S's daughter), too! She cuddled right into me. She was precious, and I was so glad she didn't cry when I picked her up. I, however, did cry. Just an emotional experience for me to finally hold her. A took a few pictures, but they're not that great.

R (friend in the travel group) and I went to the Mapping Authority. We got there at 12:29, and 12:30 was lunch so they couldn't help us. A man did find the director, and he gave us his contact info to buy them when we're back in the States. The cab driver took us back to the shopping area to see if one of the men on the street selling maps had one with the children's birth places. No. Their villages are too small.

Seven hours left in Ethiopia. Across the street, a celebration. Two large tents, live music, and the loud calls the Ethiopian people do. Woman in traditional dress. A boy stands outside, jumping to the music.

We leave Ethiopia soon, not to return for probably a long time. However, Ethiopia-- life here-- will of course go on without us. Hustle and bustle, extreme poverty and wealth both, adoptions of the "prize of Ethiopia," all will continue. I do love Ethiopia and its people, but I am ready to be home...

Jan. 1, 2010 Coming Home-- Family Day

And, with that, my friends, I am finished with my travel journal from our trip. Considering we got home 6 months ago-- TODAY-- it is about time. I will try to fill in a few holes from our travel and arriving home.

Our flight left around midnight. Happy New Year to us, right? It took forever to get check in and through security. As we were leaving customs (immigration? IDK), the Ethiopian man behind the counter said, "Happy New Year!"

At 2am our plane took a scheduled stop in Sudan. T was still up at that point. I was exhausted.

Once we got back in the air, the flight attendants gave us all a glass of champagne to celebrate the new year, as it was now a little past midnight in Europe. (Couldn't serve it on the group because Sudan is a "dry" country.)

We made it to Amsterdam without much fanfare. It was nice to have a break between flights. We said good-bye to the people in our travel group, as we were the only ones flying to Minneapolis next.

The flight from Amsterdam to the States was hard. T/E didn't sleep much and, well, the giardia... it was bad. We nearly ran out of clothes, diapers, and wipes. We did have a bassinet seat, but T only spent a small amount of time in it.

We sat next to a woman and her mother who were bringing home her daughter. 18 months old and clearly having major issues. She screamed a lot. It was clear to me that the child also had some sensory issues and was parent shopping. I think I was able to convince the mom to take the child to an international adoption specialist-- not just the regular pediatrician-- to get them all the help they needed.

We got to Minneapolis, and it was cold. We had a several-hour layover so we found a TGI Fridays to have a meal after we got through customs, which was a total breeze by the way. It took about 5 minutes at the most.

Although I had been texting my family and friends during our trip, this was the first time I'd made a call since we'd left for Ethiopia. It was so wonderful to talk to my R!! While we were eating, T peed through her diaper, clothing, the baby carrier and onto my pants. Honestly, I didn't even care at that point about my pants. We changed T into her last outfit (I think we went through about 5 or 6 on the way home) and hoped we could make it home before she destroyed it.

We made it to our local airport on a tiny, tiny plane. We did not have anyone meet us for a few reasons. First, we were so very tired. Second, we wanted to drive T home in quiet. Third, due to our difficult time in ET, we didn't think she'd react well to many people being there.

A went out into the freezing evening to get the van while I waited for all our luggage. I managed to get it all off the belt and out by the door as A pulled up. We put T in the car seat (no prob) and made the 25 minute drive home.

Ahh, home. My parents brought R home to us. I had thought about asking them to keep her another night, but I missed her so much I couldn't stand it. T was exhausted, too, so she and I fell asleep on the sofa while we waited. I woke to the doorbell ringing.

My other baby was now home!!! My R, my sweet and beautiful girl. As I held both my girls in my arms, I remember being so happy to have my whole little family home. R was excited to meet her sister and kept saying "Hold. Hold E." It was the first and last time she held her sister, but it was precious.

My parents left soon after, and we put our TWO girls to bed. Both slept in their rooms, although I would have had T sleep in our bed if she'd wanted to.

One last side note, the flight home was a bit of a turning point in E and my relationship. She definitely still preferred A for a while after we came home, but on the flight her only choices were A or me, and A couldn't hold her for the entire 26+ hours of travel! She slept on me for a lot of one of the flights, and I think that started the process for her to be able to trust and love me, and, well, vise versa, too.

I know this is long, but it is the end of our adoption story... for now.

Twilight, here we come!

Tonight I am going to see the premier of the newest movie in the the Twilight saga, Eclipse. The theater is also showing the first two movies, so we get to see these, too. I'm so excited! Two of my dear friends are coming with me, and I am looking forward to spending time with them (sans kids) as much as I am seeing the movie. It is going to be great to do something fun and silly with my BFF! (Yep, I'm 15 today, and I don't care. Back to being a mom in her-- gasp-- thirties tomorrow.)

6 Months

Exactly 6 months ago, I held E in my arms for the first time.

A and I walked the path to the famous (hallowed, fabled, almost mystical to me) red gates of HH, the last travel group to do so. As we walked, I was so calm. So I thought.

After all, we'd done this before, right? Old pros. We'd joked all morning long about just walking up to HH, visible from the hotel staircase window, and meeting E early.

As we made our way closer, I could feel the energy in the air as all 11 families prepared to meet their children.

Then, we rounded the corner and the gates jumped into view. I remember gasping-- were we really here again?? A and I held hands as we crossed the threshold of HH again to meet our destiny.

We wait. Not patiently. As other families meet their children, I get anxious to meet my daughter. It was no spotting her from across the yard like it was with R. This time, it was naptime, and the babies were being brought out one at a time.

Finally, the transition home director motions for A and I to follow her. We enter the house and start up the stairs. A special mother holds a screaming baby, and just as I am thinking, "I'm so glad that's not T!" she stops me from walking another step and says in broken English, "T? T's mom?"

Oops. That IS MY screaming child. And then she was in my arms, a bundle of fury, terror, and anger. Do I dare tell you what I was really thinking? I guess so.

I was thinking that it had to be a mistake. This tiny angry girl could not be my child. Nope, the special mother was confused and handed the wrong baby to me. I look up in confusion at A, and I still to this day do not know what he was thinking at that moment.

We walked down the steps (we were 1/2 way up them) and out into the courtyard with our screaming baby.

We watch the other couples meet their children, none of which are screaming as much or as loudly as T continues to do. I was rattled. I was scared. I was worried. Had we made a mistake?

(You have to remember that our moment meeting R was the picture perfect gotcha moment, the one parents hope and dream for while they wait to be united with their children.)

T/E continues to scream. Loudly. Bloody murder. I try all my mommy tricks that always work with R, and none help. Rocking, patting, "ishy ishy ishy" ("it's ok" in Amharic), massaging her head (with weird stuff on the scalp-- ewwww). I hand her to A and the screaming continues. Finally, all the families are united with their children, and A (HH director) comes over to us.

She hold T close to her chest and repeats over and over a word I don't know. It sounds like she's saying "back" over and over again in a slow, deep, and guttural tone. It soothes the baby, and A hands her back to me.

And finally, I'm holding her and can look at her. I do not love her instantly like I did with R. At that moment, I felt so horrible for her. I knew how terrified she must have been being jostled awake from her nap and thrust into the arms of strangers who don't smell, look, or sound like what she's used to. I feel myself tearing up, but I do not cry.

I see she has a cute nose and that her skin tone is darker than R's and creamy soft. She had tiny, tiny toes, especially the pinky toe. She has something weird on her head, but we knew that from our referral information (note: it is some sort of viral thing; we know that now).

She's beautiful.

She's sweaty!

Is she really my child?????

We mill around with the other families, and I don't really know what to do. I guess someone takes a picture of us. I'm still holding this baby wondering what in the heck I've done...

As I reflect on the events of half a year ago, I look at how far we've come-- as individuals, as a family. A stranger-baby who wouldn't allow me to touch her while we were in Ethiopia is now my precious, sweet, darling, and dear E. A baby who wouldn't smile much for the first month now smiles constantly.

And, E and I adore each other. Time and closeness has healed the wounds we both had from our rough beginning. The memory is still there for me, but it no longer hurts. Scared and sick T has become my happy and smiley E.

These 6 months have not been easy. But, what in life is? But, thinking today about meeting E for the first time, I know that even though I was full of doubt then, E was meant be my daughter. And I'm so thankful that the crying baby from the staircase IS MY child and not someone else's baby girl.

My E, how I love you!

The Blahs

As my mom would say, I have The Blahs this week.

It has been hot-- ungodly hot and humid-- rainy, too, so taking the girls outside for a long period of time isn't pleasant. R has been a handful-- not napping AT ALL and getting out of her bed multiple times before she'll go to sleep at night. She is constantly pushing the limits on everything. E had her first real toddler tantrum yesterday-- mean mommy wouldn't give her ANOTHER cheese stick. (This girl loves cheese.) R had a potty accident and then had a tantrum because I wouldn't let her continue to wear the then pee-covered pink capris.

Nothing more to say, really. Just been a long week. Blah blah blah.

Follow Up to Social Anxiety

Ok y'all, we went to the party.

It was lovely.

You were right. No one cared what I wore or what my hair looked like. At least as far as I could tell. A behaved himself, and the girls were darling. L and M (the parents) were happy to see us and doted on the girls. I loved seeing their little one and catching up with them as much as one can at a party. They are such a neat family. Their house was indeed outta our league, and they had valet parking. However, those two things were the only ways in which I felt inadequate, and I feel like that's pretty good considering how very anxious I was about attending.

We have tentative plans to meet them for dinner at an ET restaurant sometime soon.

And, after all, they are two people with whom we have a unique bond. We met our daughters at the same time, in the same place. So, in that way, they are a part of our adoptive family.

Social Anxiety

(R in beads and braids in the post below if you didn't see it yet.)

Sigh. We are supposed to go to a birthday party for one of children of E's travel group on Saturday. I was really looking forward to it when we first got the invitation for it. As the date gets closer (Saturday), I am more and more anxious and nervous about it.

When we found out while in ET that there were 2 families who lived fairly close to us, we were excited!! It was nice to have them just an hour or so away.

This couple was (were?, help me out, M!) super nice to us in Ethiopia. We enjoyed talking with them and getting to know them. I looked forward to visiting with them when we came home. Now it has been 5 1/2 months, and we haven't gotten together with them once.

However, they're both doctors, and I can only imagine what their house looks like. I'm sure it is in a whole different league than ours... And going to something in which I don't know anyone except the host is stressful for me. My hair's looking awful (needed a haircut at least weeks ago by now), and what in the world do I wear? And I never know what A is going to say in social situations like this.

So, I don't know if we'll actually go or not at this point.

Bring on the Beads

R's hair (tried to post them last night, but it didn't work)...
Above, she works hard opening and closing the snaps. "Mom, made that!" she would say with each one. "That's great, baby!" I'd reply.
Above I am trying to get her to stay still and smile for the camera. Ignore the yogurt on her face, please.

Again, playing with the snaps. Which, by the way, do any of you use the snaps? I tried them, and they literally were all falling off so I just went with the beads and rubber bands. I don't know what I was doing wrong.

Above, here's the back! For this first time attempting beads, I didn't worry at all about the parts on the braids. I know it would probably look better if the parts were cleaner, but I also knew that'd take me forever. Next time, I'm going to divide the hair into four sections with clean parts and work from there. Eventually, I'll attempt box braids and beads. However, neither R nor I really have the patience for the length of time that takes me or for how still she has to sit. I will also use more beads next time and figured out how to make the ends look a little cleaner when I was almost finished. Look how long her hair is!

All in all, she LOVES her hair this way, and I'm happy with it, too. The whole process took about 3 hours, but that is with having dinner (well she ate while I worked) and taking some breaks. This morning, I sort of put it up for her dance class, and she wears pig tails for bed time. I also have a satin cap (on top of the pillowcase I already use-- overkill maybe, but oh well) that I will make her wear when it arrives in the mail.

I broke the beader on the second or third braid, so I had A go try to find one at a place near my house. They didn't have them, and they sent him to another place... He ended up going to 4 different stores without success and came home with a crochet hook. It worked, although it was awkward. I think it is crap that it is so hard to find beaders in stores!

Looking forward to trying different styles over the new 2 months before I have to go back to work!

31

Today's my birthday.

I'm feeling pretty neutral about the whole thing.

This morning, we went to a street fair in a quirky little town about 25 minutes away from ours. We always go, and I was looking forward to it. A and I strapped the girls into their carriers and set off.

And it poured. We weren't there very long, but at least we were able to get R a balloon (E's came off her wrist and floated away).

We came home, and R had a major meltdown before taking a much-needed nap. Good lord, I know the twos are terrible, but this is bad. And very hard. She challenges everything. We're both very stubborn. Yes, I'm the adult, but sometimes there are things she must do or not do, sometimes simply for her own safety. As much as I love being home with the girls, this is one part about summer that I dread.

While the girls napped, I went to the store and picked out exactly what I wanted for dinner. Pasta in a sauce from a local Italian place (used to go all the time pre-children!), some salad, a lovely loaf of bread, a peach pie, and a bottle of wine.

A cooked it all for us, and it was lovely.

A then took the girls to the store to "get some diet Coke." I stayed home and read a book (The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner). I knew he'd come back with something for me, and he did. A card the girls "signed." Very cute. The Eclipse soundtrack. And R told me he got my favorite chocolate, too, but that will have to wait.

Now, R keeps coming downstairs and will not stay in her bed. A is up there with her.

I just finished my second glass of wine and am now going to return to my book after I go up and kiss the princess goodnight-- again.

Sigh

Today I happened upon an uncomfortable conversation with some attendees at a professional development session I was helping to run.

It was during lunch, and the group was sharing stories about their grandmothers. One of the woman was someone who I'd never met, and she started telling a story about her grandmother getting pulled over for speeding or something.

She was trying to make this point about considering the ages of people and the day and time in which they were raised, etc.

She said the her grandmother was pulled over by a black police officer, and as her grandmother was telling the story, she was referring to the officer as an "n" word. The woman said something like, "but consider the time she was raised in. She grew up in a time when that was acceptable and common. You have to keep that in mind..."

And she was expecting the group to agree. You know, to say that it is ok for old woman to describe people who have the same skin color as my daughters as "n" words.

Umm, no.

Times change.

I don't care if the grandmother was born in 1918 or whatever.

USING THAT WORD IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. AT ALL. NEVER. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

And to try to defend that behavior is equally appalling.

After that, I passed around my cell phone so the other people in the group could see the picture my friend had just sent me.

Of my daughter getting ready for her first dance class today. My beautiful, smiley, precious, sweet, cherished daughter. Who happens to be black.

Then I got up and left the table.

Ballies and Beaders and Beads, Oh My!

Well, it is time to start seriously learning how to do R's hair so she looks more like a typical AA child.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE her hair in a little curly fro.

But, if you look at a group of little AA 2 year olds, mine stands out.

I mean, more than she already does with white parents.

So, I need to start. And when I talked to her about getting beads in her hair like another little girl at our ET families get together today, her little eyes lit up. She wanted me to do it "RIGHT NOOOOOOWWWW Mom!"

Also, E's hair is going to require braiding more than R's does so I need to learn how to do braided styles well before E's hair is long enough.

Now that I'm off work for the summer, I will have the time to devote to learning to do styles and experimenting. Hopefully I can learn before summer ends and be able to do it more efficiently by the time I go back to work.

Any website and/or book suggestions? Or tips? I've done some braiding and all that, but I've never tried beads.

Barf and a Trip to the Dentist

That's what today entailed for me. I guess, if you want to be fussy about it, the barf was in the middle of the night, but still.

I experienced my first real "kid barf" in the wee hours of the morning (R has never had the flu). E was up most of the night crying her head off and tossing and turning. Some in her crib, some in bed with us.

Finally, at 4:15am, she'd had enough and got sick all over herself, our bed, and me. It was everywhere, and I'll spare you the rest of the details. A and I gave her a bath, and she and I finally passed out around 6am for a few hours.

R has been complaining that her teeth have been hurting for a couple weeks now. The other day, I noticed that her gum was bleeding when I brushed her teeth. This morning, her gums were looking red and swollen.

So, with a fussy, tired baby on my lap, I finally found a dentist in my area who takes my insurance. (A and I go where I've gone my whole life, which is 45 minutes away. I want the girls' doctors, etc., to be closer to where we live now.)

Turns out, of course, there's nothing wrong with R's month. Just getting more teeth in. But, my big girl baby did awesome! She sat in the big chair with Beary and did everything they told her to do. She didn't seem to be scared, and we now have an appointment for her first cleaning in mid-August. Hopefully next trip goes just as smoothly! I did take a picture with my phone, but I can't get pictures from my phone to my computer right now! Trust me, it's darling.

So, that's my day... and now the baby is crying again so I am off to go get her. Poor little thing.

Five Months Home

E has been home five months today! She's awesome. We all adore her. Nuff said. :)

Summertime and the livin' is easy...

Oh my gosh, I am finished with school for the year!! I am so relieved to have the year over. I am looking forward to spending time with my precious girls; that's for sure.

R is going to go to dance class a few times in the next few weeks. I can't wait for that cuteness! She's so excited.

We're planning a trip to Wisconsin to visit some family and spend time in the Northwoods (and of course plan to stop in Milwaukee to visit the M family, who we traveled with!). My friend H and I are going to take her 2 girls and my 2 girls to her in-laws in Alabama, too.

Mostly, though, I'm just looking forward to the more relaxed pace of summer. I think it's been hard on E the past few weeks bouncing from sitter to sitter since my friend M couldn't watch the girls after her baby was born.

And now E is awake from her nap so that's all I have to say for now!

The Greatest Thing EVER!!

My BFF and I are going to the opening night of "Twilight!" Not only that, but the theater is going to show the first two movies before the premier!! I am so ridiculously excited that it is insane!!!

Yeah, I'm totally a teenage girl. :)

Kids are Awesome

A conversation with R tonight as I was trying to put her to bed:

R: Want Fi-Fi (a pink poodle stuffed animal) mom. Me get her.

M: I don't know where she is, honey. We can find her tomorrow.

R: Me know Mom. Me get her.

M: Do you know exactly where she is?

R: Yeah, yeah, Mom, me get her.

M: Ok, go get her. Be quiet, though, don't wake up your sister.

R: K Mom.

R goes downstairs to get her and, amazingly, comes back with it.

R: Found Fi-Fi Mom!!

M: Good job, R!! Mommy is so proud of you.

R: Found Fi-Fi on mountain!!!

M: You found Fi-Fi in the big pile of stuffed animals??

R: YEAH Mom!! Fi-Fi up HIIIIIGGGGGHHHHH!!

It's really much cuter if you could actually hear my precious 2-year-old's voice...

Romance vs. Reality

I feel like sometimes I have an overly-romantic view of Ethiopia. Any of you who have been there or anywhere else in Africa feel that way sometimes? Or even if you haven't been there, do you ever feel that way?

Trust me. Things I saw in Ethiopia changed my life in ways I am not even sure I know yet. But at the same time, I also have a view of the country based on its history and culture and the fact that I am blessed with 2 precious Ethiopian children.

I know that the people of Ethiopia are kind. I know that parents and families love their children and prize them. But I also know that there are children in some parts of Ethiopia who are killed because their top teeth grow in before their bottom teeth.

I know that there are so many people who live on so very much less than I do. I try, in my mind, not to romanticize this by thinking they're all living happier, simpler lives. I'm sure some of them are. But I also know that many many people there and in other parts of Africa do not know where their children's next meal will come from.

And I know that most children who come home to the US from Ethiopia adjust well and are happy. I want to believe that all the orphanages are safe places for children until that happens. But I also know that the reports of abuse (older kids to younger)-- both physical and sexual-- are enough to make me sick.

Ethiopia.

Its beauty haunts me.

But do you know what? Its poverty and sadness haunt me, too.

Lots of jumbled thoughts today. Not even sure if this makes sense...

Ethiopian Culture Camps

Have you considered attending one this summer? We went to one in our area (well, really I run it along with 3 other ET mommas) this past summer, and it was an amazing experience. I think culture camp is so important to families like mine. What other time of the year can you get together with Ethiopians, Ethio-Americans, etc? And build a sense of community for your children who are adopted (as well as their siblings)?

Here are some links to info about culture camps around the country:

http://www.heritageandculturecamp.org/

http://www.africancradle.org/camp10.html

http://eakc.blogspot.com/

http://ethiopiakidsculturecamp.blogspot.com

http://www.ethiopianculturecamp.org/

http://heritagecamps.org/afam.html (This one is for African kids, not just specifically ET kids.)

And here is more information from the Adoptive Families magazine website...
http://www.adoptivefamiliesmagazine.com/calendar.php?cal=camp

Are there camps in your area? If so, you should go! Not that I'm promoting any of the above ones necessarily... I mean, I only have personal experience with one of them... but they all sound like great opportunities to connect with families that might look like yours does or will look like soon! Yes, I know. They're a little expensive. But so are other family vacations.

Anyway, would you leave me a comment and a link if you know of any others I missed?

The Passage of Time

(Day 6 of our trip to bring E home is below if you missed it.)

Today marks E's 15 month birthday and 7 months since our referral. A typical Monday afternoon turned into a life-changing day.

I know I've talked about that day before so I'm not going to go into again. I will tell you that the first time I looked at E, I didn't know what to think. She was not at all what I expected.

1. She was already 8 months old.
2. Her story was so very different from R's.
3. She didn't look at all like I expected.

Let me explain. First, when our case manager told me that she was 8 months old, I was surprised and not totally happy. We got R's referral when she was 3 weeks old. At 8 months, R had been home for almost 5 months, etc. Bringing a child home who could be a year or older (I never thought the process after referral would go as smooth as it did) was a totally different challenge than bringing home a tiny 3 month old.

Linked to that, E's being 8 months old meant she had a lot more "lost" history than R did. E lived with her birthfamily for almost 8 months. I have no idea (well, I can guess based on what I do know and based on what I know about life in her region of Ethiopia) really what her life was like during that time period. This is something I don't think I will ever get over.

Lastly, while we were waiting for R's referral, my friend H had a dream about her and told me what she "saw" as far as what R looked like and things like that. And she was spot-on. This time around, she told me again what she "saw" for our referral. And when I saw the first picture of E, she looked NOTHING like I had expected her to look. I have to admit it sort of shocked me at first.

In the past 7 months, E has gone from a photograph or 3 and bio info on paper to my precious daughter. This time has not always been easy. But in this time, I have grown to completely adore my daughter and cannot imagine my life without her.

So, my E, I love you so very much. You are such a blessing to our family. You are the sweetest child I've ever met. Before we started the process to bring you home, I had fears that adding another child to our family may not be the right choice... But you, my girl, were the perfect choice, at the perfect time, in the perfect way.

Ethiopia Trip: Day 6: A Low-Key Day and Cultural Dinner

December 30, 2009

A Quiet Day-- so far 9:30am

Today is a low key day as we don't have a bunch of things to do. We have to be at {our agency's home} at 1pm to get the baby's paperwork, "the envelop that must not be opened," and passport with a US visa inside it. Tonight at 7 is the cultural dinner. A (agency's director) says it is only 40 minutes to an hour so I think we'll go. {NOTE: the first time we were in ET, the cultural dinner was several hours... We were all exhausted by the time we got back to the hotel, and had it been the same restaurant, I would have opted out of going. It was just way too much.}

T did well last night, only waking a couple times and for not very long. She woke at 5:34 for a little bit of milk but fell back asleep until about 7:30 or so. Another reason why it is so nice that we didn't have to do anything this morning.

Right now, T is napping, and I sent A to the lobby to try to charge his cell phone with the computer in the lobby. He brought this multi-charger thingie to cut down on how many chargers we brought, but it was fried when he plugged it in. Oh, well. Of course this means his video camera is also completely dead. He brought the wrong USB cable for it so he's going to see if he can get the right one from someone else. I really hope so so that we can do a little more filming, especially bringing T into the house for the first time.

As I write this, I'm also watching life go on as normal in Addis. Across the street, a woman plays with her son in the courtyard of their home. She wears a canary yellow dress, and there is laundry on the clothesline. Buses and cars dodge around one another trying to avoid an ever-growing pothole in the road. A huge hawk flies low in the sky, and a cat scurries across the rusty tin roofs of a home. The sun peeks out of the clouds on occasion, and it is a hazy day. Women with gauzy clothing walk down the street, heads covered, of course, and the natellas have bright, rich embroidery. Brilliant red, deep sea blue, sparkling turquoise have been my favorites.

Although I love Ethiopia, I am ready to be home. I miss my R. I miss hot showers and being able to flush toilet paper. I miss my soft bed and cozy little house. My new daughter, A, R, and I need to start our life as a family of four. T needs to grow into my sweet E. She needs to get healthy and see a doctor about the "fungus" on her head. (Although a doctor in our group says it is probably more like a viral thing.) Her grandparents need to meet their new granddaughter.

Am I really in Ethiopia and bringing another child home? This feels as if I am in a dream...

Afternoon--3:40pm

We now have T's passport and paperwork. We went to {our agency's home} for the last time as they are completing their move today to the new place, which we'll see tomorrow. A talked to us about what a miracle it is that these 12 children are in our arms and are going to be in the US. As she said, "They are the prize of Ethiopia," and they truly are. She talked about how most of them were born in the middle of nowhere and are healthy and going home. Without prenatal medical care, without doctors, without so much. Many born in houses... without HIV. She also talked about how we have to be ambassadors for the children of Ethiopia.

T is awake!

The First Poop!-- 5:20pm

As we sat in the lobby a little bit ago, T pooped for the first time since being with us! Awesome baby girl!

Before that, I could tell she was feeling better as she was playing with A, laughing, and making other noises. Thank goodness!Tonight is the cultural dinner, which I'm looking forward to and dreading at the same time. It was really hard on R when we were here the last time. However, A says it is only 40 minutes or an hour instead of 3 so I hope she's right and T does just fine!

I'm Tired-- 10:12pm

Cultural dinner was fun but really too much for me. I'm sooo tired. T did well as long as A held her. She didn't want me at all and cried when I took her.

The food was good, and the dancing and singing was a lot like the last time we were in ET. T was almost singing along at a couple points, which was adorable.

Tomorrow we visit {our agency's} new home and prepare to leave. Oh, lord how ready I am to go home!

Babies are Awesome

In less than a week and a half, three of my friends have had four babies!

My friend M had sweet A this afternoon at 1:28... I haven't been able to see her yet as my husband is out of town tonight, and I can't bring the girls to the hospital with me (they aren't allowed in the room). So, I will have to make do with pictures posted on facebook until tomorrow...

I hope I can stand the wait!

Mother's Day

This is what it is all about...

The week ends on a high note.

My sweet friend L had her first child last night, a perfect baby boy! She and her husband (and baby!!!!) live over 3 hours from my house, and I cannot wait for the school year to be over so I can go meet baby C!!

I would love to post a picture or two of the happy family and perfect baby boy, but I just can't. Instead, I'll show you a couple pictures of the nursery, which L designed and should be in a magazine or something...

Ironically, L and my friend A who had twins last week are the first of my friends to have boys. Literally everyone else has girls! And my BFF will be having her 4th girl any day now. (Come on, Baby A! I can't wait to meet you, too, sweetheart.)

Let Me Explain a Little

Thank you to those of you who read my earlier post and commented and/or are praying for me. I truly appreciate kind words and can feel your prayers.

The first 2 years of my career I taught high school and hated it. I almost gave up teaching entirely until by the grace of God, I was hired in my current district, where I've been for 7 years. My original plan was to teach one year, save money, and go back to school to do something else.

However, when I got to my current district, I fell in love with teaching and felt supported at my job. I loved teaching 8th graders; they were the perfect age for me. This year, I took on a new role in my district, that of an instructional coach. This primary purpose of this position is to improve teaching and learning, provide on-site professional development for teachers, and to analyze and use data to help make instructional decisions.

The catch is that I now work in two buildings. I split my time between the building that has been my home for 6 years and another one, one which I haven't felt comfortable in from the beginning this year. But I've tried to do my best.

Anyway, this week I had to give a survey about my performance over the course of the year as well as the coaching program in general. (The other coaches, who all work in their home elementary buildings-- just one building per coach, did the surveys while I was on leave with E.) I passed the surveys out on Tuesday, and on Wednesday, I had some surveys in my box.

And they were not nice. They had mean, nasty, and just plain hurtful comments. For example, "maternity leave?????" was one. Really? You're faulting me for taking time off to have a child? And several other things. I know not all the comments are not personal towards me; people are dissatisfied with both the building principal and the district's curriculum director. However, many of them are, and it is humiliating and embarrassing to think that people think of me that way.

All those insecurities and feeling of inadequacy I felt in my first two years teaching are back. All those things I spent 6 years trying to repress, well, they're all right there at the surface.

I will say not all the surveys were mean and nasty. I did receive several that I feel are fair and that truly do reflect my job performance and give good suggestions for how I can improve and build upon the coaching program for next year.

Also, I found out yesterday that I did not receive that position I interviewed for a couple weeks ago. Honestly, that's ok with me. Although it would have been really nice to escape this building where I feel like everyone hates me, it would have been really difficult to give the time and energy the job requires with two babies at home.

Overall, I am looking forward to the end of the school year and have arranged my schedule so I only have to be in "that" building for 3 1/2 days out of the remaining 15 left before summer break.

Thank you for listening.

Blah

Do you ever have one of those days (ok, one of those weeks) in which it seems like everything makes you cry?

Yeah, that's how I feel.

This has been a horrible week.

Seems like forever ago...

... that we were put on the waiting list for our second baby girl! That was one year ago today.

Wow, times have changed.

If you woulda told me a year ago that our daughter would already be home 4 months at this point, I would have just laughed. I mean, come on!! We were on the list at sweet number 33, which seemed insurmountable after entering the list at 4 (!!) for R's adoption.

A year ago, my baby was 3 months old and living with her birthfamily. I wish I could know what her life was truly like then.

I know what our life like. We had an 18 month old baby girl and had the expectation that we'd wait a full year or so before getting our referral. We were cool with that. That's why we'd started when we did... because it was going to take FOREVER to bring our second home.

I remember calling and texting our family and friends with the exciting news. I remember the joy of being at the next stage and feeling at peace with that. I was ready for the agency to be in charge instead of us and to really try to put our next baby girl out of my mind for 10 months to a year.

My prayers would have been so different had I known that E was already alive, out there, living in ET with her birthfamily.

I think about the mountains that had to have been moved for us to become E's parents, and I am in awe. Oh, baby girl, thank god you are home.

Four Months Ago...

...A, E, and I were on the last legs of our trip home from Ethiopia. We were probably having lunch while E slept on me in the carrier. And, wow, things have changed in those 4 short months!

Since coming home, E has changed from a stranger-baby who wasn't a fan of mommy to my precious E-poodle. While I know that I did in fact love her as soon as we met, I know now that I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE her! And she loves her family now, too.

She's gone from weighing 18 pounds, being sick, and wearing 6-9 months clothing to weighing at least 24 pounds, being healthy, and is somewhere between 18 months and 24 months clothing.

And, to celebrate being home for 4 months, she's really officially walking as of Thursday night. She'd done some walking before then, but now she's walking everywhere!

Oh, E, my precious, sweet, darling daughter, I am so thankful for you. You are joy, sweetness, smiles, and happiness all rolled into one.

I love you forever.

(PS-- Is there anyone who is still interested my finishing the story of our ET trip? I think I left off on day 5.)

The Scary Noise-- Revealed!

Every once and a while, R will wake up screaming and run down the hall as fast as she can to our room. She's completely terrified. She always says she hears a noise. Each time, I can find nothing that is the source of the noise and have chalked it up to having a nightmare or something.

Last night we were doing the typical bedtime routine of my staying in her room with her for 2 songs. (We play music for the girls until we go to bed. I try to limit it to 2 songs, but usually she can get me to stay for 3. Anyway, I digress...) The baby monitor/night light made a "feedback" sound, not once but twice while I was in the room. It's never done that before while I was in the room, and the second time, I asked her if that was the sound she hears sometimes in the middle of the night.

The look on her face told me it was. As much as my little girl's face can go white, it did. Poor baby! It is a freaky sound, and I can imagine that if one is two years old and hears it in the night that it would be really scary.

Brace Yourself...

I mean, really, can you handle the cuteness?

Enjoy! Oh, and check out this blog for a Junk Posse giveaway. Love her necklaces!

A Year

A year ago, I was totally stressing out. We'd completed everything for our dossier and homestudy and were only waiting on child abuse checks from our state to clear to get on the waiting list for our daughter.

I just remember the overwhelming stress of wanting to be on the waiting list, wanting to have some control, and wanting to feel like everything was going to be ok. We honestly didn't think we'd get a referral until March or April 2010 and travel to bring our girl home at the end of this school year. A year ago today we were allowed to mail our dossier to our case manager for review. I remember that I had so much anxiety about it that I could hardly function. I don't really know why. It was our second time around, and we'd been so meticulous about everything.

What a difference a year makes. Our sweet E has been home over 4 months! That in and of itself is a true and absolute miracle. And she's amazing, just like her sister. I have a different job and am interviewing for another one in 2 days. We've been to Ethiopia again, and again, our lives are changed forever. We have two children who are a lot closer in age than we thought they'd be, and now I am starting to forget what it was like to only have one child in the house.

This morning, when the girls were having breakfast, R was saying something about how she doesn't like it when her sister cries. "When E cry, I cry. Make me sad, Mom," she said. My girls have grown to love and care for each other over these 4 months.

I'm not saying that everything has just worked out perfectly since E's homecoming. We've had to become a family and overcome illness, learning to balance the needs of two children, depression, and sadness in these four months. But we've come through a lot of that. E's sickness is gone, the balancing gets easier daily, the depression is starting to go away with some medication, and sadness is starting to fade.

Adoption is awesome and wonderful, but it is hard and born from loss.

Even still, I look ahead to our next adoption in a few years with excitement, joy, and determination to bring our next child(ren) home!

Pet Peeves and Job Update

I'm, umm, particular about language. I'm not going to necessarily go around correcting everyone, but let's face it. I'm an English teacher by trade and for quite a while, I was paid to grade/correct my students' writing. I love the English language and the art of speaking and writing it.

With that said, here are two language things that drive me INSANE:
1. Pronouncing the word "important" as "in-poor-dant." I heard it pronounced that way in a commercial on the radio as I drove to work this morning.
2. Pronouncing the word "laptop" as "lab-top." Many students in my district say it that way. Heck, even a teacher who was born and raised in this district says it that way.

On the job front, I have an interview next Thursday for that position I posted about several weeks ago. It seems like "they" already have their pick, and it is not me. Honestly, though, I think that's ok. I'm fine with being a coach (it's amazing how much nicer work is now that my child isn't 7,000+ miles away from me; more on that some other post), and this other position in the curriculum office would be an 11 month contract instead of a 9 month one. While this has some advantages, it is a big sticking point for me. I don't know if I want to give up that much time with my girls for the sake of a job.

On the other hand, more months working would mean more income, which would mean more money saved for our next adoption!

Thoughts, y'all? On pet peeves or the job?

Cute pictures of the girls will be posted soon. I know that's why most of you visit the blog anyway, right!?!

International Adoption

I've adopted two children internationally, and although life isn't always sunshine and roses, that doesn't mean it hasn't been successful.

My two girls, R and E, are the light of my life. We have been so blessed by their being added to our family. I cannot imagine our lives without them.

I have thought a lot about this situation with the child sent back to Russia. I don't know the specifics of the circumstances that caused the family to "return" him to Russia. Regardless of what they were, it is heart breaking. And now I see that Russia has closed their doors to Americans adopting from their country. I hate that the completely wrong actions of one family are responsible for this.

Today I read that bloggers are supposed to post about their adoptions. I adore my daughters, adore their birth country, and adore being an adoptive momma.

I'm here tonight to say to whoever is reading this, international adoption works. It works for our family and countless others.

Why is it always at Panera?...

... that I seem to get comments about my kids? Last night, after I picked up R and E at my friend M's house, we met my parents in M's town at Panera for dinner. They've been gone for 2 weeks, and the girls have missed them so much (and vice versa).

We got there fairly early, like around 4:45, which is good, as the place isn't too crowded yet. We get our meal and begin to eat.

A woman comes and sits behind us and opens up a laptop. She starts talking to us and the girls. I can tell she's curious about them big time. Throughout our meal she keeps talking to the girls, my parents, and me.

While R and my mom are in the restroom, my dad mentions something about Ethiopia and how big E is compared to just a few short months ago when we met.

The woman perks up again and starts asking about the girls, like when they came home, etc. She says it looks like they're adjusting well. I say that yes they are for the most part.

She pauses and says, "This may seem nosey, but why was she (E) taken from her birthmother?"

Ok. Umm, yeah, big time nosey.

I said something like, "she wasn't taken from her birthmother. She was relinquished by her birthmother."

(There is a big difference, I am thinking.)

And I say nothing more.

I read somewhere (I think maybe on another blog) about 6 months or a year ago the following:
"Children who are adopted do not owe you their life stories."

That's all I could think about last night as this woman asked a very personal and private question about my daughter's background.

Lady, many of my friends and a lot of my family don't know the full story of my daughter's life. (Heck, I don't even know it all.) What makes you think I'm going to tell you, a complete stranger?

I know this woman probably meant no harm and wasn't thinking when she asked the question, but it is not fair to expect that just because a child is adopted that we need to share (what can be painful) stories of how she came to her family with complete strangers.

My Kids

Sometimes I have to stop and remind myself what an absolute miracle it is that I am the mother of two beautiful children.

Like for example, when R tries to unlock the front door and run out of the house without permission and then has a meltdown when I don't allow her to do so and put her in timeout.

Or when E, while sleeping, pees out her diaper all over my shirt and jeans while I'm stuck talking to our very nice but very chatty and oblivious neighbor.

Umm, awesome.

And then, I think about how much my heart longed to be a mother. And how much my heart ached to hold them tight when they were in Ethiopia and we were waiting. I think about the miracle of two small girls, born in Ethiopia to two other woman, now my daughters and greatest gifts.

I sometimes get really frustrated with R. She's stubborn, and so am I. When this happens lately, I stop what we're doing, and I say, "R, how old are you?" And she says, "Twwwwoooo!" in the cutest voice I've ever heard.

Or, I look up from clearing the table and my E smiles her silly girl smile and says, "Cheese!" I forgive her for dropping her full cup of water on my broken toe. (Oh, yeah, I broke my toe falling down the stairs on Easter morning.)

I'm a mom. I'm nothing great and have done nothing special. I'm just trying to do the best I can for them. Sometimes, I get impatient, sometimes I yell, and sometimes I just want to cry, too.

But at the end of day, when I am putting them to bed, I tell them over and over again that I love them, that I'm so happy that their daddy and I adopted them, that they are beautiful and amazing and sweet and funny little girls.

And I know that despite my flaws, I was meant to be their mom. In that, I find comfort.

Uncanny

Does the little girl on the cover of this book remind you of anyone? (Hint, see the little curly-headed princess in the banner above...)Anyway, my husband recently brought this book home for R. He said, "I bought a book for R today, and it is uncanny." What a weird way to describe a children's book, right? At least that's what I thought.

Until I looked it.

Umm, did they model this book off my child without my knowing it? Impossible, as it is has been out since 2002 or 2003... But it sure does look like my "big" girl, and it even has a page with a drawing of two sweet babies that looks like it could have been taking place in my living room.

Anyway, it is hard to find picture books with black children as main characters. If you don't have this one already you should go out and get it. It's one of R's favorites right now and not just because the main character looks so much like her!

What books do you have that you think are great for you, your children, or both?

Love, Simply Put

(See the post below for a few pictures from Easter if you haven't already!)

Today, we had a break through at our house. My R, during lunch, looked at her sister, puckered her lips, and made an "mmmm" sound at her sister.

I realized that she was trying to give her sister a kiss. I pushed their chairs closer together, and my babies gave each other 2 kisses.

Beautiful.

This may seem like no big deal, but it is a huge thing, really. Just 3 months ago, when E first came home, R would have never done this. Heck, she wouldn't have done this even 3 weeks ago.

Also today, A and I were watching the girls play together. (They were "making soup." Adorable.) A said to me, "Can you imagine life without E?"

"No, I can't."

"Can you imagine if we would have waited a few years to adopt again?"

"No," I said, "good call on starting our adoption when we did."


"Good call," he said, "on adopting two girls."

I told him that I knew they would need each other. And they do.

People (especially in the adoption world for whatever reason) have questioned why we decided to adopt 2 girls instead of a girl and a boy. I have two brothers and my entire life, wanted a sister. I thought it would be important for our girls to have same-gender siblings. They are going have experiences no one else in our family will have, being Ethiopian, adopted, and in a transracial family. I know there were many times as a kid and teenager, I wished I had a sister to talk to and wanted that for my girls. Hence, two Ethiopian princesses instead of a princess and a prince. (For now. We're not finished!)

I love that my girls have each other. They are only 15 months apart, and I think this is going to be a very good thing. When we received our referral for E, I must admit that I was concerned that R wasn't even 2 yet and that E was already 8 months. When we started this process, we'd "planned" (like you can plan in adoption--haha) for our girls to be about 2 years apart in age.

It is hard, sometimes, very hard to have a 1- and 2-year-old, but I already see the benefits of their being so close in age.

I love that my "big girl baby" and my husband are so in love with our "little girl baby."

I love how A and I chose to build our family.

Happy Easter!

Today is our first major holiday with E home. Easter was also our first holiday with R home (only 2 years ago!), so it is extra special.

I love this picture of my beautiful little girl playing my grandfather's piano, which is now at my uncle's house.

And my E. Isn't she precious? (She walked 4 steps today! I can't believe how big she's getting.)

The whole family... not the best of the girls, but that's ok.