A Year

A year ago, I was totally stressing out. We'd completed everything for our dossier and homestudy and were only waiting on child abuse checks from our state to clear to get on the waiting list for our daughter.

I just remember the overwhelming stress of wanting to be on the waiting list, wanting to have some control, and wanting to feel like everything was going to be ok. We honestly didn't think we'd get a referral until March or April 2010 and travel to bring our girl home at the end of this school year. A year ago today we were allowed to mail our dossier to our case manager for review. I remember that I had so much anxiety about it that I could hardly function. I don't really know why. It was our second time around, and we'd been so meticulous about everything.

What a difference a year makes. Our sweet E has been home over 4 months! That in and of itself is a true and absolute miracle. And she's amazing, just like her sister. I have a different job and am interviewing for another one in 2 days. We've been to Ethiopia again, and again, our lives are changed forever. We have two children who are a lot closer in age than we thought they'd be, and now I am starting to forget what it was like to only have one child in the house.

This morning, when the girls were having breakfast, R was saying something about how she doesn't like it when her sister cries. "When E cry, I cry. Make me sad, Mom," she said. My girls have grown to love and care for each other over these 4 months.

I'm not saying that everything has just worked out perfectly since E's homecoming. We've had to become a family and overcome illness, learning to balance the needs of two children, depression, and sadness in these four months. But we've come through a lot of that. E's sickness is gone, the balancing gets easier daily, the depression is starting to go away with some medication, and sadness is starting to fade.

Adoption is awesome and wonderful, but it is hard and born from loss.

Even still, I look ahead to our next adoption in a few years with excitement, joy, and determination to bring our next child(ren) home!