Let Me Explain a Little

Thank you to those of you who read my earlier post and commented and/or are praying for me. I truly appreciate kind words and can feel your prayers.

The first 2 years of my career I taught high school and hated it. I almost gave up teaching entirely until by the grace of God, I was hired in my current district, where I've been for 7 years. My original plan was to teach one year, save money, and go back to school to do something else.

However, when I got to my current district, I fell in love with teaching and felt supported at my job. I loved teaching 8th graders; they were the perfect age for me. This year, I took on a new role in my district, that of an instructional coach. This primary purpose of this position is to improve teaching and learning, provide on-site professional development for teachers, and to analyze and use data to help make instructional decisions.

The catch is that I now work in two buildings. I split my time between the building that has been my home for 6 years and another one, one which I haven't felt comfortable in from the beginning this year. But I've tried to do my best.

Anyway, this week I had to give a survey about my performance over the course of the year as well as the coaching program in general. (The other coaches, who all work in their home elementary buildings-- just one building per coach, did the surveys while I was on leave with E.) I passed the surveys out on Tuesday, and on Wednesday, I had some surveys in my box.

And they were not nice. They had mean, nasty, and just plain hurtful comments. For example, "maternity leave?????" was one. Really? You're faulting me for taking time off to have a child? And several other things. I know not all the comments are not personal towards me; people are dissatisfied with both the building principal and the district's curriculum director. However, many of them are, and it is humiliating and embarrassing to think that people think of me that way.

All those insecurities and feeling of inadequacy I felt in my first two years teaching are back. All those things I spent 6 years trying to repress, well, they're all right there at the surface.

I will say not all the surveys were mean and nasty. I did receive several that I feel are fair and that truly do reflect my job performance and give good suggestions for how I can improve and build upon the coaching program for next year.

Also, I found out yesterday that I did not receive that position I interviewed for a couple weeks ago. Honestly, that's ok with me. Although it would have been really nice to escape this building where I feel like everyone hates me, it would have been really difficult to give the time and energy the job requires with two babies at home.

Overall, I am looking forward to the end of the school year and have arranged my schedule so I only have to be in "that" building for 3 1/2 days out of the remaining 15 left before summer break.

Thank you for listening.