Culture Camp Photos

A few pictures from camp last weekend. Many of the ones I took have other people or their kids in them so I don't feel like I should post them on my blog!

My little family at the Ethiopian dinner. Everyone was dressed in their ET finest! (The dress isn't mine-- borrowed from my ET friend F. A and the girls are wearing their ET clothing we bought in country.)Above and below: R had her hair braided by a few of the ET woman at camp. Boxbraids and loose in the front with corn rows into a ponytail in the back. It looked adorable!

Below: This is E at one of the last stations we did at camp. She looks so cute in this picture and so tired, too. Shortly after this picture, A took her to go take a nap!

On a side note, I want to comment on a couple of the comments left from my last post. I don't want anyone to think I was offended by what the little girl said. Nor did I think she was being judgemental. My point was simply that sometimes it hard to be a "different" family and always stand out. I assure you that I answered the child's question with kindness and know she meant no harm. It gets tiresome to never get a break from being the poster-family for transracial adoption. Sometimes I just want to take my kids to dance class like everyone else and NOT stand out! Especially after a long day and week of work. I just don't want anyone to get the wrong idea about how I handled the situation.

Orange and Brown

It happened tonight at dance class.
My first question from a little child about why my girls and I don't "match" on the outside.

The little girl looks at E and me while we watch my R dance.

"I don't understand how she is your daughter. She's brown, and you're orange."

I reply that she's my baby even though we don't have the same skin color.

"But how?"

I tell her that you don't have to have the same skin to be family. That E didn't come out of my belly like she and her twin came out of her mommy's belly.

"Why? Why is it like that?"

I sigh.
I explain that E's daddy and I decided not have babies in my belly and adopt them instead.

The little girl seems satisfied with this answer and runs off to play with her sister.

This little girl only asked the questions I know a lot of the moms are dying to ask. One admits tonight that she saw us at the nearby outdoor mall when the girls were playing in the fountain there.

I think often about the path my life has taken since A and I made the decision in March 2007 to adopt our children instead of having bio children.

Some days, like today, I just wish we were "normal" and that we didn't stand out. I didn't feel like answer a child's questions about my girls' skin color today. I didn't realize that through our adopting, my family would be a permanent and very visible walking advertisement for diversity and transracial families. I just wasn't aware of it.

Does this mean that I would change the course of my actions? I think the answer is no.

Yep, still here

Culture camp 2010 is over. It was a blast, but I'm also glad to have a break for a couple months before we start planning for 2011. I'll do a post with pictures 1) when I have time 2) when I find my camera. (It's around here somewhere.)

Sooooo work is the same. The "update" is that I will continue to be banished to exile for this school year. The principal from my home school met with the curriculum director last week, and the meeting didn't go well. Every day is a struggle for me right now when it comes to this aspect of my life. At least today is the last day of August, which means one month down. Yeah, pessimistic is my middle name right now.

E's had a rough past few days. R, too.

I'm so very tired. Time to go to bed. Good night!

This Week...

... has been hard on various levels.
1. Just the re-establishing of working routine.
2. E is having some issues adjusting especially. R is fine.
3. Work isn't going well.

I'm feeling pretty miserable and hopeless right now about the whole situation. I know it has to get better in some way because, well, if it doesn't, I don't know that I'll be able to survive the year.

Yeah, I know, it's dramatic. But that's where I am right now.

I mean, seriously, judgemental much?

Ok, so R had her first real dentist appointment yesterday. The hygienist is a fellow adoptive mom. She has two teenage AA girls, and we chatted nicely about our girls' hair and beads and braids-- benign stuff like that.

Then somehow the conversation turned to where my girls are from. Ethiopia... And her attitude (as well as her expression) changed. She said, "yeah, I know some people don't like open adoptions and you don't have to worry about that with international... And my husband and I just saw that there are so many kids HERE who need homes..." She said more along the same lines, but I can't remember it all.

At first I didn't fully understand what she was saying because our conversation had just taken a startling turn. I wasn't expecting her to react in that fashion, not one bit.

I mean, seriously, judgemental much?

I would like to state something for the record and for this woman, too, although I know she'll never read this. I would give anything to be able to regularly email my girls' birthmothers/birthfamilies, send them pictures and letters, invite them to my girls' birthday parties. The fact that we have zero contact with our girls' birthfamilies is something I struggle with. I did NOT adopt from Ethiopia so I could have a "closed" adoption. As I have said before, I adopted from Ethiopia because that is where my girls were.

Meaning, it is no accident. I cannot even begin to describe to you the peace I felt the day we decided to adopt from Ethiopia. It was one of the most RIGHT decisions I have ever made in my life. Did we consider domestic adoption? Yes, we did, briefly. There are multiple reasons why domestic adoption wasn't for US, which does not mean that is not for other people.

I know cases in which domestic adoption was/is the absolute most perfect and right decision for families. And I harbor NO judgement for people who adopt domestically. In fact, I think they are amazing. But I think people who adopt from ANYWHERE are amazing, so there. International adoption was the right decision for us. Just like for my BF, having bio children was the right decision. Or so many families I know, the right decision is a blend of the two. Families are grown in so many different ways, and I don't think one way is superior to another.

Yes, there ARE kids "here." But there are kids all over the world who need homes. When it comes down to it, does it matter? Who cares if you have to drive 2 hours in the car to bring your daughter home or fly halfway across the world to do it? There is a need for children to be adopted domestically-- of course-- but there is also a need for children to be adopted internationally.

Ok, so my point? Get to it, right?

My point is that I didn't expect a fellow adoptive mom to be so judgemental about our adoption plan. I know that there are plenty of people who do not understand international adoption, and I just simply hadn't encountered a hostile reaction to our adoptions from someone else who'd adopted.

This woman doesn't know me. She doesn't know my heart. She doesn't know how I lie awake in the night sometimes trying to picture what E's first 8 months with her birthfamily were like. Trying to picture the sound of her birthmom's voice... Or wondering if R's feet are like her birthmother's or her birthfather's. She doesn't know what led my husband and me to adopt or to select Ethiopia as the place our family would grow from. I wonder if R's birthmom knows that my agency's transitional home has moved and if she has the photo book I made and carried to Ethiopia for her. There are so many unknowns, shadows that haunt me. This woman, she knows nothing about any of that.

And she sure as heck doesn't know God's plan for MY family.

Good Bye, Summer...

... you have been good to me. Tomorrow marks the end of summer for me, as my workday for school is Friday. We are to be at the HS at 8:30 sharp for the district opening meeting.

It has been just a week since I learned of my reassignment to only one building. The principal at the other building and I have talked several times since then, and she is fighting for me. She has a meeting with the curriculum director (who made the decision) next Thursday or Friday. Until then, I'm stuck where I am.

Honestly, I don't know what will happen. I'm trying to have peace about the whole thing and the grace to handle this situation well, regardless of the outcome of that meeting. I haven't cried in days, although I do feel on edge and sick to my stomach when I allow myself to think about it or someone asks me about it.

I have been spending the week trying to do fun things with my precious babies and just enjoy them as much as I can. There has been a marked improvement in R's behavior, and that is helping so very much. Tomorrow, R has a dentist appointment and her first dance class of the "fall." After that, the girls and I will go to H's house to watch the season finale of So You Think You Can Dance and mourn the end of summer. I can pretty much guarantee there will be wine and chocolate involved.

Never Before Seen Picture

Someone who brought her son home while E was in Ethiopia sent me a picture of her from their trip today. I believe this picture was taken in November, so at the time, E would have been about 9 months old and had been at our agency's home for about 4 to 6 weeks. This is the only picture we have of her at 9 months. She looks great in purple, huh? Call me crazy if you must, but I think she recognized her bed, too!

Some Thoughts

After going to our agency's picnic this past weekend and some other things... I've been thinking a lot about "stuff" and the miracle that is adoption. Honestly, this post is a long time coming. It has been floating around in my brain for a while.

I think a lot about R and E's adoptions and their referrals. All the things that led up to our receiving referrals for these so very perfect-for-our-family girls. In R's case, a family that had been one spot ahead of us but was on both the boys' and girls' lists decided to take their name off the girls' list... Thus, putting us in the perfect place for R to be our daughter. And they have a son who is perfect for their family.

In E's case, my friend H had told me what she "saw" in a dream as far as what E looked like and who she would be... (She also "saw" R's birth in a dream and was spot on as far as R's appearance, age, etc.) I think sometimes about how she could be so right about one child and so wrong about the other-- especially when H's dreams are pretty much always accurate. But, you see, there was a little baby who spent a few days in the hospital before she was referred to an amazing family, and I can't help but wonder if she hadn't been sick if we would have been matched with her instead of them (they were behind us on the waiting list)... This child fits H's description of E exactly, but as fate, as God would have it, this wasn't our E after all. She was meant for another family, and our E was meant for us... To be honest, I don't know if she came to my agency's home before E did or the same day or what.

I think about the friendships and the changes adoption has brought into our lives. The experience of going through the adoption process, traveling to Ethiopia, and parenting transracially is something can never fully understand until you experience yourself. Parenting my girls is not always easy... Some of this is adoption-related and some of this is just simply part of having children, but I am so very thankful for them.

And I'm thankful for the family of fellow adoptive parents I've gotten to know and have in my life.. part of my family, too. I love that my girls can run around and play with other little Ethiopian children. I love that I have been able to travel to Ethiopia 2 times and that Ethiopian culture is now part of my life. I love the support of other adoptive moms when things get tough.

Some people don't understand adoption... or why someone would adopt internationally... or why someone would adopt transracially. To them, all I can say is that my girls are just as much my children as if I had carried them for 9 months... we adopted from Ethiopia because that is where our girls were... and lastly, although I know there will be challenges for our babies, we cannot imagine two more perfect girls for our family.

Well, I didn't see that one coming...

Sigh. I went to a meeting this morning with one of my principals. Or so I thought. The curriculum director also came, which wasn't something I was expecting.

Seems they've been discussing my position and have made the decision that I will only be working in one building this year... the building in which I received some really awful survey comments last year.

I was dreading returning to that building even part time this coming school year. The fact that I would still be in my home building was what was saving me. Now, everything is wrong. I'm going to be there full time and will not have the safety of my home building to fall back on.

I feel like this is going to kill me. I felt humiliated in that building and don't know how I am going to work there full time. I have looked for other positions, but as it is Aug. 4, there are no openings for my licensure.

On the bright side, I was able to type this without sobbing hysterically so that's a plus.

Away for a Few Days

UPDATED WITH THE REST OF THE PICTURES

We got back last night from a trip to visit a dear friend and to attend my agency's regional picnic. We had a pretty good trip, aside from some crazy girl behavior from my R. The girls did a great job in the car, and we visited a zoo and a couple museums before the agency picnic. Here are some pictures from the trip! They start with the last thing we did and end with the first, but I'm not going to try to put them in the opposite order. :)

Below, my E modeling the Africa shirts and hair clips I had made.

I think my R looks so very Ethiopian in this picture. Something about the way her hair frames her face and the expression on it.

My girls getting to know my friend P's daughter, S. They loved swinging with her on the swing in the back of the house. S was so sweet to my girls, and I loved seeing both her and her momma. (Her daddy is overseas fighting for our country right now.)

At the science museum, playing in an ambulance exhibit. Moments later R pushed E right off the seat. Ahh, sisterly love at its best!

Humm, I don't think letting R have a mallet is a great plan, do you?

R is fascinated with buses, so she was very excited to see this at the science museum!

"I'm from here-- 'Opia!-- Daddy!" my R says with pride.

Here, my girls look at the giraffes in their giraffe shirts. (Just take my word for it!)

My little Ethiopian princesses worn out from their day of going to the zoo (101 degree heat) and an art museum with a kids' play area.
Mommy and her sweet little E. She is so very precious.

A is not amused by R's behavior at dinner.

At a rest stop on the way there-- R is leading E back to the van.

Just in Case You're Having a Bad Day...

... here are some cute little girls to make you smile.

No Matter How I do this Girl's Hair...

... I LOVE IT!

Pause

Exasperated the other day, I said to R, "R, why do you have to follow me EVERYWHERE??!?"

(As in to the bathroom, to get a shirt from the laundry room, to get the mail from the mailbox, to well, everywhere! It was driving me crazy. I'd spent the morning practically constantly tripping over her)

And do you know what that two-year-old of mine said?

"Beedu (her made up word for because) I love you."

My R and I, we've been struggling lately. She's stubborn (and two!) and so am I. She's trying to assert her independence, and I'm trying to keep her safe and healthy.

I don't know if her near-constant defiance is adoption-related, two-year-old related, both, or neither.

What I do know is that it is exhausting. And stressful. Overwhelming, never-ending, sometimes just scary.

"Beedu I love you."

Honey-baby, I love you, too. And I pray that I can be the mom you need.

Ethiopia Trip: Days 7-8: Packing, Saying Good-bye to Ethiopia, and Coming Home

Dec. 31, 2009

New Year's Eve 5pm

My beautiful daughter sits on the bed playing. She's really rather rejecting me right now, but that's ok. I know it will pass.

Today we saw the new HH. Amazing! I cannot believe how truly beautiful it is and how perfect it is for the children. Who would have thought they'd be able to find a compound with two houses?

I got to finally hold Miss B (my dear friend S's daughter), too! She cuddled right into me. She was precious, and I was so glad she didn't cry when I picked her up. I, however, did cry. Just an emotional experience for me to finally hold her. A took a few pictures, but they're not that great.

R (friend in the travel group) and I went to the Mapping Authority. We got there at 12:29, and 12:30 was lunch so they couldn't help us. A man did find the director, and he gave us his contact info to buy them when we're back in the States. The cab driver took us back to the shopping area to see if one of the men on the street selling maps had one with the children's birth places. No. Their villages are too small.

Seven hours left in Ethiopia. Across the street, a celebration. Two large tents, live music, and the loud calls the Ethiopian people do. Woman in traditional dress. A boy stands outside, jumping to the music.

We leave Ethiopia soon, not to return for probably a long time. However, Ethiopia-- life here-- will of course go on without us. Hustle and bustle, extreme poverty and wealth both, adoptions of the "prize of Ethiopia," all will continue. I do love Ethiopia and its people, but I am ready to be home...

Jan. 1, 2010 Coming Home-- Family Day

And, with that, my friends, I am finished with my travel journal from our trip. Considering we got home 6 months ago-- TODAY-- it is about time. I will try to fill in a few holes from our travel and arriving home.

Our flight left around midnight. Happy New Year to us, right? It took forever to get check in and through security. As we were leaving customs (immigration? IDK), the Ethiopian man behind the counter said, "Happy New Year!"

At 2am our plane took a scheduled stop in Sudan. T was still up at that point. I was exhausted.

Once we got back in the air, the flight attendants gave us all a glass of champagne to celebrate the new year, as it was now a little past midnight in Europe. (Couldn't serve it on the group because Sudan is a "dry" country.)

We made it to Amsterdam without much fanfare. It was nice to have a break between flights. We said good-bye to the people in our travel group, as we were the only ones flying to Minneapolis next.

The flight from Amsterdam to the States was hard. T/E didn't sleep much and, well, the giardia... it was bad. We nearly ran out of clothes, diapers, and wipes. We did have a bassinet seat, but T only spent a small amount of time in it.

We sat next to a woman and her mother who were bringing home her daughter. 18 months old and clearly having major issues. She screamed a lot. It was clear to me that the child also had some sensory issues and was parent shopping. I think I was able to convince the mom to take the child to an international adoption specialist-- not just the regular pediatrician-- to get them all the help they needed.

We got to Minneapolis, and it was cold. We had a several-hour layover so we found a TGI Fridays to have a meal after we got through customs, which was a total breeze by the way. It took about 5 minutes at the most.

Although I had been texting my family and friends during our trip, this was the first time I'd made a call since we'd left for Ethiopia. It was so wonderful to talk to my R!! While we were eating, T peed through her diaper, clothing, the baby carrier and onto my pants. Honestly, I didn't even care at that point about my pants. We changed T into her last outfit (I think we went through about 5 or 6 on the way home) and hoped we could make it home before she destroyed it.

We made it to our local airport on a tiny, tiny plane. We did not have anyone meet us for a few reasons. First, we were so very tired. Second, we wanted to drive T home in quiet. Third, due to our difficult time in ET, we didn't think she'd react well to many people being there.

A went out into the freezing evening to get the van while I waited for all our luggage. I managed to get it all off the belt and out by the door as A pulled up. We put T in the car seat (no prob) and made the 25 minute drive home.

Ahh, home. My parents brought R home to us. I had thought about asking them to keep her another night, but I missed her so much I couldn't stand it. T was exhausted, too, so she and I fell asleep on the sofa while we waited. I woke to the doorbell ringing.

My other baby was now home!!! My R, my sweet and beautiful girl. As I held both my girls in my arms, I remember being so happy to have my whole little family home. R was excited to meet her sister and kept saying "Hold. Hold E." It was the first and last time she held her sister, but it was precious.

My parents left soon after, and we put our TWO girls to bed. Both slept in their rooms, although I would have had T sleep in our bed if she'd wanted to.

One last side note, the flight home was a bit of a turning point in E and my relationship. She definitely still preferred A for a while after we came home, but on the flight her only choices were A or me, and A couldn't hold her for the entire 26+ hours of travel! She slept on me for a lot of one of the flights, and I think that started the process for her to be able to trust and love me, and, well, vise versa, too.

I know this is long, but it is the end of our adoption story... for now.

Twilight, here we come!

Tonight I am going to see the premier of the newest movie in the the Twilight saga, Eclipse. The theater is also showing the first two movies, so we get to see these, too. I'm so excited! Two of my dear friends are coming with me, and I am looking forward to spending time with them (sans kids) as much as I am seeing the movie. It is going to be great to do something fun and silly with my BFF! (Yep, I'm 15 today, and I don't care. Back to being a mom in her-- gasp-- thirties tomorrow.)

6 Months

Exactly 6 months ago, I held E in my arms for the first time.

A and I walked the path to the famous (hallowed, fabled, almost mystical to me) red gates of HH, the last travel group to do so. As we walked, I was so calm. So I thought.

After all, we'd done this before, right? Old pros. We'd joked all morning long about just walking up to HH, visible from the hotel staircase window, and meeting E early.

As we made our way closer, I could feel the energy in the air as all 11 families prepared to meet their children.

Then, we rounded the corner and the gates jumped into view. I remember gasping-- were we really here again?? A and I held hands as we crossed the threshold of HH again to meet our destiny.

We wait. Not patiently. As other families meet their children, I get anxious to meet my daughter. It was no spotting her from across the yard like it was with R. This time, it was naptime, and the babies were being brought out one at a time.

Finally, the transition home director motions for A and I to follow her. We enter the house and start up the stairs. A special mother holds a screaming baby, and just as I am thinking, "I'm so glad that's not T!" she stops me from walking another step and says in broken English, "T? T's mom?"

Oops. That IS MY screaming child. And then she was in my arms, a bundle of fury, terror, and anger. Do I dare tell you what I was really thinking? I guess so.

I was thinking that it had to be a mistake. This tiny angry girl could not be my child. Nope, the special mother was confused and handed the wrong baby to me. I look up in confusion at A, and I still to this day do not know what he was thinking at that moment.

We walked down the steps (we were 1/2 way up them) and out into the courtyard with our screaming baby.

We watch the other couples meet their children, none of which are screaming as much or as loudly as T continues to do. I was rattled. I was scared. I was worried. Had we made a mistake?

(You have to remember that our moment meeting R was the picture perfect gotcha moment, the one parents hope and dream for while they wait to be united with their children.)

T/E continues to scream. Loudly. Bloody murder. I try all my mommy tricks that always work with R, and none help. Rocking, patting, "ishy ishy ishy" ("it's ok" in Amharic), massaging her head (with weird stuff on the scalp-- ewwww). I hand her to A and the screaming continues. Finally, all the families are united with their children, and A (HH director) comes over to us.

She hold T close to her chest and repeats over and over a word I don't know. It sounds like she's saying "back" over and over again in a slow, deep, and guttural tone. It soothes the baby, and A hands her back to me.

And finally, I'm holding her and can look at her. I do not love her instantly like I did with R. At that moment, I felt so horrible for her. I knew how terrified she must have been being jostled awake from her nap and thrust into the arms of strangers who don't smell, look, or sound like what she's used to. I feel myself tearing up, but I do not cry.

I see she has a cute nose and that her skin tone is darker than R's and creamy soft. She had tiny, tiny toes, especially the pinky toe. She has something weird on her head, but we knew that from our referral information (note: it is some sort of viral thing; we know that now).

She's beautiful.

She's sweaty!

Is she really my child?????

We mill around with the other families, and I don't really know what to do. I guess someone takes a picture of us. I'm still holding this baby wondering what in the heck I've done...

As I reflect on the events of half a year ago, I look at how far we've come-- as individuals, as a family. A stranger-baby who wouldn't allow me to touch her while we were in Ethiopia is now my precious, sweet, darling, and dear E. A baby who wouldn't smile much for the first month now smiles constantly.

And, E and I adore each other. Time and closeness has healed the wounds we both had from our rough beginning. The memory is still there for me, but it no longer hurts. Scared and sick T has become my happy and smiley E.

These 6 months have not been easy. But, what in life is? But, thinking today about meeting E for the first time, I know that even though I was full of doubt then, E was meant be my daughter. And I'm so thankful that the crying baby from the staircase IS MY child and not someone else's baby girl.

My E, how I love you!

The Blahs

As my mom would say, I have The Blahs this week.

It has been hot-- ungodly hot and humid-- rainy, too, so taking the girls outside for a long period of time isn't pleasant. R has been a handful-- not napping AT ALL and getting out of her bed multiple times before she'll go to sleep at night. She is constantly pushing the limits on everything. E had her first real toddler tantrum yesterday-- mean mommy wouldn't give her ANOTHER cheese stick. (This girl loves cheese.) R had a potty accident and then had a tantrum because I wouldn't let her continue to wear the then pee-covered pink capris.

Nothing more to say, really. Just been a long week. Blah blah blah.

Follow Up to Social Anxiety

Ok y'all, we went to the party.

It was lovely.

You were right. No one cared what I wore or what my hair looked like. At least as far as I could tell. A behaved himself, and the girls were darling. L and M (the parents) were happy to see us and doted on the girls. I loved seeing their little one and catching up with them as much as one can at a party. They are such a neat family. Their house was indeed outta our league, and they had valet parking. However, those two things were the only ways in which I felt inadequate, and I feel like that's pretty good considering how very anxious I was about attending.

We have tentative plans to meet them for dinner at an ET restaurant sometime soon.

And, after all, they are two people with whom we have a unique bond. We met our daughters at the same time, in the same place. So, in that way, they are a part of our adoptive family.

Social Anxiety

(R in beads and braids in the post below if you didn't see it yet.)

Sigh. We are supposed to go to a birthday party for one of children of E's travel group on Saturday. I was really looking forward to it when we first got the invitation for it. As the date gets closer (Saturday), I am more and more anxious and nervous about it.

When we found out while in ET that there were 2 families who lived fairly close to us, we were excited!! It was nice to have them just an hour or so away.

This couple was (were?, help me out, M!) super nice to us in Ethiopia. We enjoyed talking with them and getting to know them. I looked forward to visiting with them when we came home. Now it has been 5 1/2 months, and we haven't gotten together with them once.

However, they're both doctors, and I can only imagine what their house looks like. I'm sure it is in a whole different league than ours... And going to something in which I don't know anyone except the host is stressful for me. My hair's looking awful (needed a haircut at least weeks ago by now), and what in the world do I wear? And I never know what A is going to say in social situations like this.

So, I don't know if we'll actually go or not at this point.

Bring on the Beads

R's hair (tried to post them last night, but it didn't work)...
Above, she works hard opening and closing the snaps. "Mom, made that!" she would say with each one. "That's great, baby!" I'd reply.
Above I am trying to get her to stay still and smile for the camera. Ignore the yogurt on her face, please.

Again, playing with the snaps. Which, by the way, do any of you use the snaps? I tried them, and they literally were all falling off so I just went with the beads and rubber bands. I don't know what I was doing wrong.

Above, here's the back! For this first time attempting beads, I didn't worry at all about the parts on the braids. I know it would probably look better if the parts were cleaner, but I also knew that'd take me forever. Next time, I'm going to divide the hair into four sections with clean parts and work from there. Eventually, I'll attempt box braids and beads. However, neither R nor I really have the patience for the length of time that takes me or for how still she has to sit. I will also use more beads next time and figured out how to make the ends look a little cleaner when I was almost finished. Look how long her hair is!

All in all, she LOVES her hair this way, and I'm happy with it, too. The whole process took about 3 hours, but that is with having dinner (well she ate while I worked) and taking some breaks. This morning, I sort of put it up for her dance class, and she wears pig tails for bed time. I also have a satin cap (on top of the pillowcase I already use-- overkill maybe, but oh well) that I will make her wear when it arrives in the mail.

I broke the beader on the second or third braid, so I had A go try to find one at a place near my house. They didn't have them, and they sent him to another place... He ended up going to 4 different stores without success and came home with a crochet hook. It worked, although it was awkward. I think it is crap that it is so hard to find beaders in stores!

Looking forward to trying different styles over the new 2 months before I have to go back to work!

31

Today's my birthday.

I'm feeling pretty neutral about the whole thing.

This morning, we went to a street fair in a quirky little town about 25 minutes away from ours. We always go, and I was looking forward to it. A and I strapped the girls into their carriers and set off.

And it poured. We weren't there very long, but at least we were able to get R a balloon (E's came off her wrist and floated away).

We came home, and R had a major meltdown before taking a much-needed nap. Good lord, I know the twos are terrible, but this is bad. And very hard. She challenges everything. We're both very stubborn. Yes, I'm the adult, but sometimes there are things she must do or not do, sometimes simply for her own safety. As much as I love being home with the girls, this is one part about summer that I dread.

While the girls napped, I went to the store and picked out exactly what I wanted for dinner. Pasta in a sauce from a local Italian place (used to go all the time pre-children!), some salad, a lovely loaf of bread, a peach pie, and a bottle of wine.

A cooked it all for us, and it was lovely.

A then took the girls to the store to "get some diet Coke." I stayed home and read a book (The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner). I knew he'd come back with something for me, and he did. A card the girls "signed." Very cute. The Eclipse soundtrack. And R told me he got my favorite chocolate, too, but that will have to wait.

Now, R keeps coming downstairs and will not stay in her bed. A is up there with her.

I just finished my second glass of wine and am now going to return to my book after I go up and kiss the princess goodnight-- again.

Sigh

Today I happened upon an uncomfortable conversation with some attendees at a professional development session I was helping to run.

It was during lunch, and the group was sharing stories about their grandmothers. One of the woman was someone who I'd never met, and she started telling a story about her grandmother getting pulled over for speeding or something.

She was trying to make this point about considering the ages of people and the day and time in which they were raised, etc.

She said the her grandmother was pulled over by a black police officer, and as her grandmother was telling the story, she was referring to the officer as an "n" word. The woman said something like, "but consider the time she was raised in. She grew up in a time when that was acceptable and common. You have to keep that in mind..."

And she was expecting the group to agree. You know, to say that it is ok for old woman to describe people who have the same skin color as my daughters as "n" words.

Umm, no.

Times change.

I don't care if the grandmother was born in 1918 or whatever.

USING THAT WORD IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. AT ALL. NEVER. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

And to try to defend that behavior is equally appalling.

After that, I passed around my cell phone so the other people in the group could see the picture my friend had just sent me.

Of my daughter getting ready for her first dance class today. My beautiful, smiley, precious, sweet, cherished daughter. Who happens to be black.

Then I got up and left the table.

Ballies and Beaders and Beads, Oh My!

Well, it is time to start seriously learning how to do R's hair so she looks more like a typical AA child.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE her hair in a little curly fro.

But, if you look at a group of little AA 2 year olds, mine stands out.

I mean, more than she already does with white parents.

So, I need to start. And when I talked to her about getting beads in her hair like another little girl at our ET families get together today, her little eyes lit up. She wanted me to do it "RIGHT NOOOOOOWWWW Mom!"

Also, E's hair is going to require braiding more than R's does so I need to learn how to do braided styles well before E's hair is long enough.

Now that I'm off work for the summer, I will have the time to devote to learning to do styles and experimenting. Hopefully I can learn before summer ends and be able to do it more efficiently by the time I go back to work.

Any website and/or book suggestions? Or tips? I've done some braiding and all that, but I've never tried beads.

Barf and a Trip to the Dentist

That's what today entailed for me. I guess, if you want to be fussy about it, the barf was in the middle of the night, but still.

I experienced my first real "kid barf" in the wee hours of the morning (R has never had the flu). E was up most of the night crying her head off and tossing and turning. Some in her crib, some in bed with us.

Finally, at 4:15am, she'd had enough and got sick all over herself, our bed, and me. It was everywhere, and I'll spare you the rest of the details. A and I gave her a bath, and she and I finally passed out around 6am for a few hours.

R has been complaining that her teeth have been hurting for a couple weeks now. The other day, I noticed that her gum was bleeding when I brushed her teeth. This morning, her gums were looking red and swollen.

So, with a fussy, tired baby on my lap, I finally found a dentist in my area who takes my insurance. (A and I go where I've gone my whole life, which is 45 minutes away. I want the girls' doctors, etc., to be closer to where we live now.)

Turns out, of course, there's nothing wrong with R's month. Just getting more teeth in. But, my big girl baby did awesome! She sat in the big chair with Beary and did everything they told her to do. She didn't seem to be scared, and we now have an appointment for her first cleaning in mid-August. Hopefully next trip goes just as smoothly! I did take a picture with my phone, but I can't get pictures from my phone to my computer right now! Trust me, it's darling.

So, that's my day... and now the baby is crying again so I am off to go get her. Poor little thing.

Five Months Home

E has been home five months today! She's awesome. We all adore her. Nuff said. :)

Summertime and the livin' is easy...

Oh my gosh, I am finished with school for the year!! I am so relieved to have the year over. I am looking forward to spending time with my precious girls; that's for sure.

R is going to go to dance class a few times in the next few weeks. I can't wait for that cuteness! She's so excited.

We're planning a trip to Wisconsin to visit some family and spend time in the Northwoods (and of course plan to stop in Milwaukee to visit the M family, who we traveled with!). My friend H and I are going to take her 2 girls and my 2 girls to her in-laws in Alabama, too.

Mostly, though, I'm just looking forward to the more relaxed pace of summer. I think it's been hard on E the past few weeks bouncing from sitter to sitter since my friend M couldn't watch the girls after her baby was born.

And now E is awake from her nap so that's all I have to say for now!

The Greatest Thing EVER!!

My BFF and I are going to the opening night of "Twilight!" Not only that, but the theater is going to show the first two movies before the premier!! I am so ridiculously excited that it is insane!!!

Yeah, I'm totally a teenage girl. :)

Kids are Awesome

A conversation with R tonight as I was trying to put her to bed:

R: Want Fi-Fi (a pink poodle stuffed animal) mom. Me get her.

M: I don't know where she is, honey. We can find her tomorrow.

R: Me know Mom. Me get her.

M: Do you know exactly where she is?

R: Yeah, yeah, Mom, me get her.

M: Ok, go get her. Be quiet, though, don't wake up your sister.

R: K Mom.

R goes downstairs to get her and, amazingly, comes back with it.

R: Found Fi-Fi Mom!!

M: Good job, R!! Mommy is so proud of you.

R: Found Fi-Fi on mountain!!!

M: You found Fi-Fi in the big pile of stuffed animals??

R: YEAH Mom!! Fi-Fi up HIIIIIGGGGGHHHHH!!

It's really much cuter if you could actually hear my precious 2-year-old's voice...

Romance vs. Reality

I feel like sometimes I have an overly-romantic view of Ethiopia. Any of you who have been there or anywhere else in Africa feel that way sometimes? Or even if you haven't been there, do you ever feel that way?

Trust me. Things I saw in Ethiopia changed my life in ways I am not even sure I know yet. But at the same time, I also have a view of the country based on its history and culture and the fact that I am blessed with 2 precious Ethiopian children.

I know that the people of Ethiopia are kind. I know that parents and families love their children and prize them. But I also know that there are children in some parts of Ethiopia who are killed because their top teeth grow in before their bottom teeth.

I know that there are so many people who live on so very much less than I do. I try, in my mind, not to romanticize this by thinking they're all living happier, simpler lives. I'm sure some of them are. But I also know that many many people there and in other parts of Africa do not know where their children's next meal will come from.

And I know that most children who come home to the US from Ethiopia adjust well and are happy. I want to believe that all the orphanages are safe places for children until that happens. But I also know that the reports of abuse (older kids to younger)-- both physical and sexual-- are enough to make me sick.

Ethiopia.

Its beauty haunts me.

But do you know what? Its poverty and sadness haunt me, too.

Lots of jumbled thoughts today. Not even sure if this makes sense...

Ethiopian Culture Camps

Have you considered attending one this summer? We went to one in our area (well, really I run it along with 3 other ET mommas) this past summer, and it was an amazing experience. I think culture camp is so important to families like mine. What other time of the year can you get together with Ethiopians, Ethio-Americans, etc? And build a sense of community for your children who are adopted (as well as their siblings)?

Here are some links to info about culture camps around the country:

http://www.heritageandculturecamp.org/

http://www.africancradle.org/camp10.html

http://eakc.blogspot.com/

http://ethiopiakidsculturecamp.blogspot.com

http://www.ethiopianculturecamp.org/

http://heritagecamps.org/afam.html (This one is for African kids, not just specifically ET kids.)

And here is more information from the Adoptive Families magazine website...
http://www.adoptivefamiliesmagazine.com/calendar.php?cal=camp

Are there camps in your area? If so, you should go! Not that I'm promoting any of the above ones necessarily... I mean, I only have personal experience with one of them... but they all sound like great opportunities to connect with families that might look like yours does or will look like soon! Yes, I know. They're a little expensive. But so are other family vacations.

Anyway, would you leave me a comment and a link if you know of any others I missed?

The Passage of Time

(Day 6 of our trip to bring E home is below if you missed it.)

Today marks E's 15 month birthday and 7 months since our referral. A typical Monday afternoon turned into a life-changing day.

I know I've talked about that day before so I'm not going to go into again. I will tell you that the first time I looked at E, I didn't know what to think. She was not at all what I expected.

1. She was already 8 months old.
2. Her story was so very different from R's.
3. She didn't look at all like I expected.

Let me explain. First, when our case manager told me that she was 8 months old, I was surprised and not totally happy. We got R's referral when she was 3 weeks old. At 8 months, R had been home for almost 5 months, etc. Bringing a child home who could be a year or older (I never thought the process after referral would go as smooth as it did) was a totally different challenge than bringing home a tiny 3 month old.

Linked to that, E's being 8 months old meant she had a lot more "lost" history than R did. E lived with her birthfamily for almost 8 months. I have no idea (well, I can guess based on what I do know and based on what I know about life in her region of Ethiopia) really what her life was like during that time period. This is something I don't think I will ever get over.

Lastly, while we were waiting for R's referral, my friend H had a dream about her and told me what she "saw" as far as what R looked like and things like that. And she was spot-on. This time around, she told me again what she "saw" for our referral. And when I saw the first picture of E, she looked NOTHING like I had expected her to look. I have to admit it sort of shocked me at first.

In the past 7 months, E has gone from a photograph or 3 and bio info on paper to my precious daughter. This time has not always been easy. But in this time, I have grown to completely adore my daughter and cannot imagine my life without her.

So, my E, I love you so very much. You are such a blessing to our family. You are the sweetest child I've ever met. Before we started the process to bring you home, I had fears that adding another child to our family may not be the right choice... But you, my girl, were the perfect choice, at the perfect time, in the perfect way.

Ethiopia Trip: Day 6: A Low-Key Day and Cultural Dinner

December 30, 2009

A Quiet Day-- so far 9:30am

Today is a low key day as we don't have a bunch of things to do. We have to be at {our agency's home} at 1pm to get the baby's paperwork, "the envelop that must not be opened," and passport with a US visa inside it. Tonight at 7 is the cultural dinner. A (agency's director) says it is only 40 minutes to an hour so I think we'll go. {NOTE: the first time we were in ET, the cultural dinner was several hours... We were all exhausted by the time we got back to the hotel, and had it been the same restaurant, I would have opted out of going. It was just way too much.}

T did well last night, only waking a couple times and for not very long. She woke at 5:34 for a little bit of milk but fell back asleep until about 7:30 or so. Another reason why it is so nice that we didn't have to do anything this morning.

Right now, T is napping, and I sent A to the lobby to try to charge his cell phone with the computer in the lobby. He brought this multi-charger thingie to cut down on how many chargers we brought, but it was fried when he plugged it in. Oh, well. Of course this means his video camera is also completely dead. He brought the wrong USB cable for it so he's going to see if he can get the right one from someone else. I really hope so so that we can do a little more filming, especially bringing T into the house for the first time.

As I write this, I'm also watching life go on as normal in Addis. Across the street, a woman plays with her son in the courtyard of their home. She wears a canary yellow dress, and there is laundry on the clothesline. Buses and cars dodge around one another trying to avoid an ever-growing pothole in the road. A huge hawk flies low in the sky, and a cat scurries across the rusty tin roofs of a home. The sun peeks out of the clouds on occasion, and it is a hazy day. Women with gauzy clothing walk down the street, heads covered, of course, and the natellas have bright, rich embroidery. Brilliant red, deep sea blue, sparkling turquoise have been my favorites.

Although I love Ethiopia, I am ready to be home. I miss my R. I miss hot showers and being able to flush toilet paper. I miss my soft bed and cozy little house. My new daughter, A, R, and I need to start our life as a family of four. T needs to grow into my sweet E. She needs to get healthy and see a doctor about the "fungus" on her head. (Although a doctor in our group says it is probably more like a viral thing.) Her grandparents need to meet their new granddaughter.

Am I really in Ethiopia and bringing another child home? This feels as if I am in a dream...

Afternoon--3:40pm

We now have T's passport and paperwork. We went to {our agency's home} for the last time as they are completing their move today to the new place, which we'll see tomorrow. A talked to us about what a miracle it is that these 12 children are in our arms and are going to be in the US. As she said, "They are the prize of Ethiopia," and they truly are. She talked about how most of them were born in the middle of nowhere and are healthy and going home. Without prenatal medical care, without doctors, without so much. Many born in houses... without HIV. She also talked about how we have to be ambassadors for the children of Ethiopia.

T is awake!

The First Poop!-- 5:20pm

As we sat in the lobby a little bit ago, T pooped for the first time since being with us! Awesome baby girl!

Before that, I could tell she was feeling better as she was playing with A, laughing, and making other noises. Thank goodness!Tonight is the cultural dinner, which I'm looking forward to and dreading at the same time. It was really hard on R when we were here the last time. However, A says it is only 40 minutes or an hour instead of 3 so I hope she's right and T does just fine!

I'm Tired-- 10:12pm

Cultural dinner was fun but really too much for me. I'm sooo tired. T did well as long as A held her. She didn't want me at all and cried when I took her.

The food was good, and the dancing and singing was a lot like the last time we were in ET. T was almost singing along at a couple points, which was adorable.

Tomorrow we visit {our agency's} new home and prepare to leave. Oh, lord how ready I am to go home!

Babies are Awesome

In less than a week and a half, three of my friends have had four babies!

My friend M had sweet A this afternoon at 1:28... I haven't been able to see her yet as my husband is out of town tonight, and I can't bring the girls to the hospital with me (they aren't allowed in the room). So, I will have to make do with pictures posted on facebook until tomorrow...

I hope I can stand the wait!

Mother's Day

This is what it is all about...

The week ends on a high note.

My sweet friend L had her first child last night, a perfect baby boy! She and her husband (and baby!!!!) live over 3 hours from my house, and I cannot wait for the school year to be over so I can go meet baby C!!

I would love to post a picture or two of the happy family and perfect baby boy, but I just can't. Instead, I'll show you a couple pictures of the nursery, which L designed and should be in a magazine or something...

Ironically, L and my friend A who had twins last week are the first of my friends to have boys. Literally everyone else has girls! And my BFF will be having her 4th girl any day now. (Come on, Baby A! I can't wait to meet you, too, sweetheart.)

Let Me Explain a Little

Thank you to those of you who read my earlier post and commented and/or are praying for me. I truly appreciate kind words and can feel your prayers.

The first 2 years of my career I taught high school and hated it. I almost gave up teaching entirely until by the grace of God, I was hired in my current district, where I've been for 7 years. My original plan was to teach one year, save money, and go back to school to do something else.

However, when I got to my current district, I fell in love with teaching and felt supported at my job. I loved teaching 8th graders; they were the perfect age for me. This year, I took on a new role in my district, that of an instructional coach. This primary purpose of this position is to improve teaching and learning, provide on-site professional development for teachers, and to analyze and use data to help make instructional decisions.

The catch is that I now work in two buildings. I split my time between the building that has been my home for 6 years and another one, one which I haven't felt comfortable in from the beginning this year. But I've tried to do my best.

Anyway, this week I had to give a survey about my performance over the course of the year as well as the coaching program in general. (The other coaches, who all work in their home elementary buildings-- just one building per coach, did the surveys while I was on leave with E.) I passed the surveys out on Tuesday, and on Wednesday, I had some surveys in my box.

And they were not nice. They had mean, nasty, and just plain hurtful comments. For example, "maternity leave?????" was one. Really? You're faulting me for taking time off to have a child? And several other things. I know not all the comments are not personal towards me; people are dissatisfied with both the building principal and the district's curriculum director. However, many of them are, and it is humiliating and embarrassing to think that people think of me that way.

All those insecurities and feeling of inadequacy I felt in my first two years teaching are back. All those things I spent 6 years trying to repress, well, they're all right there at the surface.

I will say not all the surveys were mean and nasty. I did receive several that I feel are fair and that truly do reflect my job performance and give good suggestions for how I can improve and build upon the coaching program for next year.

Also, I found out yesterday that I did not receive that position I interviewed for a couple weeks ago. Honestly, that's ok with me. Although it would have been really nice to escape this building where I feel like everyone hates me, it would have been really difficult to give the time and energy the job requires with two babies at home.

Overall, I am looking forward to the end of the school year and have arranged my schedule so I only have to be in "that" building for 3 1/2 days out of the remaining 15 left before summer break.

Thank you for listening.

Blah

Do you ever have one of those days (ok, one of those weeks) in which it seems like everything makes you cry?

Yeah, that's how I feel.

This has been a horrible week.

Seems like forever ago...

... that we were put on the waiting list for our second baby girl! That was one year ago today.

Wow, times have changed.

If you woulda told me a year ago that our daughter would already be home 4 months at this point, I would have just laughed. I mean, come on!! We were on the list at sweet number 33, which seemed insurmountable after entering the list at 4 (!!) for R's adoption.

A year ago, my baby was 3 months old and living with her birthfamily. I wish I could know what her life was truly like then.

I know what our life like. We had an 18 month old baby girl and had the expectation that we'd wait a full year or so before getting our referral. We were cool with that. That's why we'd started when we did... because it was going to take FOREVER to bring our second home.

I remember calling and texting our family and friends with the exciting news. I remember the joy of being at the next stage and feeling at peace with that. I was ready for the agency to be in charge instead of us and to really try to put our next baby girl out of my mind for 10 months to a year.

My prayers would have been so different had I known that E was already alive, out there, living in ET with her birthfamily.

I think about the mountains that had to have been moved for us to become E's parents, and I am in awe. Oh, baby girl, thank god you are home.

Four Months Ago...

...A, E, and I were on the last legs of our trip home from Ethiopia. We were probably having lunch while E slept on me in the carrier. And, wow, things have changed in those 4 short months!

Since coming home, E has changed from a stranger-baby who wasn't a fan of mommy to my precious E-poodle. While I know that I did in fact love her as soon as we met, I know now that I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE her! And she loves her family now, too.

She's gone from weighing 18 pounds, being sick, and wearing 6-9 months clothing to weighing at least 24 pounds, being healthy, and is somewhere between 18 months and 24 months clothing.

And, to celebrate being home for 4 months, she's really officially walking as of Thursday night. She'd done some walking before then, but now she's walking everywhere!

Oh, E, my precious, sweet, darling daughter, I am so thankful for you. You are joy, sweetness, smiles, and happiness all rolled into one.

I love you forever.

(PS-- Is there anyone who is still interested my finishing the story of our ET trip? I think I left off on day 5.)