It happened tonight at dance class.
My first question from a little child about why my girls and I don't "match" on the outside.
The little girl looks at E and me while we watch my R dance.
"I don't understand how she is your daughter. She's brown, and you're orange."
I reply that she's my baby even though we don't have the same skin color.
"But how?"
I tell her that you don't have to have the same skin to be family. That E didn't come out of my belly like she and her twin came out of her mommy's belly.
"Why? Why is it like that?"
I sigh.
I explain that E's daddy and I decided not have babies in my belly and adopt them instead.
The little girl seems satisfied with this answer and runs off to play with her sister.
This little girl only asked the questions I know a lot of the moms are dying to ask. One admits tonight that she saw us at the nearby outdoor mall when the girls were playing in the fountain there.
I think often about the path my life has taken since A and I made the decision in March 2007 to adopt our children instead of having bio children.
Some days, like today, I just wish we were "normal" and that we didn't stand out. I didn't feel like answer a child's questions about my girls' skin color today. I didn't realize that through our adopting, my family would be a permanent and very visible walking advertisement for diversity and transracial families. I just wasn't aware of it.
Does this mean that I would change the course of my actions? I think the answer is no.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
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4 comments:
I can definitely understand your position. But I hope that you can try to look at the situation a different way... while it may be frustrating to have to explain constantly, if even one child grows up more accepting of other people and different types of families after seeing yours and seeing how well you responded to their innocent question, then you and your family have made a huge difference. She wasn't judging, she just didn't know any better. And now she does. And that's a good thing.
the above commentor made a good point.
you can always reply w/
'because our family is like the rainbow; colorful and special ' ; however i dont know a young kid would fully grasp that either. lol.
we are in the process of adopting. i think when those times come up for us my response will be simply and short- along the lines of ' because that is who we are'.
hang in there. what matters is your family and your love for eachother :)
Since we have bio boys and then our adopted girlie we get a lot of (including today at the doctor's office) "Oh, I guess you're babysitting." I usually just say "nope, they're all mine" and walk away. Don't feel like you always owe an explanation.
As exhausting as it must be to feel like you're always explaining yourself, I agree that a kind answer from you about the different types of families goes a long way in helping children understand and appreciate diversity. A child like that who has their questions answered when they're little, will grow into the adult who is NOT staring at you in Panera!
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