I mean, seriously, judgemental much?

Ok, so R had her first real dentist appointment yesterday. The hygienist is a fellow adoptive mom. She has two teenage AA girls, and we chatted nicely about our girls' hair and beads and braids-- benign stuff like that.

Then somehow the conversation turned to where my girls are from. Ethiopia... And her attitude (as well as her expression) changed. She said, "yeah, I know some people don't like open adoptions and you don't have to worry about that with international... And my husband and I just saw that there are so many kids HERE who need homes..." She said more along the same lines, but I can't remember it all.

At first I didn't fully understand what she was saying because our conversation had just taken a startling turn. I wasn't expecting her to react in that fashion, not one bit.

I mean, seriously, judgemental much?

I would like to state something for the record and for this woman, too, although I know she'll never read this. I would give anything to be able to regularly email my girls' birthmothers/birthfamilies, send them pictures and letters, invite them to my girls' birthday parties. The fact that we have zero contact with our girls' birthfamilies is something I struggle with. I did NOT adopt from Ethiopia so I could have a "closed" adoption. As I have said before, I adopted from Ethiopia because that is where my girls were.

Meaning, it is no accident. I cannot even begin to describe to you the peace I felt the day we decided to adopt from Ethiopia. It was one of the most RIGHT decisions I have ever made in my life. Did we consider domestic adoption? Yes, we did, briefly. There are multiple reasons why domestic adoption wasn't for US, which does not mean that is not for other people.

I know cases in which domestic adoption was/is the absolute most perfect and right decision for families. And I harbor NO judgement for people who adopt domestically. In fact, I think they are amazing. But I think people who adopt from ANYWHERE are amazing, so there. International adoption was the right decision for us. Just like for my BF, having bio children was the right decision. Or so many families I know, the right decision is a blend of the two. Families are grown in so many different ways, and I don't think one way is superior to another.

Yes, there ARE kids "here." But there are kids all over the world who need homes. When it comes down to it, does it matter? Who cares if you have to drive 2 hours in the car to bring your daughter home or fly halfway across the world to do it? There is a need for children to be adopted domestically-- of course-- but there is also a need for children to be adopted internationally.

Ok, so my point? Get to it, right?

My point is that I didn't expect a fellow adoptive mom to be so judgemental about our adoption plan. I know that there are plenty of people who do not understand international adoption, and I just simply hadn't encountered a hostile reaction to our adoptions from someone else who'd adopted.

This woman doesn't know me. She doesn't know my heart. She doesn't know how I lie awake in the night sometimes trying to picture what E's first 8 months with her birthfamily were like. Trying to picture the sound of her birthmom's voice... Or wondering if R's feet are like her birthmother's or her birthfather's. She doesn't know what led my husband and me to adopt or to select Ethiopia as the place our family would grow from. I wonder if R's birthmom knows that my agency's transitional home has moved and if she has the photo book I made and carried to Ethiopia for her. There are so many unknowns, shadows that haunt me. This woman, she knows nothing about any of that.

And she sure as heck doesn't know God's plan for MY family.