Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

** UPDATED WITH PICTURES!**

I hope you are enjoying your day with friends and family. I will post some pictures of R looking adorable both in her sleeper and Christmas dress later! :)

These first pictures are at my parents' house on Christmas day of R in her Christmas dress and in her "I love Santa" sleeper. Isn't she a doll baby??

These pictures are from her Christmas photo shoot. Yes, it is a different dress. She got her pictures taken with my friend H's kids, and this dress went better with their dresses than the one she wore on Christmas day did. Before you think I'm just totally excessive, this dress was bought by my mother-in-law for $1.50 at Goodwill, and the one above was from last year after Christmas and was less than $7 (my mom bought it for her).

Traditionless Christmas

This is R's first Christmas at home, of course. I was hoping that it would be like our family events from when I was a kid. Instead, it's turning into the most lame day ever. Allow me to pout a bit:

1. A's family doesn't do Christmas, and neither does he. I decided not to do decorations around my house this year because quite frankly it is no fun to decorate a tree and put out Christmas stuff alone. I admit fully that this part of Lame Christmas 2008 is entirely my fault.
2. We, along with my parents, are going to Florida to visit my brother the week after Christmas. This will be fun, don't get me wrong. However, this means that my parents bought and decorated the tiniest tree in the world, and instead of lots of decorations and Christmas memories there, hardly anything is out. Their tree is literally about 5 feet tall and 2 feet wide. It's pathetic, so pathetic in fact that I had to have my friend M take pictures of R in front her (live, pretty) tree while she was watching her one day last week. The pictures turned out cute at least.
3. My brother (who lives near me, not the one in FL) is spending either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day with his girlfriend's family. Of course he probably should do that. However, this will be the first time since he's been alive that this has happened, and he was planning to spend BOTH with her family until my mom put her foot down.
4. I found out today that my uncle's family isn't coming for Christmas dinner... just a few hours in the afternoon. This, too, has never happened before.

I know, stop being a baby. However, let me explain the Christmases of the past:

When I was a child, we would spend Christmas Eve with my dad's side of the family, do our own thing Christmas morning, and then go to my mom's parents' on Christmas afternoon. When my Gramma died, we pretty much stopped seeing my dad's family. I was in 5th grade, and we still had the tradition of being with my mom's side. That became the norm and was how it went until my grandmother died.

The week of Christmas was always super busy. My grandmother owned a gift shop in my home town; I grew up working there after school and on my breaks. If we still had the store, I would be spending my days between now and Christmas Eve there in a sea of activity. I miss that terribly.

As Christmas would get closer, my mom's sisters and their families would make their ways to my grandparents' to celebrate with us. No longer. The sisters and their families haven't been home for Christmas since the last one before Granny died. One came home with her sons the week after Christmas last year.

We used to get a Christmas tree, a live one. We would decorate it with a million ornaments and pin popcorn to the ends of the branches. I know no other family who does this. Now my parents do a fake tree and thus no popcorn. Blah.

You see, I want R to have what I used to have: tradition and family and specialness. This time of year used to feel so magical to me. Now it feels like nothing to me, and I'm even starting to dislike the whole thing a bit.

When I married A, I knew full well that Christmas would be difficult with his not celebrating it. I still don't like it but have grown used to it. Now, however, I'm learning that with a child, it is much worse. Now, with everything else, I'd rather skip the whole thing entirely. What is the point of my parents cooking a feast for them, A, R, and me for Christmas dinner? It seems like such a waste.

I'm not saying I want gifts and greed. I just want family, tradition, and that special time of year this used to be.

Winning the Lottery

A group of City workers from my hometown won the 207 million dollar Mega Millions lottery this weekend... Wow, can you even imagine what it would be like to win the lottery? I can't. Money doesn't buy happiness-- this I do know-- but wouldn't it be amazing to be able to pay off college loans and the mortgage, set up parents and in-laws, travel wherever I wanted, take care of my friends,... and of course, start a foundation/organization/whatever to do something for the children of Ethiopia. And, we sure wouldn't have to wait until we had our funding in place to start our adoption process again, would we?

SNOWDAY!

Ice day, really. However, a day off is a day off!

I'm going to spend it with my sweet baby girl.

I hope you enjoy your day.

Bliss...

... is getting to sleep through the night! R hasn't been sleeping through the night at all lately. (She was sleeping through the night in her crib for months and then a few weeks ago decided that was for losers and stopped.) Actually, most nights she falls asleep in her crib only to wake up at 10:30 on the dot. Sometimes she stays up until 2 or 3am... and sometimes she will fall back asleep but ONLY if I am holding her or sleeping right next to her in my bed (which I don't like to do at all). However, last night, A put her down around 7:30 like usual, and she did not wake up until 8am!

I won't get too excited... after all, she will probably wake up again tonight, but I am feeling refreshed after a full night's sleep for the first time in a long time!

And, p.s.-- she's also in a fabulous mood today and has been a delight all day long to be around. Humm, it's almost like sleeping through the night is GOOD for a 13 month old! :)

How Bizarre

Ok, so I'm at work, right? Of course. Where else would I be on a Monday? I walked through the office on my way back from lunch and saw an LL Bean box on the secretary's desk. I almost ask her if it is the slippers I ordered for my mom but then think myself silly for evening thinking it because they were shipped to my house, not school.

However, I check my email, and there is a message from the secretary saying that there is a box from LL Bean for me. So it was mine after all.

Here is where it gets bizarre. The box was supposed to be delivered to my house on Friday, but the tracking says the delivery attempt was to the wrong house. Somehow, over the weekend the box made a journey 2 states away and then back to my state... Only to be delivered to my school.

I checked to make sure I had put my correct home address. I had. However, there is an "URGENT" FedEx label on the box with my school's address on it.

So how the heck did FedEx know where I work????

Bizarre.

One Year Ago Today

(R at a year old enjoying a "breakfast bot" while I pack her bag to go to M's for the day. I love those eyes! She is so ornery!)

Friday, December 7, 2007:

A day I won't soon forget. It was a typical Friday afternoon for me. I returned to my classroom at the end of the school day after taking my students to the library for the last period of the day. As the afternoon announcements came on, I casually opened my email and checked it. There, I saw an email from my case manager, J. I ignored the rest and eagerly opened the email. It said that she was trying to get a hold of us and wanted A or me to call her before she went home for the day.

I knew what this meant. You see, 2 days prior, we had received our monthly update phone call from our case manager. We knew were were #1 on the waiting list. At the end of the call, J said to me, "We have new babies coming into HH all the time. Sometimes it's just a matter of getting medical paperwork in order..."

I grabbed my phone and ran over to my friend H's classroom (I can't get cell phone reception in my room but can in hers). By this time, the bell had rang, students were at their lockers preparing to catch their buses, and H was in the hallway doing hall duty. I grabbed her hand as I dashed by and said, "My case manager is trying to get a hold of me." I slammed her classroom door and sat down at her desk. I didn't think I could stand.

I could hardly dial my agency's phone number because my hands were shaking so badly. I finally did and waited for J to take my call.

She told me I had a daughter.

I started sobbing. (I still, even now, tear up every time I think about it.)

(My tears of joy and happiness that I am FINALLY a mom!! Sorry these pictures are so small. I had to go into my snapfish account and copy them from there because the actual file are trapped on my PC.)

She told me R's background, her birthname, what they knew of her birth parents and birth family, her age, where she was born, and that she was absolutely beautiful. Most importantly, she told me that she was MY DAUGHTER.

J then told me that she was going to send me the referral information via email. I did not expect this. I guess we had just assumed we would be told about our referral and would get the actual pictures a few days in the mail.

I just wasn't prepared to see my daughter's face as soon as I knew she existed.

(Above, reading the email from our case manager and seeing a picture of my daughter for the first time.)

I got off the phone with J and dialed A's work number. He was on another call, and my 3 minute wait for him to answer my call was the longest of my life. As soon as I the email from J with PICTURES OF OUR DAUGHTER, I forwarded them to A so he could also see our child.

How can I even describe what it was like to see R's face for the first time? I can't, really. Those of you who have received your referrals and/or brought your children home know what it is like. And those of you on the waiting list will know soon...

Just look at how amazing this child is!

SO tiny!

Sleeping Beauty. I couldn't wait until she was sleeping in my arms!

I know that my daughter is exactly what I prayed for and more than I could have ever imagined. Our contract was for an infant girl, which could be anywhere from newborn to 12 months old at the time of referral. We hoped that she would be as young as possible, but we never imagined that R would be 3 weeks old at the time of our referral and a little over 3 months old when we brought her home.

The contract wasn't for the most perfect child ever.
Or for the girl with the most beautiful, alert eyes, even at 3 weeks old.
Or for the child with the arms open wide waiting for her parents to hug her tight.
Or for the baby who has the most amazing and infectious smile I've ever see.
Or for the little one who is so curious and playful.

But you know what? That's what we got, and I couldn't ask for anything more!

Christmas Shopping and Ugly Sweater Contest 2008

Today I was able to get out of the house for a few hours (by myself!!) to get some Christmas shopping done. Sure, I went last week with my friend M on Black Friday, but that was more a social event than a shopping excursion when all said and done. I went to 4 stores and managed to get most of the shopping completed, from a birthday gift for R's BFF, N, to my "Secret Snowman" gifts for work.

I must admit that it was heavenly to not have R with me on this trip. She and her daddy stayed at home for some daddy-daughter bonding. She was super good shopping last week, but today it is colder and snowing and she woke up in the middle of the night screaming. Just not a good combo.

*******

Ok, now on to the second part of the title of this post.

Every year, on the day after Thanksgiving, my friend M and I go shopping. We don't get up at 3am or anything like that. (We both enjoy sleep way too much for that!) More like we roll into the mall parking lot like at 1pm. It works out well because it really isn't that crowded by that point. Actually, the routine is this: stop at the Old Navy across from the mall to get Christmas socks, go to our favorite Mexican place for lunch, and THEN go to the mall and do our shopping.

But we don't just shop. You see, every year, we have a contest, an Ugly Sweater contest to be exact. While we are shopping for gifts for our loved ones, we are also on the prowl for the ugliest Christmas sweaters we can find. A few years ago, we got smart and brought the camera along with us. The following are some of the entries for this year:

Nothing says Christmas like some kitties in hats. Fabulous, no?

Penguins are also very Christmas-y.

This is the perfect "Evening Wear" Christmas sweater, complete with its own already-attached bling so you don't have to worry about your accessories looking tacky with your top.

Truly, nothing says "Christmas" like a royal blue sweater vest.

The babies even got in on the action finding our ONLY Scottie dog entry of the whole day! (Side Note: Don't take pictures when you are in Gymboree. They will yell at you like you are a gang of unruly teenagers instead of very mature and sophisticated urban mothers out shopping with your always perfectly-behaving little girl children. The nerve! I'm working on filing a complain about that experience.)

And now for the winner of Ugly Sweater 2008..........

Let me explain this one. First of all, M got the better picture of this one by far, so you'll just have deal with my sub-par one. It's Santa... with spindly legs, weird facial expressions, and strange boots. We hate nontraditional depictions of Santa. He is looking way too much like one of his elves here. It's creepy.

This year's contest was not as good as the past few years. For some reason, Ugly Christmas Sweaters are just not as fashionable as they used to be. I would share last year's winner with you if I could. Sadly, it is trapped on my PC, which hasn't worked since right before R came home in Feb.

As you can see, however, despite the curiously small amount of Ugliness we found, a good time was had by all!!

Thankful

Last year's Thanksgiving was a day I can't forget. I was so glad to be with my family for the day, but my heart ached for my baby, just a few weeks old and whose face was unknown to us at the time. I remember that I knew it would be my last Thanksgiving without my child. And, of course, now we know that I was right. We received our referral just a few short weeks later.

I'm so thankful for my beautiful daughter. She is the absolutely most amazing blessing of my whole life. I do not know how I could be worthy of her as my daughter. I'm thankful, too, for her brave birthmother, the woman who gave birth to my daughter and gave her to us selflessly, only asking us to allow her to pursue an education and give her a happy life.

My daughter a month old (one of our referral pictures).

My beautiful daughter, now a year old!

May you have a safe, happy, and joyful Thanksgiving with your family and friends...

Phone Call

I had just gotten R to bed and was about to load the dishwasher when the phone rang. It was a woman named D who had seen my name on the agency's reference list and wanted to talk to me about our adoption experience.

I'm always thrilled to be able to talk about Ethiopia and adopting from Ethiopia. I don't often get the chance to-- sometimes a random stranger or fellow adoptive parent will stop me while out on errands or what not... But mostly, people ask me about being R's mom, not being an advocate for adoption.

You see, I'm so passionate (as anyone who reads this blog regularly knows) about adoption and Ethiopia... I always hope so much that what I tell perspective adoptive parents is helpful and guides them in their decisions-- whatever that decision may be.

As we ended our conversation, D told me that what I had told her made her want to adopt even more than before... She was going to work on the paperwork and get it all in as soon as she could.

Mission accomplished!

Twilight

Have you read that book? Let's just put it this way: I bought it on Monday and finished it today. I didn't allow myself to read any of it Tuesday because I had to do housework.

I decided that I had to read this series (saga, whatever) after one of my students told me she finished the first one in 2 days. This, coming from a girl who hardly ever reads, was enough to convince me that I needed to find out what all the excitement was about. As her language arts teacher, I felt like I needed to get myself in the loop. Honestly, I wasn't even conscious that there was a movie about it coming out tomorrow until a couple days ago.

Ok. It's a book about vampires. (Don't laugh, M.) I mean, seriously. This is not my type of book at all for a variety of reasons, namely that I can't stand a lot of fantasy stuff. However, from the first chapter, I was hooked. And I don't really even know why. It's very much like when I finally read the first Harry Potter book when I was in college.

Anyway, I have the second book sitting on my stairs waiting for me to pick it up and get hooked on it, too. I'll refrain until tomorrow or I really will be up all night (between reading and waking up with baby who apparently now thinks 3am is a great time to wake up to play). I'm already plotting a way that my parents can watch R while A and I sneak off to see the movie this weekend.

Lucky for me, I'm taking my students to the library tomorrow so instead of grading papers while they're picking books, I'll be reading, too!

9 Month "R" Day Anniversary!!

It is nine months today since I held my sweet baby for the first time! I can hardly believe how much time has past. It has flown by in the blink of an eye.

A and I decided we would call Feb. 18 "R" Day instead of Family Day or Gotcha Day. This is because R will not be our only adopted child, and we want each "gotcha" day to be special for each child.

I think back to how small and helpless she was 9 months ago to how big, strong, independent, and just all around AWESOME she is now... And I am amazed!

I never thought it was humanly possible to love a child as much as I love my R. Adoption is such an amazing thing.

My Little Trouper

Today was R's one year check up. She had her little baby toe pricked for testing for anemia as well as four shots for various vaccines. She did ok with the toe prick but not with the shots. She screamed and screamed. :( On top of that, she's had some diarrhea the past few days (most likely because we have started transitioning her from formula to whole milk) so we had to take her to get an x-ray... I think my poor baby was traumatized!

She fell asleep on the way home, and the both of us napped on the sofa (what is better than cuddling with a sleeping baby??) while A made dinner. She woke up at 3am this morning and "played" until about 5:50 so we were both tired. (I get up at 6 for work.)

On a side note, I went to a craft show with one of my friends yesterday. It's sort of become a tradition as this is the 3rd year we've gone. This year, I did take R. I took the stroller and the hip hammock carrier because I knew that she would get tired of the stroller and want to be held anyway. As we were leaving (my friend with the stroller and I with the baby), a woman held the door for us. She remarked to her friend, "Oh, that's that baby I thought wasn't real!"

Ok then.

What kind of weirdo must she have thought I was to push a stroller and carry a fake baby in a baby carrier through a crowded craft show???

People are so strange.

Happy Birthday to My Daughter!

*Edited, with pictures!*

The birthday girl... She is wearing an outfit I saw last year at Gymboree before we even received her referral. I decided that if we got a referral while the line was still being sold, it would be what my daughter would wear on her first birthday. After Christmas last year, about 3 weeks after receiving our referral, I went out and bought 2 cupcake themed outfits, one in 6-12 months and one in 12-18 months. I didn't know what size she'd be in! It is almost surreal to have her wearing it now, just as I had imagined. My goodness, this child is such a blessing!

The birthday girl this week at my friend A's parents' house. A and her 8 month old son are in town visiting from Budapest, and R got into the cheese balls... Oops. But I thought this was a cute picture.

R's birthday today!! Although news of H clouds part of the day, we still have much to celebrate. R woke up at 5 when A had to get up to go to work. I brought her in bed with me for 2 hours, and we both enjoyed cuddling and sleeping in... R woke up in a great mood, and I was glad that I was home with her instead of at work.

One thing I knew I had to do was switch out her 12 months clothes for the 18 months clothes. I have a few friends who have been giving me clothes for R as well as clothes from my 3 year old niece. To my surprise, this time, when I opened the bin and started going through everything, I realized that we really didn't have any colder weather clothes for her.

So, for the first time, I actually NEEDED to go out and buy my daughter clothes! Awesome. A and I took R to Target to get some baby supplies as well as look at their clothes. So we went on a family outing to Target... A and I had a good time picking out some stuff for our princess.

After that, the princess took a nap, and we did some more playing before dinner. Right as I was about to start making dinner, M, H's husband, called to see if I could come watch their girls while he and H went to the hospital. We went right over there, and R got to play with the girls for a few hours.

All in all, I think she had a good first birthday! I know I enjoyed being with her and not being at work.

Her party was on Sat., and of course the theme was "Princess!" H and I made the cake the night before, a castle. The party was at my parents' house, which was great because their house is a lot bigger than mine. All of R's little friends dressed up like princesses, as well as R herself.

Making the birthday Princess Castle cake the night before the party.

Tired baby. She wanted Mommy to stop making a cake and put her to bed! (I think this picture is hilarious!)
All finished! Yes, I realize it is a little crooked, but it is made with love, and it is not like R cares what it looked like. I thought it was darling, and as H says, one of her classic "Homemade Tacky" cakes.

At my parents' house before the guests arrive. The horse was one of my favorite toys when I was a child... My dad found it, cleaned it up, and gave it to R. As you can see, she loves it! (It sure seems a lot smaller than it did when I was a kid!)

Ready to transform into a princess, R sports her hat!

All dressed up and ready for her fellow princesses to arrive to celebrate this most royal of occasions...

What birthday is complete without a little cake on your face? Her "baby" cake was a princess hat made from a frosted ice cream cone and a cupcake, in case you were wondering.

Quick Update

I spent the evening at H's house watching her two girls while she and her husband went to the ER. There were concerns about a clot forming in her lungs, and it needed to be checked out. Test results were mostly inconclusive... the ER dr. said that how she was being treated for her leg was what he would do for a clot in the lungs, too. Although they didn't think there was a clot in the lungs, it couldn't be ruled out. She is home now, freaked out, but at least she went.

My Friend H

Last year, my friend H almost died. She had a massive blood clot in her leg, going actually from behind her belly button all the way to her ankle. She faced, at age 28, the possibility of never walking again and living her life in unbearable pain. For over a week, I spent every free moment at the hospital because I was afraid she was going to die. After that week a doctor came to her hospital room and told her he had an idea for a very experimental surgery to possibly save her. Long story short is that it worked.

I wish that were the end of the story. For the past year, she has been on an extremely high dosage of blood thinners and is in pain daily (although not even comparable to what she was in before her surgery). Today she received some bad news. For about a month now she has been in an increased level of pain and has been experiencing chest pain as well. Finally, last week her husband and I were able to persuade her to go to the doctor on Thursday. Yesterday she had an ultrasound on her leg, and today the doctor called with the news that a new clot was forming in the leg.

There is a lot of concern because this should not happen with the amount of blood thinners she is on. She goes to the vein specialist on Friday. I don't know what will happen from here; no one does. I am fearful, though.

H is young. She has two small wonderful daughters, ages 3 and 1. She is an amazing person and so strong. Seeing her in all that pain and going through a very hard recovery made me realize that even more. However, today, when I talked to her on the phone she sounded defeated.

Please pray for strength for my friend and her dear family.

Please pray that this clot is treatable and that she will be ok.

And lastly, (I feel selfish), please pray for me that I have the strength to be brave for her because I don't know if she can be right now.

Just a Few More Hours of Babyhood Left

Tomorrow's R's birthday. When she wakes up tomorrow, she'll be a big one year old. Wow. I can hardly believe it. As she fell asleep in my arms tonight, I could not help but feel peaceful and so thankful to God for her. She is truly the most amazing gift, beyond anything I ever hoped or dreamt of deserving.

I took off work for tomorrow. I decided that it was much more important to be with R on her birthday than to be teaching 8th graders. I just might do that every birthday. Will my district catch on after a few years? Who cares?? To me, it will be wonderful, in the middle of the week, to be able to play with my daughter, go to the grocery store, and just be calm instead of the hectic usual daily schedule.

Her new cute thing this week is that if you say to her (usually in the car or highchair), "R, show me your baby toes!" she will lift her little foot in the air or kick both feet back and forth. Of course, there is a huge smile on her little face! She is so proud of herself.

Tomorrow, I will post pictures of my birthday princess.

On a side note...
I don't talk about politics. I actually can't stand politics and most politicians. I hope you can never tell from my blog who I voted for. That's not the point of this blog anyway. I consider myself politically neutral because I do not feel a loyalty to either party. I have my beliefs and what guides me. These lead me, not one political party or another. However, I will say this because this election last week was historical: Regardless of who you voted for, you have to admit that the election of an African American to the Presidency is a historical moment for our country. I believe this will open doors for my little Ethiopian American daughter that would never have opened before. I believe that whether or not you voted for Obama or whether or not you voted for McCain, some time, maybe 50 years from now, some one will want to know what it was like to be living today, here and now in this moment.

Enough about that. I don't plan on ever mentioning anything that has to do with politics again.

Weighted Down

That's how I feel lately. I'm so weighted down with the suffering of my daughter's people and country. I've been thinking constantly about Ethiopia... dreaming of Ethiopia... feeling helpless about Ethiopia... wondering what my future child(ren) is (are) doing in Ethiopia...

I am struggling a lot with my role in Ethiopia and for Ethiopia. I had a long conversation about a week ago with my friend H about my long-term vision. I don't know how much I want to talk about it right now because I don't want to get ahead of myself. I also don't know how courageous I can really be. Saying something aloud (or typing it for the whole Internet world to see) comes with consequences and expectations.

Also with the recent changes on the Ethiopian side of adoption, I am worrying a lot. I know that these changes are really going to affect our future adoption, and I am fearful that Ethiopian adoption will become like Chinese adoption and start to take A LOT longer and be a lot more difficult.

And then I wonder if we should even adopt again at all. We are so happy with our R... Would bringing another child into this little family be the right thing? Sometimes I wonder, but at the same time, I really feel strongly that we are supposed to adopt again.

I also think a lot of R's birthmother. We are getting closer and closer to R's birthday. Less than 2 weeks. While this is a time to celebrate, it is also somewhat bittersweet. I wonder so much how Y (R's birthmother) is feeling right now. I think a lot about how things must have been for her in the last few weeks before delivering my daughter almost a year ago. I wonder if it was hard for her. (Of course it was. Who am I kidding?) I wonder how many times a day she thinks of R. I wonder if she regrets her decision. I wonder if she went to HH and got the pictures I sent to her. (I'm so thankful that I met her when we were in Ethiopia.) And I wonder a probably a million other things, too...

I'm not trying to be a big bag of downer here lately. I'm sure you find yourself here expecting to see some happy little Halloween post. R in her pumpkin suit or something adorable like that.

Ok then. Next post won't be so serious.

Please Pray

I've been reading some other blogs of people who are waiting to travel. It seems that the Ethiopian government has added another step to the process after the referral, and it is going to add a lot of time to the wait.

I know from personal experience that having a child in Ethiopia while you are home waiting desperately to hold her is the most painful of experiences. I am tearing up right now just thinking of how miserable I was while waiting for R and knowing that other families are going to have to wait even longer to hold their precious children.

Yes, I know... All those blogs I read keep saying, "God's timing is perfect." That may be so, but waiting to hold your child is almost too hard to bear. It is really hard to have faith in that when your heart is longing for your child.

With that said, I'm also living proof that once you are home with your child, all that waiting, heartbreak, and pain melts away.

I promise.

I'm Totally An Ethiopian Chef

(I made this!)

Ok, so that's not entirely true, but I did help make Ethiopian food today! And I feel like I could probably make a lot of what we made, too. So cool.

We are in a group for other Ethio-families in our area, and one of the families knows an amazing Ethiopian woman named F. F just personifies everything I know of Ethiopians. The kindness, the happiness, the smiles and cheerfulness. The woman cooked all afternoon with us and helped us to learn how to make it for our own families, too, and was nothing but gracious and kind the whole time. She insisted on not taking any of the feast home or any of the injera she brought. She didn't want us to pay her for the groceries or anything. (Of course we did.) About 15 minutes after meeting a lot of us, she was saying that she wanted to have us all over to her house some time to have an Ethiopian breakfast. I just loved her!

I arrived there at 1:30 and was thinking I'd probably be home around 3:30... at 6:30, however, I was finally on my way home. Originally, we were supposed to make only one meat dish and one veggie dish... we ended up making:

1. Tibs

2. Siga Wat

3. Lamb

4. Spicey Lentils

5. Regular Lentils

6. Ethiopian Spinach

7. Cabbage with Potatoes

8. Shiro

9. Carrots, Green Beans, and Potatoes

And we made enough for all 6 women who showed up to have plenty to take home to their families. It was so awesome! And it really did taste great. We made it a bit milder than usual, but it was still absolutely amazing.

Not only that, but it was so nice to be with other Ethio-moms... We are planning to do a culture camp next summer in our state and are talking about starting a "Moms only" type of group. I'm all for that!

Here's a cute picture of my darling Ethiopian Princess, just for the heck of it. Gosh, I love that baby girl!

8 Months Home

It was a cold February day 8 months ago today, probably pretty typical for most of you. For my little family, however, it was a new beginning as a family.

(My princess, in her homeland about 2 days after we became a family.)

After the months of deciding to adopt, waiting, applying to an agency ,waiting paperwork, waiting, referral, waiting, travel date, waiting... You get the idea. We were finally united with our daughter. The excitement of meeting R overshadowed the reality of what would happen once we came home.

I stepped off the plane on US soil with my Ethiopian daughter not knowing what would happen next. I was so happy to be home but so scared of what it would be like to BE HOME with our daughter.

Today, a mere 8 months later, I cannot imagine my life without my itty bitty baby girl. Although she is getting so big and is almost one year old, it hard for me to believe sometimes that it has actually already been 8 months. My, how time flies!

My darling child is the absolutely most amazing gift I have ever been given. It is hard NOT to believe in a God and His power when I look in R's eyes, knowing that although we do not share DNA, she was meant to be my daughter just as fully as if I had carried her for 9 months.

And today, we stop to remember that day 8 months ago when we came home. Although my baby kept me up from 11:15pm to 4:30am last night, my worst day with her is better than my best day without her.

(My sweet baby girl now at almost a year old.)

The Perfect Fall Weekend

We had a great weekend, and I am so sad that it is Sunday night already!

On Friday, before we left to visit my sweet cousin, R had a photo shoot in the backyard. One of R's "aunts" gave her this adorable fall outfit, and she finally got to wear it. I HAD to photograph R in it, especially since our yard is a fall wonderland right now, and I thought the outfit was super-adorable. So, enjoy!

Shortly after the photo shoot, we left on the 2 hour trek to visit my cousin, C. When we got there, she was still at class, so we walked around uptown and did some shopping. Just as we were driving by where I lived my freshman and sophomore years, she called, we picked her up, and the fun really began! R absolutely loves C, and she was so happy to be with her. We went out to dinner because R was pretty hungry by that time. C choose Applebee's so that's what we did.

After that, we visited C's dorm... Her room was a lot like what I lived in the first 2 years. We didn't meet her roommate, but we did have a nice time just visiting. R started to get really tired so we left, went to our hotel, and put R to bed...

The next morning, we went to one of my favorite coffee shops for breakfast (got my fav coffee drink) and waited for C to wake up and call me. We walked around a little, and C called and met us on campus.

We took C to Wal-Mart to get some groceries, and then it was time for lunch.... at the BURRITO BUGGY!! Yum!!!! It was just as delicious as I remembered, and R even enjoyed it, too. (Can you believe that it was only the 2nd time C had eaten there?? Insane!)

After that, we went to the bookstore to get C a shirt. She protested, but I insisted! We also got the baby a cute hoodie. By that time, R was in meltdown mode, so it was time for us to get going.

We had an awesome time, and I can't wait to go back to visit again, maybe in the spring. I love my sweet cousin, and it was so great to be "home."

8 Months Since Gotcha Day

(The picture is from a few weeks ago. A was in Minneapolis for business and went to the Mall of America. He bought a stuffed alpaca for R at an alpaca store. R was fussing when A pulled it out of the bag. When R saw it, she immediately starting cracking up. It was adorable, and I wish I would have gotten it on film! The alpaca's name is Angie.)

Today marks 8 months of being a family. So amazing to think about how quickly the days pass and how life has changed while at the same time, it seems that R has always been a part of our family.

R is an absolute joy. I was so frustrated this morning with her, and she leaned over to me and gave me a kiss and a hug. Is there anything sweeter in the whole world? Obviously the frustration melted away in about a second.

I wonder how I got to be so lucky. I could not ask for a more amazing child. She was truly handpicked to be my daughter.

I've Been Tagged

7 Things about me you may or may not know:

(In no particular order except how they pop into my head)

1. I LOVE ice cream. I don't eat it every day, but I could. It is hereditary. My grandmother loved it, too.

2. I HATE cleaning and cannot stay organized. No matter how hard I try, the piles and mess keep coming back. This is probably my least favorite character trait.

3. My first job when I was a kid was when I was 9 years old and in the 4th grade. I would go to my grandmother's store and help her for $.25/hour!

4. My favorite color is red, and I drive a red Volkswagen Beetle. (Not the best car to haul a baby around in, but I've had it for over 6 years, and it is paid off.)

5. My underwear always matches my outfit.

6. I am obsessive about my teeth. When I had braces, it would take me about 15 minutes to complete my cleaning ritual.

7. I never planned to become a teacher. My parents were both in education, and I didn't ever want to be "like them" (or whatever). I was "undecided" my freshman year of college but gave in and declared education right at the end of that year.

8. (Yes, I know I am only supposed to have 7). I'm extremely stubborn.

I guess I will tag Melissa! Considering I think you are the only person I know who hasn't been tagged already.

Home Sweet Home

Tomorrow, I have the day off work. Glorious. Couldn't come at a better time. It's nearly the end of the quarter, we haven't had a day off since Labor Day, and my students have been nutso this week. On top of that, the other week, I asked A if we could visit my sweet cousin, C, who is a sophomore at my alma mater.

My college experience was a wonderful one. I LOVED school, even after I met A and lived 3 hours away from him for 3 years.

And in the fall, it is the most beautiful place in the world. I first set foot on campus on a beautiful, sunny, and crisp fall day my senior year of HS (do you remember that, M?). My father and uncle (mom's brother) had both gone there. As soon I as I stepped onto the brick sidewalk and gazed up at the rolling hills and brilliant leaves, I was sold.

I was home.

And tomorrow, I get to go back. I haven't seen the campus in the fall since about 2000, and I've missed it. Can't wait.

I'm going to photograph my baby on college green, among the brick sidewalks and autumn leaves.

I'm going to breathe the chilly fall air as I walk up the step of the English building, where I spent a lot of time.

I'm going to savor the taste of a burrito from the Burrito Buggy and once again marvel that something made by a hippie in a buggy uptown can be the most delicious thing in the world. (Don't worry, M, I am bringing some home for you.)

I'm going to visit my cousin's dorm room and wonder how I ever lived in a dorm for two years.

I'm going to go to the College Bookstore and buy a shirt, maybe something for the baby, too.

I'm going to open the door to the library and inhale the smell of books. (Love that smell.)

I'm going to drive past all the places I lived and see how they are the just the same.

And, I'm going to remember my college years.

Don't get me wrong. It wasn't a perfect time, but it was a time in my life that helped to shape who I am today. I met friends I will have for a lifetime and grew from a scared 18 year old who had no clue what to do with her life to a first year teacher.

Catch ya when I get back. Go Bobcats!

An Article You Should Read...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7665826.stm

11 Months Old Today

(I will update this later with some pictures; doing laundry right now and not enough time to download.)

R is 11 months old today.... In one month, she will be a year old, and I can hardly believe that. She was so teeny tiny when she came home, and now she is thriving and HUGE (at least to me).

She is starting to take more and more steps and more frequently. She has one tooth coming in on the middle bottom right, and another directly above it about to cut through any second.

SHE IS AWESOME!!

I LOVE YOU BABY (for another month anyway) GIRL!!

Referral!!

A couple we know from our international adoption classes got their referral yesterday! We are so excited for them. They used a different agency than we did and were in about the same place in the process as we were in July 2007 when we met them at our classes. We are so, so happy that their daughter will be home soon. She is 7 months old and absolutely beautiful. Let's pray that she is home Christmas!

YAY!

How and Why?

As my heart continues to ache and break for the children of Ethiopia, I often think about my child and how easily the plight of millions of Ethiopia's orphans could have been her fate. What makes R different from any other child of Ethiopia? How did her birthmother know where to go? How could she bare to give up her child for adoption? And why? Why did I get the honor of being R's mother?

Oh, God, how R's birthmother must miss her.

I think about R's life in the first few weeks, before she came to HH. She was at another Ethiopian orphanage, one which we visited when we were in Ethiopia. I think of my child, in her most helpless moments of her life, without me, without her birthmother, without someone who loved her. It breaks my heart. If you saw photos of me taken at that place, you would see the misery and pure angst written all over my face. I know well that once she came to HH, she was loved by the director, A, and the amazing special mothers who cared for her. As much as it kills me to think of R being at the first orphanage, it kills me even more to think of the children we left behind in that orphanage. (One of these children, T, touch A and I so much that we planned to adopt him after R had been home the required 6 months. That didn't happen, but he will soon be with another forever family here in the States.)

I also think of my other child(ren) in Ethiopia at this very moment. (Our next adoption will be of an older child or a sibling group.) For I know he/she/they is/are out there. Where? What circumstances will bring our journey here on this side of the world together with his/hers/theirs? And how will I be able to go to Ethiopia again knowing I will again be faced with poverty unlike anything I could have ever imagined?

And all this leads me again to try to figure out what my role is in this. I do not know where God is taking me. I do know that my work in Ethiopia is far from done, in fact, has hardly even started. The monthly pledge we have sent to HH or the money we recently sent to another adoptive family to help buy shoes for Ethiopian children is but a drop in the bucket.

But will this "drop" lead to bigger things? I prayerfully hope so.

5/10 Years

Today is our 5th wedding anniversary and the 10th anniversary of the day we officially started dating. A few thoughts:

1. I think if you would have told me that A and I would get married when we first started dating, I may not have believed you. We lived 3 hours away from one another (I was away at college and he lived at home and commuted to a local one). I was pretty young, and I wasn't looking for a serious relationship at all, especially a long distance one. A, on the other hand, would probably have told you he did know I would one day be his wife.

2. I am the luckiest girl in the world. A loves me wholly, unconditionally, and completely, just as I do him.

3. If you would have told us on our wedding day 5 years ago that we would one day travel to Ethiopia to bring home our adopted daughter, we both would have laughed in your face! At that point, A had never even ridden on a plane!

4. Although it has been 10 years, we still tell each other multiple times a day that we love each other, still hold hands, and are more in love now than ever.

5. Our daughter has changed our relationship and our family forever, and we can't imagine it any other way.

For many years of our relationship, A did not like change. It took him a while to decide to ask me to marry him and even longer to decide that he, too, wanted to have a child. However, when I said to him out of the blue one day in spring 2007, "Let's adopt a baby," he didn't even hesitate. He told me tonight that he "had faith in us" when he said, "Ok, let's do it!"

And, so, darling husband of mine, I thank God for you, am so proud to be your wife, and will love you forever.

Thanks for having faith in me and in us.

Love you,
Your Wife

A First Tooth and "Single" Mom

So, did I tell you R has her first tooth? Last week we really noticed it cutting through. It is the bottom center right one. It is adorable, of course. Doesn't she look like she is like 3 years old in this picture? My baby is rapidly turning into a big girl right before my eyes!

_______________________________________________

Blah. This week, A's gone until Friday. When he accepted this position/promotion at his work about 4 years ago, we knew that it meant travel. When we didn't have kids, it was actually kind of nice to have some time to myself to work on projects, relax, etc. without him around. By the end of the week, I would miss him and would be so glad when he got home.

Well, now not only does his job require the regular travel it always did, due to some company changes, he now has to go 3 weeks out of the year to the home office. The is the 2nd time he's been gone since R came home. (The first time was my first week back to work in the spring, and my parents helped me a lot that week so it wasn't too bad.) This week, he's gone all week, so I'm totally on my own.

I shouldn't complain. At all. And I'm not, really. It makes me totally appreciate and admire even more all those single moms out there. I don't know how they do it! It's the little things that make me also appreciate what A does everyday for me and for our girl. Besides that, I just miss my husband! At least he will be home for our anniversary on Saturday. :)

Job v. Passion

Yeah, this is my third post of the night. Let's just say not having power leaves me with a week's worth of thoughts to share in one night.

Last week, I was talking to another teacher, C, about adoption. She asks me a lot of questions about the topic, and although she has never said this, my feeling is that she and her husband are considering adoption as a way to build their family.

I was telling her about our experience in Ethiopia and about how life-changing it was for me to go there. She said to me, "M, I've never seen you teach, and I'm sure you're a great teacher... but when I talk to you, I wonder if you have ever considering doing more for Ethiopia and adoption instead of teaching. I wonder if that is your calling."

This blunt statement, my own secret question to myself, rather shocked me. C forced me to think and talk aloud about something I've been wondering for the past 7 months and have revealed to no one. And so I feel I might be at a crossroads. Teaching is my job, and I do love it... However, adoption and Ethiopia are my passion.

I will say to you what I said to C. Education is safe. I can teach (or do something in education b/c there is no way I'm grading essays for another 22 years) for 30 years in my nice safe little job, have summers and holidays off, get a decent retirement and good health care, and be perfectly content to do so.

Or, I can do something insane, something I never imagined. Something not safe. Something that in no way secures my financial future... Who even knows what that "something" is.

What I do know is that my heart is in Ethiopia, that it breaks for all those children we left behind. That I think of the suffering of my child's homeland and wonder why I just had to buy that one more pair of shoes last week.

I know that the decision to adopt started as a whisper at first, a fleeting thought in my mind, just as this did. I feel this conversation with C took it to the next level, just as a similar experience talking to another co-worker made me realize that that whisper about adoption was serious...

And that is that.

PS-- R has been home 7 months today! I love you baby girl!

Thank you, M

My dear friend, M, gave me the most amazing gift this morning when A and I dropped R off at her house for the day... a children's book of R's adoption story that she had created for us!

Let me back up a second. M is the most talented of writers. When we were in HS, we used to try to outdo each other with humorous stories. Every once in a while, my story would be better than hers, but she would usually "beat" me. For years, I have been telling her she should try to get her writing published because of her exceptional gift.

The story she wrote is beautiful, and for someone who is not an adoptive mom, she explains adoption on a child's level in a way that a reader would have a hard time believing she hadn't adopted. (I guess she's been listening to me long enough.)

She stole the title of my blog for the title of the story, but that's fine with me! There is a reason this blog is titled as it is...

Well the sneak not only kept it a secret from me that she was writing this story and creating a book for my family but also kept it a secret that she DID submit it to a publisher! She will know in a couple of weeks if it will be accepted or not.

Anyway, M, I love the book, I love you, and I love that you might be sharing it with the world. I am so proud of you are pursuing this!

Thank you.

We, like, have power and stuff!

Thank you God! When I arrived home this afternoon, we had power! What an amazing thing to be able to go about my day with every light in the house on!!

We just finished cleaning out the fridge and freezer. Probably should have done that LAST Monday (tomorrow is trash day), but we were hopeful that we would get power back quickly and that we might be able to save something. What a waste!! Makes me really think about all that stuff we spent money on and that is now sitting in a trash can in my driveway.

There are still about 40,000 in my area without power, so all this mess is far from over for a lot of other people.

Still No Power

We stayed at my parents' tonight and will just get up early tomorrow for work! My brother (on his way to his girlfriend's place) drove through our neighborhood, and we still do not have power. Maybe tomorrow? Maybe Thursday??? Who knows? I'm not optimistic that'll it'll be soon.

Here is a cute picture of R. It has nothing to do with this post. Who doesn't like pictures?

Still Without Power

We are staying the weekend at my parents' house because we still do not have power at our house. The number is now 65,000 without power in my area, and restoration of it is going very slowly. The power company is saying that we will have it back by tomorrow night, but considering that they only restored power to about 7,000 last night, I'm not too hopeful that will be the case!

We lost power because we had a "dry" category 1 hurricane (the remainder of Ike) blow through the state on Sunday afternoon. Our county was one of the hardest hit in the state, and things are still a mess. It was one of the weirdest weather occurrences I've ever experienced. The wind was incredibly strong for something around here, but there was no rain. Bizarre.

Our neighborhood looked like a war zone when it was over, and we were lucky. We have 4 huge trees in our yard, and they all were fine with only some large branches down. The only damage was some shingles off the roof of our shed in the back yard. Other people in the area and in our neighborhood were not as lucky!

We are hoping to have power soon, as it is hard with the baby. We are only at my parents' for the weekend because they live about an hour north of where we do, and it is just too difficult getting the baby to the sitters' houses and getting to work this far away. At least we can do some laundry today!

Blackout!

We currently have no power at our house and haven't since Sunday night. In my area, there are still about 200 thousand homes without it, so I'm not thinking it'll come back on anytime soon. All the areas around our neighborhood have power, so we are probably a low priority. We did not have school Monday, we did yesterday, and we did not today. I am thinking that tomorrow is doubtful because the recovery process is going so slowly.

So, currently, I'm at my friend, M's, house so R and her daughter N can play together and so I can check my email and online banking.

See you when we have power again!

9/11

Today marks 7 years. Where were you? Me, I was in the first few weeks of my teaching career. I remember the day quite clearly. My lesson for seniors that day was a Brit Lit poem... A student came into my 3rd period class yelling, "Miss M, Miss M, someone bombed the Pentagon!" I remember not believing her, thinking she had just heard something wrong. After all, who could possibly attack the Pentagon?

I proceeded with my lesson, but my students begged me to turn the TV on. I did and saw horror I could never possibly believe. The first tower had already collapsed. Suddenly, poetry wasn't important. My students and I watched the coverage in horror. I saw the second tower collapse on live TV, like a lot of Americans did. I watched the news coverage the entire rest of the day and tried to help my high school students deal with what was happening.

I knew no one killed on 9/11, but that doesn't mean I don't mourn them and feel such sadness for their families. I think of the children who will grow up without their mothers and fathers... and all that has happened in these years since then.

The day after 9/11, I drove through the country (I used to work at a HS in a farming community) to work as the sun rose in the sky. The sunrise was a brilliant, bright mix of reds, oranges, yellows, etc. I remember thinking as I gazed at the sky that God was mourning this attack just as our nation was. I can still picture that and remember how I felt...

Work Stuff, Photo Books, and A Hurricane

Well, since the end of last school year, I have been dreading returning to work. I work on a team with one of my closest friends and 4 other teachers. Three of them, my friend H and I had a lot of problems with last year. They are young and selfish, and they do not have the best interest of our students at heart. H and I talked a lot over the summer about how to deal with them and work with them... We knew it was only a matter of time before things got bad again this year, and today that happened.

I have a lot going on in my life. I feel like I'm a good teacher and teammate. I am respected by my principal and co-workers... Except for these 3 teammates apparently. I won't get into details because it is so silly that I can hardly really explain it. I just feel so frustrated because it is ONLY September, and we have so much of this school year left.

To make a long story short, the "teammates" were upset about some things on a behavior plan for a student but said nothing about it when the plan was being created with the student, his dad, the team, and the school's therapist on Tuesday. Today's team meeting, the three of them attacked H about the plan. I wasn't there because I was training other teachers in the district on our new writing program. (I know I am making this long.) I don't really know the details, but I do know that H called me in tears during her lunch. My thought is that they chose to attack H today because I wasn't there. One of them actually told H that she should not be calling a parent when there is a behavior problem in her class. Instead, we should just talk to her and the teachers the student had before. They said some other things, too, just as bad.

I am a parent, as is H. One of the things I know is that if R is ever a problem in school, her teacher should contact me to let me know about it. Like the parent mentioned above, I would be happy that the teacher cared enough to tell me and wanted to work with me to improve my child's educational experience. This idea that we should NOT contact a parent is completely absurd and makes no sense to me.

So, tomorrow, I get to go in and face these people, after they attacked my dear friend yet again. I must remain professional, but it makes me feel ill knowing that all the things we had to deal with at the end of last year are happening again, and there is seemingly no solution to this problem.

On a total side note: I made some photo books on snapfish.com and got them in the mail today. They basically are to give to her grandparents, but I of course bought a copy for us, too. I LOVE IT! My friend M has been making photo books for a few months now, and this is the first one I've attempted. I love scrapbooking, and the photo books are nice because they are so quick and easy to make! I just might be addicted to it! At snapfish.com, the 8x11 books are 40% off until tomorrow if you use the code "sale40" when you check out. I decided it was a good time to try it out! :)

Also, my brother in FL is fine. The hurricane did not directly hit the Keys so he is ok. Thank you for your concern and prayers!

Hurricane Ike

I just got off the phone with my dad, who is always watching the Weather Channel. He was watching the update on "Ike," which is now projected to be a category 4 hurricane when it hits Marathon in the FL Keys on Tuesday. In that we live thousands of miles from there, why does my dad call to update me on this? Well, my brother, J, lives there, as does his friend and his wife and one my dad's good friends.

My dad said J told him that if it will be a cat 4 when it hits, he will evacuate to mid-Florida and stay with another friend's mom. If a cat 4 hits Marathon, it will be wiped out, and everything will be destroyed. This makes me feel so sick and horrible inside knowing that it is very likely that my brother and others we know down there will lose their homes. Dad says they have not been hit by a hurricane more than a low 3 since the 1930s.

I am hoping and praying that the storm decreases before it hits.

Funny Picture and a Temper Tantrum

A few weeks ago, my friend M had a Mickey Mouse birthday party for her middle daughter. Being the super-awesome mom she is, she even bought mouse ears for the kids to wear. Here is a picture of M, her daughter N (one month younger than R), R, and me. I thought it was funny because both girls look so serious... and yet, they are wearing mouse ears. (Do you like their matching BF dresses? Adorable!)

On a side note, my daughter threw her first (major) temper tantrum yesterday. I didn't know 9 month olds had temper tantrums, but apparently they do. I just know that soon, A and I will be those parents in the grocery store with the screaming toddler who wants the cookies we won't buy... M says she knew from the first time she looked at a photo of R that she would be a "screamer." At the time, I was hoping she was wrong, but last night's display of screaming, crying, kicking, arching of the back, etc. has proven that M was indeed right!

Despite this, she is the absolute light of my life. Like A said the other night, "We have been given a great gift" in the form of this small girl. She is so awesome.

There once was a girl

Who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead.

And when she was good,
She was very, very good,

But when she was bad,

She was horrid!

-- Longfellow

(This sorta sums it up, doesn't it?)

Two Steps Forward...

R took her first real steps yesterday. She took 2 steps at two different times over the course of the evening. Tonight, she practiced some more. She is starting to catch on and understands when we say, "Walk to Mommy; walk to Daddy." She is, like, the most awesome baby in the world!



My friend H sent me this picture of R from this summer. It has nothing to do with her walking, but I think it is super cute. (The feet in the picture are H's daughter, who is also a darling baby!)




Also, an update on my aunt: She received more results today. The lesions on her brain look like they are getting smaller so the doctors are more sure it is not cancer. However, there is a possibility it is MS... more tests to come. Please keep her in your prayers!