That's how I feel lately. I'm so weighted down with the suffering of my daughter's people and country. I've been thinking constantly about Ethiopia... dreaming of Ethiopia... feeling helpless about Ethiopia... wondering what my future child(ren) is (are) doing in Ethiopia...
I am struggling a lot with my role in Ethiopia and for Ethiopia. I had a long conversation about a week ago with my friend H about my long-term vision. I don't know how much I want to talk about it right now because I don't want to get ahead of myself. I also don't know how courageous I can really be. Saying something aloud (or typing it for the whole Internet world to see) comes with consequences and expectations.
Also with the recent changes on the Ethiopian side of adoption, I am worrying a lot. I know that these changes are really going to affect our future adoption, and I am fearful that Ethiopian adoption will become like Chinese adoption and start to take A LOT longer and be a lot more difficult.
And then I wonder if we should even adopt again at all. We are so happy with our R... Would bringing another child into this little family be the right thing? Sometimes I wonder, but at the same time, I really feel strongly that we are supposed to adopt again.
I also think a lot of R's birthmother. We are getting closer and closer to R's birthday. Less than 2 weeks. While this is a time to celebrate, it is also somewhat bittersweet. I wonder so much how Y (R's birthmother) is feeling right now. I think a lot about how things must have been for her in the last few weeks before delivering my daughter almost a year ago. I wonder if it was hard for her. (Of course it was. Who am I kidding?) I wonder how many times a day she thinks of R. I wonder if she regrets her decision. I wonder if she went to HH and got the pictures I sent to her. (I'm so thankful that I met her when we were in Ethiopia.) And I wonder a probably a million other things, too...
I'm not trying to be a big bag of downer here lately. I'm sure you find yourself here expecting to see some happy little Halloween post. R in her pumpkin suit or something adorable like that.
Ok then. Next post won't be so serious.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
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3 comments:
The wait getting longer did scare me when I read that email on Friday...I so hope and pray they work this out and it doesn't become like "china"...I've been so excited at how quickly it has all been going...great post..kristi
i think about that kind of stuff too. although more about children in foster care. what more can i do? how can i get more people to adopt? and about mateo's birthmom and what she thinks about on mother's day. we've decided to do another adoption but sometimes i wonder if i'll have enough time and energy to put into another needy kid. but i have to have faith that it's the right thing to do and that i'll have the strength to persevere through any trials. it's nice to hear what other people are struggling with sometimes. i feel like it makes us that much closer on a human level because we really have the same concerns and love for our children (us adoptive parents anyway). thanks for sharing.
Hey there...
thanks for your sweet support :). I see here that you're troubled... i can totally relate. With regards to the adoption stuff, yeah, there are a lot of changes brewing, but i don't think (i'm hoping???) that it will ever take as long as china. Our children's birth land is different... i've worked with so many countries, and i'm seeing that ET. might be more reasonable in the end, even with all the changes. Let's hope!!! and take your time thinking about baby #2... you'll feel it in your soul when the time is right...
love
becca
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