Job v. Passion

Yeah, this is my third post of the night. Let's just say not having power leaves me with a week's worth of thoughts to share in one night.

Last week, I was talking to another teacher, C, about adoption. She asks me a lot of questions about the topic, and although she has never said this, my feeling is that she and her husband are considering adoption as a way to build their family.

I was telling her about our experience in Ethiopia and about how life-changing it was for me to go there. She said to me, "M, I've never seen you teach, and I'm sure you're a great teacher... but when I talk to you, I wonder if you have ever considering doing more for Ethiopia and adoption instead of teaching. I wonder if that is your calling."

This blunt statement, my own secret question to myself, rather shocked me. C forced me to think and talk aloud about something I've been wondering for the past 7 months and have revealed to no one. And so I feel I might be at a crossroads. Teaching is my job, and I do love it... However, adoption and Ethiopia are my passion.

I will say to you what I said to C. Education is safe. I can teach (or do something in education b/c there is no way I'm grading essays for another 22 years) for 30 years in my nice safe little job, have summers and holidays off, get a decent retirement and good health care, and be perfectly content to do so.

Or, I can do something insane, something I never imagined. Something not safe. Something that in no way secures my financial future... Who even knows what that "something" is.

What I do know is that my heart is in Ethiopia, that it breaks for all those children we left behind. That I think of the suffering of my child's homeland and wonder why I just had to buy that one more pair of shoes last week.

I know that the decision to adopt started as a whisper at first, a fleeting thought in my mind, just as this did. I feel this conversation with C took it to the next level, just as a similar experience talking to another co-worker made me realize that that whisper about adoption was serious...

And that is that.

PS-- R has been home 7 months today! I love you baby girl!