Traditionless Christmas

This is R's first Christmas at home, of course. I was hoping that it would be like our family events from when I was a kid. Instead, it's turning into the most lame day ever. Allow me to pout a bit:

1. A's family doesn't do Christmas, and neither does he. I decided not to do decorations around my house this year because quite frankly it is no fun to decorate a tree and put out Christmas stuff alone. I admit fully that this part of Lame Christmas 2008 is entirely my fault.
2. We, along with my parents, are going to Florida to visit my brother the week after Christmas. This will be fun, don't get me wrong. However, this means that my parents bought and decorated the tiniest tree in the world, and instead of lots of decorations and Christmas memories there, hardly anything is out. Their tree is literally about 5 feet tall and 2 feet wide. It's pathetic, so pathetic in fact that I had to have my friend M take pictures of R in front her (live, pretty) tree while she was watching her one day last week. The pictures turned out cute at least.
3. My brother (who lives near me, not the one in FL) is spending either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day with his girlfriend's family. Of course he probably should do that. However, this will be the first time since he's been alive that this has happened, and he was planning to spend BOTH with her family until my mom put her foot down.
4. I found out today that my uncle's family isn't coming for Christmas dinner... just a few hours in the afternoon. This, too, has never happened before.

I know, stop being a baby. However, let me explain the Christmases of the past:

When I was a child, we would spend Christmas Eve with my dad's side of the family, do our own thing Christmas morning, and then go to my mom's parents' on Christmas afternoon. When my Gramma died, we pretty much stopped seeing my dad's family. I was in 5th grade, and we still had the tradition of being with my mom's side. That became the norm and was how it went until my grandmother died.

The week of Christmas was always super busy. My grandmother owned a gift shop in my home town; I grew up working there after school and on my breaks. If we still had the store, I would be spending my days between now and Christmas Eve there in a sea of activity. I miss that terribly.

As Christmas would get closer, my mom's sisters and their families would make their ways to my grandparents' to celebrate with us. No longer. The sisters and their families haven't been home for Christmas since the last one before Granny died. One came home with her sons the week after Christmas last year.

We used to get a Christmas tree, a live one. We would decorate it with a million ornaments and pin popcorn to the ends of the branches. I know no other family who does this. Now my parents do a fake tree and thus no popcorn. Blah.

You see, I want R to have what I used to have: tradition and family and specialness. This time of year used to feel so magical to me. Now it feels like nothing to me, and I'm even starting to dislike the whole thing a bit.

When I married A, I knew full well that Christmas would be difficult with his not celebrating it. I still don't like it but have grown used to it. Now, however, I'm learning that with a child, it is much worse. Now, with everything else, I'd rather skip the whole thing entirely. What is the point of my parents cooking a feast for them, A, R, and me for Christmas dinner? It seems like such a waste.

I'm not saying I want gifts and greed. I just want family, tradition, and that special time of year this used to be.