One Year Ago Today

(R at a year old enjoying a "breakfast bot" while I pack her bag to go to M's for the day. I love those eyes! She is so ornery!)

Friday, December 7, 2007:

A day I won't soon forget. It was a typical Friday afternoon for me. I returned to my classroom at the end of the school day after taking my students to the library for the last period of the day. As the afternoon announcements came on, I casually opened my email and checked it. There, I saw an email from my case manager, J. I ignored the rest and eagerly opened the email. It said that she was trying to get a hold of us and wanted A or me to call her before she went home for the day.

I knew what this meant. You see, 2 days prior, we had received our monthly update phone call from our case manager. We knew were were #1 on the waiting list. At the end of the call, J said to me, "We have new babies coming into HH all the time. Sometimes it's just a matter of getting medical paperwork in order..."

I grabbed my phone and ran over to my friend H's classroom (I can't get cell phone reception in my room but can in hers). By this time, the bell had rang, students were at their lockers preparing to catch their buses, and H was in the hallway doing hall duty. I grabbed her hand as I dashed by and said, "My case manager is trying to get a hold of me." I slammed her classroom door and sat down at her desk. I didn't think I could stand.

I could hardly dial my agency's phone number because my hands were shaking so badly. I finally did and waited for J to take my call.

She told me I had a daughter.

I started sobbing. (I still, even now, tear up every time I think about it.)

(My tears of joy and happiness that I am FINALLY a mom!! Sorry these pictures are so small. I had to go into my snapfish account and copy them from there because the actual file are trapped on my PC.)

She told me R's background, her birthname, what they knew of her birth parents and birth family, her age, where she was born, and that she was absolutely beautiful. Most importantly, she told me that she was MY DAUGHTER.

J then told me that she was going to send me the referral information via email. I did not expect this. I guess we had just assumed we would be told about our referral and would get the actual pictures a few days in the mail.

I just wasn't prepared to see my daughter's face as soon as I knew she existed.

(Above, reading the email from our case manager and seeing a picture of my daughter for the first time.)

I got off the phone with J and dialed A's work number. He was on another call, and my 3 minute wait for him to answer my call was the longest of my life. As soon as I the email from J with PICTURES OF OUR DAUGHTER, I forwarded them to A so he could also see our child.

How can I even describe what it was like to see R's face for the first time? I can't, really. Those of you who have received your referrals and/or brought your children home know what it is like. And those of you on the waiting list will know soon...

Just look at how amazing this child is!

SO tiny!

Sleeping Beauty. I couldn't wait until she was sleeping in my arms!

I know that my daughter is exactly what I prayed for and more than I could have ever imagined. Our contract was for an infant girl, which could be anywhere from newborn to 12 months old at the time of referral. We hoped that she would be as young as possible, but we never imagined that R would be 3 weeks old at the time of our referral and a little over 3 months old when we brought her home.

The contract wasn't for the most perfect child ever.
Or for the girl with the most beautiful, alert eyes, even at 3 weeks old.
Or for the child with the arms open wide waiting for her parents to hug her tight.
Or for the baby who has the most amazing and infectious smile I've ever see.
Or for the little one who is so curious and playful.

But you know what? That's what we got, and I couldn't ask for anything more!