It's R Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, oh wow, we've been a family for a year! In some ways, for A and me, it is like R has always been with us... On the other hand, we can hardly believe that the most amazing day of our lives was only a year ago. And how we love our sweet girl!

Here we are a year ago, in our first family photo:

Here we are today, as A and I took off work today to spend it with our girl and get family pictures taken (A and I kinda look dorky, but R is looking adorable as usual):
We had an R Day cake made by a local bakery. It had the outline of our state on it and an outline of Ethiopia on it, too. The outlines had red, white, and blue and red, yellow, and green respectively. Sort of an overboard thing to do, but it is our first R Day, so we just did it.

(She's mad because I'm taking pictures instead of giving her a piece. Too funny.)

We had fun playing with our girl today. Here she is playing and reading with her Daddy:

And here she is up to no good getting into the cabinet:

This evening, we went to Target to do some shopping. R cruised out to the car in comfort in the cart:

I'll leave you with some of photos from the photo shoot today, just of R. We love, LOVE, LOVE this beautiful, amazing, spirited, ornery, fun, precious princess of a girl!!

Good News/Bad News Situation

Ok, we got the call from our agency today.

Good news: We're approved to adopt again! YAY! Contracts are in the mail. And I'm happy about that.

Bad news: The contract is for an infant girl. The situation is this: They would like us to contract for an infant again, meet with our social worker, do some more research and then they make the final decision. They aren't thrilled with the idea of our adopting a child older than R, but they are not telling us absolutely no way.

My status: 24 hours ago, I would have been flaming mad, confused, upset. It is good really that we had to wait and that A actually talked to the inquiry person because I wasn't home yet. Right now, I'm ok with it. At peace so to speak. I was so hyped up yesterday that the cool down period was exactly what I needed.

Here's the thing. We've felt like an older child is the way to go. However, when A said, "Our contract is going to be for an infant," I felt a feeling of relief I in no way expected to feel. It surprised me. Wow, still does.

And, there are things about adopt an older child and adopting out of birth order that we obviously haven't considered. Our agency is the expert, not us.

So I'm totally ok and open to whatever comes next. If our future child is out there waiting for us or if she hasn't been born yet, it doesn't matter. Just like with R, she's already picked out and perfect for our family.

Why would I be sad or disappointed about that? (And Lord knows I love little Ethiopian baby girls!!)

Tick-Tock Times Two

After carrying the phone with me everywhere this afternoon and evening, I just checked my email. The inquiry person emailed me about 10 minutes ago.

She said that the review meeting ran late today and wanted to make sure we at least got some feedback from her before the end of the day. She, in typical agency fashion, was a bit cryptic. She said the review "went well" and that she would call us tomorrow with further details.

What that truly means, I don't know, but from dealing with my agency before, that is usually good news.

Now I just get to wait another 24 hours or so! (Did I ever mention that I'm pretty much the most impatient person in the world??)

Tick.... Tock....

I'm waiting for a phone call from our agency. Sounds familiar to some, right?

I'm waiting on the yes or no answer about adopting an older child.

Our social worker supports us. However, she said that the bottom line is that the social service director for our agency could tell us no.

The inquiry person said she would review our application with the social services person this afternoon. Our agency is 3 hours behind us, but it is still afternoon.

Where is my phone call?

I will update when we get an answer. My heart is pounding in my chest, and I've felt ill all day.

AWK-WARD! And Adoption Progress Update

Part One:
I am the coach for a writing competition my school is involved in. Actually it has been around for a while, as I was in it when I was in 7th and 8th grade. Today was the competition for area schools, and my school is the host school. A friend of mine is a coach for another school. I haven't seen him in ages, nor have I really talked to him. I saw him registering his team and went up to say hi. As I was talking to him, the other coach from his school turned around. It was a girl I knew.

Not only that, but it was a girl who was supposed to be my student teacher last year but didn't end up completing her placement with me. Basically, I (and others in my building, too) did not feel that she was competent to be my student teacher and had to ask her not to return to the placement after her college's winter break. I hadn't talked to her since then, and I was shocked to see that she taught at my friend's school, which is a good school in a good district.

On top of that, A brought R to visit me during the lunch break before the awards. I introduced her to M (my friend), and I had to do the same with my former student teacher because she was right there.

The whole thing was really uncomfortable and unexpected.

Part Two:
On the adoption front, my letters from my two doctors made it to my agency by Friday. The social services director will review our application and "supporting documents" (doctor letters) on Monday afternoon. This means that we will know soon what the verdict on the older child decision will be. Most I have talked to about this issue have told me not worry, and some even have said that agencies can't really tell us no.

Bottom line: I just want to start the process soon!

Like Monday!

Blah

So I got an email from the inquiry person from our agency. She said that usually, the agency prefers that families adopt according to birth order. Well, um, this is sort of new information for us as neither our social worker nor our case manager has told us this in near year we have talked about doing this.

It's frustrating.

A says not to worry, that we are supposed to adopt an older child and that R is "just the baby of the family." Besides that, we have spent nearly a year talking about, thinking about, dreaming about, praying about bringing an older child home. This is not a rash or impulsive decision, nor one we took lightly.

I'm thinking if our agency won't allow us to do this, we will have to seek elsewhere. A is unconvinced. He just said, "We'd just have to wait like 5 years to adopt again." Uhhh, no thanks. Especially considering I want to bring her home RIGHT NOW.

What the Heck, Let's Get Started!

We've decided to just go ahead and start our second adoption instead of waiting a few weeks until we get our tax money. This may seem on the surface rather impulsive, but it really isn't. It is what I have wanted to do all along, and A came to the conclusion today (on his own) that it is what he wants to do, too. I mean, really. Our girl is out there. Might as well start the process so we can bring her home ASAP!

So, so far today, for our second child's adoption, I have done the following:
1. Filled out the pre-application with our agency.
2. Contacted our case manager to ask her a few questions.
3. Contacted our social worker to let her know we are ready to start and to ask her a couple questions about new homestudy procedures.
4. Ordered copies of birth certificates.
5. Printed out all the information and forms needed to complete a homestudy in my state. The agency won't give me that info officially until we sign a contract and pay the fees, but I found it online.

Not too shabby, eh?

My Little Meat Eater

(YAY MEAT!)

(Above: R enjoys a delicious bowl of meat a couple weeks ago.)

So, R LOVES meat. It's bizarre. I'm practically a vegetarian at this point in my life (my friend H-- who is vegetarian-- says I'm "flexotarian") so the fact that she loves meat doesn't have anything to do with our diet.

However, she'll eat meat over most other dinner things (besides peas). Literally, some nights for dinner, she'll just eat meatballs and will be perfectly happy.

Today, I was at an Ethiopian culture camp planning meeting at an Ethiopian woman's house with some other moms of adopted Ethiopian children. We often digress when we're meeting, and F, the Ethiopian woman, started to tell us a little about the differences of people from the various tribes in Ethiopia. When she started talking about the Amhara, which is what R is, she said, "Those people are meat eaters!"

Well, that explains a lot, doesn't it? That little piece of information is just one more I will store away about my daughter's culture, background, and people.

Baby Love

A, R, and I went to a gathering/play date for Ethiopian adoptive families in our area yesterday. It was so fun to see R run around with other Ethiopian children and their brothers and sisters. She definitely was trying to be one of the big kids!

There was a tiny Ethiopian baby, about 5 months old. Oh my goodness. I had rather forgotten how darling little Ethiopian babies are since mine is turning more and more into a big girl before my eyes. For a moment, I seriously wanted to go the baby route again! R was really cute with her, too. She just smiled at her. When the baby (and her mom and siblings) was leaving, R waved bye to her and gave her a hug. So sweet.

However, her interest in the baby was pretty short-lived, and she followed the older kids around for over an hour so it just again shows me that adopting an older child is right for our family!

Cancer

I freaking hate it. It is a disease that killed my grandpa and almost killed both my aunt and grandmother.

Now, my BF, M's, father-in-law has it. Everywhere. Mouth, nose, lungs, brain, liver, throat. Bad, melanoma. M's husband is not very close to his father, but it is still the most horrible of news to receive.

I freaking hate it.

Please keep, M, her husband, and of course his father and the rest of the family in your prayers (if you do that sort of thing).

"Thank You for Being You"

My principal said this to me today. A good feeling.

My principal was the HR person for my district when I was hired there 6 1/2 years ago. At that time, I had planned to work as a teacher for one more year and then go back to school to do something else because I did not think teaching was for me. My previous job was not a good experience for me, and I left it feeling like I would NEVER been a successful teacher.

After hiring me and working I think maybe another year, my now-principal retired and left the district. He worked for the state department of education for a few years, and then, surprisingly returned to my district this year as the principal of my building.

I have always respected this man. He gave me a chance and saw something in me the principal at my other job and others didn't. Some of my co-workers are intimidated by him. Not me. I know that the two things he values in his teachers, and students as well, are accountability and consistency.

Anyway, it is just nice to know that I am appreciated and respected in my job. It took me a long time to get over some of the things that happened to me at my previous position, and sometimes I still feel like that scared young teacher with no confidence.

Totally My Child

(Above: I just love this picture. She looks so beautiful and like such a big girl!)

Although I did not give birth to R, there is no doubt she's MY girl!...

1. Her love of shoes, just like Mommy. (I am almost ashamed to admit that I probably own close to 200 pairs of shoes. Not exaggerating.) We both also love purses. Below, her she is with "her" backpack (I actually bought it for her future sister) and an Ethiopian basket on her head, which she thinks is a hat. Too cute.

2. Tonight's dinner: peas (my favorite veggie). She also had some french fries coated in ketchup, my favorite condiment!


3. We are both very stubborn. Here, she is trying to bust through the baby gate because she wanted to come downstairs with Mommy.


4. We love cuddling up and reading a good book with her Daddy.

I, Apparently, Don't Work Anymore!

We are on our 4th snowday of the week. This is good and bad. Good, for the obvious reason that I get to stay home with my sweet girl!

Bad because this is now our 10th day off. The state only allows 5, so we will be making days up until July (not really, but that's what it feels like!). Also bad because due to how the weather has been here and already-scheduled days off, we haven't actually had a full week of school since before Thanksgiving. Try getting kids into any kind of routine when you are up against that!

Oh, well, I'm off to go play with my daughter instead of getting dressed for work. :)

Grief and Loss in Adoption

This week, it manifested itself in the form of R's having diaper rash. Quite unexpectedly, too, I might add.

Let me back up. We know that when R came to our agency's transitional home, HH, she had a small cut under her nose (very visible in her referral pictures) and bad diaper rash.

Well, she has had diaper rash a few times since we brought her home. No big deal, really. However, this week, she got it really bad. So bad that she screamed bloody murder when I cleaned her up.

Listening to her screaming, trying to comfort her, and cleaning her up like that just really got to me. I often think about R's time in the Ethiopian orphanage before she came to HH. She was so small, helpless. Did she scream in pain like that when she was there?

I couldn't take it. I found myself crying right along with her. I have so much guilt about not being there for her during that time, when she was most helpless, without someone to love her.

We were really fortunate. R was only 3 weeks old when she came to HH and 3 and 1/2 weeks old when we received her referral. I know compared to other children and other stories, this is nothing. However, it still counts. It is still a time in my daughter's life in which I wasn't there to take care of her.

What about the rest of you adoptive parents? How do you deal with that time before your child came home? Do you ever feel like I did?

I know grief and loss come with adoption. I just wasn't expecting it to come in the form of diaper rash.

One Year

(This picture of R is from our second set of pictures we received while she was in Ethiopia. It was taken approximately a year ago!)

Friday, Jan. 25, 2008 was our court date in Ethiopia, not that we knew at the time. We had received pictures of R a few days prior, but we didn't know that meant a court date was coming up. At that time, our agency did not tell families when their court dates were. (I guess now they do.) We were so longing to go get R and bring her home as we had been since we had seen her beautiful little face for the first time.

Waiting to bring R home was by fair the most painful part of the adoption experience for me. I know that compared to many others, our wait was a breeze, but my heart ached to hold my child constantly.

We received our travel call on Monday, Jan. 28, 2008. We had gone to our favorite Ethiopian restaurant for the first time that weekend. (We always say going there was good luck.) A was at home during the day and received the phone call from our case manager (I was at work). At 3:15 or so, the students had pretty much left the building. My friend H spotted A walking down the hall.

When I saw him, I thought something bad had happened because he never shows up at my school unannounced. As he walked closer he said to me, "What are you doing on Feb. 17?" I said that I was supposed to be at my baby shower. To which he replied that we were going to have to change that because WE HAVE TO BE IN ETHIOPIA!

I was in shock. We had passed court on the first time and had received a court date more quickly than I had expected.

A year. How our lives have changed since R legally and fully became our daughter and we prepared to bring her home.

Such blessings, some struggles, lots of change, and indescribable joy.

That's what this year has brought.

Under Attack

I hesitate to even put this to words, but I was feeling like that even before today's events... Do you ever just feel like you're under attack? I do right now.

Since I'm now ready, like yesterday(!), to start our adoption process again, I feel like we're just being drained of money. Last week it was the stealing of A's MP3 player. This week, it's my car.

I bought my car, a RED Volkswagen Beetle, after my first year teaching. I have loved my car since I bought it, and when I bought it, I was single and wasn't thinking of hauling a princess baby around. It's not practical right now with a child, but it is paid off and (usually) reliable. I loved the way I felt when I drove it when it was "new" (I bought it used). I felt free and didn't have a care in the world!

Anyway, the window has been "off" when you roll it up and down. I knew it was only a matter of time before it broke. I'm guessing that due to the extreme cold, it just finally gave out on Friday night when A was using my car and went to mail something.

So that cost almost $600 (out of our adoption fund) to fix. Yesterday.

Then, while they were fixing the window, the door lock broke. Basically, what they said is that it was about to break, and any messing around (technical term, right?) with the door caused it to give out completely. So today's money drain continued with $477 going to repair that. With the MP3 player being stolen out of the car last week, I don't feel like I can NOT go with the car not being able to lock.

It just makes me feel sick.

In the last week, we've made some progress on our adoption-related decisions. Is that part of it? Who knows? What do you think?

Here is what I DO know as far as our next adoption goes:
1. We are adopting a little girl.
2. Age 4 to 7. Some disagreement still here. A would like the older in, me the younger.
3. Siblings? No, at this time, siblings are not in in our future.

The fact that my child is out there in Ethiopia making her journey to us just makes me want to start the process RIGHT NOW so we can bring her home RIGHT NOW.

I also know that I have a wonderful husband, the most gorgeous precious daughter, a stable job,. a fabulous family, the best friends, and the sweetest little house. I'm luckily. And if I'm down a thousand dollars right now, that's ok. I'll clip coupons, not buy that outfit or shoes, and cook at home instead of eating dinner out until I get it back. I will do this for my child home and my child in Ethiopia. Is there really anything else important?

Nope.

11 Months Gotcha Day Anniversary!

R has been in my arms 11 months today! I cannot believe how much I love this little darling girlie of mine and how I know she was always meant to be my daughter!!

In 11 months, we all have changed. A has become a wonderful father, R a beautiful, curious, and amazing little girl, and me, well, I have learned what it means to love a child more than anything else and what great responsibility and joy that brings.

Pictures later. There is one I really want to add to the post, but it is trapped on my camera right now.

Also, today is A's 32nd birthday!

Off to Scrapbook!

A is on his own tonight and tomorrow because I am going to go to my friend, H's parents' house to do some scrapbooking. (Her parents are out of town this weekend, so we will have plenty of space, no kids, and time to work!) I love to scrapbook, and I haven't been able to since before school started. H and another friend of hers will be there, along with another girl who teaches in my district. Should be good times.

Goal: I'm going to try to get our Ethiopia album(s) completed. That is probably more than I can accomplish this weekend, but I'm going to work on it. I would just like to have it finished before we hit the one year home mark in a little over a month...

What are your MLK day weekend plans?

PS-- Due to the extreme cold and snow, we haven't had school yesterday or today! Five day weekend!

PPS-- We took care of getting R's social security number today. Had to get that accomplished before we can do our taxes! :)

Some People are Just Jerks... and I'm a Moron

Ok, the weather here is bad and getting worse. I'm actually home from work an hour early because of it. A, R, and I went to Target last night, and when we got home, we just took the baby inside because it was so cold.

While A was putting R to bed, I went out to get the diapers, milk, etc., out of the trunk of the car. I remembered that my husband's new garmin was in the car, so I unlocked the car, got it, and carried it and the other stuff into the house. (A told me that garmins aren't supposed to be exposed to extreme cold, and I was trying to be helpful.)

I called A between classes to tell him I was getting out early and to ask if he wanted me pick up the baby from M's house. He sounded really upset so I asked him what was wrong. He hesitantly asked me if I had left the car unlocked last night. I told him I might have. We took his car last night, and I usually don't lock or unlock the car because he does. It is entirely possible that I hit the wrong button when I attempted to lock it after getting the garmin out.

Well, apparently that IS what happened because A's MP3 player is missing from his car today. I feel so awful about it because it is totally my fault for being careless when I got into it.

A is really upset, and I just have the feeling of being violated. I know, I know, at least no one was hurt, and the car wasn't damaged, etc., etc... And, my brother's junior year of college, he returned to his apartment after winter break to find nearly everything had been taken from his roommates and him when there was a break-in. It is JUST an MP3 player (well, and a charger and a cord to connect it to the radio), so it could be a lot worse.

We don't live in an unsafe neighborhood; at least I didn't think we did! Our street is really only two blocks long, and mostly the only reason anyone would be on it is because they live on it. It makes me mad.

A couple days ago, I was in our backyard and noticed that our grill had been pulled out and knocked over. It's pretty messed up, too. Like no handle and other parts are broken as well.

Are these two things related? I would say it is possible.

I just hate stuff like this. I can't imagine taking something from another person or purposefully damaging some else's property. It just seems so wrong.

So that's my day. I hope yours is better. I'm going to post this in ugly brown because that's how I feel right now.

Some Pictures from Our Trip

Below are some of my favorite pictures from our trip last week to visit my brother in Florida. Hard to believe it's only been a week! Seems to me like I've been back to school forever. If you haven't read the post below this one, please do so. I'm still seeking some guidance.

Enjoy the pictures of my precious girl who will be 14 months old in 2 days!...

Happy Baby Girl

Happy New Year to you...

We took a ride on my dad's friend's boat. This is the view out on the ocean at the end of our channel. Everyone had a fun time on the ride, except for R. She had a fit because she had to wear a huge life jacket. She finally just passed out.

Doesn't it look like we're in Venice or something? :)

Don't worry. It isn't open.

It looks like this picture is posed, but I swear it isn't.

R's Mimi (my mom) bought her a tutu. Sort of surprising this is the first one she has, isn't it?

She loved going to the beach every morning with her Grandad!

I love this picture! (Thanks for letting us borrow the suit, M!)

Announcement

Drum roll please.....

A and I would like to announce that we have decided when we will start our next adoption!

We plan to start the process (journey, whatever!) again after we get our tax rebate back. So, wow, that's, like, soon! :)

Please pray (if you do that sort of thing) for guidance for us for the following:
1. That we are making the right decision for our family.
2. That we can decide on age, gender, and number of children.
3. For our child(ren) as he/she/they wait(s) for us to be a forever family. Knowing my child(ren) is/are out there already is so unreal for me to think about.

Our plan is an older child. How old? We don't know.

Our plan may include siblings. My concern with siblings is mainly for R. I don't want her to ever feel left out if she had siblings who were related biologically.

Gender? Most likely another girl, but I'm open to a boy, too.

So we have decided when to start the process but need some help on the rest.

Does anyone have any suggestions about this?

Thank you!

PS-- Our Ethiopian Christmas celebration was fun; pictures to follow soon. Too tired tonight to download them onto my computer and upload them to this site.

Last Post-Placement Home Visit

We had our last post-placement home visit with our social worker this evening. It is our YEAR report. It needs to be in Ethiopia by Feb. 18, so it has to get to our agency by Jan. 18. It is amazing to think about how our lives and our family has changed this year because of our darling daughter!

Happy (Merry?) Ethiopian Christmas!

Today is Christmas in Ethiopia, as the country follows the Julian (sp?) calendar! We are actually planning to celebrate it tomorrow with some Ethiopian food and the starting of some Ethiopian Christmas traditions for our family.

Back Home

And.... we're back!

Great trip, nice visit with my brother, lots of mommy-baby bonding time. More on that with some pictures later.

Gotta go to work tomorrow.

Where are the lush palm trees, bright sunshine, and white sand I have grown accustomed to?

Where I live, it is like 35, foggy, and misty! And grey, grey, grey.

Leavin' on a Jet Plane

R and I leave bright and early tomorrow to go visit my brother J for the week. He lives in the Florida Keys so we're looking forward to warm weather and sunny skies. A is (unfortunately) staying home. Getting off work this time of year isn't easy for him. My parents are also going to be with us. It is 9:45 right now, and I have to get up in about 4 or 5 hours so it is time to go to bed!

I'll be home on the 5th so have a Happy New Year!

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

** UPDATED WITH PICTURES!**

I hope you are enjoying your day with friends and family. I will post some pictures of R looking adorable both in her sleeper and Christmas dress later! :)

These first pictures are at my parents' house on Christmas day of R in her Christmas dress and in her "I love Santa" sleeper. Isn't she a doll baby??

These pictures are from her Christmas photo shoot. Yes, it is a different dress. She got her pictures taken with my friend H's kids, and this dress went better with their dresses than the one she wore on Christmas day did. Before you think I'm just totally excessive, this dress was bought by my mother-in-law for $1.50 at Goodwill, and the one above was from last year after Christmas and was less than $7 (my mom bought it for her).

Traditionless Christmas

This is R's first Christmas at home, of course. I was hoping that it would be like our family events from when I was a kid. Instead, it's turning into the most lame day ever. Allow me to pout a bit:

1. A's family doesn't do Christmas, and neither does he. I decided not to do decorations around my house this year because quite frankly it is no fun to decorate a tree and put out Christmas stuff alone. I admit fully that this part of Lame Christmas 2008 is entirely my fault.
2. We, along with my parents, are going to Florida to visit my brother the week after Christmas. This will be fun, don't get me wrong. However, this means that my parents bought and decorated the tiniest tree in the world, and instead of lots of decorations and Christmas memories there, hardly anything is out. Their tree is literally about 5 feet tall and 2 feet wide. It's pathetic, so pathetic in fact that I had to have my friend M take pictures of R in front her (live, pretty) tree while she was watching her one day last week. The pictures turned out cute at least.
3. My brother (who lives near me, not the one in FL) is spending either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day with his girlfriend's family. Of course he probably should do that. However, this will be the first time since he's been alive that this has happened, and he was planning to spend BOTH with her family until my mom put her foot down.
4. I found out today that my uncle's family isn't coming for Christmas dinner... just a few hours in the afternoon. This, too, has never happened before.

I know, stop being a baby. However, let me explain the Christmases of the past:

When I was a child, we would spend Christmas Eve with my dad's side of the family, do our own thing Christmas morning, and then go to my mom's parents' on Christmas afternoon. When my Gramma died, we pretty much stopped seeing my dad's family. I was in 5th grade, and we still had the tradition of being with my mom's side. That became the norm and was how it went until my grandmother died.

The week of Christmas was always super busy. My grandmother owned a gift shop in my home town; I grew up working there after school and on my breaks. If we still had the store, I would be spending my days between now and Christmas Eve there in a sea of activity. I miss that terribly.

As Christmas would get closer, my mom's sisters and their families would make their ways to my grandparents' to celebrate with us. No longer. The sisters and their families haven't been home for Christmas since the last one before Granny died. One came home with her sons the week after Christmas last year.

We used to get a Christmas tree, a live one. We would decorate it with a million ornaments and pin popcorn to the ends of the branches. I know no other family who does this. Now my parents do a fake tree and thus no popcorn. Blah.

You see, I want R to have what I used to have: tradition and family and specialness. This time of year used to feel so magical to me. Now it feels like nothing to me, and I'm even starting to dislike the whole thing a bit.

When I married A, I knew full well that Christmas would be difficult with his not celebrating it. I still don't like it but have grown used to it. Now, however, I'm learning that with a child, it is much worse. Now, with everything else, I'd rather skip the whole thing entirely. What is the point of my parents cooking a feast for them, A, R, and me for Christmas dinner? It seems like such a waste.

I'm not saying I want gifts and greed. I just want family, tradition, and that special time of year this used to be.

Winning the Lottery

A group of City workers from my hometown won the 207 million dollar Mega Millions lottery this weekend... Wow, can you even imagine what it would be like to win the lottery? I can't. Money doesn't buy happiness-- this I do know-- but wouldn't it be amazing to be able to pay off college loans and the mortgage, set up parents and in-laws, travel wherever I wanted, take care of my friends,... and of course, start a foundation/organization/whatever to do something for the children of Ethiopia. And, we sure wouldn't have to wait until we had our funding in place to start our adoption process again, would we?

SNOWDAY!

Ice day, really. However, a day off is a day off!

I'm going to spend it with my sweet baby girl.

I hope you enjoy your day.

Bliss...

... is getting to sleep through the night! R hasn't been sleeping through the night at all lately. (She was sleeping through the night in her crib for months and then a few weeks ago decided that was for losers and stopped.) Actually, most nights she falls asleep in her crib only to wake up at 10:30 on the dot. Sometimes she stays up until 2 or 3am... and sometimes she will fall back asleep but ONLY if I am holding her or sleeping right next to her in my bed (which I don't like to do at all). However, last night, A put her down around 7:30 like usual, and she did not wake up until 8am!

I won't get too excited... after all, she will probably wake up again tonight, but I am feeling refreshed after a full night's sleep for the first time in a long time!

And, p.s.-- she's also in a fabulous mood today and has been a delight all day long to be around. Humm, it's almost like sleeping through the night is GOOD for a 13 month old! :)

How Bizarre

Ok, so I'm at work, right? Of course. Where else would I be on a Monday? I walked through the office on my way back from lunch and saw an LL Bean box on the secretary's desk. I almost ask her if it is the slippers I ordered for my mom but then think myself silly for evening thinking it because they were shipped to my house, not school.

However, I check my email, and there is a message from the secretary saying that there is a box from LL Bean for me. So it was mine after all.

Here is where it gets bizarre. The box was supposed to be delivered to my house on Friday, but the tracking says the delivery attempt was to the wrong house. Somehow, over the weekend the box made a journey 2 states away and then back to my state... Only to be delivered to my school.

I checked to make sure I had put my correct home address. I had. However, there is an "URGENT" FedEx label on the box with my school's address on it.

So how the heck did FedEx know where I work????

Bizarre.

One Year Ago Today

(R at a year old enjoying a "breakfast bot" while I pack her bag to go to M's for the day. I love those eyes! She is so ornery!)

Friday, December 7, 2007:

A day I won't soon forget. It was a typical Friday afternoon for me. I returned to my classroom at the end of the school day after taking my students to the library for the last period of the day. As the afternoon announcements came on, I casually opened my email and checked it. There, I saw an email from my case manager, J. I ignored the rest and eagerly opened the email. It said that she was trying to get a hold of us and wanted A or me to call her before she went home for the day.

I knew what this meant. You see, 2 days prior, we had received our monthly update phone call from our case manager. We knew were were #1 on the waiting list. At the end of the call, J said to me, "We have new babies coming into HH all the time. Sometimes it's just a matter of getting medical paperwork in order..."

I grabbed my phone and ran over to my friend H's classroom (I can't get cell phone reception in my room but can in hers). By this time, the bell had rang, students were at their lockers preparing to catch their buses, and H was in the hallway doing hall duty. I grabbed her hand as I dashed by and said, "My case manager is trying to get a hold of me." I slammed her classroom door and sat down at her desk. I didn't think I could stand.

I could hardly dial my agency's phone number because my hands were shaking so badly. I finally did and waited for J to take my call.

She told me I had a daughter.

I started sobbing. (I still, even now, tear up every time I think about it.)

(My tears of joy and happiness that I am FINALLY a mom!! Sorry these pictures are so small. I had to go into my snapfish account and copy them from there because the actual file are trapped on my PC.)

She told me R's background, her birthname, what they knew of her birth parents and birth family, her age, where she was born, and that she was absolutely beautiful. Most importantly, she told me that she was MY DAUGHTER.

J then told me that she was going to send me the referral information via email. I did not expect this. I guess we had just assumed we would be told about our referral and would get the actual pictures a few days in the mail.

I just wasn't prepared to see my daughter's face as soon as I knew she existed.

(Above, reading the email from our case manager and seeing a picture of my daughter for the first time.)

I got off the phone with J and dialed A's work number. He was on another call, and my 3 minute wait for him to answer my call was the longest of my life. As soon as I the email from J with PICTURES OF OUR DAUGHTER, I forwarded them to A so he could also see our child.

How can I even describe what it was like to see R's face for the first time? I can't, really. Those of you who have received your referrals and/or brought your children home know what it is like. And those of you on the waiting list will know soon...

Just look at how amazing this child is!

SO tiny!

Sleeping Beauty. I couldn't wait until she was sleeping in my arms!

I know that my daughter is exactly what I prayed for and more than I could have ever imagined. Our contract was for an infant girl, which could be anywhere from newborn to 12 months old at the time of referral. We hoped that she would be as young as possible, but we never imagined that R would be 3 weeks old at the time of our referral and a little over 3 months old when we brought her home.

The contract wasn't for the most perfect child ever.
Or for the girl with the most beautiful, alert eyes, even at 3 weeks old.
Or for the child with the arms open wide waiting for her parents to hug her tight.
Or for the baby who has the most amazing and infectious smile I've ever see.
Or for the little one who is so curious and playful.

But you know what? That's what we got, and I couldn't ask for anything more!

Christmas Shopping and Ugly Sweater Contest 2008

Today I was able to get out of the house for a few hours (by myself!!) to get some Christmas shopping done. Sure, I went last week with my friend M on Black Friday, but that was more a social event than a shopping excursion when all said and done. I went to 4 stores and managed to get most of the shopping completed, from a birthday gift for R's BFF, N, to my "Secret Snowman" gifts for work.

I must admit that it was heavenly to not have R with me on this trip. She and her daddy stayed at home for some daddy-daughter bonding. She was super good shopping last week, but today it is colder and snowing and she woke up in the middle of the night screaming. Just not a good combo.

*******

Ok, now on to the second part of the title of this post.

Every year, on the day after Thanksgiving, my friend M and I go shopping. We don't get up at 3am or anything like that. (We both enjoy sleep way too much for that!) More like we roll into the mall parking lot like at 1pm. It works out well because it really isn't that crowded by that point. Actually, the routine is this: stop at the Old Navy across from the mall to get Christmas socks, go to our favorite Mexican place for lunch, and THEN go to the mall and do our shopping.

But we don't just shop. You see, every year, we have a contest, an Ugly Sweater contest to be exact. While we are shopping for gifts for our loved ones, we are also on the prowl for the ugliest Christmas sweaters we can find. A few years ago, we got smart and brought the camera along with us. The following are some of the entries for this year:

Nothing says Christmas like some kitties in hats. Fabulous, no?

Penguins are also very Christmas-y.

This is the perfect "Evening Wear" Christmas sweater, complete with its own already-attached bling so you don't have to worry about your accessories looking tacky with your top.

Truly, nothing says "Christmas" like a royal blue sweater vest.

The babies even got in on the action finding our ONLY Scottie dog entry of the whole day! (Side Note: Don't take pictures when you are in Gymboree. They will yell at you like you are a gang of unruly teenagers instead of very mature and sophisticated urban mothers out shopping with your always perfectly-behaving little girl children. The nerve! I'm working on filing a complain about that experience.)

And now for the winner of Ugly Sweater 2008..........

Let me explain this one. First of all, M got the better picture of this one by far, so you'll just have deal with my sub-par one. It's Santa... with spindly legs, weird facial expressions, and strange boots. We hate nontraditional depictions of Santa. He is looking way too much like one of his elves here. It's creepy.

This year's contest was not as good as the past few years. For some reason, Ugly Christmas Sweaters are just not as fashionable as they used to be. I would share last year's winner with you if I could. Sadly, it is trapped on my PC, which hasn't worked since right before R came home in Feb.

As you can see, however, despite the curiously small amount of Ugliness we found, a good time was had by all!!

Thankful

Last year's Thanksgiving was a day I can't forget. I was so glad to be with my family for the day, but my heart ached for my baby, just a few weeks old and whose face was unknown to us at the time. I remember that I knew it would be my last Thanksgiving without my child. And, of course, now we know that I was right. We received our referral just a few short weeks later.

I'm so thankful for my beautiful daughter. She is the absolutely most amazing blessing of my whole life. I do not know how I could be worthy of her as my daughter. I'm thankful, too, for her brave birthmother, the woman who gave birth to my daughter and gave her to us selflessly, only asking us to allow her to pursue an education and give her a happy life.

My daughter a month old (one of our referral pictures).

My beautiful daughter, now a year old!

May you have a safe, happy, and joyful Thanksgiving with your family and friends...

Phone Call

I had just gotten R to bed and was about to load the dishwasher when the phone rang. It was a woman named D who had seen my name on the agency's reference list and wanted to talk to me about our adoption experience.

I'm always thrilled to be able to talk about Ethiopia and adopting from Ethiopia. I don't often get the chance to-- sometimes a random stranger or fellow adoptive parent will stop me while out on errands or what not... But mostly, people ask me about being R's mom, not being an advocate for adoption.

You see, I'm so passionate (as anyone who reads this blog regularly knows) about adoption and Ethiopia... I always hope so much that what I tell perspective adoptive parents is helpful and guides them in their decisions-- whatever that decision may be.

As we ended our conversation, D told me that what I had told her made her want to adopt even more than before... She was going to work on the paperwork and get it all in as soon as she could.

Mission accomplished!

Twilight

Have you read that book? Let's just put it this way: I bought it on Monday and finished it today. I didn't allow myself to read any of it Tuesday because I had to do housework.

I decided that I had to read this series (saga, whatever) after one of my students told me she finished the first one in 2 days. This, coming from a girl who hardly ever reads, was enough to convince me that I needed to find out what all the excitement was about. As her language arts teacher, I felt like I needed to get myself in the loop. Honestly, I wasn't even conscious that there was a movie about it coming out tomorrow until a couple days ago.

Ok. It's a book about vampires. (Don't laugh, M.) I mean, seriously. This is not my type of book at all for a variety of reasons, namely that I can't stand a lot of fantasy stuff. However, from the first chapter, I was hooked. And I don't really even know why. It's very much like when I finally read the first Harry Potter book when I was in college.

Anyway, I have the second book sitting on my stairs waiting for me to pick it up and get hooked on it, too. I'll refrain until tomorrow or I really will be up all night (between reading and waking up with baby who apparently now thinks 3am is a great time to wake up to play). I'm already plotting a way that my parents can watch R while A and I sneak off to see the movie this weekend.

Lucky for me, I'm taking my students to the library tomorrow so instead of grading papers while they're picking books, I'll be reading, too!

9 Month "R" Day Anniversary!!

It is nine months today since I held my sweet baby for the first time! I can hardly believe how much time has past. It has flown by in the blink of an eye.

A and I decided we would call Feb. 18 "R" Day instead of Family Day or Gotcha Day. This is because R will not be our only adopted child, and we want each "gotcha" day to be special for each child.

I think back to how small and helpless she was 9 months ago to how big, strong, independent, and just all around AWESOME she is now... And I am amazed!

I never thought it was humanly possible to love a child as much as I love my R. Adoption is such an amazing thing.

My Little Trouper

Today was R's one year check up. She had her little baby toe pricked for testing for anemia as well as four shots for various vaccines. She did ok with the toe prick but not with the shots. She screamed and screamed. :( On top of that, she's had some diarrhea the past few days (most likely because we have started transitioning her from formula to whole milk) so we had to take her to get an x-ray... I think my poor baby was traumatized!

She fell asleep on the way home, and the both of us napped on the sofa (what is better than cuddling with a sleeping baby??) while A made dinner. She woke up at 3am this morning and "played" until about 5:50 so we were both tired. (I get up at 6 for work.)

On a side note, I went to a craft show with one of my friends yesterday. It's sort of become a tradition as this is the 3rd year we've gone. This year, I did take R. I took the stroller and the hip hammock carrier because I knew that she would get tired of the stroller and want to be held anyway. As we were leaving (my friend with the stroller and I with the baby), a woman held the door for us. She remarked to her friend, "Oh, that's that baby I thought wasn't real!"

Ok then.

What kind of weirdo must she have thought I was to push a stroller and carry a fake baby in a baby carrier through a crowded craft show???

People are so strange.

Happy Birthday to My Daughter!

*Edited, with pictures!*

The birthday girl... She is wearing an outfit I saw last year at Gymboree before we even received her referral. I decided that if we got a referral while the line was still being sold, it would be what my daughter would wear on her first birthday. After Christmas last year, about 3 weeks after receiving our referral, I went out and bought 2 cupcake themed outfits, one in 6-12 months and one in 12-18 months. I didn't know what size she'd be in! It is almost surreal to have her wearing it now, just as I had imagined. My goodness, this child is such a blessing!

The birthday girl this week at my friend A's parents' house. A and her 8 month old son are in town visiting from Budapest, and R got into the cheese balls... Oops. But I thought this was a cute picture.

R's birthday today!! Although news of H clouds part of the day, we still have much to celebrate. R woke up at 5 when A had to get up to go to work. I brought her in bed with me for 2 hours, and we both enjoyed cuddling and sleeping in... R woke up in a great mood, and I was glad that I was home with her instead of at work.

One thing I knew I had to do was switch out her 12 months clothes for the 18 months clothes. I have a few friends who have been giving me clothes for R as well as clothes from my 3 year old niece. To my surprise, this time, when I opened the bin and started going through everything, I realized that we really didn't have any colder weather clothes for her.

So, for the first time, I actually NEEDED to go out and buy my daughter clothes! Awesome. A and I took R to Target to get some baby supplies as well as look at their clothes. So we went on a family outing to Target... A and I had a good time picking out some stuff for our princess.

After that, the princess took a nap, and we did some more playing before dinner. Right as I was about to start making dinner, M, H's husband, called to see if I could come watch their girls while he and H went to the hospital. We went right over there, and R got to play with the girls for a few hours.

All in all, I think she had a good first birthday! I know I enjoyed being with her and not being at work.

Her party was on Sat., and of course the theme was "Princess!" H and I made the cake the night before, a castle. The party was at my parents' house, which was great because their house is a lot bigger than mine. All of R's little friends dressed up like princesses, as well as R herself.

Making the birthday Princess Castle cake the night before the party.

Tired baby. She wanted Mommy to stop making a cake and put her to bed! (I think this picture is hilarious!)
All finished! Yes, I realize it is a little crooked, but it is made with love, and it is not like R cares what it looked like. I thought it was darling, and as H says, one of her classic "Homemade Tacky" cakes.

At my parents' house before the guests arrive. The horse was one of my favorite toys when I was a child... My dad found it, cleaned it up, and gave it to R. As you can see, she loves it! (It sure seems a lot smaller than it did when I was a kid!)

Ready to transform into a princess, R sports her hat!

All dressed up and ready for her fellow princesses to arrive to celebrate this most royal of occasions...

What birthday is complete without a little cake on your face? Her "baby" cake was a princess hat made from a frosted ice cream cone and a cupcake, in case you were wondering.

Quick Update

I spent the evening at H's house watching her two girls while she and her husband went to the ER. There were concerns about a clot forming in her lungs, and it needed to be checked out. Test results were mostly inconclusive... the ER dr. said that how she was being treated for her leg was what he would do for a clot in the lungs, too. Although they didn't think there was a clot in the lungs, it couldn't be ruled out. She is home now, freaked out, but at least she went.

My Friend H

Last year, my friend H almost died. She had a massive blood clot in her leg, going actually from behind her belly button all the way to her ankle. She faced, at age 28, the possibility of never walking again and living her life in unbearable pain. For over a week, I spent every free moment at the hospital because I was afraid she was going to die. After that week a doctor came to her hospital room and told her he had an idea for a very experimental surgery to possibly save her. Long story short is that it worked.

I wish that were the end of the story. For the past year, she has been on an extremely high dosage of blood thinners and is in pain daily (although not even comparable to what she was in before her surgery). Today she received some bad news. For about a month now she has been in an increased level of pain and has been experiencing chest pain as well. Finally, last week her husband and I were able to persuade her to go to the doctor on Thursday. Yesterday she had an ultrasound on her leg, and today the doctor called with the news that a new clot was forming in the leg.

There is a lot of concern because this should not happen with the amount of blood thinners she is on. She goes to the vein specialist on Friday. I don't know what will happen from here; no one does. I am fearful, though.

H is young. She has two small wonderful daughters, ages 3 and 1. She is an amazing person and so strong. Seeing her in all that pain and going through a very hard recovery made me realize that even more. However, today, when I talked to her on the phone she sounded defeated.

Please pray for strength for my friend and her dear family.

Please pray that this clot is treatable and that she will be ok.

And lastly, (I feel selfish), please pray for me that I have the strength to be brave for her because I don't know if she can be right now.

Just a Few More Hours of Babyhood Left

Tomorrow's R's birthday. When she wakes up tomorrow, she'll be a big one year old. Wow. I can hardly believe it. As she fell asleep in my arms tonight, I could not help but feel peaceful and so thankful to God for her. She is truly the most amazing gift, beyond anything I ever hoped or dreamt of deserving.

I took off work for tomorrow. I decided that it was much more important to be with R on her birthday than to be teaching 8th graders. I just might do that every birthday. Will my district catch on after a few years? Who cares?? To me, it will be wonderful, in the middle of the week, to be able to play with my daughter, go to the grocery store, and just be calm instead of the hectic usual daily schedule.

Her new cute thing this week is that if you say to her (usually in the car or highchair), "R, show me your baby toes!" she will lift her little foot in the air or kick both feet back and forth. Of course, there is a huge smile on her little face! She is so proud of herself.

Tomorrow, I will post pictures of my birthday princess.

On a side note...
I don't talk about politics. I actually can't stand politics and most politicians. I hope you can never tell from my blog who I voted for. That's not the point of this blog anyway. I consider myself politically neutral because I do not feel a loyalty to either party. I have my beliefs and what guides me. These lead me, not one political party or another. However, I will say this because this election last week was historical: Regardless of who you voted for, you have to admit that the election of an African American to the Presidency is a historical moment for our country. I believe this will open doors for my little Ethiopian American daughter that would never have opened before. I believe that whether or not you voted for Obama or whether or not you voted for McCain, some time, maybe 50 years from now, some one will want to know what it was like to be living today, here and now in this moment.

Enough about that. I don't plan on ever mentioning anything that has to do with politics again.

Weighted Down

That's how I feel lately. I'm so weighted down with the suffering of my daughter's people and country. I've been thinking constantly about Ethiopia... dreaming of Ethiopia... feeling helpless about Ethiopia... wondering what my future child(ren) is (are) doing in Ethiopia...

I am struggling a lot with my role in Ethiopia and for Ethiopia. I had a long conversation about a week ago with my friend H about my long-term vision. I don't know how much I want to talk about it right now because I don't want to get ahead of myself. I also don't know how courageous I can really be. Saying something aloud (or typing it for the whole Internet world to see) comes with consequences and expectations.

Also with the recent changes on the Ethiopian side of adoption, I am worrying a lot. I know that these changes are really going to affect our future adoption, and I am fearful that Ethiopian adoption will become like Chinese adoption and start to take A LOT longer and be a lot more difficult.

And then I wonder if we should even adopt again at all. We are so happy with our R... Would bringing another child into this little family be the right thing? Sometimes I wonder, but at the same time, I really feel strongly that we are supposed to adopt again.

I also think a lot of R's birthmother. We are getting closer and closer to R's birthday. Less than 2 weeks. While this is a time to celebrate, it is also somewhat bittersweet. I wonder so much how Y (R's birthmother) is feeling right now. I think a lot about how things must have been for her in the last few weeks before delivering my daughter almost a year ago. I wonder if it was hard for her. (Of course it was. Who am I kidding?) I wonder how many times a day she thinks of R. I wonder if she regrets her decision. I wonder if she went to HH and got the pictures I sent to her. (I'm so thankful that I met her when we were in Ethiopia.) And I wonder a probably a million other things, too...

I'm not trying to be a big bag of downer here lately. I'm sure you find yourself here expecting to see some happy little Halloween post. R in her pumpkin suit or something adorable like that.

Ok then. Next post won't be so serious.