My Poor Little Curly Fry

First, this is my blog. About first-time motherhood as well as our adoption. Maybe this post is TMI for some of you, but I'm putting it out there anyway...

This afternoon, when A brought R home from a day at his mom's house, she was NOT herself. A said that in the car, she would occasionally start yelling and crying and trying to get out of her car seat... He brought her in, and she immediately fell from his arms into mine. She looked sick, was acting lethargic, and didn't want to sit or be moved. I started to get worried, really worried.

I took her up to change her while A went to get a refill of her prescription for yeast infection cream (she keeps getting them, and I thought that might be what it was). As I tried to change her, she would not bend her legs at all. I kept asking her where it hurts (sometimes now, she can show me), but she just whimpered and kept her legs completely straight. (I was worried that she had a blood clot or something. She seemed in extreme pain and that it hurt when I tried to move/touch her leg. Those are both symptoms my friend H had with her almost deadly clotting, so I'm a little sensitive to that. I was waiting for A to come home to take her to the hospital!) I picked her up and called my mother-in-law to find out if R had hurt herself while at her house. (A said she had a great day.) C (MIL) confirmed that they had a wonderful day.

Through talking with her, though, I realized that R hadn't pooped in over 24 hours... That explained that. She was of course constipated... This is something I'd not experienced with her, but I know massage and soaking can help. I wasn't panicking anymore at that point, but my MIL kept talking although I wanted to get off the phone.

As she continued to talk, R suddenly tensed up even more and gripped onto my shoulders even more tight. Poor baby. However, her diaper was full! Thank goodness!

I changed her, A got home, and within minutes my sweet baby was her normal crazy self! We went downstairs and had dinner... And that was that!

(I know, great story, right?)

State Certification-- DONE!

Got the POA document state certified today. Involved going to our state's capitol, which is a little over an hour from our house.

Afterwards, we went to an ancient Egypt exhibit at a local museum. That was great fun, but I would strongly recommend not bringing your 17-month-old baby! (Have I ever mentioned my family's love of all things ancient Egyptian? It is passed down from my grandfather who was stationed in Egypt during WWII. Long story for another post.)

Now we're just waiting for the homestudy to be approved so we can get on that infamous waiting list! :)

New Numbers/ Compare-Contrast

Lots of talk on the agency's listserv today about the April numbers. Looks like when we get on the list, we will be like 25 or something... Wow, that's a big number, I gotta say. However, we don't really have a choice in that or what happens once we're on that list, so it is what it is. I'm not gonna stress about it.

I've been thinking a lot about the similarities and differences from R's adoption to this one. I feel sort of bad that I don't have the same feeling of absolute longing and excitement that I had the first time around. Should I feel guilty? So here are some thoughts:

Our first adoption, I wanted so badly to be a mom. I had wanted to be a mom for years, I ached to be a mom, and I just wanted it to happen as quickly as possible (and it did!!). This time around, the NEED to be a mom is not there... I'm already a mom!

With both adoptions, I was/am very eager to bring our daughter home. The thought of meeting baby #2 is just as amazing to me as it was to meet R...

We are moving quickly through paperwork to get on the waiting list. We know the list is LONG in comparison to last time, and that is why we decided to start this second adoption when we did.

I just don't want baby #2 to ever feel like she is not as wanted or eagerly waited for as her sister was. Because that just isn't the case. I'm already in love with her!

My feelings are just so different this time around, but the bottom line is that when I get "The Call" 6, 8, 10 months from now, I will cry just as much as I did when we got R's referral. And I know my heart will skip a beat the first time I see my girl's face, just as it did with her sister.

Adoption is not for the faint of heart! This I know for certain.

CIS Appointment

... in 2 1/2 hours! Let's hope all goes well and that we have a quick turnaround on our FDL! Of course, the difference this time is that we can be on the waiting list before we get the FDL so it is not as urgent as before.

Also, we got our bi-weekly call from our case manager the other night. The wait for an infant girl is now projected to be 8 to 10 months... Our first adoption took just a little over 8 months total!! All I can say is that it is a good thing we are fine with waiting a little longer so R can be a little older! (Of course our case manager said that the agency is in a "season of boys" right now. As much as I'm sure little boys are great, I know that our next child is a baby girl. Now, the 3rd-- that's a different story.) Ok, off to wake up my baby to go to our CIS appointment.

Photo Shoot Pictures

Ok, my friend H and I took our children to get Easter pictures today. I also got her pictures taken with my friend M's children and a live bunny on Saturday. I'm outta control, I know, but I mean, come on, it's R. Pictures of R are so fun!! And I sorta didn't realize H wanted to do pictures this month. I thought she wanted to do them at the end of next month when her girls turn 2 and 4... Whatever. Here are the pictures of my darling nearly 17 month old girl:

The last one is my favorite because she is obsessed with climbing up and down the steps like a big girl lately. It is a great "stage" photo.

Brace Yourself...

For extreme cuteness in the form of a small Ethiopian princess girl!

Here you go:

Now, answer me honestly here.... Is THIS picture cute enough to enter into that Children's Place contest? (She's wearing a Children's Place dress, but that is purely by chance and her favorite coat-- her jean jacket. She gets so excited when she gets to wear it. It is adorable!)

Yesterday, we took R to our monthly gathering for Ethiopian adopted kids and their families. She had a great time playing with all the other kids even though she was one of the smallest ones there. She definitely thinks she's a big kid and runs around after them and wants to go down the big slide HEAD FIRST (AUUGGH--gives her mama a heart attack, but she loved it. Fearless, my child) just like they do.

We had a blast! :)

Side Note: We received the draft of our homestudy today. Our social worker is leaving for a week's vacation tomorrow and wanted to get it in to our agency before then so she's been working like crazy to get it finished for us. (She's awesome.) We, and our agency, will proof it this week, so our final draft and dossier should be ready for official submission next week! YAY!

Questions Answered

A couple of you left me questions over the past few days. Here are the answers:

1. With the first adoption, it took about 5 weeks (a little less) to get our FDL after we were fingerprinted with CIS. In our state, we are able to submit the request and have the fingerprint appointment before our homestudy is complete. Over the next week or so, we have our fingerprint appointment and our homestudy should be submitted to CIS so I'm anticipating getting our FDL by mid-May. With our first adoption, we had to wait to have that magical piece of paper before we could get on the waiting list. The difference is that the first time, we were 4 on the list when first placed on it; now we will be something like 23 or 24 (I'm hoping not much higher than that).

2. For our agency, the list currently (from my detective work) is 22 for girls, 12 for boys. That is why there is such a difference between the ranges for getting a referral right now. There will be an updated number with the bi-weekly update we'll receive tomorrow via email.

And here is a cute R picture for the rest of you:

Baby Girl Picture

I promised my next post would have a picture of my girl in it, so here you go:

Isn't she cute? Of course. I have the most beautiful, cute, adorable child in the world. I'm a lucky mama! Is this picture cute enough to win the Children's Place baby contest? My friend, M, and I aren't sure that it is, so I'm going to keep that camera ready.

With that said, we're getting closer and closer to getting on that waiting list. I found out last night that the wait time for an infant boy referral is going to be more like 2 months. Girl referral is still in the 6 to 8 months range. Why not switch, you're thinking? Well, for one, we want another daughter. For another, I don't think having 2 kids under the age of 2 would be a good idea. That's why we started when we did. When we bring home baby #2, R will be a little over 2, maybe closer to 2 1/2. That is cool with us.

Fingerprint Appointment!

We got our fingerprint appointment notices today from Homeland Security!!

YAY!

Our appointment is Wed., April 8 at 8am sharp! We are so excited. Just one more step closer to bringing our little one home (in a year or so-- blah).

I remember the pure excitement I felt the day I went to the mailbox and sitting there, benignly, patiently, was our FDL... At that time we couldn't get on the waiting list without it. Now we can (b/c the list is MUCH longer now-- with R we were 4 on the list when we were put on it).

Also, I think we've picked a name. I would tell you, but in case you hadn't noticed, I don't do full names on this blog. If you're interested in knowing it, leave a comment with your email, and I'll let you know. :)

Back to being a mama now. More from me later. (My next post will have pictures of R. I promise.)

Her Eyes...

What do they look like, I wonder? Of course, she's Ethiopian, so they will be beautiful. Will she have long curly lashes like her sister does? Will I find myself lost in them while I gaze at her picture like I did the first time around?

Her hair? Her toes? Her little hands? Her smile? Will she smile when we meet for the first time like R did? How does one endure the waiting? How will I feel? Will I love her instantly like I did R? Will she know I'm her mama?

Oh, suddenly, with this talk of nearing the end of paperwork and getting on the waiting list, this baby girl o' mine is starting to feel real. Not just some abstract, up-in-the-air, far away concept, but a real little girl. MY real little girl. My second real little girl.

Faith, hope, love. That's all I have right now, and for now, that must be enough.

Questions

Lots of them last night from the social worker. So weird that someone you hardly know anything about knows so much about every detail of your family and life.

One of the new questions this time (b/c of the Hague stuff that's been put in place) is "what is your highest point?" And then our social worker had to ask our lowest.

Highest point: Holding my precious daughter for the first time.

Lowest: When my grandmother died. As I answered the question, I looked at my sweet social worker and saw she had tears in her eyes. Turns out she and her grandmother had a relationship similar to the one I had with mine...

My grandmother and I were really close, and after she died, I was mad at God for a really long time. I stopped going to church for over a year, something I had down weekly and faithfully for years and years. Prayer, there wasn't much. I just didn't see the point if He could take someone I loved so much from me in that way... I still haven't fully recovered my spiritual life since her death. One of my biggest wishes is that she would have been able to meet my precious daughter, who is named after her.

Ok, that's it for tonight.

Think Pink!

For our baby girl, that is...

Homestudy visit tonight with our social worker. Spent about 10 hours cleaning today... FOR NOTHING. She didn't even leave the sofa. That's fine. It needed to be done, and our house looks good for the first time in a while. (Which is good b/c my friend V and her family are coming over on Sat.)

So, we actually were supposed to have another visit next week, but things were going well, so we got everything finished tonight. That means that our homestudy will be submitted to our agency by next Friday instead of 3 weeks from now when our social worker returns from vacation the week of the 6th. I'm really excited to have it wrapped up before Easter.

For us, we still have to complete all the online training and get a few more things filled out, signed, etc.

Bottom line, we're scheduled to be on the waiting list in about 3 weeks instead of 5 weeks, and I'm really happy about that.

Oh, and my house is clean. I'm happy about that, too. :)

Seeing Red Right Now

As I've mentioned before on this blog, I'm the coach for our school's writing team. The team competes with other schools in our area and region, and actually, all the way to the state level. As a coach for this team, I'm also a judge for the competition.

I received a notice today that we had an unqualified judge (the other judge was a replacement for the other coach-- long story, some other time), but that was a mistake because she had coached and judged before when she taught at another district. I realized that we had written down her married name, not her maiden name, and that should be fixed quickly.

HOWEVER, while I was on the phone, the person told me that there was some controversy surrounding one of the pieces I judged at the last competition a few weeks ago. She told me that I was an "unfair" judge and proceeded to give me the definition of both a simile and a metaphor. She told me that I obviously had not read the coaches' manual (I have, although not this year) and that she would "require it of me." I told her I didn't need a definition of those words as I am the head of my department for my school... I also told her my reading the manual (again) wasn't necessary because I would not be judging another competition again.

Basically, what happened is that I gave a paper I read a score based on the fact that the girl wrote an essay, not a narrative, which is what we are told as judges the writing is supposed to be. The question was actually asked in the judges' orientation-- if a competitor writes an essay, what do we do? I simply followed the instructions given to me. I remember the paper very vividly because it was an amazing piece of writing but not what the competition is all about.

I'm just upset. I'm upset because I have never, in the 5 years as a judge and 4 years as coach, felt that I unfairly assessed a paper nor do I in this case. The paperwork I received from the state office actually had the words "Weak judge" written with a line going to my name. I'm also upset because I've been struggling with whether I should continue to coach before this happened. I've loved coaching, and I'll miss it. However, it is harder with R to be away from home for something for school, and, on top of that, we will most likely travel to bring our second child home sometime next school year. I don't feel it is fair for me to commit to something I may or may not be able to follow through on.

I'm the head of my department, have been a teacher for 8 years, and have my National Board Certification.... I'm not a "weak judge" or a bad coach. And just the thought that someone thinks that poorly of me in regards to something I've loved just bothers me.

Moving Right Along...

Adoption #2 that is!

This weekend involves a lot of frantic cleaning and organizing before our social worker comes to do our homestudy this week and next. As I've mentioned before, I'm not the most organized, and I detest cleaning with a white hot burning passion. So the mad dash to prepare for the home inspection begins! :) We'll get through it. Anyway, our visit is on Wednesday and then the following one. Our social worker is sort of helping us "fast track" the paperwork. The policy now for our agency is that you have to wait until all background checks and paperwork are completed before the social worker will schedule a visit. As she's worked with us before and knows how eager we are to get on the waiting list (and AHEAD of those 65 families who are currently working on their paperwork-- sorry if you're one of them and reading this but we do want to get ahead of them before the waiting list balloons again) she allowed us to not have to wait. It'll still be about a month before our homestudy is finalized and ready to go to our agency... That's fine. We still need to do a few things for our dossier that we won't be able to do until my spring break in a couple weeks anyway.

So, we've officially decided that we will adopt an infant again. Lots of reasons for that, but mainly, it is because I just had this continually unsettled feeling about an older child and I just could not "see" it. It just wasn't a reality for me, and so we feel we need to act on that. And I'm at peace with that. Ironic, as when we decided to start again, we were convinced an older child would be the newest member of our family.

Currently we're waiting for our fingerprint appointment with CIS. We live in a state that allows families to make and have an appointment before the homestudy documents are submitted. That's really nice and speeds up the process immensely. (While cleaning/sorting today, I found our first FDL from our adoption of R. Still gives me chills to look at that piece of paper!)

Two other things before I go to bed:

1. My friend V is pregnant! They were planning to wait until their younger daughter was a bit older (she's 3), but that is not to be! I'm excited because she's due in Nov., and hopefully that means our children will be close in age.

2. Finally got to see Twilight tonight. I will say that I did like the book better than the movie, but I enjoyed it. And my, oh my Edward is dreamy and creepy at the same time. Bottom line, I would watch the movie again, but I'd rather read the book again instead. (Maybe in the summer when I have a little more "free" time.)

Ok, good night! Pictures soon, when I get around to uploading new ones onto my computer.

The Giver

It's a novel I read with my 8th graders. We started it yesterday. I've been talking about starting it with the students for several weeks. One of my students came up to me at the beginning of class yesterday and told me he "wasn't allowed to read that book ever again." A call to his mom confirms this. So, I scrambled and picked a book another team in my school had just finished reading, one called Copper Sun. We just finished an integrated unit on the Underground Railroad, slavery, and the Civil War. So it works because it just sort of continues that theme, one the student was really interested in anyway.

I've never actually had a parent object to a book we've read in class. And I've used The Giver in my class for 5 years now! It's just a weird thing.

R's Hair

I've had people ask me lately what I use in R's hair to keep it looking its best. Obviously, it is really important for me to have R's hair look good and well cared for. A fellow Ethio-mom emailed me yesterday and asked about her hair care routine. Here it is:

We use the Curls.biz baby shampoo and conditioner when we wash her hair. We only wash it one to two times a week. We used to use "No More Tears," but that has sulfates in it, and that can dry out curly and/or African hair.

I put "Itsy bitsy spirals" from Curls on her hair every day. We alternate between the "ring around the curlies" leave in conditioner and the "curly q milkshake" because the milkshake is too thick for her hair to use every day. (I probably use the milkshake about 2 or 3 days a week.)

Daily, I finish the routine with Silken Child "Silk Moisturizing Creme" from Sally's Beauty Supply. It sort of has some hold to it, although that's not its intended purpose. It's what works for us. We've also tried the "Leave-in detangler" from Silken Child, but I don't like it very well. I think it takes away some of the natural shine in R's hair with product build up.

And, I only use a plastic wide-tooth comb in her hair, and only comb it when I've put product in it. I put "spirals" and "curlies" or "milkshake" in first before I comb it. After combing it, I put the Silken Child creme in to finish it off.

Also, she sleeps with her head on a satin pillowcase. We bought a king-sized one because it fit all the way across the crib mattress when she was a tiny baby. Now she uses it with a small pillow. I know this seems really princess-y, perhaps, but it has done wonders to keep her hair on the back of her head looking good and growing a lot more.

I can't wait to be able to style her hair again. Currently, this hair care routine involves a lot of thrashing about and fussing from R, so I haven't put her hair in a style in several months. I love putting headbands and barrettes in it, though. (And of course, they are safe for African hair.)

Ok, that's it.

YOU Should Sponsor a Child in Ethiopia

That's right-- you. Think about it. We are sponsoring a 13 year old boy for $34 a month. That's really nothing.

I saw his face today for the first time in the email I received. If that doesn't put life in perspective, I don't know what does. This reminds me of what my focus should be-- the long term goal of making a difference in the birth country of my daughter and future daughter.

All that stuff I was complaining about yesterday, well that just simply doesn't matter.

Not one iota.

Isn't it amazing how something comes along to remind you of what should be your focus when you get caught up in the little things? Life is so much bigger than my "bad" week.

Oh, if you're interesting in learning more about sponsoring a child (and I really hope you do), check out her blog. She'll get you the details.

Long Week

It's been one (obviously-- see post below).

Things have been trying at school lately with the push right at the end of our 3rd quarter, which was today. The students on my team have been majorly slacking, and that is getting tedious.

Tomorrow I'll be judging/coaching the regional writing competition. I'll be fine once I get there, but I hate having to give up my Saturday, my precious time, with my daughter for a school activity. I think this will be my last year coaching this group. And Sunday I have to help a friend get her paperwork for her national board certification packed and ready to go.

R has been sick all week. She has a horrible cough and runny nose. Poor little fry. She is recovering, and luckily, she's slept through the night the past few nights. She's been exhausted the past couple evenings, and that has been a challenge. Does anyone have any advice for getting a 16 month old to stop hitting when she's frustrated?

Ok, enough complaining. Sorry about that.

The bright side...

It's Friday! YAY.

We have gotten a ton accomplished for our homestudy and dossier documents. Actually, we're nearly finished with them. To my surprise, we are flying through this process this time. It's so much easier the second time around. We sent our I-600A to our local CIS today so we hope to get a fingerprint appointment soon!! We are lucky in our state that we can submit this form before the homestudy is completed and submitted with it. So we can get the fingerprints done (maybe) before the homestudy is completed.

So here is what's left to do:
1. Homestudy-- visit a week and a half away, and then the second 2 and a half weeks away. It'll take our social worker about 2 weeks to complete it and get it to our agency's home office from that.

2. Finish the agency required adoption training (which, by the way, we didn't have to do last time and is tedious!).

3. Fire inspection for our homestudy. We actually have to have the fire department come and inspect our house. So weird, but last time it was no big deal.

4. Get our Power of Attorney document state certified.

5. Get our recommendation letters from a couple of my friends.

6. Select some pictures for our dossier and homestudy.

7. Make some copies of tax forms, insurance cards, etc.

8. Get A's employment letter from his work.

9. Complete the financial statements for the dossier and homestudy. We need to wait until we get A's letter so that all our numbers match up.

Ok, so really, that's not that much. It's all good. I'm going to bed since I have to get up early for the writing competition tomorrow.

I'll post some pictures soon. Sorry this post is super long and sort of whiney.

You Know You're A Tired Mom When...

You get to work, have been messing around your classroom for half an hour, look down, and realize your sweater is on inside out!

Awesome, totally awesome and cool. Thank goodness I realized it before the students arrived.

Where did the girl who always wanted to look cute and who attempted to always look nice and put together go?

I guess she got replaced by the woman with the sick baby who doesn't sleep at night.

It's going to be a really special day.

Update on Us

(This picture has nothing to do with this post, but I just think it's funny. It is R's "playing tag" photo.)

Really, though, what else is a blog besides an update of some sorts on my family? Duh.

Today we decided on our homestudy visit dates. Yay, that is one more thing off the list. Now, I sorta need to clean and whatnot. (I hate cleaning and organizing with a passion.) Not really looking forward to this, but I'll do what needs to be done. I also got all our homestudy reference forms sent out to friends and family to fill out and send to our social worker.

We went to our local police station today to get our background check for our dossier completed. They were most UNhelpful. In fact, the woman actually told us they don't do that sort of thing, and "I've been here 16 years and never heard of anything like this." Well, considering less than 2 years ago, we got the exact same letter we need now from them, I'm doubting that's the case. In fact, the mere fact that R is home with us contradicts what she said to us entirely. We'll go back Friday (when we both can get there before 4pm) and try again. Sigh.

R had her 15 month check up today (a few weeks late but whatever). She's officially doubled her weight since shes got home. Little gr owning beast!! She's right on track developmentally. I love her doctor, who was great about filling out the form we need for our homestudy.

Tomorrow I go to the doctor myself for some follow up on a knee injury and some other things. Could you just say a little prayer that all is fine? I'm not trying to be alarmist at all.... It is probably just my thyroid (I have hypothyroidism-- runs in my family big time on my mom's side), and I hope it only requires a change in medication dosage or something. Ok, enough of the super-personal stuff.

Lastly my amazingly talented friend, M, submitted her children's book telling the story of R's adoption to another publisher today. We'll hear something in like 10 weeks, but I'm proud of her that she's continuing to pursue this dream. She's always been such an exceptional writer, and I've always thought she had it in her to accomplish great things.

How are y'all??