Hey, I think I read her blog...

So, A and I took the girls to this little farm/mini zoo thing (where a giraffe totally attacked me, btw, but that's a story for another day when I download the pictures) just outside of A's hometown today.

We had just come in and were visiting with some bunnies when a woman comes toward me and asks if we're an adoptive family. I smile and say that yes, we certainly are...

To which, she replies, "I thought so! I think I read your blog!"

Ok, that's so crazy as R would say! I've never actually had someone (well, except at the Created for Care retreat last winter) stop me and tell me that. Definitely not when we're just out like normal.

Turns out, she and her family are in the process of adopting a little girl from ET and are waiting for their embassy appointment! Cool!

She said that she thought we lived in *another state* and seemed surprised to find we lived not far from where she did at all.

Just funny to me what a small world it really is!

Thoughts at Two Weeks In

Just finished my second week of school. It was a lot easier than last week on us all. I'm starting to get to know the personalities of my students-- their strengths and weaknesses, too. Interesting to me that this year my one non-inclusion class is the one that has the greatest needs ability-wise. Mostly, they are sweet kids, and I think it will be a good year. In that regard, I can't complain.

As far as the teaching team goes, it's not as bad as I thought it'd be. I'm still not used to the quiet that comes along with it because everyone is so independent and still unsure of one another. I'm used to bouncing into my friend H's room across the hall a couple times a day, not barely talking to some of the teachers... It's just different.

Transitioning from coaching to teaching is exhausting and draining like I've mentioned before. It was easier this week than it was last week, so my hope is that I get more used it, it will continue to get easier. I'm starting a (short) novel in a couple weeks (Seedfolks), do my Poe unit in Oct., and start A Long Walk to Water after that... I've never taught either book so this is going to involve creating entirely new units. This is sort of intimidating, but I'm also enjoying planning for something new and working the Common Core standards into my curriculum so I'm ready when my state transitions to it in a couple years. I know that seems like it is far off, but because I'm already doing new things, I figure I might as well start now. Oh, yeah, I should also probably include some writing into my curriculum as well...

My research grad class is finished as of today. I have the weekend free of classes, and then the fall semester starts Monday. I'm taking one class and beginning my internship. I do not know how I am going to be able to find the time to complete the required hours for the internship and am trying not to have a panic attack about it. But, my option was to do it now or wait an entire year. I don't know what the next year has in store for my family, so I thought it best to go for it now instead of delaying it a year and having another entire year of grad school to go. It will be hard, but I've delayed this degree and license long enough, and I think the time is now for me to get it finished.

Gets Under my Skin

I was at the local grocery store this evening. I needed some hand soap for R, and as I walked to where it was, I passed the AA hair care section. Honestly, I'd never thought to look at what the grocery store had on its shelves in the way of AA hair care. The local megastore and Target are nearby. I've looked at the AA stuff at both multiple times, and they actually have less than the grocery store does!

But that's not really my point.

As I was looking at what was on the shelves, two store employees walked by me.

One glanced at one of the products' names and made some cruddy comment to his co-worker about it. They both laughed as they continued on their way by.

Now, these boys were high schoolers, I'm guessing. Kind of dorky looking, really. I know they didn't mean anything by it, but it bugged me. A lot.

Sigh. I guess it isn't that big of a deal, but it just bothered me.

Convo with R

Today I had the girls' pictures taken in 2 of their Ethiopian dresses. I try to do a late summer picture in them yearly. I like to send them to their birthfamilies in their yearly reports required by the ET government as well as in the bi-annual photobooks I send them. I just want the girls' 'Opia families to know that we will never forget their roots.

R today was of course talking about her 'Opia mom on the way home from the pictures. We did a few with a jebanna (ET coffee pot) and coffee cups-- the ET version of a tea party I guess-- a pretend ET Coffee Ceremony with R and E. She was talking about how she thought her birthmom would like the pictures.

Then she said, "Mommy, when I am a 4 girl (meaning, when she's 4), can we go Opia and visit my Opia mom?"

I had to tell her no. I told her that it costs a lot of money to go to Ethiopia and that we couldn't go next year.

In truth, I want to take the girls to ET someday for a visit, but it needs to be when they're older. And, in truth, today's been a really hard day with R-- acting out, tantrums, defiance. She's asleep now, and as I have time to think about our day today, I can't help but wonder if my sweet girl is missing her Opia mom today.

It is so hard to tell sometimes if her behaviors are just typical toddler/that's her personality behaviors or if they are adoption-related.

First Day of School

If you're friends with me on FB, you'll see that I posted that my first day went well. And for the most part, it did on the surface. My classes aren't too bad. I think the kids will be ok except for one little group of chatty girls who need to move seats and a grumpy boy I'll have to win over. All in all, writing abilities are better than what I've had in the past, and the kids all seem pretty sweet. A few of them even grinned at my jokes (I'm pretty mean on the first day, so I guess no one would dare laugh).

I'm structuring my lessons totally differently than I have in the past, so the amount of work is overwhelming right now. STRESSFUL. I don't know how I'm going to balance it all-- work, home life, grad school... Tonight I worked on tomorrow's lesson until I realized I'd been spacing out for at least 5 minutes so I decided to call it a night. The reason for the structure change is that since I left the classroom 2 years ago, my perspective has changed, expectations have changed, and the reliance on data to make decisions has become even more intense. I don't think I was too crappy of a teacher before, but I do think that being a curriculum coach for 2 years has definitely allowed me to grow professionally.

I get along with everyone on my team, but we're definitely lacking the camaraderie that I'm used to in a team. I call our end of the hallway upstairs "The Tomb" because the lights aren't turned on in the hall until right before the students come in (saving electricity, of course!), and no one talks to one another... Dark and quiet... Sigh. I hope it gets better because today was hard in that regard.

The first few weeks back are hard. I'm sure things will get better once I get into a routine again, stop missing my babies so much during the day, and feel like I can get a grip on my lesson planning.

Oh, did I mention I had a bloody nose right before homeroom while doing hall duty? AND, I have a huge blister on my right heel from those stupid shoes I wore today? Yep, I'm super cool. I know you all wish you had me for 8th grade language arts.

Summer's Over

It is amazing how quickly everything gets into a routine when I return to work. I spent yesterday working in my room, and today was the official workday. The kids come on Tuesday, and we have a day of meetings Monday. I was ready for the weekend today!!

The room's almost ready... I guess the question is, am I? I haven't had my own classroom for 2 years... I feel a little rusty! I found an old file that has my short stories/elements of literature unit, which is how I plan to start the year, and it feels like another person wrote it.

I am also not entirely certain how to teach without integrating it with social studies. My friend H has always been the social studies teacher on my team, and we did lots of co-planning. However, we've been separated, so I'm going to be working with a different social studies teacher. She's fine, but she's only taught 7th grade curriculum, not 8th, so I don't know this will work. Plus, umm, she's not H! It's just really weird.

Moving into my classroom has been killing my left shoulder/arm. I did something to the cartilage in my shoulder years ago, and periodically it'll flare up again. Everything involved with moving has been bad for it. Oral pain meds don't really do anything. For example, the shoulder pain yesterday afternoon was almost unbearable so when I got home I took four ibuprofen (I've never taken that many at one time) and fell asleep. It did absolutely nothing for the pain. I finally had the idea of something topical instead, and A actually had some icy-hot. I put it on, and it actually helped!! I mean, it still hurt, but I no longer felt like I would pass out from pain.

Today, it's hurting pretty badly again, so I need this weekend to recover, and luckily, I don't have any more heavy stuff to move.

And that's that. It's 8:49pm, and I'm exhausted. Early bedtime for me tonight.

Transition

Today's really my last day of summer. I don't technically have to work tomorrow, but I'm going to spend the day preparing my classroom, which is still a completely chaotic mess. I've tried to go in a few days with the girls, but it is hard to get much done with them running around. Anyway, tomorrow they are going to the new sitter's house, as well as on Friday, which is the actual official start back to school workday.

We've been talking about the end of summer for about a week or 2 now with the girls. Today has not been a good one for R (although right now she's napping, thank goodness). She's anxious and acting out and doing things on purpose to push my buttons. After about the 800th thing, I just picked her up and held her. I said, "honey, are you sad that Mommy has to go to work tomorrow?"

With that, the poor dear threw her arms around me and burst into tears. My poor girl! Transition and change is hard on her. One of the first things they told us about her when we were in Ethiopia to bring her home was that she liked routine. Even at 3 months of age, that was very clear immediately. Today, I just held her and told her that I had to return to work even though I didn't want summer to end either. I told her we'd still have plenty of time together each day to do fun things and spend time as a family.

I know she's also nervous about going to the new sitter. Even though she didn't like the old one (and we had some issues with her!) she's been asking if she's going there. I think she'll end up really liking the new sitter, but I also know this next week or two will be difficult as we make the changes.

I know change is always hard on little ones, but fall is an especially hard time of year for R. Each fall she's been home, we've experienced some regression, sadness, and acting out on her part. She also usually starts to have major sleeping issues. Poor baby.

Back to School

I found out this week that I'll definitely 100% be going back into the classroom this year. I was pretty upset (to put it mildly) on Tuesday. I'd been led to believe there was another position I'd get-- and that's not going to happen. However, with the district in the financial situation it is, I understand why the position will not be created. I just was so hoping...

I've spent a lot of yesterday and today at school moving stuff from my office into my classroom. My intervention specialist came yesterday and helped me do bulletin boards. Last week, I went to a teacher store and purchased all new paper, borders, and posters for the bulletin boards because I decided it was time for a fresh start. I love the way they look-- they are bright and cheerful and very different from what I've used in the past. (In my previous classroom, I had the same stuff up for like 4 or 5 years. Yes, I know that sounds pretty bad!)

I'm taking time to thoughtfully organize all my stuff and have purged some stuff I simply don't need. I'm thinking about new novels/books to teach and where they will fit with the standards... I can't say that I'm happy that I have to go back to grading papers and doing lesson plans at night (something I struggled with balancing with my role of being a mom before I took the coaching position).

In fact, I despise grading papers. I find it tedious and awful. I love working with students and always enjoyed for the most part the day to day tasks of teaching minus paper grading. It is so time consuming! And it is hard to sit there and grade while your children are begging you to play with them or read them a book or whatever. Plus, with grad classes now, I just don't know how I will find the extra now-required once more time to grade.

I'm also not looking forward to having a rigid daily schedule again. For the past 2 years, it has been very flexible, and I've been able to for the most part plan my day. Now, I'll be back to scheduling bathroom breaks and picking my class up from lunch, etc.

I guess I really have mixed feelings. I'm so relieved to not be returning to the building I worked in last year. I'm thankful that I have a job in a time which teaching jobs are scarce in my state. But I didn't want to return to the classroom. I'm feeling nervous about the team I'll be on... Ugh, I don't know.

I guess the bottom line is just that I really wanted that other job, and it is going to take time to get used to being in my own classroom again.

Workday is Aug. 12, so I need to get my act together quickly!!

I know I shouldn't complain but...

... it's just SO annoying!

I took R to Vacation Bible School today. There was an older (white) woman there who was very interested in the girls. She said to me, "Oh! You have some very beautiful girls with you this morning!!!!" in the tone I knew she was fishing for more information. I didn't bite.

She talked to the girls a little bit more and then finally, she says, "So, are they yours??" with that look on her face.

I said, "My girls? Are you asking me if my daughters are my daughters?" with a confused look on my face. "Of course they are!" I said as I walked away.

Oh, wait, I forgot. She then told me she has a friend who adopted a little girl "from SOME African country" and how she found ONLINE (what a novel idea!!) a site for white moms about how to do black girls' hair. That's right. And then I said, "oh, that's nice!" and THEN walked away. My bad.

Sigh. I know, I know. We need to be the poster mom and children for adoption. I should talk to her with kindness, blah, blah, blah. It just gets old.

Really old.

Yes, I know! You don't need to tell me I asked for it when A and I decided to adopt transracially! Yes, I know!! People are just curious and mean no harm!! Yes, I know!!! She was just curious about my girls and didn't mean to be rude!!! I'm totally aware of all that!!!!

It just drives me insane! Insane in the membrane! Insane in the brain!!

It's my blog!! It's my life!!! I can complain if I want!!! I wasn't rude to the woman. Not one iota!!!!

I would just like FOR ONCE to go somewhere and NOT attract attention and comments and questioning stares.

Sigh. Yes, I'm also aware that that's simply NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. I get it. I've been a transracial adoptive mom for over 3 years now. I know!

On a side note, R had a great time at VBS. At the end of it, all the kids-- all ages-- gather in the main part of the church. A man who's sort of in charge (maybe the pastor-- IDK-- not my church) was talking to R's group and R gave him the picture she drew. As he did his closing remarks, he mentioned something about the picture and he wanted to thank the little girl who gave it to him although he didn't know her name.

Do you know what my girl did? In front of like 200 kids and adults, she stands up with her arms waving and says, "It was me!! My name is R!!! Hey guy, my name's R!!!!"

She's definitely not shy!

Hey, at least this post ends on a good note!

You are MY daughters...

... but you are theirs, too. And you were their daughters first.

Today, I had my first "real" conversation with R about her birthfamily and her adoption story. E was there, too, but we were driving in the van at the time, and she was busy looking through a book she brought with her.

I was heading with the girls to my friend H's house for her to watch them while I went to a culture camp meeting. R said something about returning to ET to bring more children (2 more sisters and a brother to be exact-- as she said, "because I like having a lot of little kids around!").

We talked a little bit about going to Ethiopia. She said something like, "But E and I don't have to go back there to live."

I said, "No, you and sister are Mommy and Daddy's little girls. We will never send you back to Ethiopia. We are a family forever. You will live with us until you are a grown up. We might go to Ethiopia someday as a family to visit or you might want to go there when you're big, but we're never sending you back to ET."

She then started talking about her 'Opia Mom and why she was adopted. We talked about how her birthmom couldn't care for any baby and that she made a plan... Some of what we shared is specific to her personal story and E's personal story, so that will stay private... We talked about how Mommy thinks her 'Opia Mom must have really loved her and that she is allowed to love her 'Opia Mom, too.

She then said something that broke my heart...

My 3.5 year old daughter said with tears in her eyes and the "I'm about to cry lip" sticking out:
"Sometimes we just really miss our 'Opia Moms."

Sigh. I said something like, "oh, honey, of course. Of course you and E can miss your 'Opia families." I was trying to blink back the tears as I said it.

With that, we pulled into H's drive, and she was ready to talk about what she was going to do there. The moment was over.... for her.

But it gets me thinking, as I do often, about my girls' families in Ethiopia. And about how no matter what A and I do-- no matter how great of parents we could possibly be-- our daughters are always going to be incomplete.

There is such tragedy in that.

Oh, darlings, I'm so sorry. Sometimes I wonder what we have done, what their birthfamilies have done...

And no matter how much I love them, no matter that I am their mother-- they have other mothers and families who they miss and long for.

Ways to Avoid Housework

1. Check facebook.

2. Catch up on emails.

3. Go through the ads in the Sunday paper/clip coupons.

4. Text your bff.

5. Order things for the upcoming culture camp.

6. Work on stuff for grad class.

7. Paint your toenails.

8. Watch "George" with your girls.

9. Have lunch.

10. Call your mom.

11. Read a book on the Nook. (That lasted about 5 minutes.)

12. Stare out the window.

13. Discuss why we're not watching TV right now with your 3 year old.

14. Get one kid dressed. (Other still in pjs at 3:15 pm.)

15. Complain about how hot out it is this week.

16. Read blogs.

17. Make appointment for eye examine for before insurance goes up.

18. Go to the post office.

19. Look for your favorite (and missing-- thanks R!) pen.

20. Eat a peanut butter cup.

21. Read the girls books.

22. "Sing the story of Pooh" to the girls.

23. Watch the girls put on a dance show.

24. Help R name her newly-found stuffed animal ("Baby" is what she decided on. Or "FiFi" depending on what minute it is. She already has a pink poodle named FiFi, so I am maintaining that it could get confusing.)

25. Call and pay your bill for your grad class.

26. Talk to your mom again.

Any other ideas? This has been my day so far. Have I mentioned I HATE housework? (But I sure do love the summer!!!)

Curve Ball

You can't predict the future. This I know well.

You can't always rely on the ones you put your most faith into.

Sometimes life is just really, really hard.

Today, life threw a curve ball at one of my oldest and dearest friends. The story isn't mine to tell, but I sure would appreciate some prayers for this situation.

R-isms and E-isms

My girls have been cracking me up lately. Here are some of the funny things they've been saying this summer for your amusement:

From R:

1. I'll be good, as good as moonlight.

2. (About her sister): I love her sooooooooo much! (As she hugs E so hard she falls to the floor.)

3. (When asked how she knew the sequence of traffic lights after explaining it correctly to me): Because I've only seen it like 5 times or a million!

4. We've been in the car for 5 YEARS!

5. When I am a 5 girl I won't be wild. Just 3 girls {girls who are 3 years old} are wild.

6. (After dipping a carrot stick into yogurt and then ketchup and taking a bite): Yum! Tastes like chicken!!!! {Where did she even hear that?}

7. (To the old people sitting on their porch the next block up): My name is R and I can jump high into the sky and do a flip!

From the E-poodle

1. My make sandwich and put it in my backpack for my grandmother! (She says "My" instead of "I" for everything-- adorable.)

2. I'm da baby sister. R is da big sister.

3. My want to brush you hair. It very messy. {Thanks, baby!}

4. (After baby dance class): Da lady turn Cinderella up TOO LOUD! {They're doing a dance that goes along with the song "A Dream is a Wish."}

5. (When she wants out of her crib in the morning): Mommy! Mommmmmyyyyyy! My awake! My want out! My want out! Mommy! Wake up!!!! It morning! My want out!!!!! Get up! Get up! Get up!

Magical

I guess that's how my brothers, cousins, and I used to feel about my grandparents' house when we were kids. It was a large house, built in the 1960s to my grandfather's very specific specifications (haha, redundant, much?), and we all loved it. Plenty of bedrooms, a hidden attic, a wooded area, the courtyard... I adored that house.

I think my little girl cousins really believed they were princesses and my grandparents the king and queen of our very own kingdom. I think my favorite room in the house was the den. It had a wall of bookshelves, and this beautiful brick half-circle fireplace that went from floor to ceiling. My grandfather's camel collection lived there, and I adored every one of them.

Then, my grandad died on a rainy September day after a long illness, and my grandmother died the following May.

Immediately, their house was no longer a place where fairy tales we made. We did not live happily ever after. The magic was gone, and I haven't felt it again...

Until this week.

My parents have been in the process of building a house, and they finally were able to move into last week. The house is beautiful... not that their old house wasn't nice, but it wasn't special or beautiful (we called it the big blue barn-- Dutch Colonial with tanish/grayish bricks and blue siding!) The new house in a development that's sort of out in the country outside my hometown. There's a pond out back and line of trees, and my girls' bedroom overlooks this scene. It's beautiful.

When I went to pick up the girls, it surprised me. I could see the magical feeling my cousins and I once had about my grandparents' house in my children's eyes. R said many times she didn't want to leave. As I sat out on the screened in porch, my babies in tiny wicker rocking chairs by my side, I watched the wind in the trees and heard the birds singing in them. And I think I felt the magic, too. And peace. I miss my grandparents and their home so very much.

I think about my childhood and how much my grandparents shaped who I am today... and how much I adored going to their house... and I'm so thankful that my girls will be able to have a place that is a little bit magical for them, too.

Exhaling

My R has been, umm, a handful lately, actually for several months now. At the beginning of summer, it was horrible. We spent the first 2 days of my break with her whining and fussing and screaming and yelling, etc. After 2 full days of constant battles, I was in tears, total breakdown. It was so, so hard.

Since then, she's still had days like that, but it hasn't been constant. Still, I would walk around feeling like my heart might explode from the stress of the whole thing. Lots of yelling on my part. Arguments between A and I because of the tension. And a sweet little E-poodle watching from the sidelines. I can only imagine what it was like for her. Poor curly fry.

However, the past 3 days have been great. Peaceful. When I've told R to do something or to NOT do something, she's listened. I took E and her to a playdate with another ET adoptive family on Wednesday and then to a nearby mall. It was supposed to be a short trip-- one store to grab one thing-- but it ended up being about an hour and a half because we unexpectedly ran into my bff and her precious girls so we helped them shop for a little bit, too.

And she listened. She stayed in the stroller or right next to M's older girls. She didn't grab at clothing and pull them off the shelves. She didn't fuss about wanting this or that. She didn't demand more snacks, which I'd left in the van because it was supposed to be a short trip. Above all, she listened. Did I mention she listened?? She wasn't perfect, but she was amazing. She was actually more well behaved than her normally very laid back sister.

She was pretty good Thursday and great today. I could tell she was happier today. Her sweet and silly huge smile returned today. I hadn't realized it had disappeared. She sang and danced and was sweet and helpful and kind. Sure, she was still ornery and a little wild here and there, but again, she listened and obeyed A and me. She only had to go in time out one time today, and it was for something really minor. I was mostly just making the point that she had to do what Mommy told her to do.

I don't want it to feel like I have a tally sheet of good days and bad for my R, but I am hoping that she continues to listen and obey. I don't mind if she does something she shouldn't-- as long as when she is asked to stop, she does. I know, she's only 3.5! And she is a curious little girl... I just need for our home to be peaceful like it has been the past few days.

So, with that, I feel like I can begin to exhale. My chest isn't so tight, and my vocal chords have had a rest, too.

It is so nice to be able to enjoy my precious daughter again. I love her so, so much-- no matter what-- always and forever-- but it is so amazing to be able to have fun with her instead of constantly fight with her.

Here's hoping it all lasts and only gets better from here!!

A Little over 18 Months

That's how long E has been home.

Recently, I was talking to my friend H about my girls. She mentioned that although E is almost 2.5, she just seems like she should be so much younger. I agreed and said it was because we had so much more time with R-- so much more babyhood to drink up, enjoy, relish.

E came home at 10 months, and like I've said before, not knowing really anything about the time she spent in Ethiopia before our referral of her at 8 months drives me nuts.

All the adoption books and experts say that when a child comes home, you must allow him or her to regress to their "family" age, basically starting over from the time you brought the child home as their age. (Hopefully that makes sense. I feel I'm not explaining myself very well.)

It hit me, as I talked with H, that parents need that, too. Some days, I long for those precious days of babyhood that I missed with my E. She's still so new to my family-- sometimes I need to feel like she's 18 months old instead of nearly 2.5.

I hate the "lost" time I missed with my daughter. However, I know that this time with her Ethiopian family helped to shape her and who she is today. Her journey brought her to our family, and I would never, ever change that. She is so very wholly my daughter and I still think it is a miracle that a precious baby, born in rural Ethiopia, is my daughter. But still, some days I long for an 18 month old baby.

I guess my point is that sometimes, parents need a "family" age, too. Have any of you felt this way?

Confession

My house is a total pit right now. Like, if you were to come over, I'd have to pretend like we're not home and cower downstairs until you gave up, got back in your car/van/svw/whatever, and went back home. I haven't had anyone over since R's birthday party in Nov, and there's a reason for that. The idea of having someone see what it looks like right now is humiliating. Like it's just so embarrassingly messy everywhere, and I don't know how to start or where to start. Ok, the where to start is in the kids' play area of our living room... but after that? Your guess is as good as mine.

I feel like we're totally drowning in stuff. I need to just get rid of so much of it, organize the rest, and keep it organized. This is my summer goal. How do you who work full time year round do it? I guess maybe you're better at keeping things organized than I am for one thing. Trust me, that's a very low bar.

Honestly, this isn't a new thing for me. As a child, my room was always a mess. As a college student, that didn't change, but one of my roommates was/still is a complete neat freak so it wasn't too out of control. After A and I got married, the apartment/house wasn't totally neat all the time (ok, it probably was messy), but it wasn't this bad. But then when R came home? Oh my gosh. And then E? Oh my gosh times 20. And it is not like A is helpful in keeping things clean/neat/organized. He's just as bad as I am, but he doesn't think he's responsible for anything except for his office. It's overwhelming, really.

I guess maybe the house is a metaphor for the rest of my life, as I feel like it's up in the air and disorganized, too. It's just so embarrassing. I don't want to be like this, but I honestly do not know how to change. If I get my house clean, it'll stay that way for a little while, and then, over and over again, it becomes cluttered and out of control once more.

So, maybe it's time to get off my stupid blog and start organizing something? Probably so. Ugh. Hate it!

Birthday

Today's mine. I've always liked having a June 12 birthday. I love June, and 12 seems like a comfortable number. So, in that regard, it is a good day.

I've had some trouble adjusting to the idea of creeping closer and closer to my mid 30s. My husband will be 35 his next birthday, and that shocked me when I realized it. My bff found a grey hair on her head this morning, and I feel like the bags and circles under my eyes are glaring at me, like my eyeliner got really smudged or something.

I feel like just very recently, the idea of "aging" has really started to creep up on me. It's weird to me to see pictures of myself from not that long ago and see how much older I look now. (Especially since the girls came home. Not their fault, just haven't taken care of myself like I used to.)

I have some other stuff going on, too, so I guess that's not helping. I thought the work stuff was going to get better-- and I think it will-- but I got my teaching assignment Friday, and it is less than favorable. I had my trust betrayed yesterday, and R is going through a phase in which she tantrums constantly... well I'm hoping it's a phase anyway.

So... happy birthday to me, I guess.

Another Year Over...

Wow, I cannot believe that tomorrow's the last school day with students and that Thursday is the workday... and then... then, I'll be finished!! I cannot wait to be finished with this school year!!!!

I'm so looking forward to spending the summer with my girls. I'm so looking forward to kissing this year goodbye and never looking back.

Bittersweet? Someone asked me today if it is bittersweet that I'm finishing my last few days in this job. Nope, just sweet! I still do not know what I'll be doing next school year, but I do know I'll have a job. Honestly, that's all that I care about right now. For a few weeks of the month of May, I was totally stressing myself out about what will happen next year. Now, I'm just sort of in my zen place about it. I'm not going to allow myself to stress.

Sure, I'd love to be able to move my stuff into the classroom I'll be in next year, but the principal doesn't know where I'll be placed yet (even though I was supposed to know on Friday...). So maybe that means I won't be in a classroom again. Or maybe it means, come August I'm going to have a lot of work today. Either way, it's fine.

On that note, the Merry Merry Month of May is over... Tomorrow's June 1st, and on Friday, life will be good again.

Just wondering

Do you have anyone you know whom you really like but are driven crazy by at the same time? At my job, there are 4 others people who currently have the same position that I do. We all work in different buildings in our district, so we get together weekly for meetings. One of the girls, she really sweet and nice, but she cuts me off all the time when I talk and disagrees with me allllll the time.

Like at our last meeting on Thursday, she disagreed with everything I said. Ok, maybe not everything but a lot of it. I'm probably oversensitive, but it drives me insane. I like the girl, but I get so tired of her talking over me, and when she does allow me to finish a thought, she immediately says the opposite of what I'm saying.

In fact, she had me in tears on Thursday. Maybe I'm making a bigger deal of this than it really is. The other girls always say, "oh, that's just her... she doesn't mean anything by it." Etc. It's just hurtful, and I've put up with it for 2 years now.

Now that my time in this position is winding down, maybe the point is moot now... But how to deal with her is still a mystery to me!