You are MY daughters...

... but you are theirs, too. And you were their daughters first.

Today, I had my first "real" conversation with R about her birthfamily and her adoption story. E was there, too, but we were driving in the van at the time, and she was busy looking through a book she brought with her.

I was heading with the girls to my friend H's house for her to watch them while I went to a culture camp meeting. R said something about returning to ET to bring more children (2 more sisters and a brother to be exact-- as she said, "because I like having a lot of little kids around!").

We talked a little bit about going to Ethiopia. She said something like, "But E and I don't have to go back there to live."

I said, "No, you and sister are Mommy and Daddy's little girls. We will never send you back to Ethiopia. We are a family forever. You will live with us until you are a grown up. We might go to Ethiopia someday as a family to visit or you might want to go there when you're big, but we're never sending you back to ET."

She then started talking about her 'Opia Mom and why she was adopted. We talked about how her birthmom couldn't care for any baby and that she made a plan... Some of what we shared is specific to her personal story and E's personal story, so that will stay private... We talked about how Mommy thinks her 'Opia Mom must have really loved her and that she is allowed to love her 'Opia Mom, too.

She then said something that broke my heart...

My 3.5 year old daughter said with tears in her eyes and the "I'm about to cry lip" sticking out:
"Sometimes we just really miss our 'Opia Moms."

Sigh. I said something like, "oh, honey, of course. Of course you and E can miss your 'Opia families." I was trying to blink back the tears as I said it.

With that, we pulled into H's drive, and she was ready to talk about what she was going to do there. The moment was over.... for her.

But it gets me thinking, as I do often, about my girls' families in Ethiopia. And about how no matter what A and I do-- no matter how great of parents we could possibly be-- our daughters are always going to be incomplete.

There is such tragedy in that.

Oh, darlings, I'm so sorry. Sometimes I wonder what we have done, what their birthfamilies have done...

And no matter how much I love them, no matter that I am their mother-- they have other mothers and families who they miss and long for.