I know I shouldn't complain but...

... it's just SO annoying!

I took R to Vacation Bible School today. There was an older (white) woman there who was very interested in the girls. She said to me, "Oh! You have some very beautiful girls with you this morning!!!!" in the tone I knew she was fishing for more information. I didn't bite.

She talked to the girls a little bit more and then finally, she says, "So, are they yours??" with that look on her face.

I said, "My girls? Are you asking me if my daughters are my daughters?" with a confused look on my face. "Of course they are!" I said as I walked away.

Oh, wait, I forgot. She then told me she has a friend who adopted a little girl "from SOME African country" and how she found ONLINE (what a novel idea!!) a site for white moms about how to do black girls' hair. That's right. And then I said, "oh, that's nice!" and THEN walked away. My bad.

Sigh. I know, I know. We need to be the poster mom and children for adoption. I should talk to her with kindness, blah, blah, blah. It just gets old.

Really old.

Yes, I know! You don't need to tell me I asked for it when A and I decided to adopt transracially! Yes, I know!! People are just curious and mean no harm!! Yes, I know!!! She was just curious about my girls and didn't mean to be rude!!! I'm totally aware of all that!!!!

It just drives me insane! Insane in the membrane! Insane in the brain!!

It's my blog!! It's my life!!! I can complain if I want!!! I wasn't rude to the woman. Not one iota!!!!

I would just like FOR ONCE to go somewhere and NOT attract attention and comments and questioning stares.

Sigh. Yes, I'm also aware that that's simply NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. I get it. I've been a transracial adoptive mom for over 3 years now. I know!

On a side note, R had a great time at VBS. At the end of it, all the kids-- all ages-- gather in the main part of the church. A man who's sort of in charge (maybe the pastor-- IDK-- not my church) was talking to R's group and R gave him the picture she drew. As he did his closing remarks, he mentioned something about the picture and he wanted to thank the little girl who gave it to him although he didn't know her name.

Do you know what my girl did? In front of like 200 kids and adults, she stands up with her arms waving and says, "It was me!! My name is R!!! Hey guy, my name's R!!!!"

She's definitely not shy!

Hey, at least this post ends on a good note!

You are MY daughters...

... but you are theirs, too. And you were their daughters first.

Today, I had my first "real" conversation with R about her birthfamily and her adoption story. E was there, too, but we were driving in the van at the time, and she was busy looking through a book she brought with her.

I was heading with the girls to my friend H's house for her to watch them while I went to a culture camp meeting. R said something about returning to ET to bring more children (2 more sisters and a brother to be exact-- as she said, "because I like having a lot of little kids around!").

We talked a little bit about going to Ethiopia. She said something like, "But E and I don't have to go back there to live."

I said, "No, you and sister are Mommy and Daddy's little girls. We will never send you back to Ethiopia. We are a family forever. You will live with us until you are a grown up. We might go to Ethiopia someday as a family to visit or you might want to go there when you're big, but we're never sending you back to ET."

She then started talking about her 'Opia Mom and why she was adopted. We talked about how her birthmom couldn't care for any baby and that she made a plan... Some of what we shared is specific to her personal story and E's personal story, so that will stay private... We talked about how Mommy thinks her 'Opia Mom must have really loved her and that she is allowed to love her 'Opia Mom, too.

She then said something that broke my heart...

My 3.5 year old daughter said with tears in her eyes and the "I'm about to cry lip" sticking out:
"Sometimes we just really miss our 'Opia Moms."

Sigh. I said something like, "oh, honey, of course. Of course you and E can miss your 'Opia families." I was trying to blink back the tears as I said it.

With that, we pulled into H's drive, and she was ready to talk about what she was going to do there. The moment was over.... for her.

But it gets me thinking, as I do often, about my girls' families in Ethiopia. And about how no matter what A and I do-- no matter how great of parents we could possibly be-- our daughters are always going to be incomplete.

There is such tragedy in that.

Oh, darlings, I'm so sorry. Sometimes I wonder what we have done, what their birthfamilies have done...

And no matter how much I love them, no matter that I am their mother-- they have other mothers and families who they miss and long for.

Ways to Avoid Housework

1. Check facebook.

2. Catch up on emails.

3. Go through the ads in the Sunday paper/clip coupons.

4. Text your bff.

5. Order things for the upcoming culture camp.

6. Work on stuff for grad class.

7. Paint your toenails.

8. Watch "George" with your girls.

9. Have lunch.

10. Call your mom.

11. Read a book on the Nook. (That lasted about 5 minutes.)

12. Stare out the window.

13. Discuss why we're not watching TV right now with your 3 year old.

14. Get one kid dressed. (Other still in pjs at 3:15 pm.)

15. Complain about how hot out it is this week.

16. Read blogs.

17. Make appointment for eye examine for before insurance goes up.

18. Go to the post office.

19. Look for your favorite (and missing-- thanks R!) pen.

20. Eat a peanut butter cup.

21. Read the girls books.

22. "Sing the story of Pooh" to the girls.

23. Watch the girls put on a dance show.

24. Help R name her newly-found stuffed animal ("Baby" is what she decided on. Or "FiFi" depending on what minute it is. She already has a pink poodle named FiFi, so I am maintaining that it could get confusing.)

25. Call and pay your bill for your grad class.

26. Talk to your mom again.

Any other ideas? This has been my day so far. Have I mentioned I HATE housework? (But I sure do love the summer!!!)

Curve Ball

You can't predict the future. This I know well.

You can't always rely on the ones you put your most faith into.

Sometimes life is just really, really hard.

Today, life threw a curve ball at one of my oldest and dearest friends. The story isn't mine to tell, but I sure would appreciate some prayers for this situation.

R-isms and E-isms

My girls have been cracking me up lately. Here are some of the funny things they've been saying this summer for your amusement:

From R:

1. I'll be good, as good as moonlight.

2. (About her sister): I love her sooooooooo much! (As she hugs E so hard she falls to the floor.)

3. (When asked how she knew the sequence of traffic lights after explaining it correctly to me): Because I've only seen it like 5 times or a million!

4. We've been in the car for 5 YEARS!

5. When I am a 5 girl I won't be wild. Just 3 girls {girls who are 3 years old} are wild.

6. (After dipping a carrot stick into yogurt and then ketchup and taking a bite): Yum! Tastes like chicken!!!! {Where did she even hear that?}

7. (To the old people sitting on their porch the next block up): My name is R and I can jump high into the sky and do a flip!

From the E-poodle

1. My make sandwich and put it in my backpack for my grandmother! (She says "My" instead of "I" for everything-- adorable.)

2. I'm da baby sister. R is da big sister.

3. My want to brush you hair. It very messy. {Thanks, baby!}

4. (After baby dance class): Da lady turn Cinderella up TOO LOUD! {They're doing a dance that goes along with the song "A Dream is a Wish."}

5. (When she wants out of her crib in the morning): Mommy! Mommmmmyyyyyy! My awake! My want out! My want out! Mommy! Wake up!!!! It morning! My want out!!!!! Get up! Get up! Get up!

Magical

I guess that's how my brothers, cousins, and I used to feel about my grandparents' house when we were kids. It was a large house, built in the 1960s to my grandfather's very specific specifications (haha, redundant, much?), and we all loved it. Plenty of bedrooms, a hidden attic, a wooded area, the courtyard... I adored that house.

I think my little girl cousins really believed they were princesses and my grandparents the king and queen of our very own kingdom. I think my favorite room in the house was the den. It had a wall of bookshelves, and this beautiful brick half-circle fireplace that went from floor to ceiling. My grandfather's camel collection lived there, and I adored every one of them.

Then, my grandad died on a rainy September day after a long illness, and my grandmother died the following May.

Immediately, their house was no longer a place where fairy tales we made. We did not live happily ever after. The magic was gone, and I haven't felt it again...

Until this week.

My parents have been in the process of building a house, and they finally were able to move into last week. The house is beautiful... not that their old house wasn't nice, but it wasn't special or beautiful (we called it the big blue barn-- Dutch Colonial with tanish/grayish bricks and blue siding!) The new house in a development that's sort of out in the country outside my hometown. There's a pond out back and line of trees, and my girls' bedroom overlooks this scene. It's beautiful.

When I went to pick up the girls, it surprised me. I could see the magical feeling my cousins and I once had about my grandparents' house in my children's eyes. R said many times she didn't want to leave. As I sat out on the screened in porch, my babies in tiny wicker rocking chairs by my side, I watched the wind in the trees and heard the birds singing in them. And I think I felt the magic, too. And peace. I miss my grandparents and their home so very much.

I think about my childhood and how much my grandparents shaped who I am today... and how much I adored going to their house... and I'm so thankful that my girls will be able to have a place that is a little bit magical for them, too.

Exhaling

My R has been, umm, a handful lately, actually for several months now. At the beginning of summer, it was horrible. We spent the first 2 days of my break with her whining and fussing and screaming and yelling, etc. After 2 full days of constant battles, I was in tears, total breakdown. It was so, so hard.

Since then, she's still had days like that, but it hasn't been constant. Still, I would walk around feeling like my heart might explode from the stress of the whole thing. Lots of yelling on my part. Arguments between A and I because of the tension. And a sweet little E-poodle watching from the sidelines. I can only imagine what it was like for her. Poor curly fry.

However, the past 3 days have been great. Peaceful. When I've told R to do something or to NOT do something, she's listened. I took E and her to a playdate with another ET adoptive family on Wednesday and then to a nearby mall. It was supposed to be a short trip-- one store to grab one thing-- but it ended up being about an hour and a half because we unexpectedly ran into my bff and her precious girls so we helped them shop for a little bit, too.

And she listened. She stayed in the stroller or right next to M's older girls. She didn't grab at clothing and pull them off the shelves. She didn't fuss about wanting this or that. She didn't demand more snacks, which I'd left in the van because it was supposed to be a short trip. Above all, she listened. Did I mention she listened?? She wasn't perfect, but she was amazing. She was actually more well behaved than her normally very laid back sister.

She was pretty good Thursday and great today. I could tell she was happier today. Her sweet and silly huge smile returned today. I hadn't realized it had disappeared. She sang and danced and was sweet and helpful and kind. Sure, she was still ornery and a little wild here and there, but again, she listened and obeyed A and me. She only had to go in time out one time today, and it was for something really minor. I was mostly just making the point that she had to do what Mommy told her to do.

I don't want it to feel like I have a tally sheet of good days and bad for my R, but I am hoping that she continues to listen and obey. I don't mind if she does something she shouldn't-- as long as when she is asked to stop, she does. I know, she's only 3.5! And she is a curious little girl... I just need for our home to be peaceful like it has been the past few days.

So, with that, I feel like I can begin to exhale. My chest isn't so tight, and my vocal chords have had a rest, too.

It is so nice to be able to enjoy my precious daughter again. I love her so, so much-- no matter what-- always and forever-- but it is so amazing to be able to have fun with her instead of constantly fight with her.

Here's hoping it all lasts and only gets better from here!!

A Little over 18 Months

That's how long E has been home.

Recently, I was talking to my friend H about my girls. She mentioned that although E is almost 2.5, she just seems like she should be so much younger. I agreed and said it was because we had so much more time with R-- so much more babyhood to drink up, enjoy, relish.

E came home at 10 months, and like I've said before, not knowing really anything about the time she spent in Ethiopia before our referral of her at 8 months drives me nuts.

All the adoption books and experts say that when a child comes home, you must allow him or her to regress to their "family" age, basically starting over from the time you brought the child home as their age. (Hopefully that makes sense. I feel I'm not explaining myself very well.)

It hit me, as I talked with H, that parents need that, too. Some days, I long for those precious days of babyhood that I missed with my E. She's still so new to my family-- sometimes I need to feel like she's 18 months old instead of nearly 2.5.

I hate the "lost" time I missed with my daughter. However, I know that this time with her Ethiopian family helped to shape her and who she is today. Her journey brought her to our family, and I would never, ever change that. She is so very wholly my daughter and I still think it is a miracle that a precious baby, born in rural Ethiopia, is my daughter. But still, some days I long for an 18 month old baby.

I guess my point is that sometimes, parents need a "family" age, too. Have any of you felt this way?

Confession

My house is a total pit right now. Like, if you were to come over, I'd have to pretend like we're not home and cower downstairs until you gave up, got back in your car/van/svw/whatever, and went back home. I haven't had anyone over since R's birthday party in Nov, and there's a reason for that. The idea of having someone see what it looks like right now is humiliating. Like it's just so embarrassingly messy everywhere, and I don't know how to start or where to start. Ok, the where to start is in the kids' play area of our living room... but after that? Your guess is as good as mine.

I feel like we're totally drowning in stuff. I need to just get rid of so much of it, organize the rest, and keep it organized. This is my summer goal. How do you who work full time year round do it? I guess maybe you're better at keeping things organized than I am for one thing. Trust me, that's a very low bar.

Honestly, this isn't a new thing for me. As a child, my room was always a mess. As a college student, that didn't change, but one of my roommates was/still is a complete neat freak so it wasn't too out of control. After A and I got married, the apartment/house wasn't totally neat all the time (ok, it probably was messy), but it wasn't this bad. But then when R came home? Oh my gosh. And then E? Oh my gosh times 20. And it is not like A is helpful in keeping things clean/neat/organized. He's just as bad as I am, but he doesn't think he's responsible for anything except for his office. It's overwhelming, really.

I guess maybe the house is a metaphor for the rest of my life, as I feel like it's up in the air and disorganized, too. It's just so embarrassing. I don't want to be like this, but I honestly do not know how to change. If I get my house clean, it'll stay that way for a little while, and then, over and over again, it becomes cluttered and out of control once more.

So, maybe it's time to get off my stupid blog and start organizing something? Probably so. Ugh. Hate it!

Birthday

Today's mine. I've always liked having a June 12 birthday. I love June, and 12 seems like a comfortable number. So, in that regard, it is a good day.

I've had some trouble adjusting to the idea of creeping closer and closer to my mid 30s. My husband will be 35 his next birthday, and that shocked me when I realized it. My bff found a grey hair on her head this morning, and I feel like the bags and circles under my eyes are glaring at me, like my eyeliner got really smudged or something.

I feel like just very recently, the idea of "aging" has really started to creep up on me. It's weird to me to see pictures of myself from not that long ago and see how much older I look now. (Especially since the girls came home. Not their fault, just haven't taken care of myself like I used to.)

I have some other stuff going on, too, so I guess that's not helping. I thought the work stuff was going to get better-- and I think it will-- but I got my teaching assignment Friday, and it is less than favorable. I had my trust betrayed yesterday, and R is going through a phase in which she tantrums constantly... well I'm hoping it's a phase anyway.

So... happy birthday to me, I guess.

Another Year Over...

Wow, I cannot believe that tomorrow's the last school day with students and that Thursday is the workday... and then... then, I'll be finished!! I cannot wait to be finished with this school year!!!!

I'm so looking forward to spending the summer with my girls. I'm so looking forward to kissing this year goodbye and never looking back.

Bittersweet? Someone asked me today if it is bittersweet that I'm finishing my last few days in this job. Nope, just sweet! I still do not know what I'll be doing next school year, but I do know I'll have a job. Honestly, that's all that I care about right now. For a few weeks of the month of May, I was totally stressing myself out about what will happen next year. Now, I'm just sort of in my zen place about it. I'm not going to allow myself to stress.

Sure, I'd love to be able to move my stuff into the classroom I'll be in next year, but the principal doesn't know where I'll be placed yet (even though I was supposed to know on Friday...). So maybe that means I won't be in a classroom again. Or maybe it means, come August I'm going to have a lot of work today. Either way, it's fine.

On that note, the Merry Merry Month of May is over... Tomorrow's June 1st, and on Friday, life will be good again.

Just wondering

Do you have anyone you know whom you really like but are driven crazy by at the same time? At my job, there are 4 others people who currently have the same position that I do. We all work in different buildings in our district, so we get together weekly for meetings. One of the girls, she really sweet and nice, but she cuts me off all the time when I talk and disagrees with me allllll the time.

Like at our last meeting on Thursday, she disagreed with everything I said. Ok, maybe not everything but a lot of it. I'm probably oversensitive, but it drives me insane. I like the girl, but I get so tired of her talking over me, and when she does allow me to finish a thought, she immediately says the opposite of what I'm saying.

In fact, she had me in tears on Thursday. Maybe I'm making a bigger deal of this than it really is. The other girls always say, "oh, that's just her... she doesn't mean anything by it." Etc. It's just hurtful, and I've put up with it for 2 years now.

Now that my time in this position is winding down, maybe the point is moot now... But how to deal with her is still a mystery to me!

Melt my heart.

My favorite moment of the dance recital on Sunday?

After R danced, I rushed from the theater to the backstage area just as she and the other little girls in her class were just coming down the hall.

R looked down the hall, spotted me, yelled "there's my mom!!" and ran into my arms for a big hug with a huge smile on her beautiful face.

Oh, honey, my little dancing big girl baby, I love you so much.

Thank you for being you.

It was dance recital weekend...

... and here is my dance recital princess-baby!

Deep Thoughts... by R

Today at breakfast, R was in deep thought. A asked her what she was thinking about after a minute or two...

To which she replied: "Umm, rainbows."

I need moments like this to ground me, to remind me of how beautiful and precious my eldest daughter is. Yesterday was a rough day for us-- she was whiny and fussy and demanding... Ugh. She cried a bunch, and I yelled a bunch. Last night, as I laid in her bed with her at bedtime, we talked about how tomorrow would be another day, a better day, for Mommy and R.

Sweet girl, I thank god for you. For your beautiful spirit and soul. For the precious little girl you are and who you will grow up to be someday.

Some days I have to say, it's hard to be your mom. I imagine some days it's hard to be my daughter, too.

Some days, I forget about how my heart ached to hold you. I take you for granted.

Some days, I get so frustrated.

But, I always, always, always love you. We both need to remember that tomorrow is a new day on those hard ones.

Love isn't enough.

Do you ever have situations in which you're talking about something, and the other person just doesn't get it? I was talking with a few of my co-workers today about where they send or plan to send their children to school. I am planning to bring my kids to my district (at this point!) when the time comes. This may or may not change-- not really the point.

One of the people I was talking with attends my church and sends her kids to the school attached to it. I just mentioned something about how I'd intended to send my kids there but I had concerns about my girls' being the only black children in their grade or maybe even the school. I said that sometimes on Sundays, my girls are the only black people in the church. She said that she was sorry to hear that I didn't "feel welcome" because she'd gone to that church her whole life, etc.

I didn't mean that. Not at all. I wasn't saying that the people from the church were unwelcoming or not accepting of my kids. In fact, people always smile and are friendly to my girls. I didn't mean racism.

I meant... well, that I didn't want my kids to just stick out. I tried to explain that and she got more tense... I got more tense. I finally just said, "Well your kids aren't black." And then I tried to explain what it is like for transracially adopted kids. She wasn't getting it, and neither were the rest of the people in the group. One started talking about her twins and getting comments about them. Then they started talking about how younger kids don't notice differences, etc.

It wasn't helping.

Ugh. I don't know. I was having this conversation with people I like, trust, and admire. I didn't mean to make them feel awkward, so maybe I just shouldn't have brought it up. I was just trying to get her to see another point of view. Maybe more for me than for her. I would like just every once in a while for someone else to understand where I'm coming from with things like this.

I don't even really know what my point is here. I guess it is just hard to explain to people who have never had the same experiences I have had. I just wish things could be simple.

Like yesterday, my precious and darling R was planning on a piece of playground equipment during a birthday party for my BFF's youngest. The party was at a local park, and the kids were having a great time. R was climbing everywhere and running around. I was keeping close to her because she isn't particularly cautious on playground equipment.

I looked up. There, carved in the plastic of the playground equipment, was that word... you know what I mean. There was my beautiful daughter, who happens to be black, standing there smiling and having a great time playing, not a care in the world, with that freaking word glaring at me behind her right shoulder.

Right now, my girls of course are blind to the idea that people may not like them because of their skin color or where they came from. Right now, R can continue on in blissful ignorance of the meeting of the ugly, scrawled letters on a piece of playground equipment.

I dread the day when one of them comes home from somewhere crying because someone's said something hurtful or done something to them. It makes me sick. I'm powerless to stop it, and just the mere thought of it right now is making me feel nauseous.

My children are so loved. I wish that were enough to protect them from all the hate and stupidness that goes on in this world.

Closing Time

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

And, oh, how I am ready for a new beginning and the close of this school year. This week, I feel like I am finally awakening from the funk I've been in this entire school year. It's testing week, and including my teacher work day, I have 19 days until summer.

I haven't written for a long time about my work situation. That is not because it got any better as the school year went on. more because I just didn't have anything else to say. And, really, it didn't seem like anyone wanted to hear about my misery any longer on here anyway.

I was/am miserable pretty much daily. And that clouds everything. That's probably also why I haven't written on my blog as regularly as I used to either. Who wants to share with the world when all you feel like doing is hiding?

I couldn't see it at the time, but the weight of this school year has been pressing down on my shoulders much more than I realized. Now that I can almost see the finish line, I'm feeling better-- didn't even realize I wasn't feeling well all along.

And you know what? My kids are happier, my husband is happier, and I am happier. The stress of all this was hurting us all. I feel like caring about my appearance again and just this week have lost some weight (I've gained it at an alarming rate since Dec., when things at work were the worst)-- because I have actually cared about it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I have a long ways to go before I could even get to where I was weight-wise before R came home, but this is the first time in a LONG time that I've even cared enough to do something about it.

When I applied for, interviewed for, and accepted this position almost 2 years ago, I never expected that I'd just be placed in one building this year. Frankly, had I known, I wouldn't have taken the job. I know that last year, it was better for us (my family) for me to be in a position that wasn't in the classroom. Being able to spend time nurturing my children-- especially E when she first came home-- without the burden and stress of worrying about my students, grading, lesson planning, etc-- was something we needed. (I had a really rough time returning to work after R came home.)

So, in that regard, I know taking this job was the right choice. Professionally, I've learned a lot, too, and I know that if I return to the classroom next year (that's still up in the air), I will be a better teacher because of this job. And if I'm not fated to return to the classroom, this job has given me an edge experience-wise that I never would have had otherwise.

All I know for certain is that Closing Time-- June 2-- cannot come soon enough!

Waiting List... Two Years Ago, That is!

Two years ago this evening, we received the phone call from our case manager that we were on the waiting list for a referral of an infant girl at #33. I remember thinking it was going to be an eternity until we got our referral, as 33 sounded like such a "big" number compared to where we started on the waiting list for R (at #4).

We'd waited "so long" to get on the list-- and then there we were. At the time, our agency was saying that the waiting time for a referral was 10-12 months for our parameters. One of my friends had a trip to Ethiopia scheduled for late Oct- early Nov 2009, and I just kept praying that we'd have our referral by then-- by some miracle. In the end, that miracle did happen, as we got our referral on Oct. 19, 2009.

Two years ago today, my E was a tiny 3 month old baby (oh my goodness, I'll bet she was cute-- 3 months old is the age R was when we brought her home!!). I wonder today was her day was like. While our day was one of celebration, was her family getting closer to the decision to relinquish her? I have other thoughts about this, too, but I don't feel comfortable sharing them because it involves specific questions I have about my daughter's story.

As I look back over the 2 years since our referral, I think about how my family has grown and changed. R-baby, 2 years ago today was not quite 18 months old. She was just barely talking, and now, as of a few weeks ago, she can write her name and NEVER stops talking!

Two years ago today, I was about to finish (although I didn't know it at the time) my last year teaching, as a new job came my way over the summer... On the other side of the coin, two years ago we were worried A was going to lose his job based on an (unfair) evaluation from his boss and an ultimatum.

Two years ago today, E was only a dream to us... Who she was to be was completely up to the imagination. And now, she's home. She's worked her way into the fabric of our family and is my adored, precious, darling daughter. And for that, I am so very thankful.

Umm, random

On Sunday, as I was driving home from my parents' house with the girls, I got a phone call on my cell. It wasn't a number I recognized, but I answered it anyway.

I said hello, and the man replied something about Craigslist. I couldn't understand what he was saying (and was confused), so I asked him to repeat himself. He said it again, and then I finally understood-- he was calling about "my" listing on Craigslist.

I said, "I'm sorry, you have the wrong number."

Random Guy: "Umm, I don't think I do!!!"

Me: "Yes, you do have the wrong number. I don't have anything listed on Craigslist!"

Random Guy then hangs up on me without another word.

I just found it bizarre that he'd try to argue with me about the whole thing. And this only crosses my mind because I just got another weird area code number call on my cell, this time the person asking for "Mark." My name does in fact start with M, but it isn't Mark!!

So I'm just hoping that whatever is listed on Craigslist with my cell number (or something close to it!) is sold/traded/whatever soon!

L.O.V.E.

I did a "Mommy and Me" photo shoot with my princesses on Saturday. This is just a preview; I haven't seen them all yet. I love my precious girls!