Closing Time

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

And, oh, how I am ready for a new beginning and the close of this school year. This week, I feel like I am finally awakening from the funk I've been in this entire school year. It's testing week, and including my teacher work day, I have 19 days until summer.

I haven't written for a long time about my work situation. That is not because it got any better as the school year went on. more because I just didn't have anything else to say. And, really, it didn't seem like anyone wanted to hear about my misery any longer on here anyway.

I was/am miserable pretty much daily. And that clouds everything. That's probably also why I haven't written on my blog as regularly as I used to either. Who wants to share with the world when all you feel like doing is hiding?

I couldn't see it at the time, but the weight of this school year has been pressing down on my shoulders much more than I realized. Now that I can almost see the finish line, I'm feeling better-- didn't even realize I wasn't feeling well all along.

And you know what? My kids are happier, my husband is happier, and I am happier. The stress of all this was hurting us all. I feel like caring about my appearance again and just this week have lost some weight (I've gained it at an alarming rate since Dec., when things at work were the worst)-- because I have actually cared about it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I have a long ways to go before I could even get to where I was weight-wise before R came home, but this is the first time in a LONG time that I've even cared enough to do something about it.

When I applied for, interviewed for, and accepted this position almost 2 years ago, I never expected that I'd just be placed in one building this year. Frankly, had I known, I wouldn't have taken the job. I know that last year, it was better for us (my family) for me to be in a position that wasn't in the classroom. Being able to spend time nurturing my children-- especially E when she first came home-- without the burden and stress of worrying about my students, grading, lesson planning, etc-- was something we needed. (I had a really rough time returning to work after R came home.)

So, in that regard, I know taking this job was the right choice. Professionally, I've learned a lot, too, and I know that if I return to the classroom next year (that's still up in the air), I will be a better teacher because of this job. And if I'm not fated to return to the classroom, this job has given me an edge experience-wise that I never would have had otherwise.

All I know for certain is that Closing Time-- June 2-- cannot come soon enough!