Ethiopian Culture Camps

Have you considered attending one this summer? We went to one in our area (well, really I run it along with 3 other ET mommas) this past summer, and it was an amazing experience. I think culture camp is so important to families like mine. What other time of the year can you get together with Ethiopians, Ethio-Americans, etc? And build a sense of community for your children who are adopted (as well as their siblings)?

Here are some links to info about culture camps around the country:

http://www.heritageandculturecamp.org/

http://www.africancradle.org/camp10.html

http://eakc.blogspot.com/

http://ethiopiakidsculturecamp.blogspot.com

http://www.ethiopianculturecamp.org/

http://heritagecamps.org/afam.html (This one is for African kids, not just specifically ET kids.)

And here is more information from the Adoptive Families magazine website...
http://www.adoptivefamiliesmagazine.com/calendar.php?cal=camp

Are there camps in your area? If so, you should go! Not that I'm promoting any of the above ones necessarily... I mean, I only have personal experience with one of them... but they all sound like great opportunities to connect with families that might look like yours does or will look like soon! Yes, I know. They're a little expensive. But so are other family vacations.

Anyway, would you leave me a comment and a link if you know of any others I missed?

The Passage of Time

(Day 6 of our trip to bring E home is below if you missed it.)

Today marks E's 15 month birthday and 7 months since our referral. A typical Monday afternoon turned into a life-changing day.

I know I've talked about that day before so I'm not going to go into again. I will tell you that the first time I looked at E, I didn't know what to think. She was not at all what I expected.

1. She was already 8 months old.
2. Her story was so very different from R's.
3. She didn't look at all like I expected.

Let me explain. First, when our case manager told me that she was 8 months old, I was surprised and not totally happy. We got R's referral when she was 3 weeks old. At 8 months, R had been home for almost 5 months, etc. Bringing a child home who could be a year or older (I never thought the process after referral would go as smooth as it did) was a totally different challenge than bringing home a tiny 3 month old.

Linked to that, E's being 8 months old meant she had a lot more "lost" history than R did. E lived with her birthfamily for almost 8 months. I have no idea (well, I can guess based on what I do know and based on what I know about life in her region of Ethiopia) really what her life was like during that time period. This is something I don't think I will ever get over.

Lastly, while we were waiting for R's referral, my friend H had a dream about her and told me what she "saw" as far as what R looked like and things like that. And she was spot-on. This time around, she told me again what she "saw" for our referral. And when I saw the first picture of E, she looked NOTHING like I had expected her to look. I have to admit it sort of shocked me at first.

In the past 7 months, E has gone from a photograph or 3 and bio info on paper to my precious daughter. This time has not always been easy. But in this time, I have grown to completely adore my daughter and cannot imagine my life without her.

So, my E, I love you so very much. You are such a blessing to our family. You are the sweetest child I've ever met. Before we started the process to bring you home, I had fears that adding another child to our family may not be the right choice... But you, my girl, were the perfect choice, at the perfect time, in the perfect way.

Ethiopia Trip: Day 6: A Low-Key Day and Cultural Dinner

December 30, 2009

A Quiet Day-- so far 9:30am

Today is a low key day as we don't have a bunch of things to do. We have to be at {our agency's home} at 1pm to get the baby's paperwork, "the envelop that must not be opened," and passport with a US visa inside it. Tonight at 7 is the cultural dinner. A (agency's director) says it is only 40 minutes to an hour so I think we'll go. {NOTE: the first time we were in ET, the cultural dinner was several hours... We were all exhausted by the time we got back to the hotel, and had it been the same restaurant, I would have opted out of going. It was just way too much.}

T did well last night, only waking a couple times and for not very long. She woke at 5:34 for a little bit of milk but fell back asleep until about 7:30 or so. Another reason why it is so nice that we didn't have to do anything this morning.

Right now, T is napping, and I sent A to the lobby to try to charge his cell phone with the computer in the lobby. He brought this multi-charger thingie to cut down on how many chargers we brought, but it was fried when he plugged it in. Oh, well. Of course this means his video camera is also completely dead. He brought the wrong USB cable for it so he's going to see if he can get the right one from someone else. I really hope so so that we can do a little more filming, especially bringing T into the house for the first time.

As I write this, I'm also watching life go on as normal in Addis. Across the street, a woman plays with her son in the courtyard of their home. She wears a canary yellow dress, and there is laundry on the clothesline. Buses and cars dodge around one another trying to avoid an ever-growing pothole in the road. A huge hawk flies low in the sky, and a cat scurries across the rusty tin roofs of a home. The sun peeks out of the clouds on occasion, and it is a hazy day. Women with gauzy clothing walk down the street, heads covered, of course, and the natellas have bright, rich embroidery. Brilliant red, deep sea blue, sparkling turquoise have been my favorites.

Although I love Ethiopia, I am ready to be home. I miss my R. I miss hot showers and being able to flush toilet paper. I miss my soft bed and cozy little house. My new daughter, A, R, and I need to start our life as a family of four. T needs to grow into my sweet E. She needs to get healthy and see a doctor about the "fungus" on her head. (Although a doctor in our group says it is probably more like a viral thing.) Her grandparents need to meet their new granddaughter.

Am I really in Ethiopia and bringing another child home? This feels as if I am in a dream...

Afternoon--3:40pm

We now have T's passport and paperwork. We went to {our agency's home} for the last time as they are completing their move today to the new place, which we'll see tomorrow. A talked to us about what a miracle it is that these 12 children are in our arms and are going to be in the US. As she said, "They are the prize of Ethiopia," and they truly are. She talked about how most of them were born in the middle of nowhere and are healthy and going home. Without prenatal medical care, without doctors, without so much. Many born in houses... without HIV. She also talked about how we have to be ambassadors for the children of Ethiopia.

T is awake!

The First Poop!-- 5:20pm

As we sat in the lobby a little bit ago, T pooped for the first time since being with us! Awesome baby girl!

Before that, I could tell she was feeling better as she was playing with A, laughing, and making other noises. Thank goodness!Tonight is the cultural dinner, which I'm looking forward to and dreading at the same time. It was really hard on R when we were here the last time. However, A says it is only 40 minutes or an hour instead of 3 so I hope she's right and T does just fine!

I'm Tired-- 10:12pm

Cultural dinner was fun but really too much for me. I'm sooo tired. T did well as long as A held her. She didn't want me at all and cried when I took her.

The food was good, and the dancing and singing was a lot like the last time we were in ET. T was almost singing along at a couple points, which was adorable.

Tomorrow we visit {our agency's} new home and prepare to leave. Oh, lord how ready I am to go home!

Babies are Awesome

In less than a week and a half, three of my friends have had four babies!

My friend M had sweet A this afternoon at 1:28... I haven't been able to see her yet as my husband is out of town tonight, and I can't bring the girls to the hospital with me (they aren't allowed in the room). So, I will have to make do with pictures posted on facebook until tomorrow...

I hope I can stand the wait!

Mother's Day

This is what it is all about...

The week ends on a high note.

My sweet friend L had her first child last night, a perfect baby boy! She and her husband (and baby!!!!) live over 3 hours from my house, and I cannot wait for the school year to be over so I can go meet baby C!!

I would love to post a picture or two of the happy family and perfect baby boy, but I just can't. Instead, I'll show you a couple pictures of the nursery, which L designed and should be in a magazine or something...

Ironically, L and my friend A who had twins last week are the first of my friends to have boys. Literally everyone else has girls! And my BFF will be having her 4th girl any day now. (Come on, Baby A! I can't wait to meet you, too, sweetheart.)

Let Me Explain a Little

Thank you to those of you who read my earlier post and commented and/or are praying for me. I truly appreciate kind words and can feel your prayers.

The first 2 years of my career I taught high school and hated it. I almost gave up teaching entirely until by the grace of God, I was hired in my current district, where I've been for 7 years. My original plan was to teach one year, save money, and go back to school to do something else.

However, when I got to my current district, I fell in love with teaching and felt supported at my job. I loved teaching 8th graders; they were the perfect age for me. This year, I took on a new role in my district, that of an instructional coach. This primary purpose of this position is to improve teaching and learning, provide on-site professional development for teachers, and to analyze and use data to help make instructional decisions.

The catch is that I now work in two buildings. I split my time between the building that has been my home for 6 years and another one, one which I haven't felt comfortable in from the beginning this year. But I've tried to do my best.

Anyway, this week I had to give a survey about my performance over the course of the year as well as the coaching program in general. (The other coaches, who all work in their home elementary buildings-- just one building per coach, did the surveys while I was on leave with E.) I passed the surveys out on Tuesday, and on Wednesday, I had some surveys in my box.

And they were not nice. They had mean, nasty, and just plain hurtful comments. For example, "maternity leave?????" was one. Really? You're faulting me for taking time off to have a child? And several other things. I know not all the comments are not personal towards me; people are dissatisfied with both the building principal and the district's curriculum director. However, many of them are, and it is humiliating and embarrassing to think that people think of me that way.

All those insecurities and feeling of inadequacy I felt in my first two years teaching are back. All those things I spent 6 years trying to repress, well, they're all right there at the surface.

I will say not all the surveys were mean and nasty. I did receive several that I feel are fair and that truly do reflect my job performance and give good suggestions for how I can improve and build upon the coaching program for next year.

Also, I found out yesterday that I did not receive that position I interviewed for a couple weeks ago. Honestly, that's ok with me. Although it would have been really nice to escape this building where I feel like everyone hates me, it would have been really difficult to give the time and energy the job requires with two babies at home.

Overall, I am looking forward to the end of the school year and have arranged my schedule so I only have to be in "that" building for 3 1/2 days out of the remaining 15 left before summer break.

Thank you for listening.

Blah

Do you ever have one of those days (ok, one of those weeks) in which it seems like everything makes you cry?

Yeah, that's how I feel.

This has been a horrible week.

Seems like forever ago...

... that we were put on the waiting list for our second baby girl! That was one year ago today.

Wow, times have changed.

If you woulda told me a year ago that our daughter would already be home 4 months at this point, I would have just laughed. I mean, come on!! We were on the list at sweet number 33, which seemed insurmountable after entering the list at 4 (!!) for R's adoption.

A year ago, my baby was 3 months old and living with her birthfamily. I wish I could know what her life was truly like then.

I know what our life like. We had an 18 month old baby girl and had the expectation that we'd wait a full year or so before getting our referral. We were cool with that. That's why we'd started when we did... because it was going to take FOREVER to bring our second home.

I remember calling and texting our family and friends with the exciting news. I remember the joy of being at the next stage and feeling at peace with that. I was ready for the agency to be in charge instead of us and to really try to put our next baby girl out of my mind for 10 months to a year.

My prayers would have been so different had I known that E was already alive, out there, living in ET with her birthfamily.

I think about the mountains that had to have been moved for us to become E's parents, and I am in awe. Oh, baby girl, thank god you are home.

Four Months Ago...

...A, E, and I were on the last legs of our trip home from Ethiopia. We were probably having lunch while E slept on me in the carrier. And, wow, things have changed in those 4 short months!

Since coming home, E has changed from a stranger-baby who wasn't a fan of mommy to my precious E-poodle. While I know that I did in fact love her as soon as we met, I know now that I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE her! And she loves her family now, too.

She's gone from weighing 18 pounds, being sick, and wearing 6-9 months clothing to weighing at least 24 pounds, being healthy, and is somewhere between 18 months and 24 months clothing.

And, to celebrate being home for 4 months, she's really officially walking as of Thursday night. She'd done some walking before then, but now she's walking everywhere!

Oh, E, my precious, sweet, darling daughter, I am so thankful for you. You are joy, sweetness, smiles, and happiness all rolled into one.

I love you forever.

(PS-- Is there anyone who is still interested my finishing the story of our ET trip? I think I left off on day 5.)

The Scary Noise-- Revealed!

Every once and a while, R will wake up screaming and run down the hall as fast as she can to our room. She's completely terrified. She always says she hears a noise. Each time, I can find nothing that is the source of the noise and have chalked it up to having a nightmare or something.

Last night we were doing the typical bedtime routine of my staying in her room with her for 2 songs. (We play music for the girls until we go to bed. I try to limit it to 2 songs, but usually she can get me to stay for 3. Anyway, I digress...) The baby monitor/night light made a "feedback" sound, not once but twice while I was in the room. It's never done that before while I was in the room, and the second time, I asked her if that was the sound she hears sometimes in the middle of the night.

The look on her face told me it was. As much as my little girl's face can go white, it did. Poor baby! It is a freaky sound, and I can imagine that if one is two years old and hears it in the night that it would be really scary.

Brace Yourself...

I mean, really, can you handle the cuteness?

Enjoy! Oh, and check out this blog for a Junk Posse giveaway. Love her necklaces!

A Year

A year ago, I was totally stressing out. We'd completed everything for our dossier and homestudy and were only waiting on child abuse checks from our state to clear to get on the waiting list for our daughter.

I just remember the overwhelming stress of wanting to be on the waiting list, wanting to have some control, and wanting to feel like everything was going to be ok. We honestly didn't think we'd get a referral until March or April 2010 and travel to bring our girl home at the end of this school year. A year ago today we were allowed to mail our dossier to our case manager for review. I remember that I had so much anxiety about it that I could hardly function. I don't really know why. It was our second time around, and we'd been so meticulous about everything.

What a difference a year makes. Our sweet E has been home over 4 months! That in and of itself is a true and absolute miracle. And she's amazing, just like her sister. I have a different job and am interviewing for another one in 2 days. We've been to Ethiopia again, and again, our lives are changed forever. We have two children who are a lot closer in age than we thought they'd be, and now I am starting to forget what it was like to only have one child in the house.

This morning, when the girls were having breakfast, R was saying something about how she doesn't like it when her sister cries. "When E cry, I cry. Make me sad, Mom," she said. My girls have grown to love and care for each other over these 4 months.

I'm not saying that everything has just worked out perfectly since E's homecoming. We've had to become a family and overcome illness, learning to balance the needs of two children, depression, and sadness in these four months. But we've come through a lot of that. E's sickness is gone, the balancing gets easier daily, the depression is starting to go away with some medication, and sadness is starting to fade.

Adoption is awesome and wonderful, but it is hard and born from loss.

Even still, I look ahead to our next adoption in a few years with excitement, joy, and determination to bring our next child(ren) home!

Pet Peeves and Job Update

I'm, umm, particular about language. I'm not going to necessarily go around correcting everyone, but let's face it. I'm an English teacher by trade and for quite a while, I was paid to grade/correct my students' writing. I love the English language and the art of speaking and writing it.

With that said, here are two language things that drive me INSANE:
1. Pronouncing the word "important" as "in-poor-dant." I heard it pronounced that way in a commercial on the radio as I drove to work this morning.
2. Pronouncing the word "laptop" as "lab-top." Many students in my district say it that way. Heck, even a teacher who was born and raised in this district says it that way.

On the job front, I have an interview next Thursday for that position I posted about several weeks ago. It seems like "they" already have their pick, and it is not me. Honestly, though, I think that's ok. I'm fine with being a coach (it's amazing how much nicer work is now that my child isn't 7,000+ miles away from me; more on that some other post), and this other position in the curriculum office would be an 11 month contract instead of a 9 month one. While this has some advantages, it is a big sticking point for me. I don't know if I want to give up that much time with my girls for the sake of a job.

On the other hand, more months working would mean more income, which would mean more money saved for our next adoption!

Thoughts, y'all? On pet peeves or the job?

Cute pictures of the girls will be posted soon. I know that's why most of you visit the blog anyway, right!?!

International Adoption

I've adopted two children internationally, and although life isn't always sunshine and roses, that doesn't mean it hasn't been successful.

My two girls, R and E, are the light of my life. We have been so blessed by their being added to our family. I cannot imagine our lives without them.

I have thought a lot about this situation with the child sent back to Russia. I don't know the specifics of the circumstances that caused the family to "return" him to Russia. Regardless of what they were, it is heart breaking. And now I see that Russia has closed their doors to Americans adopting from their country. I hate that the completely wrong actions of one family are responsible for this.

Today I read that bloggers are supposed to post about their adoptions. I adore my daughters, adore their birth country, and adore being an adoptive momma.

I'm here tonight to say to whoever is reading this, international adoption works. It works for our family and countless others.

Why is it always at Panera?...

... that I seem to get comments about my kids? Last night, after I picked up R and E at my friend M's house, we met my parents in M's town at Panera for dinner. They've been gone for 2 weeks, and the girls have missed them so much (and vice versa).

We got there fairly early, like around 4:45, which is good, as the place isn't too crowded yet. We get our meal and begin to eat.

A woman comes and sits behind us and opens up a laptop. She starts talking to us and the girls. I can tell she's curious about them big time. Throughout our meal she keeps talking to the girls, my parents, and me.

While R and my mom are in the restroom, my dad mentions something about Ethiopia and how big E is compared to just a few short months ago when we met.

The woman perks up again and starts asking about the girls, like when they came home, etc. She says it looks like they're adjusting well. I say that yes they are for the most part.

She pauses and says, "This may seem nosey, but why was she (E) taken from her birthmother?"

Ok. Umm, yeah, big time nosey.

I said something like, "she wasn't taken from her birthmother. She was relinquished by her birthmother."

(There is a big difference, I am thinking.)

And I say nothing more.

I read somewhere (I think maybe on another blog) about 6 months or a year ago the following:
"Children who are adopted do not owe you their life stories."

That's all I could think about last night as this woman asked a very personal and private question about my daughter's background.

Lady, many of my friends and a lot of my family don't know the full story of my daughter's life. (Heck, I don't even know it all.) What makes you think I'm going to tell you, a complete stranger?

I know this woman probably meant no harm and wasn't thinking when she asked the question, but it is not fair to expect that just because a child is adopted that we need to share (what can be painful) stories of how she came to her family with complete strangers.

My Kids

Sometimes I have to stop and remind myself what an absolute miracle it is that I am the mother of two beautiful children.

Like for example, when R tries to unlock the front door and run out of the house without permission and then has a meltdown when I don't allow her to do so and put her in timeout.

Or when E, while sleeping, pees out her diaper all over my shirt and jeans while I'm stuck talking to our very nice but very chatty and oblivious neighbor.

Umm, awesome.

And then, I think about how much my heart longed to be a mother. And how much my heart ached to hold them tight when they were in Ethiopia and we were waiting. I think about the miracle of two small girls, born in Ethiopia to two other woman, now my daughters and greatest gifts.

I sometimes get really frustrated with R. She's stubborn, and so am I. When this happens lately, I stop what we're doing, and I say, "R, how old are you?" And she says, "Twwwwoooo!" in the cutest voice I've ever heard.

Or, I look up from clearing the table and my E smiles her silly girl smile and says, "Cheese!" I forgive her for dropping her full cup of water on my broken toe. (Oh, yeah, I broke my toe falling down the stairs on Easter morning.)

I'm a mom. I'm nothing great and have done nothing special. I'm just trying to do the best I can for them. Sometimes, I get impatient, sometimes I yell, and sometimes I just want to cry, too.

But at the end of day, when I am putting them to bed, I tell them over and over again that I love them, that I'm so happy that their daddy and I adopted them, that they are beautiful and amazing and sweet and funny little girls.

And I know that despite my flaws, I was meant to be their mom. In that, I find comfort.

Uncanny

Does the little girl on the cover of this book remind you of anyone? (Hint, see the little curly-headed princess in the banner above...)Anyway, my husband recently brought this book home for R. He said, "I bought a book for R today, and it is uncanny." What a weird way to describe a children's book, right? At least that's what I thought.

Until I looked it.

Umm, did they model this book off my child without my knowing it? Impossible, as it is has been out since 2002 or 2003... But it sure does look like my "big" girl, and it even has a page with a drawing of two sweet babies that looks like it could have been taking place in my living room.

Anyway, it is hard to find picture books with black children as main characters. If you don't have this one already you should go out and get it. It's one of R's favorites right now and not just because the main character looks so much like her!

What books do you have that you think are great for you, your children, or both?

Love, Simply Put

(See the post below for a few pictures from Easter if you haven't already!)

Today, we had a break through at our house. My R, during lunch, looked at her sister, puckered her lips, and made an "mmmm" sound at her sister.

I realized that she was trying to give her sister a kiss. I pushed their chairs closer together, and my babies gave each other 2 kisses.

Beautiful.

This may seem like no big deal, but it is a huge thing, really. Just 3 months ago, when E first came home, R would have never done this. Heck, she wouldn't have done this even 3 weeks ago.

Also today, A and I were watching the girls play together. (They were "making soup." Adorable.) A said to me, "Can you imagine life without E?"

"No, I can't."

"Can you imagine if we would have waited a few years to adopt again?"

"No," I said, "good call on starting our adoption when we did."


"Good call," he said, "on adopting two girls."

I told him that I knew they would need each other. And they do.

People (especially in the adoption world for whatever reason) have questioned why we decided to adopt 2 girls instead of a girl and a boy. I have two brothers and my entire life, wanted a sister. I thought it would be important for our girls to have same-gender siblings. They are going have experiences no one else in our family will have, being Ethiopian, adopted, and in a transracial family. I know there were many times as a kid and teenager, I wished I had a sister to talk to and wanted that for my girls. Hence, two Ethiopian princesses instead of a princess and a prince. (For now. We're not finished!)

I love that my girls have each other. They are only 15 months apart, and I think this is going to be a very good thing. When we received our referral for E, I must admit that I was concerned that R wasn't even 2 yet and that E was already 8 months. When we started this process, we'd "planned" (like you can plan in adoption--haha) for our girls to be about 2 years apart in age.

It is hard, sometimes, very hard to have a 1- and 2-year-old, but I already see the benefits of their being so close in age.

I love that my "big girl baby" and my husband are so in love with our "little girl baby."

I love how A and I chose to build our family.

Happy Easter!

Today is our first major holiday with E home. Easter was also our first holiday with R home (only 2 years ago!), so it is extra special.

I love this picture of my beautiful little girl playing my grandfather's piano, which is now at my uncle's house.

And my E. Isn't she precious? (She walked 4 steps today! I can't believe how big she's getting.)

The whole family... not the best of the girls, but that's ok.