Life with Asperger's Syndrome

Most of you don't know this about my husband, but he has Asperger's Syndrome, which is on the autism spectrum. He struggles sometimes with how to behave in social situations, and his mind works a bit differently than yours or mine might. He's not good with change, and he gets obsessive about things. (Side Note: I believe A's dad, brother, and sister are all on the spectrum, too.)

I have to admit that the obsessiveness is what is hardest for me to deal with. When he finds interest in something, he goes into full force and thinks of nothing else. For example, when he decided he liked golf and wanted to take it up, he bought probably 30 golf books, subscribed to 2 or 3 magazines, watched the Golf Channel constantly, and learned how to build his own clubs (and did so). This is all well and good, but for months, all he could talk about or think about was golf. Sometimes he'd talk to me about golf while the Golf Channel was on and he was reading a golf book/magazine. (FYI: I hate golf!)

His newest love is cooking... Specifically, the show Good Eats and the host, Alton Brown's, books. We got DVR a few months ago, and he found the show, started watching it, and true to his nature, got hooked. Like I've told him before, I don't mind watching a show in small doses, but I can't take hours on end of it, which is what he would do if I "allowed" it.

So now, he obsesses about rubs for steaks, finding the perfect knife, and, my personal favorite, seasoning a cast iron skillet. I'm sure it'll be something new in a few months when he abandons his love for cooking for his love of something new.. but at least at the moment his obsession is something that is productive for the whole family in that he's taken an interest in cooking dinner most nights!

Need Some Advice, Please

Ok, here goes. My husband has two younger siblings, a brother about 10 years younger and a sister who's 11 years younger. The brother has a nine-month-old son, the sister, a 4-year-old daughter.

T and L (A's siblings) have both recently gotten in trouble with the law for various things. Their significant others (the mother and father of their children respectively) also have.

It is a big freaking mess.

My mother-in-law has been caring for my nephew and niece a lot since "things" happened.

Here is where I need the advice: Since all this happened, starting around the beginning of July, C (M-I-L) has seen my child once. Prior to that, she saw R at least once a week during the school year because she watched her every Tuesday while I was working. She isn't doing that this year because of the situations with A's siblings. In June she saw her a time or two after school let out.

I have a huge problem with this. R's cousins are there several days a week right now, and it is a good thing to have their stable grandparents in their young lives. The problem is that because we aren't having some crisis, she doesn't have time for R.

Each month that passes without R seeing her grandparents, the more upset about it I get. We are going on 3 months now in which she's had no contact. She's stopped talking about them, etc.

R has a very good and close bond to my parents. (We are fortunate that both sets of grandparents live near us, within an hour of our house!) However, it really bothers me that she doesn't have that with A's parents.

I feel myself getting resentful, but more than that, I feel sad for R and for A's parents. So my question to you is: What should I do? Should I try to talk to them about it? Should I let it go for now until things calm down with A's siblings? Should I try to arrange to get together with them? Or just do nothing and let the relationship go?

I don't want to seem like the *itchy daughter-in-law, and I don't want to be selfish. Is feeling the way I feel right now about this selfish?

I'd really like some perspective on this one.

Very Interesting...

So I don't really pay attention to "unofficial" numbers as you may know. However I stumbled across a couple blogs I haven't read before...

I'll just say if the information I'm gathering is accurate (in that I'm understanding it all correctly), our official October number could be very interesting.

And that's all I'm sayin' for now!

R= Reading Prodigy?

Yesterday, A was driving home with R. At a stop light, R started saying "peeez" over and over again and pointing enthusiatically. A looked up in the direction of her pointing and realized that she was pointing at a nearby Papa John's Pizza place.

We've never pointed out pizza places while in the car with her, and we don't really get Papa John's pizza ever. Maybe like once in the past 6 months, if that.

So, the only logical conclusion is that at 22 months, my child is a reading prodigy, right?

Why I Do What I Do...

A student I had last year (my favorite one, actually-- yes of course I have favorites!) emailed me a few days ago. She's a 9th grader now, finding her way through her first quarter.

Last year, one student from each of the 5 teams in the building was responsible for writing and giving a speech to the student body at the awards assembly. The rest of the teachers and I picked this student to write and give the speech. She wrote something perfect (I knew she would) and very begrudgingly agreed to give it, too. She was nervous and scared.

She did an amazing job.

I was so proud of her.

She thought she messed up. I guess she stumbled over a word or 2 in the beginning of the speech, which I honestly did not notice.

She was so upset and probably mad at me because I pushed her to do it in the first place. She thought she did horrible and left the gym in tears as soon as she was finished speaking.

The email I received from her this week THANKED me for making her give the speech.

It's things like that that make doing what I do every day worth it. (And make me miss being in the classroom now that I'm not-- a subject for another post.)

Friday Surprises

Ok, last Friday, my BF, M, found out she's expecting her 4th child.

Today, I get a call from my friend A who has been doing fertility treatments. Well, she's pregnant, too!

Babies are amazing blessing, regardless of if they are born of a birthmother or one's own body. Sometimes, being "paper pregnant" (which is a phrase I never use) is hard because there are no physical signs and no tidy 9 month timelines.

On the other hand, at least I don't have strangers coming up to me and touching my belly like I'm an animal at a petting zoo.

Congratulations M and A! I'm so happy that we are in this together!

(PS-- My friend V is also pregnant and due in Nov.!)

Sometimes I Wonder...

As R starts to become more and more of a little person instead of a baby, I think a lot about how things will be when she is older. Like in that her momma is a pale, plain, short, white lady, while R herself is mocha, tall, black, and beautiful. She sparkles and just draws people to her effortlessly.

Sometimes I wonder if she'll grow up to hate us.

Sometimes I wonder what her life will be like with white parents, white family, white friends. (Not that we don't have connections with people of other races, including of course Ethiopians.)

Sometimes I wonder what people think when they see our family. Are they judging us?

Sometimes I wonder what her life would have been like if her birthmother hadn't given her to us to raise as our daughter.

Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve to be the mother of the most amazing child on the planet.

Sometimes I wonder how it will be when we bring her baby sister home.

Where am I going with this? I have no idea.

But this I do know: I love my daughter with my whole heart and soul. I love her little curly head and her tiny baby toes. I love her smile, her laugh, her personality. I love her kisses and hugs. I know that I do not regret for a moment that she is my daughter.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

8 Years

Eight years ago, the world changed forever with the attacks on our country.

Eight years ago, I was a first year teacher, struggling to figure out how to teach English literature to my seniors.

Eight years ago, a student burst into my room and said "Ms. M, Ms. M, someone bombed the Pentagon!!" and I was naive enough to think she was wrong. I soon found it was so much more than that and wished she'd been right.

Eight years ago, I watched in horror as towers fell, buildings burned, and people lost their lives, all live on TV.

Eight years.

A long time and the blink of an eye at the same time.

Whoa-- New Look!

Nikki just finished making my blog look fantastic! Check her work out! (See top left!) She is awesome.

And you know what I just realized? The colors of my blog are the colors of baby #2's room, well, the purple and orange.

(See below for some cutie pictures of my daughter!)

R + Mimi and Grandad = Love

My daughter has her grandparents wrapped around her tiny little Ethiopian finger!

Here are some pictures from this summer to prove it!...

I would like to help you mow the lawn, Grandad!

(Don't worry, he had the blade off while she was on it.)

The flowers are starting to wilt. I need to water them right now!

It is now time to play the piano, Mimi.

I would like to take Lucy for a walk and lead the way!

Mimi, my birthday is only 3 months away. I need to practice blowing out candles!
(Yes, I'm aware this isn't her best hair style!)

I know it is getting dark, but I still would like to go on a picnic. I have the basket all packed!

I love the way my parents love R and the way she loves them! They are wonderful grandparents to my sweet daughter, and we are so lucky they live close enough near us that R can see them about once a week. It is so fun to see them enjoy spending time with their first grandchild. She has a very special bond with them.

Shoulda Just Waited a Bit

New Number:

11

5 spots this month! My guess is that referrals will slow a little this month and next while the ET courts are closed and they catch up in Oct. after reopening.

Anyone wanna guess when we'll get our referral?

(Our sweet daughter, we are getting closer and closer to seeing your face! We love you forever!)

Hodge Podge

Ok, first, please keep my mom's friend K in your prayers. She has been battling cancer for years, had a PET scan this week, and the results were bad. She is undergoing chemo, well, right as I type these words actually. K is an amazing person and wonderful friend to my mom. She was Teacher of the Year for my state a while back... My mom is a wreck, understandably. The prognosis is not good...

Second, ET culture camp is this weekend! I have been part of the planning committee, and we've been planning since Dec... I'm hoping all goes well!

Third, R said her second "sentence" this afternoon at my mom's house. "R, do you want to get out of your highchair?" "No!" she says... Mom asked why, and she said, "Because SQUEEZE!!" (My mom allows her to squeeze water out of the rag/paper towel/whatever she's using to clean her up onto the tray.) So my child can say "because squeeze" clearly but can't say "up."

Fourth, the family ahead of us on the waiting list got their Sept. numbers phone call yesterday from our agency. I'm hoping we get ours today so I can post our Sept. official number later today!!

Fifth, I'm getting a blog makeover from Nikki (Blogs for a Cause) at: http://www.madebynikki.blogspot.com/! She is doing a special fundraising effort this month, and now is the time to make some changes to the old blog anyway! I'm excited about it, and I hope you all like it, too. It is going to be fun to have something different! And her work is always so pretty on others' blogs, so I'm sure my blog is also going to look fabulous when it is completed.

So I guess this post is a mix of good and bad. Pictures of R soon... I just recently uploaded 446 from my camera onto my laptop (which is literally out of memory now so I don't know what to do!) so I will actually have summer pictures to share soon...

Please take care this weekend and hug your loved ones.

Cupcake Costume

That's what I want to put R in for Halloween. I found one in the Pottery Barn catalog today and decided that was what she'll have to be.

However, the Pottery Barn one is rather expensive, and it is cute but not adorable. I've been scouring the Internet to find one with little luck.

Any ideas????

Somebody wanna make me one? J/k... sort of.

Mixed Feelings

Recently, there have been some posts on my agency's listserv and another ET adoption listserv about a situation in which a family feels the agency wasn't truthful with them about their son. I've been really torn about this and haven't commented on either listserv.

I don't know how to react. I know in my case, and in the case of many other families, my agency has been wonderful. Our adoption experiences with them, well I couldn't ask for anything more.

So to hear something about this, something in which a horrible thing happened to a family, it breaks my heart. I don't doubt this happened to them, I don't doubt it was awful, I don't doubt this family's suffering and heart ache.

I just can't imagine this happening based on what I know of my agency. But at the same time, I don't feel in the slightest that this family is being dishonest about their experience.

My point of this post? I have no idea. Just what's on my mind at this given moment.

R's First Sentence

"NO MY NAP!" is what I was told this afternoon when I said it was sleep time for a baby girl.

No, she's not stubborn at all. Why do you ask?

We are in so much trouble...

The Times, They Are A-Changing...

Well, there are big changes going on around my house.

Specifically...

We bought a mini-van yesterday. Yep, I traded in my sweet, loyal red Beetle for a mini-van. A Toyota Sienna.

A very mom-type vehicle, no?

The van is nice, really nice. It's a 2008, used obviously!

And, no, I didn't trade Red in for Cash for Clunkers!!! She didn't qualify! She wasn't a clunker! She was amazing!

This is very bittersweet.

Blah.

August Numbers are In

We're...

16

I really thought it would be lower than that, but that's ok.

If you didn't see already, look at the post below for some cute R pictures.

Who Wants to See some Pictures of R???

I got R's picture taken today. Why? Just because. She hasn't had a professional picture taken since Easter, and her 2nd birthday is not until Nov. I wanted to get some summer ones done. In looking at Easter pictures, she's changed so much since then.... And, yeah, Beary is in some of them this time around. He goes with her everywhere right now, so why not in a picture, too?

The pictures below are the "raw" photos. I got a few enhanced or zoomed in, etc.

Enjoy!

Some People Just Suck

My dear sweet friend L's house got robbed today.

No one was hurt (physically). The house wasn't trashed... So I guess it could be a lot worse. Obviously it could be.

They took things you can easily sell in a pawn shop-- ALL her jewelry, cameras, expensive wallets (she has good taste), ipods, laptop, expensive stationary. Her underwear was thrown around her bedroom, an extra special gift from some scumbags who are now making money on L and her husband's hard work.

And my perfectionist, pay attention to detail, neat freak friend notices everything. She saw the scuff mark on the base of her shower, the bed skirt out of place, etc. She feels violated and, worse, not safe in the place that is supposed to be the safest, most comforting place of all, her home.

She lives 3 hours away from me. If R wasn't asleep in bed and A weren't away on business, I'd hop in my car and drive there, to help keep watch on her house until they get that security system installed on Sunday. (She doesn't want to go to work for fear they'll return for more.)

Maybe then she'll have some piece of mind.

The "Orphan" Movie

(R and me, Feb. 18, 2008, about 20 minutes after becoming a family.)

Warner Brothers' new horror movie Orphan proclaims that it must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own. Let me tell you about how an orphan changed my life...

I've talked about this movie before on this blog. Now I will talk about it in more of a personal way. (I'm going to write this simply through my perspective, not "ours," my husband's and mine.)

First off, I never once thought I would adopt a child. I was NEVER against adoption, just hadn't occurred to me as the way A and I would build a family. I went through stages in my life where I could picture my little blonde hair, blue eyed children... then stages where I never thought I would be a mom... finally to the stage in which my heart and soul ached for a child, and slowly my heart opened to the idea of adoption, almost like clues on a treasure map.

You see, MY daughter, she's a treasure. An amazing treasure, a precious gift. How has she changed my life? In about a million ways, both huge and tiny. I love that child so much.

Our adoption ride with R has been smooth. I expected it to take a year to bring her home; it took 8 months. I expected it to be extremely difficult for R to bond and attach to us; I think she loved us as much as we loved her instantly. I expected to go into tremendous debt after R came home because we were only supposed to have one income; instead I was able to take sick leave and take 10 weeks off with her. All the pieces fell into place.

This child, this girl of mine, she's amazing. I think those of you who know her personally would agree that R just sparkles. Ya can't help but love the child.

And love her I do. The instant I saw her picture for the first time, then months later held her in my arms, I loved her wholly, completely, totally. Just as any other mother who births a child would, I'd imagine, or maybe more. After all I did have to ache for months to hold my child while biological mothers get to hold their children the moment they are born. (You lucky ducks, you!! A subject for another post, for sure.)

The title of this blog is "Always and Forever." The reason for that, of course, is that I will love my child(ren--- don't forget we have another on the way!!), well, always and forever!