We leave tomorrow for the slower-paced Wisconsin North Woods. My grandmother's family is from there, and my mom and her family used to spend weeks at a time up there in the summer at her family's property. We will be near there, but the property was sold a few years ago so we won't be staying there.
When I was a kid, I hated going to Wisconsin. "Trees, trees, trees! That's all there is!" I would say. And, oh, did I mention there are bears in the woods? I used to be deathly afraid that while hiking a bear would come barreling out of the woods and attack me. I have never actually seen a bear up there in all the times I've been. Deer, yes tons of them, but no bears. I think my fear of bears added to my unwillingness to enjoy being there.
But, in the end, it is in my blood to love the North Woods, and now I do. I look forward to going and relaxing and spending time with my family. (My parents, a brother, and an aunt will also be there.) Most of all, I am looking forward to R's first North Woods experience!
I hope to return on Aug. 3 relaxed, rested, and ready to prepare for the fast-approaching school year and the end of summer.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
AGCI Picnic
Our Amharic "family" t-shirts. A and I NEVER wear "matching" t-shirts, but this was a special occasion!
And here we are in them at the picnic. This is near the end of it. We are all hot, and R was VERY tired. She looks pretty grumpy in this shot, but in the other one that was taken, I look like a dork, so there is no way I'm posting that online.
We attended the AGCI picnic in our area yesterday. It was tons of fun to meet so many other adoptive families and spend time in an environment in which our family looked a lot like everyone else's family! There were so many kids from Guatemala there, but I know next year there will be tons of Ethiopian kids there, too! R did pretty well, despite the heat and lack of a nap.
However, at one point, the person from AGCI home office wanted to take a picture of all the adopted kids. I sat R down on the grass next to a Guatemalan boy who was probably about 14 months or so old. He had a sippy cup with him. Well, Princess R thinks that everything is hers so she tried to grab it. The boy (of course) didn't want to share! R started screaming! The AGCI rep picked her up and handed her the boy's sippy cup, which had fallen on the ground. R stopped screaming; she had what she wanted... but then the little boy started instead! It was funny. I'd love to post a picture, but I need to respect the privacy of the other adoptive families. Just trust me that it was a funny experience.
My social worker was in charge of planning the whole picnic, and I signed up to help her with it next year. She originally thought there would be about 30 people there, but it ended up to be more like a 130! All in all it was a great time, and I look forward to other AGCI picnics in the years to come.
On a side note, we also sort of decided what age we'll be adopting next! Probably in the 4 to 7 year old range. I will be honest and say I would like to adopt another girl... We are not going to start the process until spring or summer 2009, but it is good to start thinking about it!
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Sibling-In-Law Rivalry
My sister-in-law, L, is about 10 years younger than I am. She had a daughter, E, right after she turned 18. She grew up a lot when that happened, as her teenage years were not easy for anyone in the family. However, there has always been this unspoken competition between the two of us, at least on her side.
It started when A and I were getting married. My mother-in-law, C, started spending more time with me once A and I were engaged, and she began to buy us things we would need as we started our life together. L became jealous, very jealous. One time, shortly after we were married, I invited C to go to a scrapbooking event with me. L was furious that I had invited HER mother to something. After that, I sort of backed off. I mean, my mother-in-law and I have a good relationship, but I don't do things like that anymore.
Yesterday we were all together for a family gathering; a lot of C's extended family was there. The majority of them had never seen R and gave her a lot of attention because she's so darn cute. They were also very curious about our adoption experience and asked lots of questions. L was there with E... I noticed that L payed absolutely no attention to R whatsoever. She did hold her for about 30 seconds because her boyfriend handed R to her right in front of me. (Her boyfriend really likes R, too.) She quickly handed her back to me, as she said, "Here take her!" in an irritated tone. As they were leaving, I went over, hugged and kissed my niece, and told her I loved her. L said good bye to everyone... except R. She totally ignored her (well, and me, too). I realized at that point that this crazy competition between her and me has started again, this time through our children.
It saddens me greatly. I can handle L's "competition" with me, but the fact that she is allowing it to spill over into our children really bothers me. To be quite frank, I have no need of C being my mother; I have a mother! But my daughter does need to have a good relationship with her Nana, and I am not going to allow L to stop that from happening. My daughter has just as much a right as her daughter does to know and be loved by her grandmother.
It started when A and I were getting married. My mother-in-law, C, started spending more time with me once A and I were engaged, and she began to buy us things we would need as we started our life together. L became jealous, very jealous. One time, shortly after we were married, I invited C to go to a scrapbooking event with me. L was furious that I had invited HER mother to something. After that, I sort of backed off. I mean, my mother-in-law and I have a good relationship, but I don't do things like that anymore.
Yesterday we were all together for a family gathering; a lot of C's extended family was there. The majority of them had never seen R and gave her a lot of attention because she's so darn cute. They were also very curious about our adoption experience and asked lots of questions. L was there with E... I noticed that L payed absolutely no attention to R whatsoever. She did hold her for about 30 seconds because her boyfriend handed R to her right in front of me. (Her boyfriend really likes R, too.) She quickly handed her back to me, as she said, "Here take her!" in an irritated tone. As they were leaving, I went over, hugged and kissed my niece, and told her I loved her. L said good bye to everyone... except R. She totally ignored her (well, and me, too). I realized at that point that this crazy competition between her and me has started again, this time through our children.
It saddens me greatly. I can handle L's "competition" with me, but the fact that she is allowing it to spill over into our children really bothers me. To be quite frank, I have no need of C being my mother; I have a mother! But my daughter does need to have a good relationship with her Nana, and I am not going to allow L to stop that from happening. My daughter has just as much a right as her daughter does to know and be loved by her grandmother.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Cute Ethiopian Adoption T-Shirts
The AGCI picnic in our area is on Sunday. I am excited about attending because we will be able to meet other adoptive families in our area-- from all countries, not just Ethiopia.
A said to me last night, "Did you ever order that Ethiopian dad t-shirt?" I said no and asked why. He said it would be fun to wear to the picnic on Sunday. So, I hopped online and ordered one for all 3 of us. I'm hoping they will arrive by Saturday so we can wear them, but if not, that's ok.
Anyway, here is the link: http://www.zazzle.com/adopttees. The woman who designed them is from near where I live and actually is in Ethiopia RIGHT NOW with her husband meeting their daughter for the first time! I stumbled across the site on another blog and emailed her about a month ago. We've been emailing back and forth since. Her daughter is about a month older than R!
A said to me last night, "Did you ever order that Ethiopian dad t-shirt?" I said no and asked why. He said it would be fun to wear to the picnic on Sunday. So, I hopped online and ordered one for all 3 of us. I'm hoping they will arrive by Saturday so we can wear them, but if not, that's ok.
Anyway, here is the link: http://www.zazzle.com/adopttees. The woman who designed them is from near where I live and actually is in Ethiopia RIGHT NOW with her husband meeting their daughter for the first time! I stumbled across the site on another blog and emailed her about a month ago. We've been emailing back and forth since. Her daughter is about a month older than R!
Feeling Better
I'm feeling a lot better than I did yesterday. There is still some pain, but it is not as bad at all. I didn't take any of the medicines today because I was home alone with the baby until the afternoon. They made me so tired yesterday (I think I might have slept 6 hours or so during the day) that I was worried about being home alone with R. When A got home from work, I went to bed for like 3 hours and didn't feel like I needed to take anything when I woke up.
All in all, this a weird experience, and I have no idea what caused it in the first place!
All in all, this a weird experience, and I have no idea what caused it in the first place!
Monday, July 14, 2008
My Awesome Morning at the Hospital
So I woke up in the middle of the night with some pain on the right side of my lower back. I was half asleep and just rolled over to my other side instead of investigating it. Well, by 5:30 this morning, the pain was much worse. I woke up A, and we decided to go to the hospital.
I'm fine, after over 3 hours there! Basically, the doctor said that I pulled a muscle and gave me some pain killers and a muscle relaxer. All 3 are just awesome to take with an 8 month old child. Drowsiness, nausea, etc. are side effects of all 3 of them. I am not allowed to drive either. Luckily, A could cancel his work for today and is able to stay home to take care of R... and me! Right now, they are at the pharmacy getting the prescriptions filled.
I feel rather wussy. I haven't been to the emergency room since I was in 8th grade.
I'm fine, after over 3 hours there! Basically, the doctor said that I pulled a muscle and gave me some pain killers and a muscle relaxer. All 3 are just awesome to take with an 8 month old child. Drowsiness, nausea, etc. are side effects of all 3 of them. I am not allowed to drive either. Luckily, A could cancel his work for today and is able to stay home to take care of R... and me! Right now, they are at the pharmacy getting the prescriptions filled.
I feel rather wussy. I haven't been to the emergency room since I was in 8th grade.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Awkward Situation
So I did have my night out with my friends on Wed. It was fun... mostly. My friend L has 3 girls-- 8, 7, and 6. Yep. Well, like I said before, she is newly divorced. Originally, her ex didn't want to see the girls Wed. night, but he called and said he did want to see them after all. So, I ended up having to ride up and back with the girls. The way up was... ok..., but the way back was horrible. These girls are not well behaved. I turned around even before the van started moving and asked the youngest what her Webkin's name was. Instead of telling me, she through the webkin right at my face and laughed. She then screamed and kicked the back of my seat for about 10 minutes before L was able to get her to stop. It was horribly uncomfortable. These are girls I don't particularly want to be around my daughter for several reasons.
For one, there father is VERY racist, and he calls L an "n-lover" because she works with and is good friends with an African American woman. I can just imagine what he has said about my beautiful girl. I'm sure it is not flattering to put it mildly. These girls have a malicious side to them, and I honestly don't know what I would do if they ever said anything even close to that to my daughter.
It is a hard situation because L has been my friend since I was 5. We have grown up together, and although we haven't been very close the past few years, I still love her very much.
So the question is: What do I do? I do not want to expose my child to this, but I do not want to hurt L's feelings by telling her I can't have her kids around mine.
For one, there father is VERY racist, and he calls L an "n-lover" because she works with and is good friends with an African American woman. I can just imagine what he has said about my beautiful girl. I'm sure it is not flattering to put it mildly. These girls have a malicious side to them, and I honestly don't know what I would do if they ever said anything even close to that to my daughter.
It is a hard situation because L has been my friend since I was 5. We have grown up together, and although we haven't been very close the past few years, I still love her very much.
So the question is: What do I do? I do not want to expose my child to this, but I do not want to hurt L's feelings by telling her I can't have her kids around mine.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
R Meets Uncle J
My brother, J, has lived about 20 or so hours from where the rest of the family lives for about a year and a half now. He came home for the first time since moving last night. A and I traveled with my parents to visit him in Jan., but he hadn't yet met R.
Tonight we had a family dinner at my parents' house, and R and her Uncle J finally got to meet each other. R was confused... "Who is this guy who looks sort of like a combination of Uncle A and my Grandad?" J was kind of awkward with her at first. But by the end of the night, they loved each other. Doesn't surprise me. Babies always love J, which has always been a little weird to me. I know as R grows up, she is going to be lucky to have J in her life. He will be a fun uncle, and I hope that we are able to see him more often so she really does get to know him. When J and I were little, we were very close, but as teenagers, we resented each other. He thought I was a priss, and I called him "His Majesty" because he always seemed to get whatever he wanted. We get along just fine now, but we've never been close since then. I've probably only talked to him on the phone a few times since he moved away. I always love seeing him, but we're just so different that talking on the phone is awkward and uncomfortable. Email is much more our style!
I absolutely love to see my other brother, A, play with R. A is younger than me by about 7 years, and he just graduated from college. When A was little, I sort of always took care of him, and we have always been close. He is R's godfather, and I am so glad we picked him for that role. He clearly loves R (she cracks him up, too). They were sitting in the grass at my parents' and I was watching them. A had his arm protectively around R, and every once in a while he would lean down and kiss her on the top of her head. It was absolutely adorable.
J will be home for about 3 weeks, and I am looking forward to more family dinners and uncle-niece bonding time!
Tonight we had a family dinner at my parents' house, and R and her Uncle J finally got to meet each other. R was confused... "Who is this guy who looks sort of like a combination of Uncle A and my Grandad?" J was kind of awkward with her at first. But by the end of the night, they loved each other. Doesn't surprise me. Babies always love J, which has always been a little weird to me. I know as R grows up, she is going to be lucky to have J in her life. He will be a fun uncle, and I hope that we are able to see him more often so she really does get to know him. When J and I were little, we were very close, but as teenagers, we resented each other. He thought I was a priss, and I called him "His Majesty" because he always seemed to get whatever he wanted. We get along just fine now, but we've never been close since then. I've probably only talked to him on the phone a few times since he moved away. I always love seeing him, but we're just so different that talking on the phone is awkward and uncomfortable. Email is much more our style!
I absolutely love to see my other brother, A, play with R. A is younger than me by about 7 years, and he just graduated from college. When A was little, I sort of always took care of him, and we have always been close. He is R's godfather, and I am so glad we picked him for that role. He clearly loves R (she cracks him up, too). They were sitting in the grass at my parents' and I was watching them. A had his arm protectively around R, and every once in a while he would lean down and kiss her on the top of her head. It was absolutely adorable.
J will be home for about 3 weeks, and I am looking forward to more family dinners and uncle-niece bonding time!
Ethio-Families Picnic
(This picture has nothing to do with this post. Just thought it was a cute one of R with her Nana!)Today, A, baby girl, and I are going to a get together for families with Ethiopian kids. I am part of a listserv for area families with Ethiopian kids, and the people who are going to be there are from this group. We haven't been there before, so I'm a little nervous about it but excited, too. I am not one to just show up somewhere to socialize with people I don't know normally. This is different, though, and luckily, A is able to adjust his work schedule to attend, too. I have been talking to a couple of the families via email for a few months now so that is at least something.
It'll just be nice to be around other families who "look" like mine does. I feel this is really important for R as well as for A and me as her parents. Normally, this is not an issue for me at all, but every once in a while, it does sadden me that my beautiful little girl is always going to be different from my friends' kids, from kids at school, etc. These are all challenges of transracial (and international) adoption and why building a community with these other Ethio-families is so important.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Time With Friends
First of all, as I write this post, I don't want you to think my husband is selfish or unconcerned with my feelings or needs...
The thing is, since the baby came home in Feb. I've only done something with friends once (scrapbooking with a girl I teach with), and that was in April right before I went back to school. A, on the other hand, goes and golfs, hangs out, whatever with a few of his friends at least 2 times a week. Now I understand it is different with moms with kids (especially since A's good buddy is like 35 and single and I think resents the fact that the baby takes away from guy time) than it is with dads. I also know that my husband is the type who needs to have some time away to relax in order to be a better daddy to my girl. So for my own sanity I gladly send him out to recharge and spend time doing his hobbies.
It's just that I NEED A BREAK. I love my daughter and my husband, but I need some time with my friends, too. Time WITHOUT kids. NOT a play date, as fun as that may be. So, thankfully, finally, I am getting that. Wednesday, my friend M and other newly-divorced friend L are going out to dinner. It is pathetic how giddy I am about this.
Being a wife and mom is obviously a huge part of who I am. But sometimes that means losing some of my own personal identity. You know, some balance would be nice. The girls I'm going out with on Wed., one I've been friends with since I was 5, the other since I was 11. We grew up together and who knows me more than they do?
The thing is, since the baby came home in Feb. I've only done something with friends once (scrapbooking with a girl I teach with), and that was in April right before I went back to school. A, on the other hand, goes and golfs, hangs out, whatever with a few of his friends at least 2 times a week. Now I understand it is different with moms with kids (especially since A's good buddy is like 35 and single and I think resents the fact that the baby takes away from guy time) than it is with dads. I also know that my husband is the type who needs to have some time away to relax in order to be a better daddy to my girl. So for my own sanity I gladly send him out to recharge and spend time doing his hobbies.
It's just that I NEED A BREAK. I love my daughter and my husband, but I need some time with my friends, too. Time WITHOUT kids. NOT a play date, as fun as that may be. So, thankfully, finally, I am getting that. Wednesday, my friend M and other newly-divorced friend L are going out to dinner. It is pathetic how giddy I am about this.
Being a wife and mom is obviously a huge part of who I am. But sometimes that means losing some of my own personal identity. You know, some balance would be nice. The girls I'm going out with on Wed., one I've been friends with since I was 5, the other since I was 11. We grew up together and who knows me more than they do?
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Referral!!
Our friends M and S got their referral for their daughter! This has been a long time coming because we met them a year ago at adoption classes! At that time, they were in about the same place we were with paperwork. (Obviously, they used a different agency than we did.) I can't say much except that their daughter is beautiful, and I just know she and R are going to be buddies! I can't wait for her to come home! Let's hope and pray for a court date before the courts close.
I'm just so excited!
I'm just so excited!
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Second Post Placement Home Visit
We had our second post placement home visit with our social worker last Thursday. It is due to our agency on July 19, but we had scheduled it a bit early because we had been told, originally, that we could start our 2nd adoption as soon as that report was in to the agency. Well, that didn't happen, but we kept the appointment for when it was.
The visit went well; I really like our social worker. She told us we were "good parents" and asked us to come show off R and talk about our adoption the next time she has an informational session in our area. (I guess that means we get to keep her!)So that is a good thing. She asked typical questions about how R was developing, how we were doing with the bonding process, if we had concerns as first time parents, etc. Her report will go to Ethiopia, along with pictures we send. If I were writing the report, here is what I'd say about my daughter:
1. She is always on the go... busy busy busy!
(Do you like her hat?)
2. She is way too curious.
(Getting into something she shouldn't be messing with.)
(She is obsessed with Daddy's shoes right now.)3. She likes to get her way.
(Note that it says "High Maintenance" on her shirt. This is an understatement)
(She looks so big in this picture!
And, yes, of course I dressed her up for the visit with our social worker.)
(Zwieback is AWESOME!)
5. She is so funny.
(She is eating her baby foot! I am aware that babies do this, but I just think she looks so funny in her car seat chewing on her toes.)
6. She has the biggest smile in the world.
(She is playing in her crib. The red thing is a mini Frisbee.)
7. She is not a fan of reading books, just chewing on them.
(This makes my little L.A. teacher heart sad.)
8. She is the light of my life and my greatest joy.
I love you, curly fry!!
Monday, June 30, 2008
The Sleeping Situation
When R first came home, we struggled with getting her to sleep through the night. She slept in the bassinet in our room, and she would wake up wanting to be held, fed, changed, etc. Typical baby night time stuff. We hoped eventually she would sleep through the night, and she started to right before I went back to work.
When I returned to work, she started waking up again. I think she was going through some attachment issues because suddenly she wasn't with Mommy all day and wanted to be with her all night. So, I did something I swore I would never do because I was desperate for sleep: I started to allow her to sleep in bed with us when she woke up in the night.
I saw it like this: I would either have to stay up with her for several hours in the middle of the night and be exhausted for work or put her in bed with us and have her fall almost immediately back to sleep as long as she was right next to me. I chose the latter because I didn't want to be a zombie. Throughout this, she was still falling asleep and being put in the bassinet. You can well imagine that she was getting too big for it.
So, when I was finally finished with work, we decided we would try the crib and started doing so in full force about 2 weeks ago. At first, she would be up constantly and screaming. She wasn't all about the crib. It was pretty awful, and I was so tired during the day.
Then, she would still wake up 5 to 6 times a night, but she would stop crying when I picked her up and put her back to sleep by rocking her or laying on a blanket on the floor in her room with her (Mommy-Baby cuddles) until I could put her back in the crib. We tried the "cry it out" method for about 5 minutes. I just couldn't bare it. Besides, there are the different rules with adopted children to consider, and I didn't want her to feel like she couldn't depend on us to be there for us when she was upset and scared!
Finally, now she starting to adjust to being in the crib. The past 2 nights, she's only awakened 2 times. Thank goodness! I am hoping that she'll be ok. Also, when she wakes up for good in the morning, she does not scream. Rather, she babbles and plays. She is starting to feel comfortable in her crib.
I am just so hoping she will start sleeping through the night on her own soon!
Also, I am trying to do better about keeping her on a nap routine. She actually did better with these when I was at work because I wasn't taking her on play dates, shopping, to appointments, etc. during that time. And, duh, one of the things we knew about her from our "prep" email from before we traveled was that she likes routine. Makes a lot of sense!!
The sleeping Princess: I took this of her a few weeks ago. Don't worry, I moved the pillows and all that before I left the room.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
The Little House
In my previous post, I talked about the trip to get my daughter's picture taken with M's girls. We took the girls to our hometown mall (neither of us live there anymore, but we do live fairly close to it), and on our way to get the girls' cookies, we passed a section of the mall that has a mural painted on the wall. The mural was painted several years ago and depicts our hometown's downtown shops and businesses. Why is this interesting/important/etc? Well, one of the storefronts painted on the wall is my grandmother's gift shop, The Little House.
My grandmother was a stay-at-home mom from 1951, when my aunt was born, to 1976 when she and a friend decided to go into business together. They bought a gift shop, which was originally out in the country, but my grandmother and her friend wisely moved it into the city. A year or so later, my grandmother bought out her friend and owned the store outright herself for nearly the next 30 years.
My childhood is full of memories of that store. In the early 1980s, when I was a kid, she used to set up a kiosk at the local mall at Christmastime, full of hundreds of ornaments, creche scenes, Santas, lighted houses, stockings.... everything Christmas. My grandfather and a few other workers were in charge of it while my grandmother stayed at the LH. One of my favorite things to do was sit behind the counter on the stool and take it all in. A person could never get bored there; there was always so much to see.
Likewise, the store itself was full of shelves, tables, glass cube case of merchandise. The LH was not the type of place a person would want to bring their small children to; everywhere you'd turn, there would be another fragile item a child could grab and break. The carpet was rainbowed with shades of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple stripes, and the floor squeaked and creaked when people walked on it.
Seeing that mural brought all the memories rushing back to me, and how I long sometimes to be in that store one more time some days. The smells of my Granny's perfume, potpourri, and cardboard boxes, unique and familiar, the sounds of the ceiling above my head creaking as my grandmother looked for a box upstairs in the attic and the buzzer sounding as a customer came in... simple and sweet and fresh in my mind like I had just been there yesterday.
The summer I turned 9, my family moved across town to a house near the downtown. It was then that I started working at the store for $.25 an hour. I would stamp the receipt pads (everything was done by hand) with the store's information, dust, and whatever else Granny asked me to do. Gradually, over time, my responsibilities increase (as did my pay!). I was soon able to wait on customers (always stand up when someone enters the store, smile, greet them), write receipts (write the item number here, don't forget to do the tax), gift wrap (measure before you cut the wrapping paper, don't use too much tape; that's wasteful!), and take inventory (by hand and item by item). Eventually, my grandmother would even leave the store in my hands while she stayed home and worked at the "Big House" as we called it. As the years passed, I learned more and more about the store, how to run a business, my Granny, and myself.
My Granny was not the type of grandmother who stayed home and baked cookies with her grandkids or would take us to the toy store and let us pick out any toy we wanted (that was my dad's mom, my grandma). She sometimes was hard on me and drove me absolutely crazy, but she is one of the people in my life who has had the most impact on who I am as a person.
The store closed in fall of 2004, and the building was bought by the beauty shop across the street to expand their spa options. My mom, 3 cousins, and I got manicures there last summer just so we could see what the place looks like now. It is totally different from the front door to the layout to the paint and lighting. The attic, which was once dark, creepy, and full of mountains of boxes of inventory is now bright and cheery and is divided up into massage rooms. But you know what I noticed as I got my nails done? The ceiling still creaks as people walk around.
I spent countless hours at the LH after school, on Saturdays, during the summer months, and Christmas breaks. I look back on that time, and all those hours were hours I got to spend with my grandmother that my brothers and cousins didn't get. I consider myself so lucky. I was the first grandchild, and my grandmother was the oldest in her family growing up, too. We had a special bond from the beginning because of that, and although she never said it, I know I was the favorite. As I get older I realize that I am a lot more like her than I thought. I will find myself doing something she totally would have done.
Now that my daughter is home, I think often about my Granny. I wonder what she would have thought of R, if she would have supported our adopting, and how she would interact with her. It saddens me to think that my daughter will never know this person who played such an important role in my life. It is when I think of those things that I miss my grandmother the most.
My grandmother was a stay-at-home mom from 1951, when my aunt was born, to 1976 when she and a friend decided to go into business together. They bought a gift shop, which was originally out in the country, but my grandmother and her friend wisely moved it into the city. A year or so later, my grandmother bought out her friend and owned the store outright herself for nearly the next 30 years.
My childhood is full of memories of that store. In the early 1980s, when I was a kid, she used to set up a kiosk at the local mall at Christmastime, full of hundreds of ornaments, creche scenes, Santas, lighted houses, stockings.... everything Christmas. My grandfather and a few other workers were in charge of it while my grandmother stayed at the LH. One of my favorite things to do was sit behind the counter on the stool and take it all in. A person could never get bored there; there was always so much to see.
Likewise, the store itself was full of shelves, tables, glass cube case of merchandise. The LH was not the type of place a person would want to bring their small children to; everywhere you'd turn, there would be another fragile item a child could grab and break. The carpet was rainbowed with shades of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple stripes, and the floor squeaked and creaked when people walked on it.
Seeing that mural brought all the memories rushing back to me, and how I long sometimes to be in that store one more time some days. The smells of my Granny's perfume, potpourri, and cardboard boxes, unique and familiar, the sounds of the ceiling above my head creaking as my grandmother looked for a box upstairs in the attic and the buzzer sounding as a customer came in... simple and sweet and fresh in my mind like I had just been there yesterday.
The summer I turned 9, my family moved across town to a house near the downtown. It was then that I started working at the store for $.25 an hour. I would stamp the receipt pads (everything was done by hand) with the store's information, dust, and whatever else Granny asked me to do. Gradually, over time, my responsibilities increase (as did my pay!). I was soon able to wait on customers (always stand up when someone enters the store, smile, greet them), write receipts (write the item number here, don't forget to do the tax), gift wrap (measure before you cut the wrapping paper, don't use too much tape; that's wasteful!), and take inventory (by hand and item by item). Eventually, my grandmother would even leave the store in my hands while she stayed home and worked at the "Big House" as we called it. As the years passed, I learned more and more about the store, how to run a business, my Granny, and myself.
My Granny was not the type of grandmother who stayed home and baked cookies with her grandkids or would take us to the toy store and let us pick out any toy we wanted (that was my dad's mom, my grandma). She sometimes was hard on me and drove me absolutely crazy, but she is one of the people in my life who has had the most impact on who I am as a person.
The store closed in fall of 2004, and the building was bought by the beauty shop across the street to expand their spa options. My mom, 3 cousins, and I got manicures there last summer just so we could see what the place looks like now. It is totally different from the front door to the layout to the paint and lighting. The attic, which was once dark, creepy, and full of mountains of boxes of inventory is now bright and cheery and is divided up into massage rooms. But you know what I noticed as I got my nails done? The ceiling still creaks as people walk around.
I spent countless hours at the LH after school, on Saturdays, during the summer months, and Christmas breaks. I look back on that time, and all those hours were hours I got to spend with my grandmother that my brothers and cousins didn't get. I consider myself so lucky. I was the first grandchild, and my grandmother was the oldest in her family growing up, too. We had a special bond from the beginning because of that, and although she never said it, I know I was the favorite. As I get older I realize that I am a lot more like her than I thought. I will find myself doing something she totally would have done.
Now that my daughter is home, I think often about my Granny. I wonder what she would have thought of R, if she would have supported our adopting, and how she would interact with her. It saddens me to think that my daughter will never know this person who played such an important role in my life. It is when I think of those things that I miss my grandmother the most.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
An Adventure, to Say the Least....
So, ever since R came home, my friend M and I have been excited about having our baby girls photographed together. Her oldest, C, is 8, and R is my first so it is about time. In April, we went shopping and found these cute daisy dresses for the babies to wear. Our original plan was to have just the babies together, but then we found coordinating dresses for M's 2 older daughters (the other daughter T is 2 months shy of 4 years old). N just turned 6 months so it was time to get her picture taken.
We should have known this would be easier said than done...
We get to the place before we need to because C had been at her dad's, and we picked her up on the way. She still has to get her dress on and her hair done. The other 3 girls are mostly ready to go; I just have to do R's hair. We check in right at 3pm, and the girl says it'll be about 15 or 20 minutes. Not good. M's older 2 are already getting antsy, and R, well, she's always antsy! She is bouncing around in my lap and occasionally lunging at the floor like I'm going to put her down to crawl around. The only one just chilling is N, but she is definitely the calm one of the whole bunch of us.
Finally it's time for us to go in. The girls are posed, but R tries to crawl away, and T sort of hunches over and grimaces. Now this kid is cute, and we had just been practicing smiling and promising cookies if the older 2 are good. M tells her to smile and look at the camera; she says she doesn't know how to smile. R is still crawling around, C is saying her back is hurting, and N is sitting there with her tongue out and will not smile no matter what we do.
Finally, we're finished with pictures. We decide to go get the cookies while the girl gets the pictures ready for us to view on the computer. R's umbrella stroller is conveniently in A's car with him 2 hours away, so I get to carry Miss R on my hip through the mall. We get the cookies without incident and return to view our photos.
At this point, R starts screaming (this girl has a set of lungs on her), T has to use the RR so T and C go there, and M and I start trying to look at the photos as I balance R and try to prepare a bottle for her as she grabs at it and tries to spill it all over the table and computer. N, as always, is just sitting calmly. A minute or so later, we hear T screaming and crying in the RR. M excuses herself leaving me with the photographer. She returns and calmly says that the toilet in the RR kept flushing over and over again, and it was freaking T out. When they return, C gets the lemonade cup and begins pounding the ice with a straw to try to get it to melt better. At some point, R grabs the straw out of my lemonade, and I just let her chew on it. Better than thrashing around and screaming at this point.
M and I are just trying not to loose it by now.
We finally complete our order, spend more money than we meant to, and exit the store with all 4 girls in tow.
It's taken 3 hours, and I think we were all exhausted!
We should have known this would be easier said than done...
We get to the place before we need to because C had been at her dad's, and we picked her up on the way. She still has to get her dress on and her hair done. The other 3 girls are mostly ready to go; I just have to do R's hair. We check in right at 3pm, and the girl says it'll be about 15 or 20 minutes. Not good. M's older 2 are already getting antsy, and R, well, she's always antsy! She is bouncing around in my lap and occasionally lunging at the floor like I'm going to put her down to crawl around. The only one just chilling is N, but she is definitely the calm one of the whole bunch of us.
Finally it's time for us to go in. The girls are posed, but R tries to crawl away, and T sort of hunches over and grimaces. Now this kid is cute, and we had just been practicing smiling and promising cookies if the older 2 are good. M tells her to smile and look at the camera; she says she doesn't know how to smile. R is still crawling around, C is saying her back is hurting, and N is sitting there with her tongue out and will not smile no matter what we do.
(I think this is the first photo. Sort of down hill from here.)
To top it all off, the "photographer" (I swear she was like 16 or something) is the only one working so whenever the phone rings or someone comes by with a question or to schedule an appointment she walks out and takes care of them. You can imagine that is very helpful when it comes to keep the 4 darlings calm, happy, still, and smiling.
The photo shoot continues in this vein for over an hour. T is saying "I want a cookie now," R is crawling everywhere and trying to eat any electronic equipment and/or cord she can get her baby hands on, C is doing her best to be good because she really wants a cookie, too, and N is still not smiling in the pictures.
The photo shoot continues in this vein for over an hour. T is saying "I want a cookie now," R is crawling everywhere and trying to eat any electronic equipment and/or cord she can get her baby hands on, C is doing her best to be good because she really wants a cookie, too, and N is still not smiling in the pictures.
(N and R-- I just love this one!)
("I can crawl now-- watch out!" says Little Miss Busy R)
Finally, we're finished with pictures. We decide to go get the cookies while the girl gets the pictures ready for us to view on the computer. R's umbrella stroller is conveniently in A's car with him 2 hours away, so I get to carry Miss R on my hip through the mall. We get the cookies without incident and return to view our photos.
At this point, R starts screaming (this girl has a set of lungs on her), T has to use the RR so T and C go there, and M and I start trying to look at the photos as I balance R and try to prepare a bottle for her as she grabs at it and tries to spill it all over the table and computer. N, as always, is just sitting calmly. A minute or so later, we hear T screaming and crying in the RR. M excuses herself leaving me with the photographer. She returns and calmly says that the toilet in the RR kept flushing over and over again, and it was freaking T out. When they return, C gets the lemonade cup and begins pounding the ice with a straw to try to get it to melt better. At some point, R grabs the straw out of my lemonade, and I just let her chew on it. Better than thrashing around and screaming at this point.
M and I are just trying not to loose it by now.
We finally complete our order, spend more money than we meant to, and exit the store with all 4 girls in tow.
It's taken 3 hours, and I think we were all exhausted!
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Why We Adopted
You know, I wish I could say it was because we wanted to change the world or make a difference in it or because we were called by God to help ease the plight of orphans.
That wasn't it. Nothing like that at all. We wanted a baby, and let's just say getting pregnant wasn't my cup of tea. So, when I suggested adoption to A, he was all for it, but it wasn't because we felt (at that time) called by God or had a burning passion for orphans. I simply wanted, needed, HAD to become a mother. And that was it.
Wow, has that all changed. In the past year, since we started our adoption process on June 6, 2007, my world view and reason for doing what I do has changed forever.
Going to Ethiopia, I often say, was a life changing experience, and on top of that, we became parents for the first time. But that is the ending, not the beginning.
When we made the decision to adopt, we almost immediately decided that international, not domestic, adoption was for us. There are several reasons for this, but that's not the point of this post.
At first, we really considered Guatemala, mostly because this is the country we were most familiar with because a co-worker of A's had 2 grandchildren adopted from there. Ethiopia was not in the cards at all. Then, my mother said to me, "have you considered Africa?" Well, we hadn't. We went back to the info our agency sent us, and there was information tucked in the back about their new Ethiopia program. The rest is history.
As we got into this adoption process, our eyes were opened. We learned things about ourselves, the world, and our place in it that we never in our wildest dreams would have imagined.
I slowly began to realize that although I didn't see it at the beginning, God was there all along, push, nudging, urging us to do what we were supposed to do. It was in a conversation about international adoption with some co-workers, seeing a transracial family at the mall and thinking what an awesome and beautiful family it was, accepting that getting pregnant might be harder that I first thought it would be.
It was all part of the plan He'd laid out for us.
As we learned about Ethiopia, we fell in love with the country. I knew very little about Ethiopia when we signed a contract knowing our daughter would be born there. My heart broke and still does for its beautiful and strong people.
I began to learn about the challenges that face adopted children, specifically those in transracial families. I began to think about R's birthmother and what life must be like for her. (I know, at least in some part now, and I still struggle daily with the fact that she had to give up her child for me to be a mother. Sometimes the guilt is overwhelming.)
A and I fully embraced this process, this adventure. Before stepping on a plane to Ethiopia, A had never been out of the country except to Canada with my family a couple years prior. If you would have told me on my wedding day my husband would ever even consider going to Africa, I would have laughed and said, "yeah, right!" never believing it for a second.
I slowly began to realize the hand God was playing in this adoption. He gave me the patience and grace to trust in Him and know that what we were doing was what we were supposed to be and needed to be doing.
I cannot fully describe in words what going to Ethiopia was like. I'm not even going to try.
I will say that A and I left Ethiopia with our daughter, of course, but also with a passion for wanting to make the world a better place for those children we left behind.
That is why we will return, someday. That is why now I look at the world through the eyes of someone who has seen the poorest of the poor, and that changes everything else for you from that moment on.
Does that even make sense?
That wasn't it. Nothing like that at all. We wanted a baby, and let's just say getting pregnant wasn't my cup of tea. So, when I suggested adoption to A, he was all for it, but it wasn't because we felt (at that time) called by God or had a burning passion for orphans. I simply wanted, needed, HAD to become a mother. And that was it.
Wow, has that all changed. In the past year, since we started our adoption process on June 6, 2007, my world view and reason for doing what I do has changed forever.
Going to Ethiopia, I often say, was a life changing experience, and on top of that, we became parents for the first time. But that is the ending, not the beginning.
When we made the decision to adopt, we almost immediately decided that international, not domestic, adoption was for us. There are several reasons for this, but that's not the point of this post.
At first, we really considered Guatemala, mostly because this is the country we were most familiar with because a co-worker of A's had 2 grandchildren adopted from there. Ethiopia was not in the cards at all. Then, my mother said to me, "have you considered Africa?" Well, we hadn't. We went back to the info our agency sent us, and there was information tucked in the back about their new Ethiopia program. The rest is history.
As we got into this adoption process, our eyes were opened. We learned things about ourselves, the world, and our place in it that we never in our wildest dreams would have imagined.
I slowly began to realize that although I didn't see it at the beginning, God was there all along, push, nudging, urging us to do what we were supposed to do. It was in a conversation about international adoption with some co-workers, seeing a transracial family at the mall and thinking what an awesome and beautiful family it was, accepting that getting pregnant might be harder that I first thought it would be.
It was all part of the plan He'd laid out for us.
As we learned about Ethiopia, we fell in love with the country. I knew very little about Ethiopia when we signed a contract knowing our daughter would be born there. My heart broke and still does for its beautiful and strong people.
I began to learn about the challenges that face adopted children, specifically those in transracial families. I began to think about R's birthmother and what life must be like for her. (I know, at least in some part now, and I still struggle daily with the fact that she had to give up her child for me to be a mother. Sometimes the guilt is overwhelming.)
A and I fully embraced this process, this adventure. Before stepping on a plane to Ethiopia, A had never been out of the country except to Canada with my family a couple years prior. If you would have told me on my wedding day my husband would ever even consider going to Africa, I would have laughed and said, "yeah, right!" never believing it for a second.
I slowly began to realize the hand God was playing in this adoption. He gave me the patience and grace to trust in Him and know that what we were doing was what we were supposed to be and needed to be doing.
I cannot fully describe in words what going to Ethiopia was like. I'm not even going to try.
I will say that A and I left Ethiopia with our daughter, of course, but also with a passion for wanting to make the world a better place for those children we left behind.
That is why we will return, someday. That is why now I look at the world through the eyes of someone who has seen the poorest of the poor, and that changes everything else for you from that moment on.
Does that even make sense?
Can't Blend into a Crowd Anymore
Last night, A and I took R to this new outdoor mall near our home. We had dinner at a sandwich shop and then took a walk around since it was such a nice night (and maybe because Gymboree and Children's Place were BOTH having a sale... I'm just saying!).
The problem with going out in public with R is that she is just so adorable. I mean, look at this beautiful baby:
I mean seriously, she is ridiculously cute!
And of course, we have the added bonus of being white parents with a black daughter. So people stare even more. (When I am out by myself, people often assume that A is black.)
Don't get me wrong. I don't count it as a successful outing unless at least one person comments on how cute/pretty she is. It has sort of become a game for A and me.
The problem is that A and I are not the type of people who crave strangers' attention. We enjoyed the days of going this same outdoor mall pre-R and walking around with virtually no one noticing us.
So, how do we deal with this as R gets older? I just worry about it already. We also have had the experience of people being surprised when they look at our family and/or reacting negatively to the fact that we are a transracial family. I was sort of prepared for this going into our adoption, but it is hard to deal with when it knocks you in the face for the first time.
The problem with going out in public with R is that she is just so adorable. I mean, look at this beautiful baby:
I mean seriously, she is ridiculously cute!
And of course, we have the added bonus of being white parents with a black daughter. So people stare even more. (When I am out by myself, people often assume that A is black.)
Don't get me wrong. I don't count it as a successful outing unless at least one person comments on how cute/pretty she is. It has sort of become a game for A and me.
The problem is that A and I are not the type of people who crave strangers' attention. We enjoyed the days of going this same outdoor mall pre-R and walking around with virtually no one noticing us.
So, how do we deal with this as R gets older? I just worry about it already. We also have had the experience of people being surprised when they look at our family and/or reacting negatively to the fact that we are a transracial family. I was sort of prepared for this going into our adoption, but it is hard to deal with when it knocks you in the face for the first time.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Four Month Gotcha Day Anniversary!
So, my other post for today talks about my heartbreak, while this one will talk about my joy and happiness. Shows me that my life isn't bad, just not always as I plan it (umm, duh).
It was four months ago today that I held my daughter for the first time on that first full day in Ethiopia. Wow. I can hardly believe it has ONLY been four months. It really seems to me like R has been home with us forever!! It is amazing. I look back over this adoption process and remember how the wait seemed like it would never end. Well, it did, and here we are! Who could ask for anything more? :)
We enjoyed Ethiopian food for dinner. We finally were able to take my dad. My mom is off with her friends for the week. We've been trying to get my parents to go with us for, well, months now, and today seemed appropriate. My dad really liked it (thank goodness). He said it was the most interesting dining experience he'd ever had. I don't think that is a bad thing!
R also had some injera for the first time, just a tiny baby piece or two. She ate the first and kind of gummed the second, and then she was done. She shook her little head and spit out the other pieces I tried to give her. It was so funny! Luckily, the camera (as always) was in the bag so we caught the action on film. I'm not so sure she liked it, but she is just going to have to get used to it!
It was four months ago today that I held my daughter for the first time on that first full day in Ethiopia. Wow. I can hardly believe it has ONLY been four months. It really seems to me like R has been home with us forever!! It is amazing. I look back over this adoption process and remember how the wait seemed like it would never end. Well, it did, and here we are! Who could ask for anything more? :)
We enjoyed Ethiopian food for dinner. We finally were able to take my dad. My mom is off with her friends for the week. We've been trying to get my parents to go with us for, well, months now, and today seemed appropriate. My dad really liked it (thank goodness). He said it was the most interesting dining experience he'd ever had. I don't think that is a bad thing!
R also had some injera for the first time, just a tiny baby piece or two. She ate the first and kind of gummed the second, and then she was done. She shook her little head and spit out the other pieces I tried to give her. It was so funny! Luckily, the camera (as always) was in the bag so we caught the action on film. I'm not so sure she liked it, but she is just going to have to get used to it!
Major Bummer... But Happy for T
Well, it is official. T has a family, not us, though. I am just... really... sad about it. I am glad for him that there is a family out there for him, but I am sad it is not us. We just really thought he was supposed to be our son.
Don't get me wrong-- I have an amazing family, the best husband, a miracle of a daughter. I just wanted to have this boy to be my son so much. We had already begun planning his room, what we'd do for school, how we would start to plan for his college in a few years. I know we totally got ahead of ourselves, but we just really thought that this was what we were supposed to be doing.
I know that often, as with our first adoption, we can't always see the where we will end up.
So, tonight, although I am heartbroken, I know that our child(ren) is (are) waiting for us across the ocean in Ethiopia... and just like with R, someday we will journey to one another.
Don't get me wrong-- I have an amazing family, the best husband, a miracle of a daughter. I just wanted to have this boy to be my son so much. We had already begun planning his room, what we'd do for school, how we would start to plan for his college in a few years. I know we totally got ahead of ourselves, but we just really thought that this was what we were supposed to be doing.
I know that often, as with our first adoption, we can't always see the where we will end up.
So, tonight, although I am heartbroken, I know that our child(ren) is (are) waiting for us across the ocean in Ethiopia... and just like with R, someday we will journey to one another.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
First Father's Day
Before R came home, each holiday without her, I would think to myself, "This is the last one without my baby!" and wonder what the following year's holiday would be like with her there. Now, we are enjoying celebrating all the firsts with a child. Today was the first Father's Day.
Wow, what an awesome dad A is to our daughter! It is so amazing to see him grow into this new role. He loved our daughter the moment he saw her picture for the first time just like I did, but for him, I know becoming a parent was very scary. He is embracing being R's daddy, from changing diapers to singing to her to playing with her on the floor... He is learning day by day what it means to be responsible for this baby girl of ours.
So, honey, happy first Father's Day. When we met 10 years ago (this month!) who would have thought we'd fall in love, get married, and adopt this perfect little daughter from Ethiopia? I'm so glad you are on this journey with me!
Wow, what an awesome dad A is to our daughter! It is so amazing to see him grow into this new role. He loved our daughter the moment he saw her picture for the first time just like I did, but for him, I know becoming a parent was very scary. He is embracing being R's daddy, from changing diapers to singing to her to playing with her on the floor... He is learning day by day what it means to be responsible for this baby girl of ours.
So, honey, happy first Father's Day. When we met 10 years ago (this month!) who would have thought we'd fall in love, get married, and adopt this perfect little daughter from Ethiopia? I'm so glad you are on this journey with me!
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