Sibling-In-Law Rivalry

My sister-in-law, L, is about 10 years younger than I am. She had a daughter, E, right after she turned 18. She grew up a lot when that happened, as her teenage years were not easy for anyone in the family. However, there has always been this unspoken competition between the two of us, at least on her side.

It started when A and I were getting married. My mother-in-law, C, started spending more time with me once A and I were engaged, and she began to buy us things we would need as we started our life together. L became jealous, very jealous. One time, shortly after we were married, I invited C to go to a scrapbooking event with me. L was furious that I had invited HER mother to something. After that, I sort of backed off. I mean, my mother-in-law and I have a good relationship, but I don't do things like that anymore.

Yesterday we were all together for a family gathering; a lot of C's extended family was there. The majority of them had never seen R and gave her a lot of attention because she's so darn cute. They were also very curious about our adoption experience and asked lots of questions. L was there with E... I noticed that L payed absolutely no attention to R whatsoever. She did hold her for about 30 seconds because her boyfriend handed R to her right in front of me. (Her boyfriend really likes R, too.) She quickly handed her back to me, as she said, "Here take her!" in an irritated tone. As they were leaving, I went over, hugged and kissed my niece, and told her I loved her. L said good bye to everyone... except R. She totally ignored her (well, and me, too). I realized at that point that this crazy competition between her and me has started again, this time through our children.

It saddens me greatly. I can handle L's "competition" with me, but the fact that she is allowing it to spill over into our children really bothers me. To be quite frank, I have no need of C being my mother; I have a mother! But my daughter does need to have a good relationship with her Nana, and I am not going to allow L to stop that from happening. My daughter has just as much a right as her daughter does to know and be loved by her grandmother.