... my children are lucky to have me.
In less than 24 hours, I have had 2 complete strangers at two different places and times come up to me and tell me that. (One of them also said, "They're not real sisters?!?! They can't be!" but I'll leave that part alone for now. I'll also save the part in which both these people also told me that R looks Ethiopian while "I wouldn't have guessed it with the little one." Seriously. They BOTH said all this to me.)
For, you see, saying the girls are "lucky" makes us all really uncomfortable.
My sweet babies don't owe me anything. Do you tell people with bio children or with children who "match" them that their children are lucky? So why do you say it to me?
I'm a mom with two children. Yeah, I've been to Ethiopia twice to bring them home. Sure, I'm white, and my girls are black. Yes, they have birthmothers and are not BIOLOGICALLY related to each other, their daddy or me. However, we're really quite ordinary.
I've been struggling a lot the past few weeks, as you know if you've read the post down below from a few days ago. We get SO much attention when we're out in public now with two daughters. I'm so tired of it, and it is always going to be a part of our life. I'm itching to go back to work, although I know when I go back that I'll be itching for summer. I've been thinking a lot about E's "lost time," her time in ET with her birthfamily. (Lost for her and for me as I'll never be able to tell her about the first 8 months of her life.) I've been thinking a lot about race. About the fact that my daughters will never get to be normal. About the choices their birthfamilies and A and I as their parents have made for them...
Ahh, the list goes on and on really.
I don't regret our decision to adopt once and then twice. Not one iota. I wish that for a little while we could just be normal family.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
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5 comments:
I know what you mean about just wanting to be a normal family. I know it's a completely different circumstance, but I really get sick of the whole, "Yours, mine, and ours," scenario. I hate when I'm put in a position where I have to explain that my oldest has a different last name, a different dad, etc, which actually happens a lot. I wish we were "normal" too, but I guess really, no one is.
I say people are lucky all the time. I'm sorry if it upsets you :). But I do think your girls are lucky to have you, because you are a great mom. And there are a lot of moms who aren't great. I think Edith is extremely lucky! Because I feel like I am the best mom! I'm sure she will tell me otherwise when she is a teen, but for now I will continue to say that I am lucky to have the best daughter in the world. And she is lucky to have a mom who loves her as much as I do.
I'm sorry for the struggle you go with. With people watching you. I am sure you handle it with such amazing grace. I would probably just talk back.
oh, I know what you mean. I just hope people are smart enough not to continue to do so as the children get older and can understand what they are saying.
I'm sorry you're having a hard time with it all...but I promise I was a freak show out and about BEFORE we ever adopted LL...people stopped me all the time just because I had 4 kids...AND, people would even say...Your kids are SO LUCKY that you wanted so many kids...I mean...really...who says that..but I got used to it and realized that I couldn't get through Target without feeling like a celebrity with 4 little ones...wow, now add LL in the mix and You'd think I was up for a Nobel Peace Prize :) Praying you feel better soon...If your kiddos weren't so cute, people would probably leave ya alone :) kj
girl. it'll be alright. It is hard though... i totally get it. when i'm out with my three, who each look entirely different from one another (you've seen my bio kids... one dark hair, eyes, olive skin... the other as pale as he can be, blond, blue eyes)... then add sam. People stare. Ask prying questions. I'm just started to smile, place all of my attention on the kids, and walk right by people who look like they're about to talk to me. Some days I just don't feel like talking, so I literally make myself unavailable to talk. All with a smile, of course :).
hang in there!
b
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