...for E about her past and story.
Today, I opened the front of my planner, which still has the hastily-written notes I scribbled as we got the call with our referral for E. On it, it said something about the region she was born in-- Kembata-- and the village-- Doyodena. Although I was at work, I stopped what I working on and began again to fruitlessly search for information about where my child was born.
Until today, I'd been able to find NOTHING about the village. Then, in searching for some information about Kembata, I found the name of a village...
Doyogena or Doyo Gena.
It clicked. It is in the Kembata region, and I've heard from others that sometimes there are misspellings. Of course there are. Maybe even a typo as someone put the information into a referral document.
I know it's not much. But it is something. Something I can share with my daughter about her past, family, and first 8 months of her life. And maybe it is a beginning for me to be able to find more.
Without publicly sharing my daughter's personal story, it is obvious that E was older when we got her referral and when she came home. She was 8 months old the day we were matched with her. For those first 8 months, she lived in Doyogena. I know a little (and by that I mean next to nothing) about her birthfamily and was blessed with pictures of her and her birthmother on a CD we received in Ethiopia.
But that's it.
It is so different than with R. With her, I know where she was born. I know where her birthmother's family is from (Gondor). I saw with my own eyes where she lived for the first few weeks of her life before coming to my agency's home and becoming our daughter. I even know which crib, which room, etc. And, we met her birthmother. There are holes in R's story, but these holes and gaps do not compare to the ones in E's.
I struggle with not knowing more. I struggle with what I will tell my daughter some day when she wants to know details of her story I can't tell her. It is hard to describe how it feels to not even know the accurate name of the place where your child was born or be able to pick it out with certainty on a map.
To know little to nothing about her time there breaks my heart. It makes me feel restless, and it makes me feel guilty. Don't I owe it to her to find the answers? I think so.
My sweet, precious E. She is just a tiny little girl now, but some day, she'll be 8 or 12 or 20 or 33 and want to know more.
I know that loss and heart ache come with adoption. I felt it with R's adoption (and still do in many ways), but it did not prepare me for what I feel when it comes to huge void in E's story.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
Our BOYS are from Doyo Gena!!!! We know next to nothing about the region, but we have three photos of the town where they live! And, also, we will probably be meeting with their birth uncle on this trip to bring home their sisters, and we will try to find out more and pass it along!
i got the necklace at a local alternative organic attachment parenting store. you can get them online too but i only found expensive ones and they ship from europe. check your area for an organic baby store, sometimes they will ship items if they have it and are too far to drive. i paid about $30 for mine. i wouldn't pay more but everyone has a price for sleep :)
i totally hear you on this. we know nothing for our son. literally nothing. it breaks my heart in two.
I know how you feel. I know more about where K was from but have much less information than you do about her first 5 months.
I've been trying to find out as much as I can about her birthplace and every time I see a youtube video or picture of a person or building or road or landmark in Jimma, I can't help but wonder a thousand "what ifs" about how that person or place might fit into her story. And I feel like I've only had a small taste of the curiosity and questions that she'll one day have.
I totally understand how you feel and think about it all of the time. Even though we were received Zeks referral at 3 weeks old we dont know anything about his birthmother. We dont have a picture of her and only know her name. I know someday he will want to know more and I think about what I will tell him. I really wish I had a picture of his birthmother. You are blessed to be able to have that for your daughter.
I understand how you feel! We also have no information abut our daughter's birth family other than her birthmother's first name. This has been tearing and my heart. I feel so incredibly sad that I have nothing to give her in this regard. I never anticipated this part of the adoption process. It is truly heartbreaking to have nothing to share with your child about her beginnings or lineage.
I am nothing short of obsessed with the lack of info I have. At some point I will have to reckon with the fact that a void is a void, but I'm not there yet and will be going to Ethiopia looking for more info/connection. I can't stand it anymore.
Post a Comment