Twilight, here we come!

Tonight I am going to see the premier of the newest movie in the the Twilight saga, Eclipse. The theater is also showing the first two movies, so we get to see these, too. I'm so excited! Two of my dear friends are coming with me, and I am looking forward to spending time with them (sans kids) as much as I am seeing the movie. It is going to be great to do something fun and silly with my BFF! (Yep, I'm 15 today, and I don't care. Back to being a mom in her-- gasp-- thirties tomorrow.)

6 Months

Exactly 6 months ago, I held E in my arms for the first time.

A and I walked the path to the famous (hallowed, fabled, almost mystical to me) red gates of HH, the last travel group to do so. As we walked, I was so calm. So I thought.

After all, we'd done this before, right? Old pros. We'd joked all morning long about just walking up to HH, visible from the hotel staircase window, and meeting E early.

As we made our way closer, I could feel the energy in the air as all 11 families prepared to meet their children.

Then, we rounded the corner and the gates jumped into view. I remember gasping-- were we really here again?? A and I held hands as we crossed the threshold of HH again to meet our destiny.

We wait. Not patiently. As other families meet their children, I get anxious to meet my daughter. It was no spotting her from across the yard like it was with R. This time, it was naptime, and the babies were being brought out one at a time.

Finally, the transition home director motions for A and I to follow her. We enter the house and start up the stairs. A special mother holds a screaming baby, and just as I am thinking, "I'm so glad that's not T!" she stops me from walking another step and says in broken English, "T? T's mom?"

Oops. That IS MY screaming child. And then she was in my arms, a bundle of fury, terror, and anger. Do I dare tell you what I was really thinking? I guess so.

I was thinking that it had to be a mistake. This tiny angry girl could not be my child. Nope, the special mother was confused and handed the wrong baby to me. I look up in confusion at A, and I still to this day do not know what he was thinking at that moment.

We walked down the steps (we were 1/2 way up them) and out into the courtyard with our screaming baby.

We watch the other couples meet their children, none of which are screaming as much or as loudly as T continues to do. I was rattled. I was scared. I was worried. Had we made a mistake?

(You have to remember that our moment meeting R was the picture perfect gotcha moment, the one parents hope and dream for while they wait to be united with their children.)

T/E continues to scream. Loudly. Bloody murder. I try all my mommy tricks that always work with R, and none help. Rocking, patting, "ishy ishy ishy" ("it's ok" in Amharic), massaging her head (with weird stuff on the scalp-- ewwww). I hand her to A and the screaming continues. Finally, all the families are united with their children, and A (HH director) comes over to us.

She hold T close to her chest and repeats over and over a word I don't know. It sounds like she's saying "back" over and over again in a slow, deep, and guttural tone. It soothes the baby, and A hands her back to me.

And finally, I'm holding her and can look at her. I do not love her instantly like I did with R. At that moment, I felt so horrible for her. I knew how terrified she must have been being jostled awake from her nap and thrust into the arms of strangers who don't smell, look, or sound like what she's used to. I feel myself tearing up, but I do not cry.

I see she has a cute nose and that her skin tone is darker than R's and creamy soft. She had tiny, tiny toes, especially the pinky toe. She has something weird on her head, but we knew that from our referral information (note: it is some sort of viral thing; we know that now).

She's beautiful.

She's sweaty!

Is she really my child?????

We mill around with the other families, and I don't really know what to do. I guess someone takes a picture of us. I'm still holding this baby wondering what in the heck I've done...

As I reflect on the events of half a year ago, I look at how far we've come-- as individuals, as a family. A stranger-baby who wouldn't allow me to touch her while we were in Ethiopia is now my precious, sweet, darling, and dear E. A baby who wouldn't smile much for the first month now smiles constantly.

And, E and I adore each other. Time and closeness has healed the wounds we both had from our rough beginning. The memory is still there for me, but it no longer hurts. Scared and sick T has become my happy and smiley E.

These 6 months have not been easy. But, what in life is? But, thinking today about meeting E for the first time, I know that even though I was full of doubt then, E was meant be my daughter. And I'm so thankful that the crying baby from the staircase IS MY child and not someone else's baby girl.

My E, how I love you!

The Blahs

As my mom would say, I have The Blahs this week.

It has been hot-- ungodly hot and humid-- rainy, too, so taking the girls outside for a long period of time isn't pleasant. R has been a handful-- not napping AT ALL and getting out of her bed multiple times before she'll go to sleep at night. She is constantly pushing the limits on everything. E had her first real toddler tantrum yesterday-- mean mommy wouldn't give her ANOTHER cheese stick. (This girl loves cheese.) R had a potty accident and then had a tantrum because I wouldn't let her continue to wear the then pee-covered pink capris.

Nothing more to say, really. Just been a long week. Blah blah blah.

Follow Up to Social Anxiety

Ok y'all, we went to the party.

It was lovely.

You were right. No one cared what I wore or what my hair looked like. At least as far as I could tell. A behaved himself, and the girls were darling. L and M (the parents) were happy to see us and doted on the girls. I loved seeing their little one and catching up with them as much as one can at a party. They are such a neat family. Their house was indeed outta our league, and they had valet parking. However, those two things were the only ways in which I felt inadequate, and I feel like that's pretty good considering how very anxious I was about attending.

We have tentative plans to meet them for dinner at an ET restaurant sometime soon.

And, after all, they are two people with whom we have a unique bond. We met our daughters at the same time, in the same place. So, in that way, they are a part of our adoptive family.

Social Anxiety

(R in beads and braids in the post below if you didn't see it yet.)

Sigh. We are supposed to go to a birthday party for one of children of E's travel group on Saturday. I was really looking forward to it when we first got the invitation for it. As the date gets closer (Saturday), I am more and more anxious and nervous about it.

When we found out while in ET that there were 2 families who lived fairly close to us, we were excited!! It was nice to have them just an hour or so away.

This couple was (were?, help me out, M!) super nice to us in Ethiopia. We enjoyed talking with them and getting to know them. I looked forward to visiting with them when we came home. Now it has been 5 1/2 months, and we haven't gotten together with them once.

However, they're both doctors, and I can only imagine what their house looks like. I'm sure it is in a whole different league than ours... And going to something in which I don't know anyone except the host is stressful for me. My hair's looking awful (needed a haircut at least weeks ago by now), and what in the world do I wear? And I never know what A is going to say in social situations like this.

So, I don't know if we'll actually go or not at this point.

Bring on the Beads

R's hair (tried to post them last night, but it didn't work)...
Above, she works hard opening and closing the snaps. "Mom, made that!" she would say with each one. "That's great, baby!" I'd reply.
Above I am trying to get her to stay still and smile for the camera. Ignore the yogurt on her face, please.

Again, playing with the snaps. Which, by the way, do any of you use the snaps? I tried them, and they literally were all falling off so I just went with the beads and rubber bands. I don't know what I was doing wrong.

Above, here's the back! For this first time attempting beads, I didn't worry at all about the parts on the braids. I know it would probably look better if the parts were cleaner, but I also knew that'd take me forever. Next time, I'm going to divide the hair into four sections with clean parts and work from there. Eventually, I'll attempt box braids and beads. However, neither R nor I really have the patience for the length of time that takes me or for how still she has to sit. I will also use more beads next time and figured out how to make the ends look a little cleaner when I was almost finished. Look how long her hair is!

All in all, she LOVES her hair this way, and I'm happy with it, too. The whole process took about 3 hours, but that is with having dinner (well she ate while I worked) and taking some breaks. This morning, I sort of put it up for her dance class, and she wears pig tails for bed time. I also have a satin cap (on top of the pillowcase I already use-- overkill maybe, but oh well) that I will make her wear when it arrives in the mail.

I broke the beader on the second or third braid, so I had A go try to find one at a place near my house. They didn't have them, and they sent him to another place... He ended up going to 4 different stores without success and came home with a crochet hook. It worked, although it was awkward. I think it is crap that it is so hard to find beaders in stores!

Looking forward to trying different styles over the new 2 months before I have to go back to work!

31

Today's my birthday.

I'm feeling pretty neutral about the whole thing.

This morning, we went to a street fair in a quirky little town about 25 minutes away from ours. We always go, and I was looking forward to it. A and I strapped the girls into their carriers and set off.

And it poured. We weren't there very long, but at least we were able to get R a balloon (E's came off her wrist and floated away).

We came home, and R had a major meltdown before taking a much-needed nap. Good lord, I know the twos are terrible, but this is bad. And very hard. She challenges everything. We're both very stubborn. Yes, I'm the adult, but sometimes there are things she must do or not do, sometimes simply for her own safety. As much as I love being home with the girls, this is one part about summer that I dread.

While the girls napped, I went to the store and picked out exactly what I wanted for dinner. Pasta in a sauce from a local Italian place (used to go all the time pre-children!), some salad, a lovely loaf of bread, a peach pie, and a bottle of wine.

A cooked it all for us, and it was lovely.

A then took the girls to the store to "get some diet Coke." I stayed home and read a book (The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner). I knew he'd come back with something for me, and he did. A card the girls "signed." Very cute. The Eclipse soundtrack. And R told me he got my favorite chocolate, too, but that will have to wait.

Now, R keeps coming downstairs and will not stay in her bed. A is up there with her.

I just finished my second glass of wine and am now going to return to my book after I go up and kiss the princess goodnight-- again.

Sigh

Today I happened upon an uncomfortable conversation with some attendees at a professional development session I was helping to run.

It was during lunch, and the group was sharing stories about their grandmothers. One of the woman was someone who I'd never met, and she started telling a story about her grandmother getting pulled over for speeding or something.

She was trying to make this point about considering the ages of people and the day and time in which they were raised, etc.

She said the her grandmother was pulled over by a black police officer, and as her grandmother was telling the story, she was referring to the officer as an "n" word. The woman said something like, "but consider the time she was raised in. She grew up in a time when that was acceptable and common. You have to keep that in mind..."

And she was expecting the group to agree. You know, to say that it is ok for old woman to describe people who have the same skin color as my daughters as "n" words.

Umm, no.

Times change.

I don't care if the grandmother was born in 1918 or whatever.

USING THAT WORD IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. AT ALL. NEVER. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

And to try to defend that behavior is equally appalling.

After that, I passed around my cell phone so the other people in the group could see the picture my friend had just sent me.

Of my daughter getting ready for her first dance class today. My beautiful, smiley, precious, sweet, cherished daughter. Who happens to be black.

Then I got up and left the table.

Ballies and Beaders and Beads, Oh My!

Well, it is time to start seriously learning how to do R's hair so she looks more like a typical AA child.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE her hair in a little curly fro.

But, if you look at a group of little AA 2 year olds, mine stands out.

I mean, more than she already does with white parents.

So, I need to start. And when I talked to her about getting beads in her hair like another little girl at our ET families get together today, her little eyes lit up. She wanted me to do it "RIGHT NOOOOOOWWWW Mom!"

Also, E's hair is going to require braiding more than R's does so I need to learn how to do braided styles well before E's hair is long enough.

Now that I'm off work for the summer, I will have the time to devote to learning to do styles and experimenting. Hopefully I can learn before summer ends and be able to do it more efficiently by the time I go back to work.

Any website and/or book suggestions? Or tips? I've done some braiding and all that, but I've never tried beads.

Barf and a Trip to the Dentist

That's what today entailed for me. I guess, if you want to be fussy about it, the barf was in the middle of the night, but still.

I experienced my first real "kid barf" in the wee hours of the morning (R has never had the flu). E was up most of the night crying her head off and tossing and turning. Some in her crib, some in bed with us.

Finally, at 4:15am, she'd had enough and got sick all over herself, our bed, and me. It was everywhere, and I'll spare you the rest of the details. A and I gave her a bath, and she and I finally passed out around 6am for a few hours.

R has been complaining that her teeth have been hurting for a couple weeks now. The other day, I noticed that her gum was bleeding when I brushed her teeth. This morning, her gums were looking red and swollen.

So, with a fussy, tired baby on my lap, I finally found a dentist in my area who takes my insurance. (A and I go where I've gone my whole life, which is 45 minutes away. I want the girls' doctors, etc., to be closer to where we live now.)

Turns out, of course, there's nothing wrong with R's month. Just getting more teeth in. But, my big girl baby did awesome! She sat in the big chair with Beary and did everything they told her to do. She didn't seem to be scared, and we now have an appointment for her first cleaning in mid-August. Hopefully next trip goes just as smoothly! I did take a picture with my phone, but I can't get pictures from my phone to my computer right now! Trust me, it's darling.

So, that's my day... and now the baby is crying again so I am off to go get her. Poor little thing.

Five Months Home

E has been home five months today! She's awesome. We all adore her. Nuff said. :)

Summertime and the livin' is easy...

Oh my gosh, I am finished with school for the year!! I am so relieved to have the year over. I am looking forward to spending time with my precious girls; that's for sure.

R is going to go to dance class a few times in the next few weeks. I can't wait for that cuteness! She's so excited.

We're planning a trip to Wisconsin to visit some family and spend time in the Northwoods (and of course plan to stop in Milwaukee to visit the M family, who we traveled with!). My friend H and I are going to take her 2 girls and my 2 girls to her in-laws in Alabama, too.

Mostly, though, I'm just looking forward to the more relaxed pace of summer. I think it's been hard on E the past few weeks bouncing from sitter to sitter since my friend M couldn't watch the girls after her baby was born.

And now E is awake from her nap so that's all I have to say for now!

The Greatest Thing EVER!!

My BFF and I are going to the opening night of "Twilight!" Not only that, but the theater is going to show the first two movies before the premier!! I am so ridiculously excited that it is insane!!!

Yeah, I'm totally a teenage girl. :)

Kids are Awesome

A conversation with R tonight as I was trying to put her to bed:

R: Want Fi-Fi (a pink poodle stuffed animal) mom. Me get her.

M: I don't know where she is, honey. We can find her tomorrow.

R: Me know Mom. Me get her.

M: Do you know exactly where she is?

R: Yeah, yeah, Mom, me get her.

M: Ok, go get her. Be quiet, though, don't wake up your sister.

R: K Mom.

R goes downstairs to get her and, amazingly, comes back with it.

R: Found Fi-Fi Mom!!

M: Good job, R!! Mommy is so proud of you.

R: Found Fi-Fi on mountain!!!

M: You found Fi-Fi in the big pile of stuffed animals??

R: YEAH Mom!! Fi-Fi up HIIIIIGGGGGHHHHH!!

It's really much cuter if you could actually hear my precious 2-year-old's voice...

Romance vs. Reality

I feel like sometimes I have an overly-romantic view of Ethiopia. Any of you who have been there or anywhere else in Africa feel that way sometimes? Or even if you haven't been there, do you ever feel that way?

Trust me. Things I saw in Ethiopia changed my life in ways I am not even sure I know yet. But at the same time, I also have a view of the country based on its history and culture and the fact that I am blessed with 2 precious Ethiopian children.

I know that the people of Ethiopia are kind. I know that parents and families love their children and prize them. But I also know that there are children in some parts of Ethiopia who are killed because their top teeth grow in before their bottom teeth.

I know that there are so many people who live on so very much less than I do. I try, in my mind, not to romanticize this by thinking they're all living happier, simpler lives. I'm sure some of them are. But I also know that many many people there and in other parts of Africa do not know where their children's next meal will come from.

And I know that most children who come home to the US from Ethiopia adjust well and are happy. I want to believe that all the orphanages are safe places for children until that happens. But I also know that the reports of abuse (older kids to younger)-- both physical and sexual-- are enough to make me sick.

Ethiopia.

Its beauty haunts me.

But do you know what? Its poverty and sadness haunt me, too.

Lots of jumbled thoughts today. Not even sure if this makes sense...

Ethiopian Culture Camps

Have you considered attending one this summer? We went to one in our area (well, really I run it along with 3 other ET mommas) this past summer, and it was an amazing experience. I think culture camp is so important to families like mine. What other time of the year can you get together with Ethiopians, Ethio-Americans, etc? And build a sense of community for your children who are adopted (as well as their siblings)?

Here are some links to info about culture camps around the country:

http://www.heritageandculturecamp.org/

http://www.africancradle.org/camp10.html

http://eakc.blogspot.com/

http://ethiopiakidsculturecamp.blogspot.com

http://www.ethiopianculturecamp.org/

http://heritagecamps.org/afam.html (This one is for African kids, not just specifically ET kids.)

And here is more information from the Adoptive Families magazine website...
http://www.adoptivefamiliesmagazine.com/calendar.php?cal=camp

Are there camps in your area? If so, you should go! Not that I'm promoting any of the above ones necessarily... I mean, I only have personal experience with one of them... but they all sound like great opportunities to connect with families that might look like yours does or will look like soon! Yes, I know. They're a little expensive. But so are other family vacations.

Anyway, would you leave me a comment and a link if you know of any others I missed?

The Passage of Time

(Day 6 of our trip to bring E home is below if you missed it.)

Today marks E's 15 month birthday and 7 months since our referral. A typical Monday afternoon turned into a life-changing day.

I know I've talked about that day before so I'm not going to go into again. I will tell you that the first time I looked at E, I didn't know what to think. She was not at all what I expected.

1. She was already 8 months old.
2. Her story was so very different from R's.
3. She didn't look at all like I expected.

Let me explain. First, when our case manager told me that she was 8 months old, I was surprised and not totally happy. We got R's referral when she was 3 weeks old. At 8 months, R had been home for almost 5 months, etc. Bringing a child home who could be a year or older (I never thought the process after referral would go as smooth as it did) was a totally different challenge than bringing home a tiny 3 month old.

Linked to that, E's being 8 months old meant she had a lot more "lost" history than R did. E lived with her birthfamily for almost 8 months. I have no idea (well, I can guess based on what I do know and based on what I know about life in her region of Ethiopia) really what her life was like during that time period. This is something I don't think I will ever get over.

Lastly, while we were waiting for R's referral, my friend H had a dream about her and told me what she "saw" as far as what R looked like and things like that. And she was spot-on. This time around, she told me again what she "saw" for our referral. And when I saw the first picture of E, she looked NOTHING like I had expected her to look. I have to admit it sort of shocked me at first.

In the past 7 months, E has gone from a photograph or 3 and bio info on paper to my precious daughter. This time has not always been easy. But in this time, I have grown to completely adore my daughter and cannot imagine my life without her.

So, my E, I love you so very much. You are such a blessing to our family. You are the sweetest child I've ever met. Before we started the process to bring you home, I had fears that adding another child to our family may not be the right choice... But you, my girl, were the perfect choice, at the perfect time, in the perfect way.

Ethiopia Trip: Day 6: A Low-Key Day and Cultural Dinner

December 30, 2009

A Quiet Day-- so far 9:30am

Today is a low key day as we don't have a bunch of things to do. We have to be at {our agency's home} at 1pm to get the baby's paperwork, "the envelop that must not be opened," and passport with a US visa inside it. Tonight at 7 is the cultural dinner. A (agency's director) says it is only 40 minutes to an hour so I think we'll go. {NOTE: the first time we were in ET, the cultural dinner was several hours... We were all exhausted by the time we got back to the hotel, and had it been the same restaurant, I would have opted out of going. It was just way too much.}

T did well last night, only waking a couple times and for not very long. She woke at 5:34 for a little bit of milk but fell back asleep until about 7:30 or so. Another reason why it is so nice that we didn't have to do anything this morning.

Right now, T is napping, and I sent A to the lobby to try to charge his cell phone with the computer in the lobby. He brought this multi-charger thingie to cut down on how many chargers we brought, but it was fried when he plugged it in. Oh, well. Of course this means his video camera is also completely dead. He brought the wrong USB cable for it so he's going to see if he can get the right one from someone else. I really hope so so that we can do a little more filming, especially bringing T into the house for the first time.

As I write this, I'm also watching life go on as normal in Addis. Across the street, a woman plays with her son in the courtyard of their home. She wears a canary yellow dress, and there is laundry on the clothesline. Buses and cars dodge around one another trying to avoid an ever-growing pothole in the road. A huge hawk flies low in the sky, and a cat scurries across the rusty tin roofs of a home. The sun peeks out of the clouds on occasion, and it is a hazy day. Women with gauzy clothing walk down the street, heads covered, of course, and the natellas have bright, rich embroidery. Brilliant red, deep sea blue, sparkling turquoise have been my favorites.

Although I love Ethiopia, I am ready to be home. I miss my R. I miss hot showers and being able to flush toilet paper. I miss my soft bed and cozy little house. My new daughter, A, R, and I need to start our life as a family of four. T needs to grow into my sweet E. She needs to get healthy and see a doctor about the "fungus" on her head. (Although a doctor in our group says it is probably more like a viral thing.) Her grandparents need to meet their new granddaughter.

Am I really in Ethiopia and bringing another child home? This feels as if I am in a dream...

Afternoon--3:40pm

We now have T's passport and paperwork. We went to {our agency's home} for the last time as they are completing their move today to the new place, which we'll see tomorrow. A talked to us about what a miracle it is that these 12 children are in our arms and are going to be in the US. As she said, "They are the prize of Ethiopia," and they truly are. She talked about how most of them were born in the middle of nowhere and are healthy and going home. Without prenatal medical care, without doctors, without so much. Many born in houses... without HIV. She also talked about how we have to be ambassadors for the children of Ethiopia.

T is awake!

The First Poop!-- 5:20pm

As we sat in the lobby a little bit ago, T pooped for the first time since being with us! Awesome baby girl!

Before that, I could tell she was feeling better as she was playing with A, laughing, and making other noises. Thank goodness!Tonight is the cultural dinner, which I'm looking forward to and dreading at the same time. It was really hard on R when we were here the last time. However, A says it is only 40 minutes or an hour instead of 3 so I hope she's right and T does just fine!

I'm Tired-- 10:12pm

Cultural dinner was fun but really too much for me. I'm sooo tired. T did well as long as A held her. She didn't want me at all and cried when I took her.

The food was good, and the dancing and singing was a lot like the last time we were in ET. T was almost singing along at a couple points, which was adorable.

Tomorrow we visit {our agency's} new home and prepare to leave. Oh, lord how ready I am to go home!

Babies are Awesome

In less than a week and a half, three of my friends have had four babies!

My friend M had sweet A this afternoon at 1:28... I haven't been able to see her yet as my husband is out of town tonight, and I can't bring the girls to the hospital with me (they aren't allowed in the room). So, I will have to make do with pictures posted on facebook until tomorrow...

I hope I can stand the wait!

Mother's Day

This is what it is all about...