What do you even title this post?

My friend M's father-in-law died this afternoon. They first learned of his cancer on Feb. 3 or 4, and now his suffering is over.

M's husband's grandmother just died a week ago Sunday. His stepfather, less than a year ago. He's really struggling right now.

Please keep them in your prayers.

Orientation Call is Completed

***UPDATED WITH PICTURES*** (Above: R is checking out the documents that officially start our journey to make her a sister.)

We had our orientation call with our agency this evening. We also notarized our contracts and other documents to send them to our agency tomorrow morning. We will overnight them, so they will receive them Thursday. I'm hoping that means we'll receive all our dossier and homestudy materials by Monday. R has a doctor's appointment I think Wed., so it would be nice to be able to get the power of attorney document notarized and then county and state certified on that day. The state certification requires a trip to our state's capital, which is about an hour and a half from here. Plus, I don't have another day off school until our spring break, and I want to have it done way before then!

Below is a picture of R and me from last week when we received our contracts in the mail. :)

Home A Year

Last year, on this date and time, I was in bed asleep with my new baby daughter and sweet husband. (Yes, R used to sleep in bed with us, then in a bassinet, then her crib.) We had just returned home from Ethiopia, and I don't think I have ever been so tired in my entire life.

The journey home was long and exhausting. R was a good girl for most of it, and I'm still very thankful for that. I know it could have been way worse and way more difficult than it was, even with delays and ice storms and lost luggage.

Below is a picture of R on her first full day home (a year ago tomorrow). A dressed her, not me, hence the "awesome" onezie and leggings combo!! This was right after we gave her her first bath at home.

I love that little curly fry. :) I don't know why she's making that face. Maybe she was just done with the camera flashing in her face.

On the adoption front:

A and I made a plan for tackling that dossier and homestudy tonight. We have our first call with our agency tomorrow, and we will be able to send in our contracts on Tuesday. YAY!

Also, when we adopted R, our agency's policy was to NOT tell families when their court dates were unless there were special circumstances. Honestly, I was glad I didn't know. The wait for me was probably one of the most painful times of my life. I just couldn't handle it. I can't imagine what it would have been like knowing when our court date was, too. So, with that said, the other decision we've made is to tell our case manager we do not want to know when our court date is. Of course that might all change when we see her face, but we'll decide that then. For now, I think I'd really rather not know.

It's R Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, oh wow, we've been a family for a year! In some ways, for A and me, it is like R has always been with us... On the other hand, we can hardly believe that the most amazing day of our lives was only a year ago. And how we love our sweet girl!

Here we are a year ago, in our first family photo:

Here we are today, as A and I took off work today to spend it with our girl and get family pictures taken (A and I kinda look dorky, but R is looking adorable as usual):
We had an R Day cake made by a local bakery. It had the outline of our state on it and an outline of Ethiopia on it, too. The outlines had red, white, and blue and red, yellow, and green respectively. Sort of an overboard thing to do, but it is our first R Day, so we just did it.

(She's mad because I'm taking pictures instead of giving her a piece. Too funny.)

We had fun playing with our girl today. Here she is playing and reading with her Daddy:

And here she is up to no good getting into the cabinet:

This evening, we went to Target to do some shopping. R cruised out to the car in comfort in the cart:

I'll leave you with some of photos from the photo shoot today, just of R. We love, LOVE, LOVE this beautiful, amazing, spirited, ornery, fun, precious princess of a girl!!

Good News/Bad News Situation

Ok, we got the call from our agency today.

Good news: We're approved to adopt again! YAY! Contracts are in the mail. And I'm happy about that.

Bad news: The contract is for an infant girl. The situation is this: They would like us to contract for an infant again, meet with our social worker, do some more research and then they make the final decision. They aren't thrilled with the idea of our adopting a child older than R, but they are not telling us absolutely no way.

My status: 24 hours ago, I would have been flaming mad, confused, upset. It is good really that we had to wait and that A actually talked to the inquiry person because I wasn't home yet. Right now, I'm ok with it. At peace so to speak. I was so hyped up yesterday that the cool down period was exactly what I needed.

Here's the thing. We've felt like an older child is the way to go. However, when A said, "Our contract is going to be for an infant," I felt a feeling of relief I in no way expected to feel. It surprised me. Wow, still does.

And, there are things about adopt an older child and adopting out of birth order that we obviously haven't considered. Our agency is the expert, not us.

So I'm totally ok and open to whatever comes next. If our future child is out there waiting for us or if she hasn't been born yet, it doesn't matter. Just like with R, she's already picked out and perfect for our family.

Why would I be sad or disappointed about that? (And Lord knows I love little Ethiopian baby girls!!)

Tick-Tock Times Two

After carrying the phone with me everywhere this afternoon and evening, I just checked my email. The inquiry person emailed me about 10 minutes ago.

She said that the review meeting ran late today and wanted to make sure we at least got some feedback from her before the end of the day. She, in typical agency fashion, was a bit cryptic. She said the review "went well" and that she would call us tomorrow with further details.

What that truly means, I don't know, but from dealing with my agency before, that is usually good news.

Now I just get to wait another 24 hours or so! (Did I ever mention that I'm pretty much the most impatient person in the world??)

Tick.... Tock....

I'm waiting for a phone call from our agency. Sounds familiar to some, right?

I'm waiting on the yes or no answer about adopting an older child.

Our social worker supports us. However, she said that the bottom line is that the social service director for our agency could tell us no.

The inquiry person said she would review our application with the social services person this afternoon. Our agency is 3 hours behind us, but it is still afternoon.

Where is my phone call?

I will update when we get an answer. My heart is pounding in my chest, and I've felt ill all day.

AWK-WARD! And Adoption Progress Update

Part One:
I am the coach for a writing competition my school is involved in. Actually it has been around for a while, as I was in it when I was in 7th and 8th grade. Today was the competition for area schools, and my school is the host school. A friend of mine is a coach for another school. I haven't seen him in ages, nor have I really talked to him. I saw him registering his team and went up to say hi. As I was talking to him, the other coach from his school turned around. It was a girl I knew.

Not only that, but it was a girl who was supposed to be my student teacher last year but didn't end up completing her placement with me. Basically, I (and others in my building, too) did not feel that she was competent to be my student teacher and had to ask her not to return to the placement after her college's winter break. I hadn't talked to her since then, and I was shocked to see that she taught at my friend's school, which is a good school in a good district.

On top of that, A brought R to visit me during the lunch break before the awards. I introduced her to M (my friend), and I had to do the same with my former student teacher because she was right there.

The whole thing was really uncomfortable and unexpected.

Part Two:
On the adoption front, my letters from my two doctors made it to my agency by Friday. The social services director will review our application and "supporting documents" (doctor letters) on Monday afternoon. This means that we will know soon what the verdict on the older child decision will be. Most I have talked to about this issue have told me not worry, and some even have said that agencies can't really tell us no.

Bottom line: I just want to start the process soon!

Like Monday!

Blah

So I got an email from the inquiry person from our agency. She said that usually, the agency prefers that families adopt according to birth order. Well, um, this is sort of new information for us as neither our social worker nor our case manager has told us this in near year we have talked about doing this.

It's frustrating.

A says not to worry, that we are supposed to adopt an older child and that R is "just the baby of the family." Besides that, we have spent nearly a year talking about, thinking about, dreaming about, praying about bringing an older child home. This is not a rash or impulsive decision, nor one we took lightly.

I'm thinking if our agency won't allow us to do this, we will have to seek elsewhere. A is unconvinced. He just said, "We'd just have to wait like 5 years to adopt again." Uhhh, no thanks. Especially considering I want to bring her home RIGHT NOW.

What the Heck, Let's Get Started!

We've decided to just go ahead and start our second adoption instead of waiting a few weeks until we get our tax money. This may seem on the surface rather impulsive, but it really isn't. It is what I have wanted to do all along, and A came to the conclusion today (on his own) that it is what he wants to do, too. I mean, really. Our girl is out there. Might as well start the process so we can bring her home ASAP!

So, so far today, for our second child's adoption, I have done the following:
1. Filled out the pre-application with our agency.
2. Contacted our case manager to ask her a few questions.
3. Contacted our social worker to let her know we are ready to start and to ask her a couple questions about new homestudy procedures.
4. Ordered copies of birth certificates.
5. Printed out all the information and forms needed to complete a homestudy in my state. The agency won't give me that info officially until we sign a contract and pay the fees, but I found it online.

Not too shabby, eh?

My Little Meat Eater

(YAY MEAT!)

(Above: R enjoys a delicious bowl of meat a couple weeks ago.)

So, R LOVES meat. It's bizarre. I'm practically a vegetarian at this point in my life (my friend H-- who is vegetarian-- says I'm "flexotarian") so the fact that she loves meat doesn't have anything to do with our diet.

However, she'll eat meat over most other dinner things (besides peas). Literally, some nights for dinner, she'll just eat meatballs and will be perfectly happy.

Today, I was at an Ethiopian culture camp planning meeting at an Ethiopian woman's house with some other moms of adopted Ethiopian children. We often digress when we're meeting, and F, the Ethiopian woman, started to tell us a little about the differences of people from the various tribes in Ethiopia. When she started talking about the Amhara, which is what R is, she said, "Those people are meat eaters!"

Well, that explains a lot, doesn't it? That little piece of information is just one more I will store away about my daughter's culture, background, and people.

Baby Love

A, R, and I went to a gathering/play date for Ethiopian adoptive families in our area yesterday. It was so fun to see R run around with other Ethiopian children and their brothers and sisters. She definitely was trying to be one of the big kids!

There was a tiny Ethiopian baby, about 5 months old. Oh my goodness. I had rather forgotten how darling little Ethiopian babies are since mine is turning more and more into a big girl before my eyes. For a moment, I seriously wanted to go the baby route again! R was really cute with her, too. She just smiled at her. When the baby (and her mom and siblings) was leaving, R waved bye to her and gave her a hug. So sweet.

However, her interest in the baby was pretty short-lived, and she followed the older kids around for over an hour so it just again shows me that adopting an older child is right for our family!

Cancer

I freaking hate it. It is a disease that killed my grandpa and almost killed both my aunt and grandmother.

Now, my BF, M's, father-in-law has it. Everywhere. Mouth, nose, lungs, brain, liver, throat. Bad, melanoma. M's husband is not very close to his father, but it is still the most horrible of news to receive.

I freaking hate it.

Please keep, M, her husband, and of course his father and the rest of the family in your prayers (if you do that sort of thing).

"Thank You for Being You"

My principal said this to me today. A good feeling.

My principal was the HR person for my district when I was hired there 6 1/2 years ago. At that time, I had planned to work as a teacher for one more year and then go back to school to do something else because I did not think teaching was for me. My previous job was not a good experience for me, and I left it feeling like I would NEVER been a successful teacher.

After hiring me and working I think maybe another year, my now-principal retired and left the district. He worked for the state department of education for a few years, and then, surprisingly returned to my district this year as the principal of my building.

I have always respected this man. He gave me a chance and saw something in me the principal at my other job and others didn't. Some of my co-workers are intimidated by him. Not me. I know that the two things he values in his teachers, and students as well, are accountability and consistency.

Anyway, it is just nice to know that I am appreciated and respected in my job. It took me a long time to get over some of the things that happened to me at my previous position, and sometimes I still feel like that scared young teacher with no confidence.

Totally My Child

(Above: I just love this picture. She looks so beautiful and like such a big girl!)

Although I did not give birth to R, there is no doubt she's MY girl!...

1. Her love of shoes, just like Mommy. (I am almost ashamed to admit that I probably own close to 200 pairs of shoes. Not exaggerating.) We both also love purses. Below, her she is with "her" backpack (I actually bought it for her future sister) and an Ethiopian basket on her head, which she thinks is a hat. Too cute.

2. Tonight's dinner: peas (my favorite veggie). She also had some french fries coated in ketchup, my favorite condiment!


3. We are both very stubborn. Here, she is trying to bust through the baby gate because she wanted to come downstairs with Mommy.


4. We love cuddling up and reading a good book with her Daddy.

I, Apparently, Don't Work Anymore!

We are on our 4th snowday of the week. This is good and bad. Good, for the obvious reason that I get to stay home with my sweet girl!

Bad because this is now our 10th day off. The state only allows 5, so we will be making days up until July (not really, but that's what it feels like!). Also bad because due to how the weather has been here and already-scheduled days off, we haven't actually had a full week of school since before Thanksgiving. Try getting kids into any kind of routine when you are up against that!

Oh, well, I'm off to go play with my daughter instead of getting dressed for work. :)

Grief and Loss in Adoption

This week, it manifested itself in the form of R's having diaper rash. Quite unexpectedly, too, I might add.

Let me back up. We know that when R came to our agency's transitional home, HH, she had a small cut under her nose (very visible in her referral pictures) and bad diaper rash.

Well, she has had diaper rash a few times since we brought her home. No big deal, really. However, this week, she got it really bad. So bad that she screamed bloody murder when I cleaned her up.

Listening to her screaming, trying to comfort her, and cleaning her up like that just really got to me. I often think about R's time in the Ethiopian orphanage before she came to HH. She was so small, helpless. Did she scream in pain like that when she was there?

I couldn't take it. I found myself crying right along with her. I have so much guilt about not being there for her during that time, when she was most helpless, without someone to love her.

We were really fortunate. R was only 3 weeks old when she came to HH and 3 and 1/2 weeks old when we received her referral. I know compared to other children and other stories, this is nothing. However, it still counts. It is still a time in my daughter's life in which I wasn't there to take care of her.

What about the rest of you adoptive parents? How do you deal with that time before your child came home? Do you ever feel like I did?

I know grief and loss come with adoption. I just wasn't expecting it to come in the form of diaper rash.

One Year

(This picture of R is from our second set of pictures we received while she was in Ethiopia. It was taken approximately a year ago!)

Friday, Jan. 25, 2008 was our court date in Ethiopia, not that we knew at the time. We had received pictures of R a few days prior, but we didn't know that meant a court date was coming up. At that time, our agency did not tell families when their court dates were. (I guess now they do.) We were so longing to go get R and bring her home as we had been since we had seen her beautiful little face for the first time.

Waiting to bring R home was by fair the most painful part of the adoption experience for me. I know that compared to many others, our wait was a breeze, but my heart ached to hold my child constantly.

We received our travel call on Monday, Jan. 28, 2008. We had gone to our favorite Ethiopian restaurant for the first time that weekend. (We always say going there was good luck.) A was at home during the day and received the phone call from our case manager (I was at work). At 3:15 or so, the students had pretty much left the building. My friend H spotted A walking down the hall.

When I saw him, I thought something bad had happened because he never shows up at my school unannounced. As he walked closer he said to me, "What are you doing on Feb. 17?" I said that I was supposed to be at my baby shower. To which he replied that we were going to have to change that because WE HAVE TO BE IN ETHIOPIA!

I was in shock. We had passed court on the first time and had received a court date more quickly than I had expected.

A year. How our lives have changed since R legally and fully became our daughter and we prepared to bring her home.

Such blessings, some struggles, lots of change, and indescribable joy.

That's what this year has brought.

Under Attack

I hesitate to even put this to words, but I was feeling like that even before today's events... Do you ever just feel like you're under attack? I do right now.

Since I'm now ready, like yesterday(!), to start our adoption process again, I feel like we're just being drained of money. Last week it was the stealing of A's MP3 player. This week, it's my car.

I bought my car, a RED Volkswagen Beetle, after my first year teaching. I have loved my car since I bought it, and when I bought it, I was single and wasn't thinking of hauling a princess baby around. It's not practical right now with a child, but it is paid off and (usually) reliable. I loved the way I felt when I drove it when it was "new" (I bought it used). I felt free and didn't have a care in the world!

Anyway, the window has been "off" when you roll it up and down. I knew it was only a matter of time before it broke. I'm guessing that due to the extreme cold, it just finally gave out on Friday night when A was using my car and went to mail something.

So that cost almost $600 (out of our adoption fund) to fix. Yesterday.

Then, while they were fixing the window, the door lock broke. Basically, what they said is that it was about to break, and any messing around (technical term, right?) with the door caused it to give out completely. So today's money drain continued with $477 going to repair that. With the MP3 player being stolen out of the car last week, I don't feel like I can NOT go with the car not being able to lock.

It just makes me feel sick.

In the last week, we've made some progress on our adoption-related decisions. Is that part of it? Who knows? What do you think?

Here is what I DO know as far as our next adoption goes:
1. We are adopting a little girl.
2. Age 4 to 7. Some disagreement still here. A would like the older in, me the younger.
3. Siblings? No, at this time, siblings are not in in our future.

The fact that my child is out there in Ethiopia making her journey to us just makes me want to start the process RIGHT NOW so we can bring her home RIGHT NOW.

I also know that I have a wonderful husband, the most gorgeous precious daughter, a stable job,. a fabulous family, the best friends, and the sweetest little house. I'm luckily. And if I'm down a thousand dollars right now, that's ok. I'll clip coupons, not buy that outfit or shoes, and cook at home instead of eating dinner out until I get it back. I will do this for my child home and my child in Ethiopia. Is there really anything else important?

Nope.

11 Months Gotcha Day Anniversary!

R has been in my arms 11 months today! I cannot believe how much I love this little darling girlie of mine and how I know she was always meant to be my daughter!!

In 11 months, we all have changed. A has become a wonderful father, R a beautiful, curious, and amazing little girl, and me, well, I have learned what it means to love a child more than anything else and what great responsibility and joy that brings.

Pictures later. There is one I really want to add to the post, but it is trapped on my camera right now.

Also, today is A's 32nd birthday!