The "Orphan" Movie

(R and me, Feb. 18, 2008, about 20 minutes after becoming a family.)

Warner Brothers' new horror movie Orphan proclaims that it must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own. Let me tell you about how an orphan changed my life...

I've talked about this movie before on this blog. Now I will talk about it in more of a personal way. (I'm going to write this simply through my perspective, not "ours," my husband's and mine.)

First off, I never once thought I would adopt a child. I was NEVER against adoption, just hadn't occurred to me as the way A and I would build a family. I went through stages in my life where I could picture my little blonde hair, blue eyed children... then stages where I never thought I would be a mom... finally to the stage in which my heart and soul ached for a child, and slowly my heart opened to the idea of adoption, almost like clues on a treasure map.

You see, MY daughter, she's a treasure. An amazing treasure, a precious gift. How has she changed my life? In about a million ways, both huge and tiny. I love that child so much.

Our adoption ride with R has been smooth. I expected it to take a year to bring her home; it took 8 months. I expected it to be extremely difficult for R to bond and attach to us; I think she loved us as much as we loved her instantly. I expected to go into tremendous debt after R came home because we were only supposed to have one income; instead I was able to take sick leave and take 10 weeks off with her. All the pieces fell into place.

This child, this girl of mine, she's amazing. I think those of you who know her personally would agree that R just sparkles. Ya can't help but love the child.

And love her I do. The instant I saw her picture for the first time, then months later held her in my arms, I loved her wholly, completely, totally. Just as any other mother who births a child would, I'd imagine, or maybe more. After all I did have to ache for months to hold my child while biological mothers get to hold their children the moment they are born. (You lucky ducks, you!! A subject for another post, for sure.)

The title of this blog is "Always and Forever." The reason for that, of course, is that I will love my child(ren--- don't forget we have another on the way!!), well, always and forever!

Later, Gator!

We're going on vacation tomorrow.

See you when we get back!!

July Numbers are In

We are....

18!!

Holy cow! We have moved a lot in the past month.

It appears we may go to Ethiopia sooner than I thought. We shall see.

I got the job!

Totally in shock. I did not think I would be offered the position, but about an hour ago, I was!

So I'm no longer an 8th grade language arts teacher but an instructional coach instead.

Anyone have any idea what that means?? :)

We shall see, my friends, we shall see.

(No July numbers yet. You?)

07-08-09

I was hoping that we would get a new number on 07/08/09, but, alas, I guess we will wait until tomorrow!

Anyone else get any news?

On a side note, I hear that the Ethiopian court is going to be hearing some abandonment cases on Friday. As this change in Ethiopian adoptions has affected so many families and their children, I am praying that families receive good news and are united with their children soon.

And, no, I haven't heard anything about that job yet either.

Job Interview

It was this morning. I think it went pretty well. I don't think there is anything I would have said differently. I think they liked my responses, and I feel I would be a good fit for the position. It's in their hands now, so there's nothing else I can do. I hope I know soon.

The other thing I hope I know soon is our July number! I got an email today from our agency saying they will be making calls this week...

Aching Today...

... For Ethiopia.

What can I do?
How do I make a difference?
Where is my baby?
How is R's birthmother?
How do I return?
When will that be?
How can I bear it?

My heart breaks.

Starting to Get Anxious...

... to find out what our official July number is!!

Aren't you?

I have a guess what it is, but I'm not going to post "unofficial" numbers on my blog. There are so many unknowns, and I only want to publish what I know for sure.

There have been 2 infant girl referrals, one sibling referral, and one boy referral in the past couple weeks for our agency. YAY!

Movement on the list is always a happy thing.

Misc.

1. I have an interview for the instructional coaching position on Tuesday, July 7 at 9am. There are in fact 4 people who have applied for the job. I know of 2 others besides me. The one I know of from the 5-6 building is who I think will ultimately get the job. She's excellent, and I don't feel like I'll be able to compete with her. But I'm going to try. I think I'll probably know toward the end of next week or early the week after.

2. I took R to her first movie tonight. I KNEW it wasn't a good idea... She doesn't watch TV, and she doesn't sit still. However, my friend H's daughter G really wanted us to go with them, and eventually she convinced me with her big blue eyes and extreme cuteness. We ended up having to leave before the movie was over. R was exhausted and fell asleep in the car on the way home.

3. A is gone tonight. He called this afternoon and said he had to go to one of his stores, 3+ hours away. Blah, I wish he were home!

4. Tomorrow is the first day of July (duh). June has flown by.

5. Recently, a package of clothing from The Children's Place (mostly sale things to take to Ethiopia with us next time) got lost in transit. Turns out I was not paying attention when typing in my address and missed a number. Oops. Anyway, it was delivered somewhere across town, and I figured it was lost. To my surprise when I got home from the ill-fated movie, there was a message that it had been located. I need to call the local office tomorrow.

Decisions, Decisions

My district posted an opening for a newly-created "Instructional Coach" position this past week. The application and letter of interest are due to HR tomorrow. I intend to apply. I have always known that I will not be in the classroom forever, no matter how much I do love my job and enjoy working with students. This job would be more of a support role for teachers-- best practices, looking at data to make improvements, offering professional development. These are all things I think I would be more than qualified to do and would enjoy.

I'm going to list some pros and cons below. Any insights you may have are appreciated!

Pros:
1. A step toward a job I would really like to have in curriculum.
2. Something different, a new challenge.
3. Does not require an additional degree (I am going to start working on my admin. license however).
4. Would (most likely) involve less work for me to do in the evenings at home-- more time with my child(ren). This is something I have struggled to balance since R has been home. I'm sure that guilt/feeling of ineffectiveness I feel will only increase with the addition of our second child.
5. A way to get my foot in the door for what I see as the future for my career in education.
6. Pressure of state testing will not be directly on me, which is a huge thing for me right now as our scores in 8th grade LA dropped over 10 percentage points this year.

Cons:
1. Position is currently only for 2 years (created through stimulus funding) with the possibility for it to continue after that depending on funding. However, I would retain seniority in the district and would be guaranteed a job if my position would be cut (not necessarily in my building-- could be the HS, which I would hate).
2. Would most likely have to give up the job of chair of my department, something I truly love.
3. Would missing teaching terribly, I'm sure.
4. Involves working in 2 buildings, my current one and the 5-6 building.
5. What do I know about best practices for teaching math?
6. At some point (God-willing) this school year, we will be traveling to bring our second daughter home. What would the impact on my position be if I am out for 8 weeks (maybe more)? I always planned to stop teaching and move into a job in curriculum once my kids were older. This is definitely way before that time frame I had in my head.
7. My dad advised me not to take it (former superintendent, retired now).
8. I'm good at teaching. What if I suck at this?

I'm sure I could add more to each list if I really thought about it. My friends M and H are both really encouraging me to take the position if offered, which I feel there is a good chance will happen.

Last night, I was convinced if offered the job, I would take it. This morning, I feel more like it would be a really bad idea. I've spoken with the HR person in charge of filling the position. She said that 4 people (including me) have applied for the position and all are good candidates. Ultimately, it will come down to who the principals for the 2 buildings think would be the best fit. The principal at the 5-6 building was my principal for 3 years, and he and my current one seem to have confidence in my abilities. I spoke directly to my current principal about the position on Thursday, and he said I would be excellent in that job.

I guess when it comes down to it, I really need your prayers and good thoughts that the right choice will come to me, if there is a choice at all in the end.

Sleepy Horsey Baby

Yesterday while R and I were having lunch, my principal called me to talk to me about a few things. (It seems I might have some decisions to make-- will post about that later.) R was in a good mood and was singing along (as much as a child who can't really talk yet can) to the children's cd we were listening to.

I stepped away from her for a few minutes to get away from her singing and the cd in the background. When I came back, this is what I saw:

At first, I thought she was dead. Choked on some piece of food or something. After I quickly ascertained that she was, in fact, still alive, I realized she'd fallen asleep. She has NEVER done anything like this in her life. Well, I should say around me. She feel asleep standing up with her head on the sofa at my friend, M's, house as well as just on the floor there. It was so weird and a bit scary, too. I did manage to get her unbuckled from her seat and upstairs into her bed without her waking up.

Thoughts

Just got a beautiful email from my aunt who is currently in Egypt. I would love to copy and paste it onto this blog, but I don't feel like I should do that. She leaves tomorrow to return home, and my uncle is staying alone (with a guide and guard) for a few more days.

They have had an absolutely amazing time. How to even describe it? I can't. No words.

I cannot wait to see their pictures and hear their stories.

I cannot wait until I, too, set foot on Egyptian soil. Someday!

One really cool thing is that one of their tour guides is the grandson of a man who was my grandfather's guide in 1946. My uncle brought my grandad's guide book with him, a guide book that was written by this man and signed by him. Somehow, their main tour guide was able to track down the grandson. I just find that so unreal and amazing.

Long Week

This has been a really long week.

R's broken arm, transitioning from the crib to a big girl bed, and A being out of town on business combined into a hard week for the baby and for me, too.

Oh, and she also was feverish and lethargic on Thursday. Awesome.

There has been A LOT of crying and clinging to momma from the little one this whole week. She hasn't been her normal happy self at all. She is not one to sit still, let along want me to hold her all day. Which gets tiring when you're trying to do stuff around the house for example and you're carrying around a 25 pound baby who screams if you dare to sit down.

The sleep situation has not been good. She's been taking forever, like hours, to fall asleep at night and is getting up at like 6 instead of 7:30.

Most nights A was out of town, she would scream for at least an hour straight, sometimes longer. And by scream, I mean so loud and inconsolably that I was surprised the police didn't show up to make sure everything was ok.

And she hasn't been eating either.

Today was most of the same... until after dinner.

Something snapped in her little baby brain, and she started to act like herself again. Playing. Pushing Beary around in the stroller. Curling up on her little baby sized sofa. Smiling and laughing. Being enjoyable to be around. THANK GOD.

I love my child so much, but it has been so hard to be her momma this week.

A Broken Arm Update-- With Pictures

Baby girl is doing ok today. She's so tough! I did say yesterday that I would post some pictures, and here they are. They pretty much tell the story...

The day started out well enough.... She was proud of herself that she had a new trick. However that all changed quickly. After changing her diaper, I put her in her crib, like I have every single time I've changed her. I took the diaper to throw away. As I was walking through the kitchen back to her room, I heard a crash and a blood-curdling scream. I dashed to her room, and she was standing on the floor clutching her arm. I picked her up and we sat in her rocking chair. I asked her to let me see it, and she wouldn't, still screaming uncontrollably. It is highly unusual for her to cry more than a minute or two after she hurts herself. I asked her to show me where it hurts, and she grabs above her wrist on her arm.

At that point, I called A... She and I are both sobbing at this point. He told me to take her to the hospital and he would meet me there. She was still crying. She could hold anything in her hand and didn't move it.

We drove to the hospital and she fell asleep on the way. She woke up when we got there and just clung to me while I tried to fill out the paperwork. My hands were shaking as I did the paperwork. I was so upset and sort of scared. A arrived about 20 minutes after I got there with our poor baby.

After a while, a very sweet nurse called R's name... and we went in for her to check out the injury. She was so kind and took great care of my baby.

If you look at her little arm, you can see the splint the nurse put on her. R didn't keep it on long because she didn't like it. The nurse also gave her some baby Motrin and told us to take R to this other waiting area so R didn't "have to be around sick children." R enjoyed looking at the fish...

After about 10 minutes the nurse came back and told us she was going to take us to the x-ray area because they weren't coming fast enough in her opinion. (Can you see Beary's head in the above picture? I was so glad that he made it home from "vacation" before R's accident. The nice nurse even gave Beary a wrist ID bracelet so he and R both had one.)

We waited in that room for a while (above R and A are playing with a toy while we wait), went and got x-rays taken, waited some more, and then the doctor came in. She told us, "We got her x-rays back, and it's not pretty." I almost lost it when she told us that both bones in her arm were broken and that she would have to have a cast. We waited about 20 minutes for the cast lady to show up and put a cast on my princess. She was a really good girl while the cast was being put on, although she didn't like it.

Finally, we drove home. She passed out asleep almost immediately. Isn't this a pathetic picture?

From break to release from the hospital, the whole thing took a little over 3 hours.

And that is the story of my poor little daughter's broken arm. I have a feeling this won't be the last broken bone my sweet daughter has in her childhood.

A Broken Arm

Is what my child has now, complete with a pink little baby cast.

Guess how she broke her arm. (Both bones in her right arm, near her wrist.)

Yep, ninja flipping out of her crib.

The big girl bed is in A's car, waiting to be unloaded and assembled.

Today's been awful.

Pictures later.

Trust me, the cast is just about the most pathetic thing you'll ever see.

It was only a matter of time...

... before R figured out how to get out of her crib. This morning, I awoke to a little face trying to give me a kiss and climb up on the bed to play. A was already downstairs, I soon realized. I kept asking her, "Where's Daddy?" She would point in the direction of our stairs. I thought he was getting her some milk, as he usually does when she wakes up and yells for us. However, I realized that Daddy was in the basement (we live in a tri-level house), and he didn't know she was out of her bed. We walked back down the hall, and I put her in the crib while I went to the restroom.

When I got back, I asked her to show me how she got out of her crib and called for A to come watch. She moved her pillow to the end of her bed, stood on it, put her right leg over the bar, balanced as if on a horse, and then dropped to the floor.

This child will be scaling the fridge in no time at this rate.

So, I'm terrified! Do we convert the crib to the toddler bed? I'm SOOO not ready for that! I am going to remove the pillow from her bed, which will make her so mad because she loves it. I'll also limit her stuffed animals and all that.

(Yes, I allow my child to have a pillow and stuffed animals in her bed. This may not be the best choice, some might think, but she loves them. We've never had a problem and waited until she was walking and moving around entirely on her own before we allowed her to be in her crib with her.)

Any suggestions? What do you all think?

AUUGGH!

30

No, we didn't go back a number on the waiting list!

Silly!!

That's how old I am.... today. Officially out of the 20s.

Blah blah blah.

Egypt

(Wouldn't this princess look cute riding around the Sahara on a camel?)

A has promised me that one day we will go. My entire family is crazy obsessed with the country, its history, going there someday.

Well, not since the 1940s has someone from my family set foot in this country. I have come the closest in that we flew over Egypt on our way to and from Ethiopia. That is all about to change, as my mom's sister and brother are going there next week. My aunt is being sent to Cypress for her work and decided she wanted to go to Egypt while she was at it. My uncle, her brother, decided he couldn't pass up the opportunity and bought a plane ticket with the very last of his money from my grandparents' estate.

My Grandad would be so proud and excited. You see, it is he who instilled this love of Egypt in us all. Right at the end of World War II, my then 19 year old grandfather was sent around the world to the Allies' Northern African front. The man actually slept on the Great Pyramid (you can imagine the security guard's surprise when he happened upon him during an early morning round) and saw King Tut's mummy in the tomb.

My uncle leaves tomorrow to meet my aunt in Cypress. Their tour of the country will be an Egypt lover's dream... How I wish I could hop on a plane and join them!

Masalama!

Have You Seen This Bear?

Name: Beary

Occupation: R's Favorite Friend, Playmate, and Confidante

Last Seen: Accompanying Daddy and R on a trip to the post office

Missing Since: June 9, 2009

By the grace of God, I just found (and bought) a replacement "Beary" on eBay for $3 plus shipping. Now all I have to do is distract R for the next 4-7 days until he arrives so she doesn't realize he's missing. This is particularly difficult at bedtime. (The above picture is actually taken from the eBay listing.)

June Numbers

(R says, "We're one step closer to bringing my baby sister home! YAY!")

We just got our new official number for June, which is #29. Apparently there are some referral packets out, which may or may not affect our place. However, I'm not going to mess with official/unofficial numbers because I think that just might make me crazy.

Side Notes:

1. My missing classroom materials have been found! They were in a random workroom between two classrooms down the hall from my new classroom. Thank goodness!

2. Took R to the doctor today after days and days of coughing and runny nose. I woke up last night around 2am and listened to her cough in her sleep for an hour until I fell back asleep. As my friend M had already told me, she has seasonal allergies, and the doctor recommended an OTC medicine for her, which she'll take once a day before going to bed. I have no experience with allergies (besides cats and incense at church!) so this is new terrain for me!