Our first day of school was today. I have had work days the past two days, though. My students seem like they'll be fine. I have 3 classes only because I teach language arts so I get a period to teach reading and one to teach writing. (I integrate it so I usually do not designate one for each. Anyway...) I have 2 classes of 11 students and one of 25. That is sort of annoying, but it'll be fine. In my large class, there are a few talkative ones, but I know I will be able to handle them, too.
However, I am feeling some major guilt as far as R goes. I hate leaving her, despite the fact that every day of the week she is with people who love her and take exceptional care of her... And yes, I did return to work right at the beginning of May last school year. However, last school year, pretty much the entire time I was back, I had a student teacher who did all the planning, teaching, and grading. So when I got home in the evening I was able to spend every minute with my girl. This year, no student teacher so I am having to do everything. It's my 8th year so I have the whole teaching thing down... it's just that in the evenings I will need to plan and grade and all that.
Also, I feel like a bad mom today. I spent the day on my feet talking for hours and hours and am pretty tired. Sometimes it is exhausting to be "on" all day! So I know I didn't play with R as well as I usually do, not to mention the fact that I had about 4 hours with her today instead of the whole day. I just miss her! And I know she missed me as she clung to me for like an hour after I got home.
And I look around at my life and our house and our things and wonder why o why we didn't try to live on just one income when we got married. I don't know how people do it! I would love to be able to stay home with R, at least for a few years until she goes to school. (Or at least only work part time,) It just won't happen, and I have to deal. Plus, a part of me knows it would be really hard for me to give up my career no matter how much I want to be home with my girl.
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