I try not to think of it-- but I can't get rid of the guilt no matter what I do. I guess that never goes away because it hasn't in the four years I've been a mom to a child who is adopted. So I spoil the crap out of them at Christmas, birthdays, and "R" and "E" days (the days we met the girls).
I don't care. If you saw where R lived the first weeks of her life, you just might feel the same way. I saw it, and I will never forget it.
And E? My sweet little baby doll? Obviously I don't know much about her life before referral, which was at 8 months. So I spoil her, too.
I just love those little girls so much. And it breaks me right in half that I couldn't be there for them when they were at their tiniest and most vulnerable.
On a side, but slightly related note, I'm (more than) considering hiring a searcher to find E's birthfamily, R's, too. I don't really know how to do it or where to begin or how much it would cost. But... I really feel like time is of the essence and that it needs to be done soon. I just need to do it. Right? Thoughts??
1 comment:
When I was in ET picking up Rosie, I hired a great guy named Shenakewa who was a film student and also did some work taking videos in orphanages for adoptive parents. He made a wonderful video for Rosie with interview with her nanny with sub titles in english. I think that he also does birthfamily searches and video interviews. I have his contact info if you are interested. Good luck!
maggie
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