For example, as I drove today to pick up the girls from work, I was thinking a lot about our next adoption. I had almost convinced myself that of course we were ready! Let's go! I'll tell A tonight that we should start again. Sure, we have less than 1/2 the money we'd need to fund another adoption and our kids are little.... But R would be 4 and E 3 when a new child came home... That's doable, right??? Yeah, we can totally do that. Let's go! E's been home a year, and it was when R was home a year that we started the process for a second time. I'll call my case manager tonight and email our social worker!
Umm, riiiight. That's easy to convince oneself in the quiet of the car (ok, van!) as I drive to pick up the babies. And then I pick up the kids. I love them dearly, but R was crazy tonight again, and E is definitely entering the terrible twos (will be 2 next month) as well.
And I realize how incredibly crazy I am.
There is no way.
I mean, come on! Like I've said before, I'm not ready yet. No way. I feel like I'm already not a great mom for my 2 precious girls. It would be unfair to add another child to our family now-- unfair to A and me, to the girls, and of course to another child. I don't know how people with lots of little ones do it. Being a mom is so overwhelming to me sometimes.
I'm just not ready to take the plunge...
5 comments:
give it some time...you'll know when you are ready...You are young..NO RUSH!! :) Praying God makes it crystal clear when the TIME IS RIGHT!! :)
Oh, you tease with this post! You know we would love to have you along this journey again with us! But you will know when it's right. We received your card today. BEAUTIES!! I love those girls. :)
Can't wait for ya'll to take the plunge again!! :)
You will know when the time is right. But that being said, YOU ARE NOT A TERRIBLE MOM! Your girls are so lucky to have a mom that cares for them the way you do. And if you do decide to start right away, you can totally manage 3 littles. It's not so bad, especially when the older ones are girls to help out. :)
I was so excited for D, R and S that they are adding another little boy to their family!!! Made me jealous too! We have more reasons to not be ready than you, I think(lack of full-time, steady income = no chance of getting approved by anyone), but Bete is just not ready yet and I'm not either. Maybe by the time you guys are ready we'll be ready too and we can do another journey together and actually get to travel at the same time!!!! :)
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